Love: Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said...

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 15:48

Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said yes. He is tall, charming and a very good kisser. I'm sure the woman he heavily made out with after I left would agree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 713

You deserved it 979

Love

Age difference

New Man

Such a healthy environment

By jobless - 10/11/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to the "Going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 639

You deserved it 1 978

By nichaneely - 10/02/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I was working when an older lady came up to buy a coffee. Her son cried for a cup of whipped cream to snack on. She shook her head, silently telling me to say no. I said we were out. The mother took her drink and said, "I'm sorry honey, but the mean man said you couldn't have any." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 829

You deserved it 3 697

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 351

You deserved it 10 714

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 15:00 - United States

Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 555

You deserved it 3 607

Shocking!

By Toasted - 29/04/2019 20:00

Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 2 404

By Anonymous - 20/10/2012 04:03 - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, I bought professional hair clippers to shave down below, thinking it would be safer than using a razor. Let's just say the bathroom now looks like a murder scene, and it's going to be a while before I have sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 616

You deserved it 12 598

Yeah, some "nice guy"…

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 11:01 - United States - New Haven

Today, I tried to tell a girl that I had watched her Purdue boyfriend flirt around at every frat party. She thinks I'm lying and blocked me. Now all my friends are angry at me because he was a "nice guy" and she "didn't need to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 183

By toothpaste - 19/01/2012 12:17 - Australia

Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 343

You deserved it 2 303

By kidswithnomanners - 05/09/2011 17:04 - United States

Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 270

You deserved it 10 234

By hunchbackofnotredamn - 29/09/2015 08:33 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 315

You deserved it 2 252

By 16isntsweet - 20/08/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 875

You deserved it 6 035

By Phobic_fml - 28/06/2019 22:22

Today, I saw the engagement announcement for the girl I've been in love with for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 837

By kronic1990 - 14/01/2015 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I tripped over a "wet floor" sign at work and hit the floor hard. The floor wasn't even wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 4 789

By Tomato - 11/08/2017 14:30

Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 648

You deserved it 3 466

By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 15:02 - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 576

You deserved it 51 384

May be

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 20:00

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 17:00 - Slovakia

Today, while presenting a project I've worked on for months, one of the professors exasperatedly cut in mid-sentence, saying, "Look, it's shit. Just stop already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 840

You deserved it 4 600

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 092

You deserved it 32 370

By poop towel - 15/09/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 526

You deserved it 2 223

By poorman - 11/08/2014 19:54 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 259

You deserved it 3 950

By Masonlee89 - 21/11/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 774

You deserved it 41 897

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 04:49

Today, I set up a date between my roommate, who I'm in love with, and his crush, who I'm jealous of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 958

Landlords gonna landlord

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 17:00

Today, after a year of moving to a new country, getting our kids settled into the new education system, and our commutes sorted, our landlord notified us that he needs the house back for his son. There are no similar rentals or properties for sale in the region. We have to start over somewhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 043

You deserved it 2 351

Back in the red

By Brandon Lafantaisie - 03/05/2020 14:00

Today, I sneezed and pulled every muscle in my lower back. For the third time in two years, after $3000+ in physiotherapy. Round 3, here we come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 208

Make it yourself, champ

By Cookyourowndamnfoodasshole! - 27/01/2021 18:30 - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend complaining that I’m lazy since I never cook for him. I stopped cooking for him because he constantly complained that the food was never as good as what his ex-wife made, or like his mom made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 108

By Username - 08/02/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M and M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 801

You deserved it 15 305

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01

Today, my son accused me of being a "Karen" about house rules, and insists he’ll follow normal rules but ignore my supposedly "insane" rules. I consider all my rules normal, so he pointed out he’s 6ft6 and 100 lbs heavier so he will ignore rules he doesn’t agree with, and good luck stopping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 908

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 697

You deserved it 36 277

By failure - 28/10/2013 00:41 - United States - Shreveport

Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 541

You deserved it 4 606

By tubby - 21/06/2012 20:28 - Sweden - Karlskrona

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 266

You deserved it 3 605

On yer bike

By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 20:00

Today, I replaced the fog lights on my car and completely filled my gas tank. $50+ later, the transmission decided it wanted to go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 88

By kayla53 - 29/02/2016 16:17 - United States - Elmer

Today, my boyfriend posted pictures of him at the bar last night with his ex. And ones of them in her bed this morning. I guess we're sleeping with other people? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 047

