Kids: Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen.... - FML

05/10/2013 22:25 - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 475

You deserved it 3 358

Batman

You tried

Preemptive strike

Trust

By oww - 14/05/2020 08:02

Today, I told my boyfriend we should avoid the local walking trail after I got followed by a homeless man. He assured me we’d be fine and the guy wouldn’t approach me as long as I had a man with me. Wrong. We both got beat up and robbed by said homeless man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 322

09/03/2017 04:00

Today, I was giving my one-year-old a bath. I'd finished washing her, so she started to play and splash. When I went to lift her out of the tub, I slipped and busted my kneecaps on the side. Guess who sat there and laughed hysterically as I cried out in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 095

You deserved it 568

08/01/2012 00:33 - Canada

Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 433

You deserved it 3 194

30/06/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 941

You deserved it 54 369

30/04/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 428

You deserved it 6 692

14/09/2011 16:34 - United States

Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 342

You deserved it 2 822

03/01/2018 15:00

Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 772

You deserved it 774

21/03/2013 13:31 - United States - Tyler

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 069

You deserved it 3 743

Alas, poor Mickey

By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 14:00

Today, I'm going to a cocktail event, except my dress is wrinkled and can't be ironed, so I got my steam cleaner from storage. I saw what looked like mold inside the water container. Turns out a mouse had got into it, drowned and started to decompose. My apartment now smells like death and my dress is still wrinkled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 208

24/07/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 233

You deserved it 2 450

30/11/2009 07:27 - United States

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 330

You deserved it 5 975

Creeped out

By dadum - 27/01/2011 07:17 - Australia

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 444

You deserved it 3 666

29/11/2013 08:23 - United States - Portland

Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 065

You deserved it 4 482

30/10/2010 01:25 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my new roommate likes to take the loose hair when she showers and make shapes with it on the shower wall. She calls it art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 795

You deserved it 3 707

29/11/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 372

You deserved it 40 475

23/02/2017 13:00 - United States - Cypress

Today, my mother-in-law threw bricks at my car. Her defense? I shouldn't have parked in her brick throwing spot, in my own driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 694

You deserved it 446

Supportive

By fuckthepopo - 21/01/2012 02:31 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 755

You deserved it 6 446

Which part of pandemic don't you understand?

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 23:02

Today, after quarantining for 2 weeks so I could spend Christmas with my parents, they went over to see a COVID hoaxer/Trump-supporting neighbor, and spent an hour inside with him, without wearing masks. I'm a nurse, working with cancer patients. They don't understand why I'm upset, and are angry that I'm leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 230

29/01/2010 21:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective. I made this discovery when I got rained on while I was getting my car washed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 029

You deserved it 3 051

Spreading

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 18:01

Today, I found out that my best friend and I are pregnant. This would be much more exciting if my boyfriend wasn’t the father of both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 136

16/02/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 886

You deserved it 3 969

21/02/2009 23:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was approached by a girl who called me a slut for sleeping with her boyfriend, then punched me in the face. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 366

You deserved it 3 368

People don't always get sarcasm

By Martin - 15/03/2021 17:00

Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 1 009

19/06/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 405

You deserved it 5 379

26/09/2013 22:56 - Israel - Ramla

Today, I was showing my 6-year-old son how easy and safe it is to ride a bike. I didn't notice a pebble, bust up my leg and my son is now terrified of bicycles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 011

You deserved it 6 116

16/05/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 950

You deserved it 2 726

Rollin'

By Anonymous - 01/09/2016 03:40 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was driving home when a guy crashes into me from behind. I get out of my car and tell him that I'm going to call the cops. He then asks me if we can move to a corner because we're blocking the way, so then get back in to move. I look in the mirror to see him driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 874

You deserved it 4 669

15/09/2009 21:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 823

You deserved it 4 088

17/05/2014 17:30 - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 736

You deserved it 7 011

19/12/2010 18:51 - United States

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 276

You deserved it 5 599

Not a girl, not yet a woman

By Anonymous - 28/02/2020 01:00

Today, I got a very accusatory phone call from my daughter's teacher. According to my daughter, I absolutely refuse to let her eat in the morning. In reality, I told her it’s her responsibility to get herself up and get breakfast on her own before we leave. My daughter is 17 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 252

You deserved it 202

31/10/2014 23:28 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 758

You deserved it 2 687

02/03/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were being driven home from our date by her mother. She's Jewish and I'm Catholic. Her mother was talking about how my girlfriend was going on a trip to Jerusalem that summer. She finished with "And you can find a nice Jewish boy while you're there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 974

You deserved it 4 972

Mesmerized

By Embarrassing - 26/06/2021 13:59 - Canada

Today, I was hypnotized and talked into telling everyone truths about myself at a show my family and I went to. I don't know what I said. All I know is that my family laughs whenever I'm near them. They won't tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 168

23/02/2010 15:45 - United States

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 683

You deserved it 2 876

05/07/2011 11:48 - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 180

You deserved it 7 573

Buffering

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 13:59

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend. After telling him how much I loved him, he asked me to marry him. When I said yes and started crying, he said he wasn't sure if he really wants to get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 69

05/02/2011 09:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell over a wet floor sign warning you not to fall over. The irony hurt more than the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 899

You deserved it 9 564

03/11/2016 04:49 - Canada

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 826

You deserved it 1 015

That ship has sailed

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 17:03

Today, I realized there’s no point in maintaining a friendship of 20 years. I stopped texting my friend three weeks ago and he never noticed. I texted him daily for at least the past ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 224

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:03

Was it the guy from Bad Grampa? You might be in the movie then

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:01

poor kid 3:

Comments

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:01

poor kid 3:

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:21

Life lessons!

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:22

Did he hold the kid at cane point?

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Sunday 6 October 2013 10:17

#12, Don't let it fool you, it was one of those gun canes you see in James Bond.

Cad6 24

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Sunday 6 October 2013 21:05

Honest capitalism at its finest.

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:03

Was it the guy from Bad Grampa? You might be in the movie then

hghrider123456 9

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Sunday 6 October 2013 15:42

I'm guessing that grandpa Is a jackass......

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Sunday 6 October 2013 19:26

It was the work of Johnny Knoxville. You've been Bad Grandpa'd

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Sunday 6 October 2013 21:31

Senior Citizen? More like Senior Villain

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:03

ahh well time is short for that senior citizen with a little luck.

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Sunday 6 October 2013 15:18

why? who knows the guy may have had some kind of underlining mental problem. When it comes to fml's about senior's these kind of comments really get my back up.

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Sunday 6 October 2013 17:15

Maybe he's a veteran who is affected a lot by the shutdown.

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:04

Haha that's when you know times are tough for everybody.

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:05

Bad grandpa, not a FML moment to me!

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:06

The eldery strike yet again! Will the world be spared of this vicious geriatric crime troll wave?

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:07

Shoulda peed in their cup and offered them a free "lemonade"

RoseBlack123 37

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:18

Please tell me you called the cops! Poor kid :( f his life

leximichelle 13

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Monday 11 May 2020 16:42

The cops can’t do anything in this situation (not in the US) since the stand would technically be considered an illegal business seeing the kid probably doesn’t have a food safety license. Just another one of those “life’s not fair” lessons. Had to learn sometime.

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:22

Lemons.

CharresBarkrey 15

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Sunday 6 October 2013 9:23

Was it a sweet old lady on a motorized cart??

Chloe555_fml 27

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Sunday 6 October 2013 11:24

He didn't see it coming.

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Sunday 6 October 2013 17:46

I'll have you know I didn't have a cart! 'Twas a scooter!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 101

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 132