Miscellaneous: Today, I received a detention because I threw up on the school...

By mollymaykitty - France

Today, I received a detention because I threw up on the school nurse who wasn't going to send me home. According to her, stomach ulcers are not a true health issue, so there's no reason to leave. FML

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mollymaykitty tells us more :

I've had this ulcer for over a two months. I randomly get sick from it when food has too much spices on it. The lunch today was spicy though you couldn't see the spices on the outside. I took one bite of it, threw the rest away, and within a few hours I got sick.

Miscellaneous

Serious times

Messed up

Money hole

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

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By avanti - United States

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

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61550

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to see a movie. After getting my seat, I went out to get food. Coming back, I saw the security guard. Thinking he would ask me for my ticket, I moved all the food to one hand to get the ticket in my pocket. I spilled it all. He didn't ask to see it. FML

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By Anonyname - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

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By GirlinGreen - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

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By njh - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

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32195

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By dumped - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard a little girl saying how much she didnt want braces to her mom because they hurt and make people look ugly. I looked at her and said, "Aww, there not that bad. See, I have them!" I then smiled to show her. She turned to her mom and said, "See!" then started to cry. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Freeport

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

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25609

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By yonanon - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I found out that if a guy you've been dating starts acting weird, there's probably a reason why. Like, perhaps, a wife and two kids. FML

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By Ducati - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

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By - 4/4/2021 07:59

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Today, I found out that they won't hold my stimulus for child support, only to find out that they withheld it to give it to me when I file my taxes. Which child support will take. FML

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392

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got to a patient having a seizure and was approached by a bystander who said to me, "I have pharmaceutical grade essential oils, and they recommend Frankincense for seizures." Thank you? FML

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1685

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By Sprtsgeek13 - United States - Camden

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

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By emancipate my ass

Today, I had to listen from the next room as my dad cheated on his girlfriend with his married boss. He's 57, looks like a troll, and doesn't smell much better than one either. Meanwhile I'm 24 and couldn't get laid, much less get a date, if my life depended on it. FML

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16610

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By Crossy - Australia

Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML

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11520

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By madfather - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

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By frenchpop1960 - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

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By Morgan - 12/9/2020 23:01 - United States

Badass over here

Today, my sister burned herself on purpose with a curling iron. Why? She thought it would be cool to have a scar that "tells a story." My sister is 22. FML

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1348

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By Madison43097 - United States

The Three Bears Conundrum

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

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29616

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

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43400

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By SebastianMiko - Canada - Calgary

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

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47939

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By tittyboomboom - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

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22847

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By Jesse - United States - Bothell

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

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24955

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By fuuuuck - Canada

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2021 04:58

Scratch that itch

Today, I bought a $50 Nintendo eShop card to redeem on my Nintendo Switch. As I was scratching the grey area, I scratched too hard, making it hard to see what it was. I tried randomly guessing and asking for help. Neither helped. Guess who didn't get $50 back. FML

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402

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By grannysmack - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

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49759

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got in an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

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30457

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By starboi - United States - Weaver

Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML

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8436

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

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26019

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Warrington

Yada yada yada

Today, I finally got up the courage to talk to my four-year boyfriend about how insecure I've been feeling in our relationship recently, and how I needed his support while I try to get my self-esteem back on-track. He fell asleep mid-conversation. FML

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42002

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By Fuckit - United States

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

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42391

You deserved it

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By Fauna

Today, I started to make a protein shake to have a healthy breakfast. It exploded. Turns out, my mom lost the rubber gasket and put the blender back, so it looked ready to use. By the time I cleaned it all up, it was time for me to leave for work. I'm now eating chips from the vending machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1605

You deserved it

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By Etherealskye1023 - 14/12/2020 11:01 - United States - Douglassville

Great parenting, dude

Today, my dad told me that I'm nothing but a burden because I can't work, and disability is worth nothing. It's not my fault I ended up in an abusive foster home that left me with spinal cord damage. FML

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1252

You deserved it

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By kha - United States

Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML

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By food critic - Australia - Ryde

Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML

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7665

You deserved it

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By Jacklyn - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

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13737

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By Diffy - United States - Woburn

Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML

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Top comments

By popoman | 0

#819552 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:27

Lawsuit to the school and/or get her fired. Actually, in these dire economic times, you should probably just get her reprimanded; otherwise, it may be too cruel to make her lose her job.

By txgirl09 | 5

#819556 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:28

Ouch. How can you get a detention for something you can't control? Some people.

And she deserved it. I hope it stained.

COMMENTS

By GreenDayRHCP | 0

#819525 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:24

ouch! that sucks.

