Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work.... - FML

By Eyalsh - 30/1/2015 04:53 - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27305

You deserved it

2778

Tweet

Share

KoBabe

Deep-seated resentment

Great guy

By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10424

You deserved it

1412

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 13/8/2009 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when walking to my car I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52219

You deserved it

2749

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/3/2011 09:25 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her tooth brush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36055

You deserved it

4151

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 26/2/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70898

You deserved it

9111

Tweet

Share

By sunshine19217 - 18/1/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31445

You deserved it

8650

Tweet

Share

By cazorp - 5/1/2012 11:43 - United States

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43293

You deserved it

2450

Tweet

Share

By confused - 7/4/2013 14:51 - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40564

You deserved it

5302

Tweet

Share

By limecat - 6/10/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12261

You deserved it

36929

Tweet

Share

By soontobewidow - 28/3/2015 09:20 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53027

You deserved it

3945

Tweet

Share

By EdibleCape - 28/5/2020 23:00

Nerves of steel

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broken up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1396

You deserved it

270

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Parker

Today, I went to my first job interview in months. Just minutes in, a sudden huge, uncontrollable sneeze overcame me. A wad of snot flew out onto my shirt, which I didn't even notice until the visibly disgusted interviewer pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42195

You deserved it

3878

Tweet

Share

By prince-charming - 7/11/2009 10:12 - Kuwait

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35567

You deserved it

3911

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7098

You deserved it

51873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/8/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79474

You deserved it

6397

Tweet

Share

By Jack Faire - 12/2/2019 02:00

Today, I sat down to do my taxes. As I was going over my forms, I found my employer only took $1.72 out the entire year for my Federal Income Taxes. I now owe the IRS over $500 that I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2246

You deserved it

560

Tweet

Share

By Almost Fired - 15/8/2019 12:00

Today, I got written up for insulting a customer last week, who then rang up to complain about my bad attitude. I was on vacation all last week. My boss doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1799

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By moudly - 6/1/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, my mom finally believed me when I said I smelled mold. I lifted up the couch, and it was covered in mold. So were the bottoms of all our furniture, our beds, and my grandma's vintage chair. We've been living in mold for the past 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31500

You deserved it

4934

Tweet

Share

By Dave - 23/4/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12568

You deserved it

21757

Tweet

Share

By A. nonymous - 14/12/2010 13:32

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39858

You deserved it

3010

Tweet

Share

By lover21 - 8/5/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

66554

You deserved it

2841

Tweet

Share

By for fuck's sake, gran - 25/7/2015 05:30 - United States - Bainbridge

Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25366

You deserved it

1755

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/7/2017 07:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, my school brought in therapy dogs to help with stress. I was attacked by one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5553

You deserved it

467

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/7/2012 19:10 - United States - Findlay

Today, my waiter turned to me and asked, "Let me guess, Miss I'm-not-fat-I'm-fluffy wants a diet coke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42640

You deserved it

9972

Tweet

Share

By Shivvy - 11/2/2011 03:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I came downstairs disappointed thinking that my parents had forgotten my birthday. Turns out they didn't forget, they just couldn't be bothered to do anything for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33107

You deserved it

3137

Tweet

Share

By gabe8 - 15/6/2009 05:42 - Mexico

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17369

You deserved it

96014

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/6/2019 14:05

Today, my mom called me to tell me she'd got in touch with my ex for his birthday, and that the two of them had made a plan for us to get back together. My new boyfriend was in the process of proposing to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2086

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By rebekah - 3/4/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

461396

You deserved it

76788

Tweet

Share

By watersport - 10/3/2010 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up because I really had to pee. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and went back to bed. Or so I thought. I did pee, but I only dreamed that I got out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34041

You deserved it

4295

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/6/2011 00:50 - Brazil

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37683

You deserved it

8621

Tweet

Share

By whoops - 10/6/2020 02:00

Exclusivity

Today, I ran into the guy I’ve been seeing. He was holding hands with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1559

