Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw... - FML

By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

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Relationships sink

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By Missy - 9/9/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2013 20:01 - Portugal

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

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By Leftattheairport - 9/2/2019 18:00

Today, I went to pick up my long distance boyfriend at the airport. It has been over six months since I last saw him and four days since I last heard from him. He never showed up. FML

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By wowthanks - 11/1/2013 19:37 - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML

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By milkymoo - 30/5/2011 01:45 - Cyprus

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

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By billjoebob424 - 19/3/2016 01:18 - Canada - Erin

Today, I walked in on my younger cousin trying to find Minecraft porn. FML

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By sdk2010 - 6/3/2012 17:05 - Canada

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brew master at a beer company. FML

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By Scholar - 5/9/2012 16:13 - United States

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2013 16:34 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

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By Jilly - 8/8/2011 06:45 - Australia

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

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By sayroshi - 30/6/2016 18:29 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML

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By hatesgravity - 2/9/2010 11:40 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the nerve to take my motorcycle to up 75mph on the freeway, I made it off in one piece, only to fall off my bike in the mall parking lot. FML

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By muffintop - 11/7/2011 02:34 - Canada

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

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By DarrenP - 3/8/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I got a burn on my foot from a Pot Noodle I didn't even want. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2016 01:02 - United States - Mio

Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2018 15:00

Today, I ended up in the hospital due to a severe acid reflux attack. I knew I had acid reflux for years, but was never allowed to get it checked out. Why? My dad told me I was too young to have it and that I was making it up. I now have to see a specialist. FML

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By leosmom - 25/11/2018 03:00

Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML

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By youjustsuck - 25/7/2011 18:07 - United States

Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2016 13:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

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By WanstinChurchHill - 8/9/2009 07:11 - United States

Today, I met a nice girl and decided to ask her out. Later on she showed me a picture of her with her family, she was wearing red and everyone else black. I said jokingly "you look like the adopted child" only to find out that her had parents died and she was indeed adopted. FML

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By sophie - 13/4/2011 16:36 - United States

Today, my teacher told me I wasn't pretty enough to play the princess part in the play. FML

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By hungry - 6/4/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some cheez-its I had in my room. After I had enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

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By all5fingers - 8/9/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 18:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

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By Loud - 8/9/2016 06:07 - Australia

Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML

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By wellthen - 12/7/2016 21:35 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was at a rodeo warming up while my mom unnecessarily bragged about my training skills to a client. My horse then threw me into a gate at a full gallop, in front of everyone. That was the first time he'd ever misbehaved. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 02:53 - United States - Naples

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

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By GLX - 2/8/2017 06:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, I woke up to the rickety old ceiling fan above my bed crashing down on top of me. I'm fine, however I am now grounded until I can buy a new ceiling fan to replace the one I "broke". FML

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By lilithfaye - 2/11/2012 16:35 - United States

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

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By Getmeout - 31/5/2012 06:50 - United States - Hartfield

Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 08:46 - United States

Today, I started my first day at work, I've been unemployed for a while and am in college, so naturally I have no money. At the end of my shift, I ask what we do with the extra bread, and they tell me to throw it away. Being poor and hungry, I decide to take the bread home. I got fired for stealing. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

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By Nadaz - 5/4/2012 11:29 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

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By the critic - 18/6/2012 10:22 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

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By wowimdumb - 30/1/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, I was at a power lifting meet when a girl I really liked walked in. Trying to impress her, I increased my bench to 350, when I have only done 300 before. She then watched me drop it on my chest, breaking my breast bone, and also crying in the process. FML

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By chairlee - 7/11/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

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By yellowjacket_34 - 13/11/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

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By Doctor! - 5/3/2017 00:00

Dr. House

Today, I found that I have a rare side effect to the hydrocodone prescribed after surgery. One pill keeps me up for almost 24 hours. Either I'm in tremendous pain and try to sleep, or I'm not in much pain and stay awake. I can't win. FML

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Top comments

By anie01 | 5

#653076 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 0:19

I have submitted FML's where I had to clean up used feminine products (NOT my own), the time my own grandmother didn't recognize me and we live in the same city, and time the purse I bought in Bob Marley's house was stolen when I was on the bus ride home from volunteering.. and THIS is what it takes to get on the site? Flying papers?

By donkey_hang_down | 2

#652979 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:29

I wish you got a ticket for littering, that would have been awesome...

Comments

By dubbleChic | 6

#652922 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:06

first

Reply

BB7 | 0

#652946 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:14

im a fake second!
and sry but YDI... and at least youve made laugh some people, no?

Reply

hey0_fml | 0

#652962 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:22

http://christy.ihateyounow.com/index.php?c=viral&m=index&id=7e70fbef0036fa78d128c30847c441af

Reply

suckishfather | 0

#653275 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 2:01

u wish, i was second. eff off.

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#654213 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 17:19

damn i wish i was 25th

Reply

klpryde | 0

#654688 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:49

he said fake second... calm it.

By suckishfather | 0

#652928 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:07

second!

Reply

m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3587250 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:38

Who cares?

By Fop | 6

#652929 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:07

This is the incarnation of YDI. Idiot.

By legendofdon | 0

#652934 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:09

third!

By Anonanimal | 0

#652935 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:09

this is why it's good to have friends in your classes: so you can copy their stuff!

By Skull_300 | 0

#652960 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:21

Did you yell "Fuck You" and swerve your car toward the old bat?

By donkey_hang_down | 2

#652979 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:29

I wish you got a ticket for littering, that would have been awesome...

By teebonehead | 0

#652993 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:34

Been there done that I feel for ya !

Reply

firakkai | 0

#653164 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:15

this has happened to me, too! i didn't even realize it til the next day.

By misspeg | 0

#653005 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:37

Hmm...not really an FML this one. I mean, I'm sure this has happened to like a gazillion students before. But still, FYL, I guess...

By failure99 | 0

#653014 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 23:43

http://christy.ihateyounow.com/index.php?c=viral&m=index&id=706ff41f73983bd42e160e79e61ad849