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Monday 14 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

#20929399
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34402) - you deserved it (11586)

On 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm - health - by OutOfMyMind (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

#20921216
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50192) - you deserved it (6548)

On 10/15/2013 at 2:49am - love - by notready (man) - Australia

Today, my mother topped someone's story of their child's problems by saying I'm on drugs. This resulted in people showing up to stage an intervention for me. She made the whole thing up and I've never used drugs, but no one believes me. FML

#20924836
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46853) - you deserved it (2867)

On 10/18/2013 at 2:13am - health - by Jan (man) - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

#20926236
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48799) - you deserved it (5346)

On 10/19/2013 at 11:04am - misc - by sleepysophie (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, we had to give a surprise speech in speech class on two of our best and closest friends. My first friend was my mom. I had to make up the other one. FML

#20926629
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45452) - you deserved it (5093)

On 10/19/2013 at 5:57pm - misc - by nofriends - United States

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

#20927673
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44309) - you deserved it (5907)

On 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

#20919796
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45430) - you deserved it (3379)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

#20922962
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44982) - you deserved it (3814)

On 10/16/2013 at 5:52pm - work - by amy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

#20924969
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49449) - you deserved it (2948)

On 10/18/2013 at 8:40am - work - by Quasimodo (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

#20925456
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41480) - you deserved it (3370)

On 10/18/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by DocBastard, meet DocCunt (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

#20923550
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45800) - you deserved it (4122)

On 10/17/2013 at 1:06am - health - by maxkeyftw (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

#20928390
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43513) - you deserved it (5285)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:18am - kids - by Wheredigowrong - United States (Iowa)



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