Today, I received a detention because I threw up on the school...

By mollymaykitty - France

Today, I received a detention because I threw up on the school nurse who wasn't going to send me home. According to her, stomach ulcers are not a true health issue, so there's no reason to leave. FML

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mollymaykitty tells us more :

I've had this ulcer for over a two months. I randomly get sick from it when food has too much spices on it. The lunch today was spicy though you couldn't see the spices on the outside. I took one bite of it, threw the rest away, and within a few hours I got sick.

Miscellaneous

Out of it

Season finale

Tasty!

By mick

Today, on my and my wife's very first camping holiday, someone cut a hole in the tent wall while we slept and stole everything, including my keys and the car. Finally getting home, it seems the thieves got our address from the car's sat-nav and burgled the house as well. FML

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By lions214 - United States

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

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By parenting_failure - France

Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

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By Tristan Brantley - United States

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

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By taydean - United States

Today, my sister and I were eating at Wendy's. On the way out, I thought it would be funny to kick the door open and yell, "This is Sparta!" I lost my balance and fell flat on my butt. FML

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By julichlove - United States - Louisville

Today, I didn't feel like going to work, so I called in sick. Five hours later while out shopping, I got hit by a car at a crosswalk. Now I'm laid-up in the local hospital, really wishing I was with the guys at work. FML

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By dontask - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

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By gfg - Romania

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Kerpen

Today, I wanted to top up my shower gel dispenser. After carefully squeezing the entire tube into the dispenser, I realized why it looked so white: I'd mixed the remaining shower gel with the entire tube of fancy, expensive, organic body lotion that my grandma had given me for Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 14:08

Ungrateful

Today, my three-year-old told me he hates me cause I’m mean because I wouldn’t give him another cupcake. Now he is calling his grandma his new mommy. FML

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By GingerJ - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

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By Omi - United States

Today, I microwaved a cup of soup. While walking back to my desk to eat and do homework, I noticed a message that said, "WARNING: Hold cup by sides, as lid may not be secure." At that exact moment, the lid that I was holding fell off and the soup drenched my Nintendo DS, and printer. FML

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By biwhat - Australia - Bassendean

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. He dumped me because apparently now there is "too much competition". FML

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By Belt issues - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

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By single now - United States

Today, a friend of mine sent me a message saying, "Man, I am so sorry but we were both really drunk and I swear it didn't mean anything." FML

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By H4rd_Man - United Kingdom

Today, I came back home to meet people before going away to university, including my ex and her new boyfriend. We broke up about two months ago and there were no bad feelings between us, so I decided to have a chat with them. I asked "How long have you been going out?" He replied "Seven months." FML

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By oldschool - United States

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

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By fmlguy

Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML

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14672

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

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By furred - Philippines

Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westfield

Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Hamilton

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

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By Ren - United States - Medina

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

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By WentInABush - United States - Portland

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

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By downgirl - United States - Norman

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

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By heartbroken - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower and his phone was buzzing with calls and texts. Concerned as his nan is in ICU, I picked it up to find he's been secretly sexting his ex-girlfriend. FML

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By anonymous - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

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By leftout - United States

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

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By Caitlin - United States

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was walking the boardwalk when I felt a strange sensation between my legs as I sneezed. My tampon shot out like a cork and rolled to the side of my granny panties. I had to waddle like Yosemite Sam to the nearest potty. I was on a date. FML

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By Lennie Mcfish - 9/4/2020 14:00

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Today, while at a party, my extremely drunk crush came up to me and told me she had a crush on me. She then wanted to have sex with me while she drunk, but since she was under the influence I didn't. Later, when I told her about it, she say denied the fact that she likes me. FML

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By Bunsofpain - United States

Today I got sunburned on my cheeks. This wouldn't be too bad if they were the ones on my face. FML

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10154

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By wildthing - United States

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

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By darlingditz - United States

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me by finding orange panties in my closet. His excuse was "they're a Christmas gift." Thanks honey, I get panties that won't fit, and have little brown streaks. FML

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Top comments

By popoman | 0

#819552 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:27

Lawsuit to the school and/or get her fired. Actually, in these dire economic times, you should probably just get her reprimanded; otherwise, it may be too cruel to make her lose her job.

By txgirl09 | 5

#819556 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:28

Ouch. How can you get a detention for something you can't control? Some people.

And she deserved it. I hope it stained.

COMMENTS

By GreenDayRHCP | 0

#819525 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:24

ouch! that sucks.

MBTnauset | 0

#819569 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:32

Stomach ulcers are definitely a reason to leave, that's terrible. she's a cuntface and deserves to be fired. fyl

fdragon257 | 0

#819736 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 0:36

bitch alert

babybubz | 0

#819781 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 0:49

why the hell does 'snickerdoodles' feel the need to go in every FML and comment on other peoples spelling and grammar? 

airforce987 | 20

#819818 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 1:07

I noticed that too

Trent14 | 0

#819857 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 1:21

pussey

YTDIsorry | 1

#819865 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 1:24

lmao

Straka | 0

#819871 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 1:28

BITCH!!!!!!!

sucks4you09 | 0

#819951 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 1:52

she had it coming!