You deserved it 2 124

By Username - 27/01/2011 17:40 - Romania

Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 053

You deserved it 5 674

By Anonymous - 03/04/2012 14:16 - Australia - Sandringham

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 137

You deserved it 4 233

By Links - 20/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 046

You deserved it 44 217

By sad - 08/01/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 281

You deserved it 4 152

By Nowajerk - 25/12/2011 01:15 - Australia

Today, I just finished nearly a year of muscle-building in order to impress my crush. Turns out she doesn't date fit guys, because "they're all jerks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 585

You deserved it 17 601

By jackpot - 09/05/2011 01:53 - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 410

You deserved it 3 008

By Shamed - 06/09/2011 08:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 530

You deserved it 4 925

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Top comments

Soniarita 18

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Sunday 15 May 2016 12:08

you'll find someone who's going to be worth your time, you shouldn't be anyone's option.

ssnow_fml 20

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Sunday 15 May 2016 12:18

Everyone is someones option at some point. Most people play the field these days until you sit them down and have the "exclusivity talk" which if he just asked you out might be a little early for that talk. Go on the date and see what he's like.

GodPart2 20

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Sunday 15 May 2016 12:04

If it was after you left, ummm how do you know they made out?

tarlax 11

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Sunday 15 May 2016 12:22

Most likely people OP knows were there. Simple word of mouth.

Soniarita 18

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Sunday 15 May 2016 12:08

you'll find someone who's going to be worth your time, you shouldn't be anyone's option.

nonsensical 26

Sunday 15 May 2016 13:18

Im hoping you meant "anyone's SECOND option"!

Soniarita 18

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Monday 16 May 2016 4:26

No i meant option because for all we know Op could unfortunately be second or third option for this scumbag, and clearly nobody deserves that.

ssnow_fml 20

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Sunday 15 May 2016 12:18

nonsensical 26

Sunday 15 May 2016 13:20

I agree, if anything that just says he's single and possibly drunk. Give him a chance! We've all been through some sort of phase like that and it doesn't mean anything

nonsensical 26

Sunday 15 May 2016 13:22

Unless it was his girlfriend, which I doubt, that means nothing! I'd still give him a chance to redeem himself. :)

Crazynocatlady 22

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Sunday 15 May 2016 13:53

I guess you should kiss him goodbye then!

JohnTheDonJuan 11

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Monday 16 May 2016 2:30

Yeah, that'll show him... /sarcasm

PassionComplex 1

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Sunday 15 May 2016 15:25

This is silly. He just asked you out why would you have any pretense of exclusivity? Sure, not everyone has the capacity to court more than one person at a time(I don't), but at this stage you must realize it's a possibility?

PassionComplex 1

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Sunday 15 May 2016 15:27

Besides, if you otherwise liked him it'd be a truly regrettable reason to cease your interaction. If nothing else, when you go out again you can elect to question whether he's dating anyone else and how he responds can tell you a lot.

samwilliams800 28

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Sunday 15 May 2016 15:31

Drop him. Preferably on his head.

FenderM 5

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Sunday 15 May 2016 16:17

He asked you on a single date and that means he is off the market until you decide you don't want him? That's not how dating works. He didn't ask you to marry him, right? Just go on a date? There was no agreement he'd place himself on a shelf to await your leisure? I guess I don't get the idea that you're locked into a monogamous relationship with someone you haven't even gone out with that first time yet. It takes time, and more than 0 dates, to come to this MUTUAL agreement to be exclusive.

juggalo2 17

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Sunday 15 May 2016 16:22

Hack his Facebook page and change his status to in a relationship. Start a catfight with the other woman. Make a giant scene. He needs to understand that once he asks you out he belongs to only you forever.

klutzyduck1 24

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Sunday 15 May 2016 18:13

Ha, this exactly. Such an overreaction. A kiss is not a big deal. Get to know him, let him get to know you. Go from there. But pump those brakes turbo, going from zero to sixty in no seconds drama isn't a great start to any relationship. Yeah, we all want to be so amazing no guy has even another thought of someone else, but he probably doesn't know you from eve. Good luck.

trucker2 33

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Sunday 15 May 2016 18:24

After- are you spying on him- if it was before or after your time.... It really isn't your concern...and sounds like your to jealous, you just met him..... Did you brand his ass, a sign of ownership ?????