Miscellaneous: Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29.... - FML

By fuckit - 31/01/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 186

You deserved it 5 579

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Dysfunctional

Free healthcare for all

By Ihatemylife - 03/03/2013 12:17 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 757

You deserved it 6 343

By Kat - 08/03/2009 05:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 179

You deserved it 8 176

By vixenscars - 19/01/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 554

You deserved it 2 468

By nevergoingonabusagain - 30/05/2009 06:52 - Canada

Spicy

Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed that a creepy guy sitting in front of me had a boner, so I took a few steps back. Suddenly the bus went through something like a speed bump, which caused me to fall and sit on the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 051

You deserved it 5 680

Priorities

By Anonymous - 31/05/2020 02:03

Today my husband cried tears of joy because we now have dates for : 1 - When our son can go back to school, and 2 - When the pubs will reopen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 293

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 946

You deserved it 5 223

Secret life

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 167

By superconfused16 - 20/08/2010 22:36 - United States

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 927

You deserved it 4 458

By Anonymous - 01/08/2015 04:10 - United States - Erie

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 966

You deserved it 3 179

By Charles - 22/02/2009 15:10 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 385

You deserved it 5 679

By mook05 - 21/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 299

You deserved it 3 166

By ::Tracy:: - 17/04/2011 09:32 - Australia

Today, a young boy helped me carry my groceries home. He then asked me to sign his sheet to certify that he had done half an hour of service to the elderly. I'm 46. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 673

You deserved it 5 815

By anonymous - 18/02/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 656

You deserved it 26 050

By EpicFailTime - 22/02/2011 02:21

Today, a neighbor called the cops on me and my friends because we were "starting a fire" in the backyard. We were using a barbecue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 496

You deserved it 2 865

By Pwnedofthedead - 03/10/2009 15:34 - Canada

Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 735

You deserved it 3 768

By tspence - 20/03/2013 22:08 - United States - Genoa

Today, I found myself arguing with a 6-year-old over a game of tag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 566

You deserved it 34 170

Extreme late fees

By Martin - 08/09/2020 23:01 - Switzerland

Today, I had an appointment to pull some wisdom teeth. I wrote the wrong time in my calendar. Showed up an hour late and they didn't pull the one tooth that actually hurts. Now I've got the pay for the time I was late, plus wait until November to pull the rest. I waited 5 months for this appointment due to the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 1 240

By DMStarsky - 21/10/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 521

You deserved it 4 676

Didn't see ya there!

By jazojigga - 02/03/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the crosswalk. Suddenly, I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 744

You deserved it 52 087

Weird and scary

By kira - 09/03/2021 08:01

Today, the guy who has harassed me every day for a month straight proposed, with an actual diamond ring which he’d burned the receipt for. I said no, of course. Later, I found out that he’d attempted suicide. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 79

By purplexangel - 02/08/2012 17:32 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 854

You deserved it 22 457

By got to be kidding me - 02/05/2019 14:00 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my eight-year-old daughter refused to use the port-a-potty at the fair. She preferred to piss her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 268

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 02:05 - United States

Today, I told my husband that when I get my birth control taken out later this year, I would like to take a break from it for a while. He just said, "Condoms are too expensive and I don't want to waste $2 every time we do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 946

You deserved it 2 607

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 626

You deserved it 5 952

By Aintnosunshine - 31/12/2008 03:48 - France

Today, I attended a speed dating evening. After 7 minutes, the girl told me she wasn't interested. I asked her at what point of the conversation she had made up her mind, she answered: "When you said 'Hello'. Goodbye". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 229

You deserved it 2 433

By Anonymous - 25/05/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, after spending five months helping my husband lose a ton, he left me. Apparently, "fit people" should only have sex with "fit people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 940

You deserved it 480

By Badnewca - 14/05/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 060

You deserved it 5 190

Bad news

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 23:00

Today, I was hanging out with my friends and my sister, we were all wasted and I was making jokes. My sister then gets a phone call, I leave the room to get a drink and I hear everyone go a bit silent I come back in and all of the sudden everyone looks at me. My friend says, "Um… I'm so sorry, your mom passed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 429

You deserved it 127

Zzzzzzzzz

By driving me crazy - 26/05/2017 16:00

Today, I had to temporarily relocate to my brother's room after mine was being repainted. Not only do I have to sleep on the floor, but I also have to put up with my brother and dog both snoring loudly. What's worse is that they alternate in snoring. Goodbye sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 782

You deserved it 396

By Noname - 01/02/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 211

You deserved it 3 181

Spotted

By PlagueFace - 17/07/2020 17:01

Today, my dentist kept staring at me with a worried expression while working on me. Concerned that something was wrong with my teeth, I asked her what was the matter. She replied, "I'm not a dermatologist, but you should go to a doctor, I think you have staph." She was referring to my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 116

By brileyyyy - 12/01/2010 03:40 - United States

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 681

You deserved it 4 245

By Benji - 13/10/2008 08:32

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 301

You deserved it 24 069

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 442

You deserved it 5 241

By damnit - 27/10/2008 09:08 - United States

Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 989

You deserved it 5 361

By thismustbewhyivestrivedtobesmart - 15/11/2016 18:25 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while on vacation, my brother asked a native of the area for help. Once he got it, he thanked them with "muchos gracias" in the best Spanish accent he could do. We're in Japan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 659

You deserved it 1 003

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 10:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 106

You deserved it 43 713

By ahddib - 14/10/2010 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 088

You deserved it 10 275

By CaptainByron - 28/04/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 319

You deserved it 305

Please?

By mandinga - 06/09/2009 21:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 251

You deserved it 6 717

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Thursday 12 February 2009 20:13

When I got married, my husband's best friend gave him a package of condoms at his bachelor party. little did we know he had carefully opened the box and stuck a tiny needle though all of them and then glued the box shut again. Nine months later....

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Saturday 30 April 2011 13:33

you should post this as FML...

Comments

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Thursday 12 February 2009 20:13

When I got married, my husband's best friend gave him a package of condoms at his bachelor party. little did we know he had carefully opened the box and stuck a tiny needle though all of them and then glued the box shut again. Nine months later....

Send a private message

Saturday 30 April 2011 13:33

you should post this as FML...

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 1:29

Wouldn't the condom rip?

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Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:39

Hey at least you got action...even if it was only once. Pat yourself on the back.

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Thursday 10 December 2015 13:25

Don't feel too bad. I'm married too

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Friday 6 March 2009 14:28

hey i dont get why you people by condoms if their not gonna be used....

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Thursday 28 October 2010 15:56

cool photo

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Thursday 7 June 2012 16:02

It's better to be safe than sorry.

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 21:38

Did you mean buy????

girlnextdoor_678 0

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Thursday 19 March 2009 3:26

OH! hahaa, i was like why are people saying at least you got laid and stuff. i took your post as "i bought 30 and now im down one, where did that one go?!"

BillFantastik 0

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Monday 30 March 2009 4:02

you should've gotten them for free at a college student center or in the hospital

KristelDreams 0

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Monday 27 April 2009 5:33

LOL @ #3

lilcuti3pi389 0

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Friday 8 May 2009 9:15

lmao

ninjatothemax 0

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Tuesday 2 June 2009 7:19

Get more pussy bro

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Tuesday 2 June 2009 17:05

Stop having unprotected sex then.

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Wednesday 3 June 2009 5:30

Wow u need to get out more

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 2 001

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 190