Miscellaneous

i got in a car accident the night before, which is why i was at home on halloween. i broke my wrist, my big toe, and my brand new 3gs iphone. then, i found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. im back in the hospital, suffering from severe back injuries and a broken heart but guess what?? all that wouldnt fit in my fml post, so i kept it as simple as i could.

By guy - 15/03/2013 05:31 - Canada - Port Coquitlam

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 810

You deserved it 3 366

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 028

You deserved it 34 896

Who else does this?

By Ashamed - 20/04/2012 07:34 - United States - Somerville

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 419

You deserved it 10 478

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 087

You deserved it 34 046

No time to mess around

By ArkansasConspiracy - 26/10/2024 02:00 - United States - Cabot

Today, I learned that I'm not registered to vote. Apparently filling out the form and signing it in the county clerk's office was no guarantee and I was supposed to follow up until I received mail confirmation. It's now too late to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 116

Chill out, man!

By Marcowalker95 - 07/08/2012 04:16 - United States - Panorama City

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 699

You deserved it 7 114

Booby trapped

By Anonymous - 22/08/2025 02:00

Today, my girlfriend’s dad is a doomsday prepper, but not an in-your-face type, he’s a nice guy. He let us borrow his forest cabin for a holiday but unfortunately I spent the first 10 minutes of the holiday upside down in one of his net traps while she phoned him, asking how to get me down safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 101

By Twomanybananas - 23/01/2017 16:00

Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 618

You deserved it 3 908

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 21:13 - France

Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 560

You deserved it 42 812

By emmingle - 13/05/2013 23:05 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I discovered that the "dish soap" my sister uses to clean our dishes when it's her turn, is actually a semi-toxic floor cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 115

You deserved it 3 043

By whoababy55 - 21/08/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 473

You deserved it 2 682

By anonymous - 10/11/2016 14:29 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 814

You deserved it 769

By jessinono - 17/05/2013 16:16 - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 664

You deserved it 5 551

Strike!

By anon - 07/10/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the reason my husband has been coming home late isn’t because of extra work. It’s because he joined a bowling league... and didn’t want me on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 179

By Anon - 15/05/2015 13:58 - United States - Lakeville

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 220

You deserved it 4 066

By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 06:28 - United States

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 137

You deserved it 30 403

Welcome home!

By jeoak - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - India

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 133

You deserved it 2 334

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The Top

Today, I had a blind date. When I went to meet him, he shouted to my friend, “What the fuck dude? You didn’t tell me I’d be on a date with Miss Piggy! Fuck this shit!” and then stormed off. I haven’t had a date in 6 years and I bought the best outfit and got my hair done to make an impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 209

Today, I came home from a crazy costume party and took a hot shower. When I opened my eyes and saw the water running from my head was bloody, I freaked out and called my friend for help. She had to remind me that for the party, I'd coloured my hair red with washable hair dye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 680

You deserved it 17 318

Today, I received my fourth rejection email from McDonald's after applying for one position with them a few weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 321

Today, I got a rental car because my car needed new tires and I had a long drive ahead of me. Today, the rental car got a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 399

You deserved it 1 099

Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 533

You deserved it 46 624

Today, I casually mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She looked me dead in the eye and said if I ever moved out, she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 033

You deserved it 2 974