Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work.... - FML

By Eyalsh - 30/1/2015 04:53 - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27283

You deserved it

2773

Tweet

Share

Superficial World

You can't win sometimes

Body issues

By nekkidness - 21/11/2012 21:06 - United States - Carthage

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9500

You deserved it

38790

Tweet

Share

By isaidfuckoff - 27/6/2015 18:29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34174

You deserved it

2780

Tweet

Share

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40093

You deserved it

4159

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/7/2012 21:03 - United States - Marinette

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23494

You deserved it

7486

Tweet

Share

By raquelcita - 26/8/2016 06:05 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I went to my boss with concerns that my manager is dumping her responsibilities on me. He agreed and told me to just do whatever she wants. She gets paid twice as much as me to talk on her cellphone all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13543

You deserved it

923

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 00:29 - Serbia

Today, I got a call from Red Cross about the blood donation I gave last week. They informed me that I have Hepatitis C. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40362

You deserved it

4236

Tweet

Share

By mandy - 1/8/2009 01:51 - Australia

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70101

You deserved it

4557

Tweet

Share

By nicholascageonyourface - 9/6/2013 05:13 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62262

You deserved it

5122

Tweet

Share

By el_Jeffe_D - 11/9/2016 16:05 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, as I was walking up to a urinal I heard a small hiss. I looked up just in time to get an eye full of chemicals from the automatic air freshener. I rinsed my eye out and went back to the urinal. It happened again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14434

You deserved it

2886

Tweet

Share

By Sady_Ct - 15/5/2019 12:12

Be careful what you wish for…

Today, I caught my husband trying on the sexy bra I bought to wear just for him. For shits and giggles, I made him try on my dress too. He looked better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1401

You deserved it

497

Tweet

Share

By myheart75 - 7/8/2011 09:52 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31415

You deserved it

5846

Tweet

Share

By warp_routine - 31/3/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

200268

You deserved it

13832

Tweet

Share

By teach - 5/2/2009 00:40 - Canada

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52657

You deserved it

4088

Tweet

Share

By redhead - 6/7/2017 22:30 - United States - Lima

Well Played

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6279

You deserved it

409

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/1/2015 01:26 - United States - Washington

Today, I spent an hour in a snowstorm waiting for my bus to show up. After I got fed up, I decided to just clean off my car and drive to work. After I was halfway finished swiping off the snow and ice stuck to my car, the bus drove right past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29350

You deserved it

4368

Tweet

Share

By monty - 9/3/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61156

You deserved it

13320

Tweet

Share

By Scaredwitless - 28/1/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51494

You deserved it

5952

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 09:07 - United States - Atwater

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31098

You deserved it

2229

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2015 02:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she's been avoiding kissing me lately. Apparently she had a dream that one of my teeth caught on her braces, and all of her teeth got pulled out like a string of pearls. It seems unlikely she will be un-scarred any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23533

You deserved it

1653

Tweet

Share

By screwthewilderness - 4/10/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30838

You deserved it

3614

Tweet

Share

By Mary - 21/11/2008 10:06 - France

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31121

You deserved it

4299

Tweet

Share

By anon - 3/8/2016 03:28

Today, I was working at the hospital and it was very busy. Unthinking, I told a patient in a wheelchair to "sit tight" while I checked on something. He mocked me for the rest of his stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12044

You deserved it

2491

Tweet

Share

By nooo - 5/2/2015 00:00 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I got a wedgie after a workout class. As I was walking, I used my gym bag to discreetly unwedgie it, and then turned around to check that no one was there. The cute guy that I had a crush on last year was right behind me, and by the look on his face, it wasn't discreet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31198

You deserved it

6116

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38882

You deserved it

3145

Tweet

Share

By Naulwenn - 23/6/2016 04:25 - France - Groslay

Today, my divorced parents have started sending each other photos of both of my bedrooms, to, “compare the shambles and see who wins.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks

12727

You deserved it

2332

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/8/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on our 2nd date. We decided to get to know each other with a game. I asked him what makes him nervous. He said "talking to really attractive girls." I then asked him if I was making him nervous. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49187

