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Monday 14 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

#20927673
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43468) - you deserved it (5808)

On 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

#20919796
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44585) - you deserved it (3310)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML

#20926020
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41587) - you deserved it (5883)

On 10/19/2013 at 3:30am - love - by AchievementUnlocked? - United States

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

#20922962
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43194) - you deserved it (3653)

On 10/16/2013 at 5:52pm - work - by amy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally found a place to stay after being kicked out by my parents. The psycho owner waited till now to tell me that my bathroom door will remain locked at all times, and that whenever I want to go in there, I have to ask him to unlock it, then do my business while he waits outside. FML

#20926435
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43196) - you deserved it (3465)

On 10/19/2013 at 2:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Belize (Belize)

Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

#20924969
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48639) - you deserved it (2902)

On 10/18/2013 at 8:40am - work - by Quasimodo (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

#20925456
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40609) - you deserved it (3306)

On 10/18/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by DocBastard, meet DocCunt (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother topped someone's story of their child's problems by saying I'm on drugs. This resulted in people showing up to stage an intervention for me. She made the whole thing up and I've never used drugs, but no one believes me. FML

#20924836
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46010) - you deserved it (2798)

On 10/18/2013 at 2:13am - health - by Jan (man) - United States

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

#20928390
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42629) - you deserved it (5205)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:18am - kids - by Wheredigowrong - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

#20921212
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49248) - you deserved it (4589)

On 10/15/2013 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

#20922441
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43299) - you deserved it (5316)

On 10/16/2013 at 4:22am - work - by Elcam (man) - Belgium

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

#20921288
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49695) - you deserved it (4151)

On 10/15/2013 at 6:10am - intimacy - by hes (woman) - United States



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