Reyo | 2

#820166 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 2:44

In the third grade, the school nurse didn't believe I was sick either...up untill the point where I threw my breakfast up on her desk. It wasn't that "It looks fake" watery stuff either, I could see the eggs I had that morning.

Good times...

gun6slinger9 | 9

#820571 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 4:33

Becuz snickerdoodles is a gramer nazi there everywhere even watching 4 you're tiny mistakes write know

JrRida | 0

#820637 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 4:56

wow Dan shut up

unctarheel529 | 0

#820759 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 5:24

what are you talking about 64

Danielt104 | 6

#820764 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 5:25

Tell your parents when they get home, and have them give the school a little phone call.

JF4509 | 0

#820924 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 6:18

i know /:
it hurts so bad D: the nurse is stupid.

Okie7123 | 0

#821137 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 8:18

Next time you see her, ask her if Heliobacter pylori rings any bells...

TheCoolDude16 | 0

#821188 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 9:13

umm i didnt realize there were known nurses that went to mental institute schools? i mean really??

grandma_moses | 0

#821506 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:05

^ this

blackllama | 0

#821804 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 16:16

lololololol
Gramar Nazi, lol.

trickyd | 0

#822898 - Thursday 4 February 2010 0:33

Even worse considering europe is supposed to be medically advanced hop on the ferry go to school in Britan atleast we drug you up beforevwe send you home! Peace out x

Puls3ofth3maggot | 0

#823646 - Thursday 4 February 2010 4:23

look at her face... there's your answer.

Puls3ofth3maggot | 0

#823650 - Thursday 4 February 2010 4:25

MAYBE because EVERYONE is tired of your bitching and moaning over some grammar issue you have on the Internet... seriously do you have a boyfriend?

E1337ist | 0

#825310 - Thursday 4 February 2010 21:27

indeed

wa2_ev | 0

#840492 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 8:05

because *, grammar* , they're *, your*

brianred5 | 0

#858949 - Monday 15 February 2010 19:18

she deserves it so fyl indeed but for having to clean puke off herself, fuck her life lol

My2864 | 1

#1006109 - Tuesday 25 May 2010 0:13

you shouldve stapped he in the leg and said thats no real reason to go to the hospital

MrBond007_fml | 6

#2001247 - Monday 24 January 2011 9:33

did anyone else notice that grammar Nazi 21 got slapped by grammar Nazi 158. I hate grammar Nazis. did u guys know that president Kennedy's grammar sucked.

By JamieR1263 | 0

#819529 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:24

Wow...

abbyelizabeth | 9

#3250708 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 6:14

Throw up on the teacher who teaches detention? Hey, they have to eventually let you go.

By Ethwasia | 0

#819530 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:24

that sux

By pooter_stink | 0

#819531 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:24

Haha

theschweigert | 0

#819541 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:25

pooter? would happen to take a chemistry class second period?

By NatzSwifey | 0

#819533 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:24

she totally deserved it!

By bestmw2playereve | 0

#819545 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:25

Hahaha! She deserved it.

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#820117 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 2:31

are you like 10?

HoesInaBox | 0

#820545 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 4:26

rofl rofl. i don't know why i just felt the need to comment on this.

Commander927 | 0

#821081 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 7:33

that's shitty

TheCoolDude16 | 0

#821184 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 9:10

do you even know what fml means? u look young

By Treyfacee | 0

#819548 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:26

That nurse deserved it!!!

azreal_13 | 0

#819625 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:53

sue the bitch!!!! or something :P

By popoman | 0

#819552 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:27

Lawsuit to the school and/or get her fired. Actually, in these dire economic times, you should probably just get her reprimanded; otherwise, it may be too cruel to make her lose her job.

crailboyne | 0

#823675 - Thursday 4 February 2010 4:34

you look young too

EmmyGrangerDC | 0

#1253379 - Monday 16 August 2010 18:30

hahahahaha

r83839 | 22

#6673517 - Wednesday 17 August 2016 22:41

In these dire times, there's another unemployed nurse who would love to take this lady's job.

By txgirl09 | 5

#819556 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:28

Ouch. How can you get a detention for something you can't control? Some people.

And she deserved it. I hope it stained.

CupCakeGirl101 | 0

#819767 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 0:44

get ur parents to bitch and the school just make up shit till they leave u the fuck alone!

By AGGoddess | 2

#819558 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:29

The nurse deserved it. You or one of your parents should say something to the principal about this.

shiznutmuffin | 0

#819572 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 23:33

seriously how could you be held responsible for puking you can't control that and you should get her in trouble O_o