Miscellaneous

By edulover - 01/01/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 733

You deserved it 6 415

By oldtexas - 13/08/2009 07:27 - United States

Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 269

You deserved it 67 522

By ohhhgross - 26/10/2009 18:32 - Singapore

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 277

You deserved it 5 346

By msmusiclover7 - 27/02/2010 15:58 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 625

You deserved it 3 597

By Anonymous - 10/03/2016 01:46 - United States

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 456

You deserved it 2 816

By feelinnauseous - 24/06/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 025

You deserved it 15 738

The joys of spring

By pukeytimes - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 258

You deserved it 2 328

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend, since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French, "What do you want, asshole?" It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 022

You deserved it 97 501

By Anonymous - 02/11/2013 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 014

You deserved it 8 395

By dumbass - 01/10/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 804

You deserved it 5 884

By Anon - 09/10/2013 05:21 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 921

You deserved it 5 526

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 01:50 - United States - Schenectady

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 034

You deserved it 3 189

By faen - 29/11/2012 21:12 - Norway - Marifjora

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 088

You deserved it 41 039

By Anonymous - 21/07/2013 04:51 - United States - Aurora

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. They were having signings, but only the first one hundred could get one. When I finally got to the desk, they said I was number hundred and one, and to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 056

You deserved it 4 623

Anything counts

By bubblegummm13 - 27/09/2009 04:30 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my university informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 765

You deserved it 4 489

WHO ARE YOU?

By Targeted - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Kirkland

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 215

You deserved it 2 903

By Sebastian - 17/03/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 793

You deserved it 7 778

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 15:43 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 246

You deserved it 5 917

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 22:05 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 737

You deserved it 4 409

By good friend - 27/12/2013 06:35 - United States - Missoula

Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 548

You deserved it 5 819

By loving grandaughter - 27/11/2010 11:28 - United States

Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 963

You deserved it 2 761

By stupidtoothpick2 - 16/08/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 286

You deserved it 8 498

Not now!

By annonymous - 30/11/2009 18:59 - United States

Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 380

You deserved it 3 515

By Sir_ND_Pity - 11/03/2013 19:57 - United States - Fresno

Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 012

You deserved it 3 551

Sir_ND_Pity tells us more.

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Tuesday 12 March 2013 1:18

I know the wording makes it a bit confusing, but, yes, someone somehow spit into my bowl from the second floor :-/ unfortunately, I didn't see who did it so I wasn't able to even so much as confront them about it. I guess you could say I'm an unfortunate cookie!

By Username - 14/08/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 809

You deserved it 10 499