Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw... - FML

By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

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Proactive

Season finale

Great speech, thanks!

By socialix - 19/4/2015 01:03 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend with a serenade. After I finished, she told me she'd come over to tell me she'd found someone else and wanted to break up. FML

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By HaleyIsabelle - 8/3/2010 20:54 - France

Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML

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By pencilring - 4/9/2010 14:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

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By poor teacher - 23/9/2013 17:54 - United States - Syracuse

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

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By Ford - 3/1/2018 01:30

Today, a child that was born due to my donation to a sperm bank in 1995 contacted me. My current wife, who I met in 2003, is convinced I cheated on her and is filing for a divorce. FML

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By Unemployed - 16/10/2011 07:15 - United States

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2014 18:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

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By alainopotato - 2/1/2017 11:03 - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, the midwest blizzard hit my town, burying the roads in snow. All the local stores are closed. I'm not only currently on my period, but I'm out of pads and toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2019 16:00

Today, after barely sleeping all week, I tried some ASMR videos to help me fall asleep. Both my dogs and my husband are out cold, snoring so loud I can't even hear the ASMR. FML

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By Just Set Me On Fire - 13/9/2017 23:15

Nope.

Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 09:01 - Canada - Fredericton

Practical

Today, my 27-year-old boyfriend told me he hides our condoms in his Poké Ball. FML

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By N - 7/5/2012 09:51 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

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By MCForty - 27/2/2015 15:29 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2012 06:33 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I had any plans to go out tonight. To divert attention, I pretended to be angry and accused her of prying into my social life. Actually, I have no social life and nobody to go out with. My only "big plans" were to finish my Sudoku book. FML

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By AlyssaBC - 6/3/2010 07:28 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

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By Goldar - 10/4/2013 02:44 - United States

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2018 14:00

Today, we had our busiest day at work all year with lots of angry people calling, and a co-worker called in sick. I went to my local game shop after work, exhausted and upset, and guess who was at his usual table running a Dungeons and Dragons group, apparently not too sick to go out. Yeah. FML

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By Fat Jon - 29/10/2015 19:43 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

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By noo - 11/10/2009 10:54 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML

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By anyoi - 25/4/2012 22:43 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

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By 360whoroscoped - 16/1/2015 18:05 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML

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By Christopher Tobler - 26/4/2019 20:00 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 08:00

WTF people?!

Today, as an essential worker, some lady tore me a new one because we were out of large sanitizer bottles. Our doors opened at 9 a.m. and she didn't show up until 2 p.m. FML

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By And I'm still single - 24/3/2013 08:59 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I found out that my picture from a dating profile was so "hilarious" that people have been posting it on Instagram with mean captions. FML

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By annababyyyy - 10/11/2014 05:01 - United States - Rockville

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 23:17 - United States - Killington

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

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By MyMomIsInsane - 10/3/2015 00:28 - United States - Uniontown

Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML

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By wut - 5/8/2012 05:23 - United States

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

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By anonymous - 1/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

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By hugme101 - 20/12/2010 00:20 - Canada

Today, after a long time convincing my parents that my boyfriend is really a good guy, not only did he decide to come by the house completely drunk, but he also ended up trying to kiss my mom, thinking it was me. FML

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By Poppleton99 - 11/2/2016 06:06 - United States - Cedar City

Today, I was hanging out with a friend out of state. He had some friends with him and we were all having a great time, until they found out I live in Utah. They instantly assumed I was Mormon and started to act weird around me. This is a frequent occurrence. FML

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By funnygirl018 - 28/5/2013 22:14 - United States

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

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By Cheesey_Dorito - 10/9/2018 14:30

Today, I couldn't find the keys to open the store I work at. The resulting stress gave me chest pains that ended up sending me to the hospital. I still missed work and my father found the keys under the passenger seat in his car. The same seat I sat in on the way to the hospital. FML

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By stk - 19/12/2016 12:56 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up at 3am to catch my flight back home, only to realize that my flight was pushed back 14 hours. FML

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By katie - 27/1/2010 20:03 - France

Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving the heat on so it would warm up, I slipped as I was entering the car and hit my head on the door, causing it to close and lock. I'm waiting for my mom who has a spare key to come and unlock it. Class started ten minutes ago. FML

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By Eternal_Babyface - 8/11/2015 17:14 - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

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By Dude - 23/10/2010 15:13 - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2016 20:35 - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

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Top comments

By anie01 | 5

#653076 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 0:19

I have submitted FML's where I had to clean up used feminine products (NOT my own), the time my own grandmother didn't recognize me and we live in the same city, and time the purse I bought in Bob Marley's house was stolen when I was on the bus ride home from volunteering.. and THIS is what it takes to get on the site? Flying papers?

By donkey_hang_down | 2

#652979 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:29

I wish you got a ticket for littering, that would have been awesome...

COMMENTS

By dubbleChic | 6

#652922 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:06

first

Reply

BB7 | 0

#652946 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:14

im a fake second!
and sry but YDI... and at least youve made laugh some people, no?

Reply

hey0_fml | 0

#652962 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:22

http://christy.ihateyounow.com/index.php?c=viral&m=index&id=7e70fbef0036fa78d128c30847c441af

Reply

suckishfather | 0

#653275 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 2:01

u wish, i was second. eff off.

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#654213 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 17:19

damn i wish i was 25th

Reply

klpryde | 0

#654688 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:49

he said fake second... calm it.

By suckishfather | 0

#652928 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:07

second!

Reply

m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3587250 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:38

Who cares?

By Fop | 6

#652929 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:07

This is the incarnation of YDI. Idiot.

By legendofdon | 0

#652934 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:09

third!

By Anonanimal | 0

#652935 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:09

this is why it's good to have friends in your classes: so you can copy their stuff!

By Skull_300 | 0

#652960 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:21

Did you yell "Fuck You" and swerve your car toward the old bat?

By donkey_hang_down | 2

#652979 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:29

I wish you got a ticket for littering, that would have been awesome...

By teebonehead | 0

#652993 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:34

Been there done that I feel for ya !

Reply

firakkai | 0

#653164 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:15

this has happened to me, too! i didn't even realize it til the next day.

By misspeg | 0

#653005 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:37

Hmm...not really an FML this one. I mean, I'm sure this has happened to like a gazillion students before. But still, FYL, I guess...

By failure99 | 0

#653014 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:43

http://christy.ihateyounow.com/index.php?c=viral&m=index&id=706ff41f73983bd42e160e79e61ad849