Miscellaneous: Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have...

By a very mad sister - United States - Pomona

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

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Miscellaneous

BO Central

And today, on Dr Phil…

Time to run

By really - United States

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the store and bought some cream to help with a sunburn I'd gotten a few days ago. What's worse than having red, peeling, and painful skin? An allergic reaction on top of it. FML

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By Glutton - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

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By Iwasjustmovingout

Today, out of the blue, my husband suggested to his parents that they move to our town for the next six months, with the understanding that we’d see them nearly every day. I found out about this when they starting making plans. FML

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By 911 - France

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, after struggling to get something out of my eye, I kept my eye open long so it would start to water. My mother in law noticed and said, "Aww, do you need a therapist again?" She knows full well I struggle with chronic depression. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Nutley

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

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By fucked by sex ed - United States - Manchester

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

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By Eric Ngan - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

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By PunchingKennyLoggins - United States

Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML

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By spandexwiener - United States - Export

Today, I finally finished my summer assignments for three AP classes. My schedule also arrived. Turns out my school can't place me in any of them, and I just wasted the last four weeks of my summer. FML

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By McSlave - Australia - Cammeray

Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonalds and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

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By Confused Clipboard - United States

Today, my math teacher explained his concern for how "clipboard" should be pronounced similar to "cupboard." I thought he was crazy. I then later found myself saying it the new way to my mother. FML

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By turdtonomor9 - United States

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

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By regstl - United States - Beaverton

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

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By ygrowup2fast - 23/4/2020 17:00

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Today, my wife wasn't feeling well. She called her doctor, who isn't seeing patients due to COVID. Had to take her to the ER. After numerous tests, they told her that her potassium levels were low. Diagnosis: eat a banana. When we get the bill(s) from the hospital, this will be the most expensive banana ever. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

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By fml9124 - 8/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Omaha

Tricky situation

Today, my wife gave me the green light to have sex with other women. She beat the cancer, but sex for her is now painful and she wasn't really interested in sex the last 10 years anyway. So why does my life suck? Because I don't want sex with anyone else. Now she's mad at me for making her feel guilty. FML

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By TordNorski - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I started a new job at a family owned business. About ten minutes in to training, the mother and father started an argument that ended in each of them storming off, demanding a divorce. FML

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By Phobia

Today, thanks to my new anti-anxiety meds, I am finally no longer agoraphobic. Today also marks 5 weeks of constant diarrhea due to the same meds. Guess who's not leaving the house anytime soon. FML

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By blawbo - United States

Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML

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By no - United States

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

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By whereismyring - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

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By Wannabees - Canada

Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML

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By toothache - United States - Morton Grove

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

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By Homeless? - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I have been vomiting for 4 days. Tomorrow, my landlord is insisting on inspecting my flat. I now either have to clean my house whilst trying not to throw up all around it, or fail my inspection. FML

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By Arthurie - United States - Plainview

Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML

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By korbo7 - United States - Grand Island

Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML

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By rnw - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought my knee hurt because of over exercising in the gym. Then I remembered it was because I smacked it against my chair so hard I crumbled down and couldn't move for 5 minutes. And how I remembered? I did it again. FML

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By Red-cheeked

Today, at work, somebody stole my sunglasses. Fed up with the constant theft in my office, I stormed up to my boss, as he had long ago promised to catch the thief. He listened patiently to my rant before pointing out that my sunglasses were on my head. FML

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By cpmolly - United States - Omaha

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

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By thatwasembarrassing

Today, at a dinner I'd been planning for months with my fiancé to talk to our families about the wedding for the first time, he told me he didn't want to get married. I cried in front of both of our families and a dozen of strangers. FML

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By urgg - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Great Falls

Today, I lent a pair of expensive headphones to a "friend" for the weekend. As a thank-you, he bought me a soda. He moved this weekend, taking the headphones with him. I lost a $250 pair of headphones for a $1 soda. FML

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By downgirl - United States - Norman

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

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By spitballer1 - United States

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, and every day since I got her, I leaned down to pour food and water into my cat's bowls. And today, like every single day, I forgot that my granite countertop sticks out a bit. I think part of my head is flat now. FML

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Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6721330 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:05

Better act appreciative to prevent him from giving you another "I'm sorry" present for this year.

By cocacola999 | 27

#6721326 - Sunday 11 December 2016 5:59

Were they at least friends and relatives? Or did he just put a sign up: "Come in, there's booze"?

COMMENTS

By Cali | 54

#6721322 - Sunday 11 December 2016 5:46

I guess my invite got lost in the mail?

By Qandol | 26

#6721324 - Sunday 11 December 2016 5:53

Grab his credit card and order food, and tell him since he missed your wedding and this is your present from him.

pandaxpress | 19

#6721340 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:36

I'm sure a little credit card fraud, Chinese food, and 3 hots and a cot will more than make up for it....

ThrottleJockey | 34

#6721496 - Sunday 11 December 2016 17:49

Panda, you just described a normal Christmas with my family.

By cocacola999 | 27

#6721326 - Sunday 11 December 2016 5:59

Were they at least friends and relatives? Or did he just put a sign up: "Come in, there's booze"?

By Tripartita | 44

#6721330 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:05

Better act appreciative to prevent him from giving you another "I'm sorry" present for this year.

By RichardPencil | 29

#6721332 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:06

You're mad that he threw you a bigger, funner party than you could for about 1/50th of the price.

KillerKeemstar | 7

#6721343 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:55

I'd assume the reason this is an FML because OP had prepared something romantic, and private, with his/ or her spouce for their anniversary

RichardPencil | 29

#6721344 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:57

Perhaps. Or he invited all the guys she ever slept with and those who wanted to.

By mariri9206 | 32

#6721339 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:34

At least, his heart was in the right place. (I hope, anyway).

By KingKralj | 31

#6721356 - Sunday 11 December 2016 7:21

This needs a follow up

By fsomelife | 26

#6721417 - Sunday 11 December 2016 12:08

That is hilarious though.

By SargeRho | 6

#6721462 - Sunday 11 December 2016 14:49

That's...actually kind of amazing xD

By Love_L0ST | 13

#6721875 - Monday 12 December 2016 19:13

That would have been awesome what's wrong with you!!