You deserved it

15729

Tweet

Share

By fuckedbyahipster - 15/6/2013 16:13 - Finland

Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40540

You deserved it

2868

Tweet

Share

By Jared - 1/1/2009 08:49 - France

Today, and for the last 8 months my upstairs neighbours have been making a tremendous noise. I finally decided to go up to complain: "The amount of noise you make is unbelievable ! It sounds like you're driving tractors up here!". The woman replies: "My husband is paraplegic..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22604

You deserved it

9211

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 10:52 - Australia

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

40795

You deserved it

7746

Tweet

Share

By anonymiss - 13/4/2009 16:12 - Canada

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

I agree, your life sucks

108596

You deserved it

25401

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/4/2011 02:20

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20590

You deserved it

40855

Tweet

Share

By MCMB33 - 1/2/2012 00:59 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife smoking. This is after I quit over a month ago to show her my support and be a good influence on our child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37788

You deserved it

3055

Tweet

Share

By liz - 3/10/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I moved to get closer to his job. Today he got transferred 150 miles away from where we moved to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30519

You deserved it

2585

Tweet

Share

By sopathetic - 26/2/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft..." He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina which delightfully formed a crease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57814

You deserved it

21962

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 05:00

Hello, I love you

Today, I had a very good-looking guy ask for my number while I was at work, but due to our policies I had to turn him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1531

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By foreveralone - 23/7/2013 09:51 - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48854

You deserved it

3520

Tweet

Share

By DeniedAgain - 29/6/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I walked into a gas station and saw some $.25 gum. It looked good and I thought I'd had a quarter in my pocket. I find no change in my pocket once I get to the register, so I pull out my credit card. The cashier laughs a few seconds later. My card was declined for a piece of gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39159

You deserved it

15459

Tweet

Share

By chill - 17/12/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25507

You deserved it

4257

Tweet

Share

By flowerman - 26/12/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33899

You deserved it

5190

Tweet

Share

By Perdedor - 7/1/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, my boss called me in to tell me I had got a raise. I bought a $1500 Chanel bag. Two hours later he called me in to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17853

You deserved it

44714

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#6187711 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:56

Was it spinach? It was goddamned spinach, wasn't it. Why is it always spinach?

Fuck you, spinach.

By yeti37 | 16

#6187699 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:51

Grin and bear it.

Comments

By DeMiddleMan | 7

#6187697 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:50

its lonely being the only comment

Reply

xxNIGHTxx_fml | 17

#6188751 - Saturday 31 January 2015 18:41

You get first comment and that's what you say?

By yeti37 | 16

#6187699 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:51

Grin and bear it.

By Georgia0p | 17

#6187708 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:55

Maybe nobody noticed and it just looks bigger to you ?

By iTzSelverZz | 14

#6187709 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:56

That's one way to make people look at you while your talking

By sarkaar | 30

#6187710 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:56

Maybe the piece made you look a lot more appetising than usual.

By DocBastard | 38

#6187711 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:56

Was it spinach? It was goddamned spinach, wasn't it. Why is it always spinach?

Fuck you, spinach.

Reply

Welshite | 39

#6187717 - Friday 30 January 2015 15:01

Popeye takes offense to that.

Reply

anyoldnamewilldo | 23

#6187753 - Friday 30 January 2015 15:48

I went to the comments just to like this one. LOL Thank you for the chuckle this morning.

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6187785 - Friday 30 January 2015 16:26

It's always spinach. I don't even eat spinach and I get it stuck in my teeth, but that's more my fault than anyone else's.

Reply

ana_lee_bonde | 17

#6187866 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:37

nice pic #7

Reply

yeti37 | 16

#6187978 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:39

That's DocBastard, #20! He's a legend in these FML parts.

By Jasim | 17

#6187712 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:57

That's why you always have to check yourself in the mirror.

By purelymixed | 17

#6187720 - Friday 30 January 2015 15:03

Shoulda woulda coulda looked in a mirror, but ya didn't

By BlondePsycho | 43

#6187725 - Friday 30 January 2015 15:12

Im already imagining someone doing the illustrated FML for this, the guy comes back to his dorm and theres a full steak dinner between his front teeth.

Reply

Eyalsh | 32

#6221428 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 17:34

do this. put me on the hall of fame!

By tranced_ | 43

#6187738 - Friday 30 January 2015 15:31

If nobody pointed it out then maybe nobody noticed it?