Miscellaneous

Wind? Thief? Hit and run?

By Where is My Tree? - 28/02/2025 03:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I woke up and found that the tree in my front yard was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 46

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:27 - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 597

You deserved it 51 130

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 05:05 - United States

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 138

You deserved it 3 919

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 929

You deserved it 13 449

By HeSaysImNoBeard - 26/11/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 751

You deserved it 7 852

By dragonmirado - 25/01/2012 06:23 - China

Today, my husband bleached his hair so, "our future kids will have blond hair too." I'm already married to this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 313

You deserved it 7 701

dragonmirado tells us more.

dragonmirado 12

Friday 27 January 2012 12:16

I thought it was blond for boys and blonde for girls. Like you wouldn't call a brown haired boy a brunette!

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 440

You deserved it 22 892

By pantsareathing - 13/06/2015 17:10 - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 511

You deserved it 2 476

People just suck

By What's it to you anyway? - 23/09/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I, a 20-year-old man, was ridiculed and called "Granny" for having a coin purse. Said coin purse actually belonged to my late grandma, and she gifted it to me last year when she realized she was going to die soon. She really meant well and I appreciate it, but I wasn't ready for judgmental strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 096

You deserved it 7 226

By "senordonkeydildo" - 26/04/2017 05:00 - United States - Center Conway

Today, I decided to pull a prank on my girlfriend by hiding in the closet and scaring her when she came home. I got in and closed the closet doors, only to realize I couldn't open them from the inside. She just texted me to say she covered for a friend and won't be home for 6 more hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 301

You deserved it 5 477

senordonkeydildo tells us more.

senordonkeydildo 22

Wednesday 26 April 2017 7:56

Wow! I can't believe this got posted so fast. I only posted it like 3 days ago. Let me just inform you all that I made it out, SAFE and with UNBROKEN doors. I texted a buddy of mine and he came and got me out, but not before making me listen to him tell me a plethora of gay jokes. It was worth it though because after I came out of the closet (ha ha) we had some beers and played video games for a few hours. And to answer some peoples' concerns, my girlfriend and I prank each other a lot. She pranks me more often than I prank her. Or she tries. I go for stelth and try to wait and do something when she thinks I've forgotten about or war or when least expects it. Obviously I peaked myself this time, but just wait. :)

Dumbass

By GEE, THANKS DAD - 28/09/2012 22:21 - United States

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 435

You deserved it 8 474

By BassGuy - 18/05/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I went onto my band's MySpace just to check if we had any new comments or anything like that and I noticed that I was listed as a past member. Nobody ever told me I was replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 284

You deserved it 4 798

By MeaganElizabethM - 11/10/2015 12:31 - United States - Steubenville

Today, while on a haunted trail, I accidentally punched a high-schooler in the throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 706

You deserved it 4 610

By zuut - 18/01/2009 05:22 - Australia

Today, I logged on to Facebook for the first time in nine days. No new notifications. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 264

You deserved it 9 340

By WTF? - 20/04/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, I found myself humming a Skrillex ditty all day. I'm beginning to wonder if I've had some sort of stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 989

You deserved it 5 934

By jess - 30/04/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 167

You deserved it 10 128

Yada yada yade

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 049

You deserved it 33 841

Panic!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work, and heard voices coming from my living room. I thought my house was being robbed so I called 911. Turns out I left the T.V. on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 119

You deserved it 39 780

Oh no…

By doubletrouble - 22/04/2011 14:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally found a roommate after hopelessly looking for months. I was really anxious to meet the guy because I would most likely be spending a good amount of time with him. Who did my boyfriend end up picking as his new roommate? My ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 366

You deserved it 4 703

Happy Valentine's Day

By Yudansha - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, we wrote Valentine's Day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurts to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 190

You deserved it 15 090

By DietWater - 07/08/2015 22:13 - United States - Beaumont

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 487

You deserved it 2 367

By Anonymous - 31/01/2010 17:07 - United Kingdom

Today, while at a party, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" started playing. For being the only one who didn't know the lyrics, I had beer thrown on me, my shirt stolen, and I was locked outside for half an hour. It's below freezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 972

You deserved it 37 630

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 202

You deserved it 44 455

By Username - 04/08/2010 05:18 - France

Today, I walked into my bedroom, only to find out that my bed is missing. I have no idea where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 040

You deserved it 3 834

By troll of a gran - 08/01/2013 17:10 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 853

You deserved it 4 871

By Falcon - 09/02/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 501

You deserved it 2 843

Nice

By hborkowski - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Asheville

Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "That's nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 658

You deserved it 3 381

By MM - 02/02/2012 14:50

Today, I had to give my husband a tutorial on how to use jumper cables. Confused and flustered, he requested written instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 193

You deserved it 3 672

By lisa321 - 02/04/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 526

You deserved it 116 498

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I caught a ride with a coworker in their new Mercedes. They spent the drive passionately talking about how it made them a better driver and all the people that say otherwise are idiots. After running three stop signs and nearly sideswiping a minivan, I decided to walk the last mile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 256

You deserved it 186

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 721

You deserved it 6 820

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 414

You deserved it 5 667

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 811

You deserved it 18 492

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 082

You deserved it 2 714

Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 086

You deserved it 241