Miscellaneous

By Anonymous - 17/05/2013 20:10 - United States

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 123

You deserved it 13 517

By vixiecat - 15/02/2012 19:33 - United States

Today, I got my hands on some meet and greet passes for a concert. My fiancé and I got our picture taken with the band. A few moments later, in my excitement, instead of texting the picture to my friend, I accidentally deleted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 344

You deserved it 12 201

vixiecat tells us more.

vixiecat 8

Thursday 16 February 2012 2:20

lol I felt so retarded. it was a Fuel concert in my small hometown. I immediately started looking up ways I could recover the photo. I'm still facepalming over it today.

By Thesuz - 06/09/2013 03:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 670

You deserved it 3 326

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 23:12 - Canada

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked through the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 530

You deserved it 79 387

No data for you

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, I got my first Android phone. Being aware that they are somewhat inclined to collecting data about you, I was still surprised when I had to tell the eBay app, of all things, that it wasn't allowed to know how much I exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 215

By Come on - 29/01/2012 00:46 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 679

You deserved it 3 499

By bender - 10/02/2010 05:03 - Canada

Today, I decided that it would be good exercise to shovel the ice on the backyard patio. Now I can't stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 285

You deserved it 7 745

By grapes - 15/11/2015 22:12 - United States - Westfield

Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 328

You deserved it 1 902

By Char-azard - 17/05/2016 09:03 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 375

You deserved it 1 762

By maryrain - 11/08/2011 09:35 - United States

Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 581

You deserved it 45 015

maryrain tells us more.

maryrain 0

Friday 12 August 2011 0:12

I'm not saying that all midgets are disfigured. what I meant was that that particular person has an actual disfigured face. And yes, I do have a legitimate reason for my fear. I don't feel inclined to share that reason because then all of the people who already believe I was being an ass will still not agree with me. the last thing I wanted to do was hurt/insult her.

By blumaster04 - 22/12/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 363

You deserved it 4 042

Newbie

By EggBomb - 01/12/2016 18:22

Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 472

You deserved it 9 870

Freaked

By paranoid - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 842

You deserved it 55 490

The real housewives of FML

By NotInMyClick - 02/05/2024 00:00 - United States - Glide

Today, a girl I despise from our group of best girlfriends, who just moved in with another, has showed her true colors. I smelled her bipolar disorder in our group interactions and took a step back, but was afraid to say something to the two other girls like, hey, she's unstable. Now she thinks she's in the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 627

By frozen solid - 06/01/2014 02:04 - United States - Allentown

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 941

You deserved it 6 900

By wobble... - 23/02/2012 11:29 - Australia

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 307

You deserved it 32 875

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 03:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 907

You deserved it 6 875

Tension

By Anonymous - 06/04/2011 11:47 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said, "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 002

You deserved it 5 479

Vote of confidence

By SMRT - 13/01/2010 06:08 - Canada

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 276

You deserved it 3 505

By Labro9 - 07/01/2016 08:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, I hate my distant visiting family so much that after work I take a detour and sit in my car on an adjacent street, contemplating reasons not to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 242

You deserved it 1 690

Labro9 tells us more.

Labro9 9

Friday 8 January 2016 4:57

Geez I didn't expect that to get up. Cheers for the comments! Just a summary for those playing at home: - Family belong to my husband - Husband has spontaneously developed an inability to say "No" to these people - It's like living with a bunch of escaped institutionalized clowns - They depart in 108 hours - I have reason to question my life choices

BIKES!

By _aPerson_ - 22/04/2016 15:58 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 840

You deserved it 20 952

By Deli meat prom - 20/04/2015 21:41 - United States - Dallas

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 562

You deserved it 3 432

Move!

By patrickRafael - 29/12/2009 14:21 - Singapore

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 408

You deserved it 3 010

By cheesfactor - 19/05/2012 19:50 - Bulgaria - Rousse

Today, my wardrobe door jammed, and I couldn't change out into some nice clothes for my date. On the way there, my car broke down. Not wanting to be late and make a bad impression, I scuttled the rest of the way, only to find I'd been stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 979

You deserved it 2 379

By wowhoopla - 11/01/2010 01:10 - France

Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was "cookies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 084

You deserved it 3 685

wowhoopla tells us more.

wowhoopla 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 5:09

well if u all must know hat happened I showed him we had Betty crocker chipsahoy and Oreo but he insistead on having them all. And all I could day was I'm going to be cookie broke so he decided to share some... and so i had cookies with some random drunk who broke into my house. can't day I've done that before...

By Too Many Layers - 24/10/2016 18:43 - United Kingdom - Newton Abbot

Today, I found out my landlord has bought himself a new boat. He refuses to turn up the heating to save money. I'm freezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 983

You deserved it 777