Animals: Today, my hamster went missing. I walked down the stairs into...

By km0064 - 28/02/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, my hamster went missing. I walked down the stairs into my basement, to find my hamster's head on the stairs, and its body in my cat's mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 317

You deserved it 4 290

km0064 tells us more.

km0064 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 1:42

Okay, so I'm the 1 who wrote this FML, and i would just like to inform everyone that 1.) yes, i do own a dog..3 actually, so i can complete the food chain. 2.) this is not fake...my cat decapatates animals and leaves the body parts laying around outside, 3.) I have more hamsters :) and 4.) The hamster that was killed was previously being attacked by my other hamsters, so i had to seperate him from the rest and put him in a bucket until we got a new cage. so he was in the bathroom, in a bucket with the door closed. then some dumb ass kid opened the door and took out the hamster and it got away.

Animals

Mama's boy

Own it

You're my mommy now

By Dr. Jack - 04/02/2009 13:54 - United States

Today, my airline lost my luggage when I flew back from France. They also lost my luggage when I flew to France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 186

You deserved it 2 187

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 19:25 - United States

Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 810

You deserved it 7 314

By jibjab - 11/01/2009 16:46 - Canada

Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 022

You deserved it 9 060

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 22:39 - Dominican Republic

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 678

You deserved it 7 172

By Anonymous - 08/09/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 537

You deserved it 3 468

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 14:00

Today, I was driving into work in my hubby’s truck. It’s his pride and joy. I managed to both get a flat tire and lock my keys inside the truck at a gas station, with my face mask also inside. Oh, and it’s 19 degrees. At least it’s sunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 270

By lonely - 12/04/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 016

You deserved it 7 725

By Boar - 24/06/2012 20:51 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 211

You deserved it 2 031

By starboy - 10/03/2012 06:50 - United States

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 160

You deserved it 20 126

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 16:01 - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 197

You deserved it 4 210

By mandieee - 15/06/2017 20:00

Today, I had my first shift as a server at a restaurant after getting stuck behind an accident and arriving late, apologizing profusely. Apparently no one knew I'd been hired but I was still yelled at for tardiness. They then made me clean a fridge for 4 hours and paid me in pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 169

You deserved it 370

Get ready to rumble!

By Leyla - 14/07/2012 07:09 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 291

You deserved it 34 246

By myparentsarehoes - 03/08/2009 16:33 - Canada

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 150

You deserved it 5 728

Fire!

By Mel Cluze - 22/10/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were spending the night at a hotel. We were awoken at 3 a.m. by the fire alarm. We quickly got dressed, went down the stairs to the reception area… and were told that it was a false alarm. All because some jerk lit a cigarette in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 125

By jealouspussy - 20/02/2013 06:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 363

You deserved it 5 954

Retail stinks

By Anonymous - 26/07/2020 23:00

Today, a pipe leaked in the store I work at. I had to smell sordid waste for more than 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 86

By 3 More Months - 30/09/2013 06:02 - United States - Stanford

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 332

You deserved it 3 723

Nice girl

By Lithiac - 04/02/2014 06:16 - United States - Ocala

Today, at the grocery store, an elderly woman asked for help with some tea. I lent her a hand, spending a good twenty minutes reading different labels out loud until she found one she liked. After she was done, she handed me a pamphlet and said, "You're a nice girl. I hope you don't go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 501

You deserved it 4 806

By MATTY2512 - 13/07/2016 18:13 - Canada - Marshall

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 702

You deserved it 2 458

By ow - 17/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 231

You deserved it 69 656

By Artic - 12/04/2011 04:00 - United States

Today, I found that the love of my life is 3.5 inches, fully erect. My cell phone is bigger than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 527

You deserved it 15 962

By Nutless - 02/04/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 467

You deserved it 12 404

Smoke signals

By rejected - 06/10/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 27/06/2013 12:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 819

You deserved it 23 156

By Idktbh - 18/11/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, when I finished helping a customer, she said, “Thanks cutie!” When I thanked her she giggled and said, “I just like making people smile, plus I bet you don’t get called that often!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 138

You deserved it 306

By Rhea - 28/10/2009 11:00 - Australia

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 080

You deserved it 3 706

By failedparenting - 07/09/2016 16:44 - United States - Bronx

Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 782

You deserved it 1 708

By jeanrose2013 - 23/10/2012 22:12 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 256

You deserved it 3 181

By Anonymous - 28/11/2013 16:53 - United States - Livingston

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 485

You deserved it 4 326

By Renter - 24/03/2011 14:54 - United States

Today, I received a bill for damage to my old apartment. The same damage caused by the maintenance guy when he came to fix the pipes about a week before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 613

You deserved it 2 753

By Anonymous - 23/07/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 99 144

By AgentRarity - 18/06/2014 16:48

Today, I was reading butthurt comments about how girl gamers can easily get dates and find love by simply existing. I'm a "girl gamer" who hasn't even found a date, let alone love. I've been looking since I was sixteen. I'm now 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 642