MBTnauset | 0

#819569 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:32

Stomach ulcers are definitely a reason to leave, that's terrible. she's a cuntface and deserves to be fired. fyl

fdragon257 | 0

#819736 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 0:36

bitch alert

babybubz | 0

#819781 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 0:49

why the hell does 'snickerdoodles' feel the need to go in every FML and comment on other peoples spelling and grammar? 

airforce987 | 20

#819818 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 1:07

I noticed that too

Trent14 | 0

#819857 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 1:21

pussey

YTDIsorry | 1

#819865 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 1:24

lmao

Straka | 0

#819871 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 1:28

BITCH!!!!!!!

sucks4you09 | 0

#819951 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 1:52

she had it coming!

Reyo | 2

#820166 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 2:44

In the third grade, the school nurse didn't believe I was sick either...up untill the point where I threw my breakfast up on her desk. It wasn't that "It looks fake" watery stuff either, I could see the eggs I had that morning.

Good times...

gun6slinger9 | 9

#820571 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 4:33

Becuz snickerdoodles is a gramer nazi there everywhere even watching 4 you're tiny mistakes write know

JrRida | 0

#820637 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 4:56

wow Dan shut up

unctarheel529 | 0

#820759 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 5:24

what are you talking about 64

Danielt104 | 6

#820764 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 5:25

Tell your parents when they get home, and have them give the school a little phone call.

JF4509 | 0

#820924 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 6:18

i know /:
it hurts so bad D: the nurse is stupid.

Okie7123 | 0

#821137 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 8:18

Next time you see her, ask her if Heliobacter pylori rings any bells...

TheCoolDude16 | 0

#821188 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 9:13

umm i didnt realize there were known nurses that went to mental institute schools? i mean really??

grandma_moses | 0

#821506 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:05

^ this

blackllama | 0

#821804 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 16:16

lololololol
Gramar Nazi, lol.

trickyd | 0

#822898 - Thursday 4 February 2010 0:33

Even worse considering europe is supposed to be medically advanced hop on the ferry go to school in Britan atleast we drug you up beforevwe send you home! Peace out x

Puls3ofth3maggot | 0

#823646 - Thursday 4 February 2010 4:23

look at her face... there's your answer.

Puls3ofth3maggot | 0

#823650 - Thursday 4 February 2010 4:25

MAYBE because EVERYONE is tired of your bitching and moaning over some grammar issue you have on the Internet... seriously do you have a boyfriend?

E1337ist | 0

#825310 - Thursday 4 February 2010 21:27

indeed

wa2_ev | 0

#840492 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 8:05

because *, grammar* , they're *, your*

brianred5 | 0

#858949 - Monday 15 February 2010 19:18

she deserves it so fyl indeed but for having to clean puke off herself, fuck her life lol

My2864 | 1

#1006109 - Tuesday 25 May 2010 0:13

you shouldve stapped he in the leg and said thats no real reason to go to the hospital

MrBond007_fml | 6

#2001247 - Monday 24 January 2011 9:33

did anyone else notice that grammar Nazi 21 got slapped by grammar Nazi 158. I hate grammar Nazis. did u guys know that president Kennedy's grammar sucked.

By JamieR1263 | 0

#819529 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:24

Wow...

abbyelizabeth | 9

#3250708 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 6:14

Throw up on the teacher who teaches detention? Hey, they have to eventually let you go.

By Ethwasia | 0

#819530 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:24

that sux

By pooter_stink | 0

#819531 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:24

Haha

theschweigert | 0

#819541 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:25

pooter? would happen to take a chemistry class second period?

By NatzSwifey | 0

#819533 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:24

she totally deserved it!

By bestmw2playereve | 0

#819545 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:25

Hahaha! She deserved it.

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#820117 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 2:31

are you like 10?

HoesInaBox | 0

#820545 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 4:26

rofl rofl. i don't know why i just felt the need to comment on this.

Commander927 | 0

#821081 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 7:33

that's shitty

TheCoolDude16 | 0

#821184 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 9:10

do you even know what fml means? u look young

By Treyfacee | 0

#819548 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:26

That nurse deserved it!!!

azreal_13 | 0

#819625 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:53

sue the bitch!!!! or something :P

By popoman | 0

#819552 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:27

Lawsuit to the school and/or get her fired. Actually, in these dire economic times, you should probably just get her reprimanded; otherwise, it may be too cruel to make her lose her job.

crailboyne | 0

#823675 - Thursday 4 February 2010 4:34

you look young too

EmmyGrangerDC | 0

#1253379 - Monday 16 August 2010 18:30

hahahahaha

r83839 | 22

#6673517 - Wednesday 17 August 2016 22:41

In these dire times, there's another unemployed nurse who would love to take this lady's job.

By txgirl09 | 5

#819556 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:28

Ouch. How can you get a detention for something you can't control? Some people.

And she deserved it. I hope it stained.

CupCakeGirl101 | 0

#819767 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 0:44

get ur parents to bitch and the school just make up shit till they leave u the fuck alone!

By AGGoddess | 2

#819558 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:29

The nurse deserved it. You or one of your parents should say something to the principal about this.

shiznutmuffin | 0

#819572 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:33

seriously how could you be held responsible for puking you can't control that and you should get her in trouble O_o