You deserved it

145

Tweet

Share

By kafreen - 30/8/2016 19:35 - United States - Tucson

Today, I arrived at work early. I noticed the plants on the side of my classroom could use some water so I went out to do so. On the way, I found a beer can. Not wanting the kids to see it, I picked it up but some spilled on my dress. I quickly noticed a familiar smell. No, not beer. Urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14570

You deserved it

1251

Tweet

Share

By ugh - 15/7/2013 11:46 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52653

You deserved it

9106

Tweet

Share

By unhappy wifey - 28/9/2012 06:09 - United States - Portland

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25277

You deserved it

3946

Tweet

Share

By TooInnocent - 7/7/2016 17:44 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10869

You deserved it

2181

Tweet

Share

By Nobody - 10/10/2009 12:07 - Singapore

Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43539

You deserved it

5171

Tweet

Share

By sarahh38 - 16/9/2009 18:23 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23130

You deserved it

105178

Tweet

Share

By alie - 9/2/2009 18:47 - United States

Today, I wore a cute new striped shirt to work. One of my co-workers said to me "I like your shirt. Most fat people don't look good in horizontals." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36742

You deserved it

4666

Tweet

Share

By ccblock - 17/9/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40123

You deserved it

3667

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 08:13 - United States

Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24570

You deserved it

5437

Tweet

Share

By mlove - 6/9/2010 08:35 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39295

You deserved it

2884

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#6187711 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:56

Was it spinach? It was goddamned spinach, wasn't it. Why is it always spinach?

Fuck you, spinach.

By yeti37 | 16

#6187699 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:51

Grin and bear it.

COMMENTS

By DeMiddleMan | 7

#6187697 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:50

its lonely being the only comment

Reply

xxNIGHTxx_fml | 17

#6188751 - Saturday 31 January 2015 18:41

You get first comment and that's what you say?

By yeti37 | 16

#6187699 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:51

Grin and bear it.

By Georgia0p | 17

#6187708 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:55

Maybe nobody noticed and it just looks bigger to you ?

By iTzSelverZz | 14

#6187709 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:56

That's one way to make people look at you while your talking

By sarkaar | 30

#6187710 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:56

Maybe the piece made you look a lot more appetising than usual.

By DocBastard | 38

#6187711 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:56

Was it spinach? It was goddamned spinach, wasn't it. Why is it always spinach?

Fuck you, spinach.

Reply

Welshite | 39

#6187717 - Friday 30 January 2015 15:01

Popeye takes offense to that.

Reply

anyoldnamewilldo | 23

#6187753 - Friday 30 January 2015 15:48

I went to the comments just to like this one. LOL Thank you for the chuckle this morning.

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6187785 - Friday 30 January 2015 16:26

It's always spinach. I don't even eat spinach and I get it stuck in my teeth, but that's more my fault than anyone else's.

Reply

ana_lee_bonde | 17

#6187866 - Friday 30 January 2015 17:37

nice pic #7

Reply

yeti37 | 16

#6187978 - Friday 30 January 2015 19:39

That's DocBastard, #20! He's a legend in these FML parts.

By Jasim | 17

#6187712 - Friday 30 January 2015 14:57

That's why you always have to check yourself in the mirror.

By purelymixed | 17

#6187720 - Friday 30 January 2015 15:03

Shoulda woulda coulda looked in a mirror, but ya didn't

By BlondePsycho | 43

#6187725 - Friday 30 January 2015 15:12

Im already imagining someone doing the illustrated FML for this, the guy comes back to his dorm and theres a full steak dinner between his front teeth.

Reply

Eyalsh | 32

#6221428 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 17:34

do this. put me on the hall of fame!

By tranced_ | 44

#6187738 - Friday 30 January 2015 15:31

If nobody pointed it out then maybe nobody noticed it?