Transportation: Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

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Sorry…

There's no helping some people

Animal control

By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 23:00

Candid camera

Today, I prominently touched my boobs and put my hand inside my shirt to adjust my bra… all while I had my camera on during a Zoom meeting with the whole department FML

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By PPP - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

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By placard3

Cruel Summer

Today, I went to the hospital to get a cast that I have been wearing for the past three months removed from my wrist. Thanks to said cast, I couldn't have any summer fun at all. The doctor took a final X-ray and said, "Well look at that, your wrist wasn't fractured to begin with." FML

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By Anonymous

Remember socialising?

Today, because of this fucking virus I was really excited to actually talk to another person. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

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By hatecolin - United States

Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML

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By and she doesn't even give bjs - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML

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By Username - United Kingdom

Today, at the age of 17, I had my first kiss with the girl I've liked for over a year. However, it was a stage kiss and the girl has made it clear that she finds me repulsive. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my sister called me and asked if my boyfriend of 3 years had proposed to me yet. And now the surprise is ruined. FML

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By keyshame - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I took my car to be repaired. The mechanic put out his hand when he saw me, so I shook it. He just wanted my keys. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Nashville

Today, I've been single for so long, I got butterflies when I went on a date. A date with a character in Grand Theft Auto. FML

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By Ian Artis - United States

Today, I walked too close to a first-aid kit sticking out of a wall at work, and it cut my arm. Laughing at the irony, I opened it to get a band aid out. It was empty. FML

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By Anonymous

Oops.

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Durham

Today, I fell down a hill out of my hammock, which broke my phone screen and my sunglasses. My idiot brother launched me out of it, so he could "assert his dominance." He's 11. FML

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By Just Awkward

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up early to go to church with my parents. When I got in the car, I was struck with the worst diarrhea I've ever had in my life. My parents told me I'd be cleaning the car out when we got there, because if we turned around, we'd be late. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to a guy's dorm for the first time. He told me to wait outside for a minute because he had to "clean something up" first. When I told him I'm 420 friendly, he said, "Nah I just came on my desk earlier and didn't feel like wiping it up." FML

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By julia - United States - Downers Grove

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

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By kawaiixalice - United States

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous

Confinement's gonna be fun

Today, I left the house to get groceries. My parents asked me where I was going and how long I would be gone for. Thinking they were just being inquisitive parents, I ignored them. I got home 20 minutes later to them having sex. FML

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By fuck florida - United States - San Francisco

Cool trick, mom

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

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By MissAggravared - United States - Meridian

Today, I met my sister's fiancé. I would have been happier for her if he hadn't been mine a month ago when I introduced them. FML

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By LolaBell - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

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By GreatParenting - United States - Nampa

Today, I had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Even though they know I don't have any money, let alone shoes on my feet, my parents have decided it's far too much trouble to come pick me up because we're on vacation and they want to have fun. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML

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By Anonymous

Stereotypes

Today, my girlfriend's Facebook relationship status was changed to single. When I tried to ask her about, she told me she's a lesbian now. Her mullet should've been a clue. FML

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By elsatheannoyed - United States - Santa Clara

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman. My name is Elsa. FML

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By awkwardmandy - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norcross

Today, I had a formal complaint filed against me for being outrageously rude to a customer. All I did was tell a customer that she couldn't use food stamps at the movie theater. FML

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By Rednbumpy

Today, I was getting ready to meet my boyfriend. We haven't seen each other in a month so I decided to shave my body hair, even though I have really sensitive skin and usually end up getting rashes after a few days. His flight got cancelled and he won't be back for another two days. FML

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By Embarrassed Daughter - United States - Erlanger

Mom Jokes FTW

Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML

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By ritualdevice - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

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By Face - Australia

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

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By stickygoober - United States - Peoria

Today, my boss sent a message to a coworker saying, "We're putting all of you back on the phones because one of you can't stop watching Netflix so corporate thinks you guys don't do anything." That person was me. Everyone's pissed at me now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I was pulled aside by my father's new wife and told, "You're not your dad's favorite anymore and you need to stop acting like it." FML

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By princessj - United States

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

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Top comments

By anie01 | 5

#653076 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 0:19

I have submitted FML's where I had to clean up used feminine products (NOT my own), the time my own grandmother didn't recognize me and we live in the same city, and time the purse I bought in Bob Marley's house was stolen when I was on the bus ride home from volunteering.. and THIS is what it takes to get on the site? Flying papers?

By donkey_hang_down | 2

#652979 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:29

I wish you got a ticket for littering, that would have been awesome...

COMMENTS

By dubbleChic | 6

#652922 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:06

first

Reply

BB7 | 0

#652946 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:14

im a fake second!
and sry but YDI... and at least youve made laugh some people, no?

Reply

hey0_fml | 0

#652962 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:22

http://christy.ihateyounow.com/index.php?c=viral&m=index&id=7e70fbef0036fa78d128c30847c441af

Reply

suckishfather | 0

#653275 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 2:01

u wish, i was second. eff off.

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#654213 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 17:19

damn i wish i was 25th

Reply

klpryde | 0

#654688 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:49

he said fake second... calm it.

By suckishfather | 0

#652928 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:07

second!

Reply

m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3587250 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:38

Who cares?

By Fop | 6

#652929 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:07

This is the incarnation of YDI. Idiot.

By legendofdon | 0

#652934 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:09

third!

By Anonanimal | 0

#652935 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:09

this is why it's good to have friends in your classes: so you can copy their stuff!

By Skull_300 | 0

#652960 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:21

Did you yell "Fuck You" and swerve your car toward the old bat?

By donkey_hang_down | 2

#652979 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:29

I wish you got a ticket for littering, that would have been awesome...

By teebonehead | 0

#652993 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:34

Been there done that I feel for ya !

Reply

firakkai | 0

#653164 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:15

this has happened to me, too! i didn't even realize it til the next day.

By misspeg | 0

#653005 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:37

Hmm...not really an FML this one. I mean, I'm sure this has happened to like a gazillion students before. But still, FYL, I guess...

By failure99 | 0

#653014 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:43

http://christy.ihateyounow.com/index.php?c=viral&m=index&id=706ff41f73983bd42e160e79e61ad849