Miscellaneous

By Winx - 16/03/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 364

You deserved it 11 721

Blocking time

By tommyboy783 - 20/10/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 103

You deserved it 66 705

Funny guy

By stillembarrassed - 06/08/2013 17:01 - United Kingdom

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 460

You deserved it 6 697

You better shape up

By anonymous - 18/07/2012 04:02 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied, "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 097

You deserved it 4 753

By DesDri - 20/06/2009 07:37 - Canada

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 503

You deserved it 4 954

Red flag?

By strangebeans - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents informed that the man I'm going to marry had made it into the newspaper, on page twelve. He is listed as a fugitive and there is a warrant out for his arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 027

You deserved it 3 722

By ouch - 07/08/2011 07:12 - Mexico

Today, I learned that my brakes don't work anymore on my bike. When did I learn this? While speeding down a really steep hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 5 405

By allyshah - 20/02/2009 20:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching TV when an infomercial for "Male enhancement" came on. As I grabbed my phone, my girlfriend said, "Oh honey, don't buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 691

You deserved it 6 388

By CrapFeet - 11/12/2009 14:11 - Malaysia

Today, I saw my favourite shirt on the floor of my dorm's bathroom. Feeling too lazy to bend down, I used my feet to "flick" the shirt up. Apparently, some drunkard took a dump on the floor and used my shirt to cover it up. I now have shit all over my feet, hands and the wall in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 405

You deserved it 6 603

CrapFeet tells us more.

CrapFeet 0

Saturday 12 December 2009 18:35

OP here. Well of course I cleaned it up before typing, any idiot would do that. FYI, yes I did deserve it because I would normally remove all personal belongings before leaving but for this once, I left my shirt on the hook behind the door because I was rushing for time and I just showered so I needed time to fix my hair, wear my contacts etc before leaving and I simply forgot to take it :( The stench wasn't there, no idea why. Need details? lol ok, maybe because the outer part of the turd hardened, leaving the inner part slightly soft and moist, thus 'locking' the smell in perhaps? And yes, I did clean the friggin wall..the bathroom was shared between me and two other girls. I know the girls won't clean it, so...

By thatonekid - 27/07/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 524

You deserved it 3 556

By TrueScotsman - 29/10/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 996

You deserved it 57 433

By ohgodwhy - 18/09/2011 21:16 - United States

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 748

You deserved it 19 169

By SpongeAbii2 - 24/01/2012 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 779

You deserved it 2 983

By sherronj - 07/06/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 327

You deserved it 7 546

By sugarysofalof - 13/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Denver

Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 138

You deserved it 29 324

sugarysofalof tells us more.

sugarysofalof 22

Thursday 13 June 2013 22:21

Hahahaha I was wondering why my bottom lip looked slightly fuller today...now I am reminded. This happened late last night. Somehow that response was involuntary. If that labels me with stereotypical American idiocy, so be it. I wouldn't have posted this on FML if I was looking for sympathy :)

By snow - 22/09/2009 09:12 - Australia

Today, I found my biological father, who I have never met, on facebook and decided to message him. He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 863

You deserved it 6 804

By Anonymous - 13/01/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law moved into my wife's two-bedroom apartment. She's quite possibly the reincarnation of Hitler himself, and she'll be staying until this time next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 642

You deserved it 2 504

By Anonymous - 01/09/2014 02:18 - United States - Bronx

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 958

You deserved it 3 254

By parkinglotslayer - 11/06/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 010

You deserved it 47 760

By drunkfacebookuser - 23/10/2010 13:15 - Australia

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 731

You deserved it 13 922

Cooperation

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 02:02 - Germany - Emden

Today, I share a bathroom with two other people and we divide tasks equally. They take care of making it dirty; I take care of making it clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 137

By ducklover1 - 19/06/2012 03:31 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I got to see a waterfall up close. Too bad it was in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 683

You deserved it 2 178

By heronlydaughter - 23/11/2010 03:58 - United States

Today, I went over to my mother-in-law's house to have dinner. I was excited she invited me, since I thought she didn't like me. I ended up hanging her Christmas lights in a snowstorm while they had s'mores by the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 480

You deserved it 4 196

By anonymous - 23/04/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, my grandma and I were watching the Ranger's playoff game. As Henrik Lundqvist received a standing ovation from the crowd after blocking 38 shots, she says to me, "Check out his equipment!" My 80-year old grandma just commented on Henrik Lundqvist's package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 272

You deserved it 4 981

By Cherrish it - 04/09/2012 04:24 - United States - Carmichael

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 613

You deserved it 58 925

Here I go again

By Anonymous - 03/01/2013 05:02 - United States - Austin

Today, after I finally laid down from a long day and was about to fall asleep, I realized I forgot to set my alarm. I don't own an alarm clock and my alarm is on my phone. Which was in my car. I live on the 15th floor of an apartment building and our parking garage is across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 063

You deserved it 10 132

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 06:10 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 244

You deserved it 1 201

By nerdsgetmehot - 29/12/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, six months have passed since my parents announced that they're getting a divorce. We're all still awkwardly living together because we haven't been able to sell our house yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 000

You deserved it 2 528

Avoidance issues

By ProAwkward - 18/06/2013 04:07 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 812

You deserved it 5 863

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Today, I fell asleep in English and drooled on my test. Evidently everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 396

You deserved it 20 683

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant but don’t know who the Dad is. My Mom said “that’s alright, I still don’t know who your dad is”. So apparently my father isn’t my real Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 896

You deserved it 1 228

Today, I found out my sudden weight loss wasn’t because I changed my diet. It’s because I have heart failure FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 150

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 173

You deserved it 3 067

Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 966

You deserved it 1 171

Today, I tried to sell 2,000 options contracts, but I bought them instead, resulting in a big loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 734

You deserved it 23 315