App
FML for mobile
Free
Open in app
FMyLife

search

Categories

All
Random
Spicy
Nearly FMLs
The Top
FML - The Follow-Up

FML

Submit Moderate

Account

Log in
FMyLife FMyLife
Submit your FML Moderate the FMLs
Log in
All Random Spicy Random Spicy The Top FML - The Follow-Up Nearly FMLs
search
​

Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    By lifesucks - 24/02/2009 19:21 - United States

    Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 15 965
    You deserved it 50 306
    Share  

    By loserface - 23/02/2009 22:50 - United States

    Today, I was interviewing a cute guy for my journalism class, and he asked to borrow my laptop to check his email quickly. After the interview, I realized that the last thing I had searched for on my browser's Google box was "ingrown pubic hairs," and it was still up there. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 20 274
    You deserved it 36 691
    Share  

    By Nick - 23/02/2009 03:04 - United States

    Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML
    I agree, your life sucks 93 298
    You deserved it 6 409
    Share  

    By Charles - 22/02/2009 15:10 - United Kingdom

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 71 603
    You deserved it 5 713
    Share  

    Crime scene

    By isuckatlife - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 56 172
    You deserved it 5 906
    Share  

    By screewit - 20/02/2009 23:42 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 101 811
    You deserved it 4 977
    Share  

    By DuCkBuBbLeS - 20/02/2009 21:19 - United States

    Today, I returned from a half-month long trip to China with a group of friends. After throwing myself into my mother's arms and bursting into tears, she stops me to say 'Listen...these last couple of weeks have been some of the best I've ever had. Can we try to keep it like that?' FML
    I agree, your life sucks 45 795
    You deserved it 5 134
    Share  

    Assumptions

    By tigerfiend - 17/02/2009 21:53 - United States

    Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the liposuction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 47 779
    You deserved it 5 788
    Share  

    By loserman - 16/02/2009 22:19 - United States

    Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 17 507
    You deserved it 56 331
    Share  

    By nana. - 15/02/2009 15:29 - Canada

    Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 9 472
    You deserved it 73 204
    Share  

    By NeverCampingAgain - 15/02/2009 00:38 - United States

    Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 74 669
    You deserved it 7 807
    Share  

    By idkmybffjill? - 13/02/2009 04:12 - United States

    Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 15 582
    You deserved it 49 074
    Share  

    By YeahWhatOkay - 09/02/2009 00:37 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I looked at the Facebook page of the girl I really liked, and I saw that she'd written on her friend's wall, "Last night was the biggest mistake of my life." We hooked up last night. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 53 481
    You deserved it 4 854
    Share  

    By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

    Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 36 119
    You deserved it 7 106
    Share  

    By facepalmshroomer - 07/02/2009 23:24 - United States

    Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 10 647
    You deserved it 85 389
    Share  

    By unlucky - 06/02/2009 22:40 - United States

    Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 12 702
    You deserved it 25 823
    Share  

    By Barrel - 05/02/2009 07:57 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 62 859
    You deserved it 9 054
    Share  

    By Noname - 03/02/2009 19:57 - United States

    Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 8 918
    You deserved it 55 372
    Share  

    Bad sign

    By Ginger - 03/02/2009 17:43 - United States

    Today, I realized it's been 5 days since my boyfriend last answered the phone when I called. Two weeks ago, he told me he used to break up with his girlfriends in a very juvenile way. He doesn't answer their phone calls. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 36 461
    You deserved it 3 207
    Share  

    By screwed. - 03/02/2009 01:42 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 21 433
    You deserved it 45 653
    Share  

    By Embarrassed daughter.. - 01/02/2009 19:09 - United States

    Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 22 076
    You deserved it 6 994
    Share  

    By fuckit - 31/01/2009 17:24 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 29 269
    You deserved it 5 623
    Share  

    By Ah hell - 31/01/2009 14:43 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 11 881
    You deserved it 52 755
    Share  

    By RollieCollieUSA - 30/01/2009 17:27 - United States

    Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her iTunes was on random. "Rape Me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 30 745
    You deserved it 6 678
    Share  

    By Banker - 30/01/2009 16:19 - United States

    Today, I interviewed for a call center job making $13/hr, the only job where they called back. I used to live in a doorman luxury apartment in Manhattan with a prime skyline view and clubhouse. That was last month. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 33 665
    You deserved it 9 103
    Share  

    Gagging for it

    By Noname - 28/01/2009 20:18 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, it's the sixth anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 40 233
    You deserved it 5 713
    Share  

    By thatsjustgreat - 25/01/2009 00:27 - United States

    Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 28 873
    You deserved it 9 316
    Share  

    By fyou - 24/01/2009 22:09 - United States

    Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 28 297
    You deserved it 4 037
    Share  

    By theDiva - 21/01/2009 11:22 - Malta

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I am down to 3 euros. My mother just stole the last two euros from me. I asked what she needed them for? Condoms. My mother can have safe sex. I can't buy lunch tomorrow. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 35 041
    You deserved it 2 223
    Share  

    By spoony - 19/01/2009 05:32 - Australia

    Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 24 451
    You deserved it 3 062
    Share  
    • 85
    • 86
    • 87
    • 88
    • 89
    FML on Facebook

    Keywords

    Family Love Poopoo peepee Awkward Money Annoying Raining Work Health Painful Medication Miscellaneous Relationship advice Relatable AITA Mental health Psychology Animals Cats Allergies Cheating Kids Weddings Drunk Embarrassing Singing Sports Furniture Transportation Airplanes
    The Top FMyLife FMyLife
    The Top FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 52 602
    You deserved it 3 392
    Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says, "There's too much of an age gap between us" and that it makes him "feel like a pedophile". He's only four months older than I am. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 30 187
    You deserved it 2 098
    Today, for my birthday, my family offered to take one of my friends to the movies with me. I had to pay a random person in my class to pose as a friend of mine, so that I wouldn't look pathetic in front of my parents. She forgot my name three times. They didn't buy it. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 19 447
    You deserved it 25 169
    Today, I went to the bathroom to take a piss. While washing my hands, I heard someone taking a large dump in one of the stalls. When he was finished, he left the bathroom without washing his hands. Turns out he was the IT guy I called to fix my computer. He sat down on my chair and used my keyboard. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 30 426
    You deserved it 2 505
    Today, after I bathed my nine month old, I laid her on my bed to grab a diaper. I turned around to see that she'd peed on my comforter. I then put her in her playpen to put my cover in the wash. I came back into the room to get her, and saw she'd taken off her diaper. She'd crapped in her playpen. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 33 938
    You deserved it 8 375
    Today, my dad got promoted and ended up as my boss. I thought I’d finally have a manager I get along with, who could maybe throw a few perks my way. Nope. Dad was very clear that he was going to be a complete bastard to me at work to make absolutely sure no one could accuse him of favouritism. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 454
    You deserved it 140
    Download on the App Store Our app is now available on Google Play

    Even more FMLs

    • Nearly FMLs
    • Top FML
    • Random FMLs
    • Moderation
    • FML - The Follow-Up

    Useful links

    • FAQ
    • Contact us
    • Terms of use
    • The list of badges to find

    FML around the world

    • Français
    • English
    • Español
    • Deutsch
    • Italiano

    © VDM SAS, All rights reserved

    ​