You deserved it 7 825

By TheOtherWoman - 18/01/2013 17:21 - United Kingdom - Weston-super-mare

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 081

You deserved it 3 289

By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 370

You deserved it 2 019

Second opinion, please

By fishyrael - 25/08/2021 22:01 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I went to a new doctor for an injury. Instead, the doctor only focused on my weight and tried to basically prescribe me anorexia. She tried to tell me that 750 calories a day was fine and brushed off my exercise regimen as, "Exercise is great, but you'll lose weight faster if there are no calories to burn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 143

By adieuvelib - 15/10/2011 01:53 - France

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 116

You deserved it 5 774

Nice try

By Gog - 26/05/2021 07:59

Today, someone tried to scam me by selling me a ticket to a Chris Cornell concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 86

It's not me, it's you

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 14:01

Today, my boyfriend of the last 2 years, who is suicidal and heavily depressed, left me because he thinks I "deserve better". Not to mention I was his best friend, therapist, mother and girlfriend all in one. He left me with rent due in a week and all other expenses because he couldn’t take care of me in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 173

By tine - 16/11/2014 09:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 519

You deserved it 3 760

By nerdlette - 15/03/2014 19:34 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 054

You deserved it 4 004

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Top comments

slothlover66 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:21

Hey it's not the cats' fault. It's like if you owned a lion and a gazelle and then were all surprised when the lion attacked and ate the gazelle.

ihateu44 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:10

poor guy

ihateu44 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:10

poor guy

wilderraw 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:40

liveloveandownit 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:40

Sounds like he needs to learn some pussie control.

redshortsx 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 13:45

that's more disgusting than sad

reyemrein 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 15:36

Get a dog and it will eat the cat. Food chain complete.

lmfao1643 3

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Sunday 28 February 2010 15:47

^^^^ WIN

SeasonedSausage 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:10

@43 Then the human eats the dog?

Darkangels_fml 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:28

lol

Bullet4MyChemaMo 12

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:01

@#14 That's what her daddy said ^_^

asianwolf 2

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:46

how so you suppose the car got in?

asianwolf 2

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:48

how do you suppose the cat got in?

reyemrein 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 20:31

What are you talking about it was the OP's cat.

khung835 6

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Sunday 28 February 2010 21:38

get the dog dog eat cat marry me i eat the dog then i'll buy you another hamster done LOL

skillz3333 4

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Monday 1 March 2010 6:55

in soviet Russia, hamsters eat cats!

Animal_Luvr 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 7:03

awww poor little hamster!

ZleveL 0

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Thursday 6 May 2010 7:01

dogs don't eat cats! cats eat dogs, and then shit them out like diarreah

fofolicho27 0

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Monday 15 November 2010 19:52

hahahahahha

Fedor_fml 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:11

omnomnom....

ladiesman14 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 18:57

haha whos the crying pussy now ? oh and i love your cat.

grovyle210 3

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Saturday 28 August 2010 7:41

nomnomnomnomnomnom *barf*

clumsyjazzy 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:13

omg!!! I'm sorry to hear that!

susieKiute 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:13

that poor hamster!! :( you murderer!!

DanceGirl01 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 14:38

oh my god!!!! the poor hamster!! I guess now you know that ou shouldn't have a hamster AND a cat at the same time. again sorry for your loss! :(

RachaelAnna92 3

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Monday 22 September 2014 6:25

I don't know why people disliked this she/he is a murderer. She obviously left the hamster out of its cage somewhere where the cat could get to it because if she had left the hamster in its cage the cat wouldn't have been able to get to it because cats can't open cages. So obviously murderer.

Djlatino 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:17

eat the cat

bebz_fml 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:22

that would solve everything

seeimdee 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 1:09

@ 29, Ftw c:

RachaelAnna92 3

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Monday 22 September 2014 6:28

Wow, stupid. You can't blame the cat it was just following its instincts. Blame the owner he/she is the one that left the hamster somewhere where the cat could get to it.

slothlover66 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:21

Hey it's not the cats' fault. It's like if you owned a lion and a gazelle and then were all surprised when the lion attacked and ate the gazelle.

rikard_fml 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:23

kinda true...

a_peyton 3

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Sunday 28 February 2010 19:52

Very true! Cats and hamsters don't really go together...

GodBarack 5

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:24

Yum! Hamster... For cats, anyway.

Fumblez 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:24

I kind of laughed at that. it's just pretty funny imagining that

iloveloosy12 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 18:30

YOU are a FREAK

MaryLee_fml 2

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:33

oh God...

quietlytearful 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 12:42

aww. see this happened to my cousin. we all go outside and poor little bunnies head was on one side of the yard and the body on the other side, with the dog standing over it. then later that day, the dog dug up the head and carried it around. it was at a really big family gathering so everyone saw. ewwwwww.............. but sad still.

bihero 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 14:09

lol... i mean awwww

Bewitched_fml 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 15:57

XD that's horrible

Buchitoo 4

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:30

yeah the same happened to me. I just got there a little too early and the doq was still eatinq from my bunny's neck. when the doq saw me he ran I went to see the bunny and picked it up from the ear. it's head was still attached from his body only with a little bit of skin. you could see it's guts cominq out from his neck.

AznWaffle8 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 18:15

Ughhhhghghgh... I heard my friend's cat's face was half off b/c of some disease, but I'm not sure if that's worse that guts coming out of a hampster's almost-severed neck...