Miscellaneous: Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's...

By nana. - Canada

Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML

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Miscellaneous

Taking stock

Left hanging

For the life of him indeed

By moikristine - Norway - Fagerstrand

Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

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By ldrik1 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

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By Dan - 5/3/2021 19:02 - United Kingdom - Warwick

Modern student life sucks

Today, I've paid over £15k a year to have 1.5 years of my 3 year BSc online. All we can do is sit in a tiny room (genuinely worse than Nordic prisons) and watch "online lectures", i.e. paying enormous amounts of money for depression, boredom, loneliness, and information that can be gathered from Youtube or Wikipedia. FML

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By Inod - United States

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

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By Bullocks - United States - Rochester

Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not by any sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML

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By historyfreak_17 - United States - Dearborn Heights

Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML

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By kids say the darnedest things - United States - Denver

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

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By AnonThoughts

Fighting fit

Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML

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By IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

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By Dan

Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML

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By AliKate

Today, my father has finally started to focus on his health to reduce his weight and cholesterol. He has also decided that I'll do it with him. Now, he won't let me eat unless he's there to watch me. He leaves at 7 a.m. and doesn't come home until 9. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

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By paper towel virgin - United States - Warrensburg

Technologically Challenged

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

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By the other guy? - Australia - Perth

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 02:00

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Today, one of my UNIVERSITY students submitted an incomplete assignment file to the online learning platform. I emailed him, "You will need to send me the correct file via email, as the system does not accept resubmissions." I literally got as a reply, "So, what do I need to do?" Online teaching is hell. FML

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By voyagevoyage - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

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By thanks a lot mom - United States - Sloughhouse

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2am I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Philippine

Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

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By bittenbyadonkey - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

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By lovebigmacs - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

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By C0olgirl - United States

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2021 17:00

He got game

Today, my son told me he's had 5 boyfriends and is currently working to improve himself before getting into another relationship. When I was his age, I was still single. My son has more game than I do. FML

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By Doodle - United States

Today, I was coaching at a swim meet. I heard a few of my swimmers screaming about a huge wasp on my head, so I told everyone to stay calm because we didn't want to upset the wasp. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by another coach from our team hitting me repeatedly on the head with a clipboard. FML

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By mario - United States - Corvallis

Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML

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By fmlgirl - Netherlands - Hulst

Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML

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By walkingdictionary - Canada - Toronto

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

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By Andre

Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML

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By Third trimester - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

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By Idon'thave£12000

Could go either way, really

Today, I received a full scholarship to the university of my dreams in England. Being born into a fairly poor family, I've never received anything for free and I worked on my grades like a dog last semester to achieve this. However, the scholarship is only valid if the UK stays in the EU. FML

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By MIB thingy please... - United States - Oregon City

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

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By Typidiot

Today, I spent ages writing a draft press release as part of a copywriting job application. I worked really hard and read it through several times before submitting. They emailed me to point out that I'd misspelled the name of the company. Twice. FML

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By Nick - United States

Today, I found my truck broken into. Whoever broke in ripped my dash apart, and the stupid idiot couldn't get the radio out. So now I have a trashed truck interior, and the moron has nothing to show for it. He did leave behind his Subway wrapper though. FML

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By oh my fucking god - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

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By pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

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Top comments

By Hannah_fml | 0

#2382 - Sunday 15 February 2009 19:26

That's just ignorant and rude... get some respect.

By Mr_Serious | 6

#2402 - Sunday 15 February 2009 21:15

honestly, how did she make it to the finals without someone else hip checking her first?

COMMENTS

By Hannah_fml | 0

#2382 - Sunday 15 February 2009 19:26

That's just ignorant and rude... get some respect.

IronLionZion_fml | 0

#849235 - Friday 12 February 2010 20:34

Second!
Yeah, way to be a total bitch.

mitchiv13 | 0

#878051 - Sunday 21 February 2010 8:38

that was stupid of u

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1449691 - Friday 24 September 2010 1:27

next time break her legs too. BITCH OUTTA MY SEAT!!

michelleJ11 | 25

#5623497 - Monday 12 August 2013 3:40

Before calling someone stupid, you might want to correctly spell words.

OPIAF | 5

#6038824 - Friday 15 August 2014 23:45

#85 true.

By Mr_Serious | 6

#2402 - Sunday 15 February 2009 21:15

honestly, how did she make it to the finals without someone else hip checking her first?

fanceh | 10

#2583327 - Sunday 29 May 2011 15:14

she shouldnt be in the finals if she doesn't know how to hip check already...

Carlie_McCartney | 1

#3025477 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 23:59

Because no one else is stupid enough to hip check an elderly lady.

KtKD54 | 2

#4670656 - Tuesday 10 July 2012 4:15

Except for this person

By speed_of_stupid | 0

#2404 - Sunday 15 February 2009 21:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

TexasBitch | 13

#5286381 - Friday 28 December 2012 0:41

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

michelleJ11 | 25

#5623499 - Monday 12 August 2013 3:41

How do you accidentally hip check someone, especially with you mention that you're competitive & that you're known for hip checking.

OPIAF | 5

#6038827 - Friday 15 August 2014 23:47

#85 Maybe they rely on instinct?

poorjudgement | 26

#6303729 - Thursday 28 May 2015 9:07

I really don't understand how anyone can understand OP. It is FNana'sL, not OP's, because OP is a person who obviously lacks not only manners, but affection as well. If she was, God forbid it, part of my family, you could be sure she'd be excluded from any kind of competative activities, unitl she learns to behave.

By NorfolkDude | 2

#2408 - Sunday 15 February 2009 21:27

This is why I think growing up it's important for kids to pick a sports because 10, 20 years down the road when they play backyard football, they become all crazy and serious like it's win or nothing.

By seulhq34ogh0 | 0

#2418 - Sunday 15 February 2009 22:24

Musical chairs is a dangerous game that the elderly shouldn't play

gotdapowa | 0

#992501 - Friday 14 May 2010 2:55

lol

By ZING_MASTER | 0

#2442 - Sunday 15 February 2009 23:42

YOU PLAY. TO WIN. THE GAME.

By NotoriousMandog | 0

#2480 - Monday 16 February 2009 1:38

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By freddie_fml | 0

#2494 - Monday 16 February 2009 2:15

What are you, 12?

By arms_akimbo | 0

#2518 - Monday 16 February 2009 4:05

Wow. I... don't even ... Just. Wow.

You're a dick!

By AliSama | 17

#5405 - Sunday 22 February 2009 19:10

i would move in with your nana and take care of her till she gets better. Otherwise you deserve all the shit that happens from no on till end o life for suffering you put an old lady though.