By steve-o - 14/02/2019 15:46 - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 879
You deserved it 4 183

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Top comments

The way this is worded is fantastic.

Put some meat in her ;)


Toowoo 3

Woow that's nasty lol

See, if she was a Vegan, she would have superpowers.

Boygenius50 8

Magnitude 8!

Now I'm curious: how would it be like if she farts while you are doing it anal? Would it technically be a "blow" job?

denbeste 3

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

#35 At least it gave you an opportunity to say something.

iFizzgig 11

*what* would it be like.

#56 Oops! :) Thank you for correcting, it helps me improve my English.

It's called a "to"fart

Sadly, I must have missed out on those powers when I became vegan..

Wat kind of life jacket do u wear

cayytee 0

no. it blows.

@prinzess_fml it’s a common mistake for those learning English. I’ve noticed other languages use the equivalent of “how” instead of “what” there. Just practice, and you’ll get it! (Also, go you for learning English. I’ve heard it’s the hardest to learn as a second language.)

The way this is worded is fantastic.

Hahaha I laughed so hard :3

Ali_Br_fml 33

lolz, I know right? "Junk rattling fart." Haha, that alone made me laugh.

Am I the only person who got turned on by this FML?

30, of course not

n_epic_fail 14

Sounds like she's a danger to the o-zone layer.

oh. how lovely... ya shoulda stuffed meat in her mouth and ass after that one

79, just ew

Drummerboy1234 0

30 - I'm gonna go out on a limb and say yes

bigantennaemay 3

79 has me still lol'ing.

It's all that healthy food she's eating...

Hey Captain Obvious, you're so obvious. You state obvious statements because you're obviously obvious.

GraveRobber14 13

It is really hard to say your comment quickly out loud. Lol

I swear 45 you're dp suits your statement.

To be more specific, her body is getting used to the new diet. It'll take some time and some suffering on OP's part. Same happened with my father. My mother became a vegetarian some time after they were together.

^^^^?????? :/ these r times when I happy that I don't actually hear the ppl on here hahah

84 - *your your = possessive, indicating that the "dp" is his. you're = you are 3rd grade English...

Put some meat in her ;)

Why does OP want to stick his penis in her now? Oh wait....

They say vegetarians have better sex. No one will believe this bullshit, or rather bullfart, anymore now.

37 please stop trying

Brice28_fml 10

88- I love how you said that and look at who is getting thumbed down

Thank you #91

I'm so heartbroken.

Total bullshit... Who wants to **** and get farted on. They don't have sex

I don't fart and I'm a vegetarian. And they don't say vegetarians have better sex - they say vegetarians taste better.

Trugita 0

127, how do you not fart? Is that even possible for one to not pass gas every so often?

Towerhead1 0

Girls dont fart

TheClumsiest 0

girls dont fart they fluff

Girls don't fart, burp or shit. That's why they BITCH to keep from exploding!

154 - girls don't fart? Where have you been hiding you brain lately? Girls sure as heck do fart! And dang if her ass-gas didn't make mine smell like a fresh display of potpourri!

Phil 14


Torva_fml 16

Fight fire with fire >:D

Oh dear god.... We have a substitute for mustard gas if that happens ;~;

I see you're prepared with your own bio-fashion mask.

megapeyt 17

"This; is war!" -John Belushi; 1944

*fight gas with gas*

RandomB 0

Well that just sucks.

Yeah it does. And you do too.

I think the correct statement would be "That blows."

ShroomsOnAcid 16

That farts.

RandomB 0

Ur mom

bloopaloop 27

Actually, it blows.

time to return the favour! Go vegetarian for a week, get her to spoon you and allow her to bask in the rewards!

Not worth a week of hell! Spice up some steak or taco's. The unleash the fury!

No need to ruin his own diet to fight back. We omnivores have a secret weapon: White Castle!

How would you rate it on a scale of 1 to 10?

FYLDeep 25

Five out of five popcorn shakers.

Over 9000!!!!

8.2 on the Richter scale.

ThatLooksSticky 16

"Junk-rattling" has got to be at least a 9.

On a scale of 1 - 10? Probably a Michael Moore.

Veggie fart.

MizzErikaHart 8


I have nothing to say..

You know, it's easy, Don't comment. Simple as that.

I like turtles

ShroomsOnAcid 16

But apparently you did, since you said something. Now that just makes you a liar.

and no one likes liars.

Even in the future we don't like liars