Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have...

By a very mad sister - 11/12/2016 01:33 - United States - Pomona

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

The student becomes the master

Business savvy

By traveller - 13/4/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

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By Forgotton - 1/8/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I realized how invisible/forgettable I am. At work, I went to ask my supervisor what I was working on today. My supervisor admitted that he forgot I was working today. My supervisor is my brother. We drove to work together this morning. FML

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By GreenMonstR - 25/4/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

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By dwellswithin - 20/7/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2014 16:44 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

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By Just an Exam - 14/12/2016 18:37 - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on his final exam. I confronted him after class by jokingly asking, "If you cheated on a test, would you cheat on me?" Turns out that yes, yes he would, and he did. FML

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By ARGHHHH - 4/10/2018 05:00

Today, my mom ordered my birthday presents on eBay. Too bad she used my account, so when I went to look for ideas, everything she bought me popped up. It's so much stuff I don't want, need, or will ever use, and it's on my credit card. FML

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By jordeshting - 22/6/2011 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

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By twinzies - 20/2/2016 02:46 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, there's a new freshman at my school that looks exactly like me. Whenever we see her, my friends shout "Twinzies!" I don't have anything against her, but I'm bummed because I'm a male senior. FML

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By izu - 16/9/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

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By sportyhusband - 20/1/2010 03:46 - United States

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML

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By Musicfreak - 18/12/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

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By SwordFish8 - 4/7/2009 21:56 - United States

Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML

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By Jason Brazil - 20/10/2019 00:01

Hypochondriacs of the world unite!

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my wife frantically saying something about her having scabies, and that I had to take her to the ER. It turned out to be eczema. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2012 14:06 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I was on a rowing machine at the gym, listening to a podcast. Something funny was said, I laughed, lost my balance and fell off, with my feet still stuck in the footrests. Someone had to come and help me off. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 16:02

Once you see it…

Today, it was brought to my attention that my dog has a giant anus. I'd never noticed. Now I can't stop staring at his silver dollar-sized backdoor. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

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By Jessey - 18/6/2009 13:05 - United Kingdom

Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

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By Viridian - 12/5/2009 13:41 - United States

Today, I gave a big presentation at work. The manager decided to video tape it. I went through my presentation with ease and was confident I did a good job. My confidence was then lowered after watching the tape. Apparently, my boobs are much more interesting than what I had to say. FML

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By je suis christy - 9/1/2015 19:04 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

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By Princess - 28/5/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML

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By BG1059 - 5/6/2016 02:19 - United States - Irving

Today, my best friend since first grade, who I've been in love with for years and finally hooked up with last week, asked me for advice. He wanted to know if he should start a long distance relationship with a girl he hooked up with last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2010 11:53 - Australia

Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML

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By Notabum - 31/8/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

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By Bree - 22/10/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, my parents got a call from my English teacher. She told them that I have 14 days of detention because I've been cutting class. I've been there every day, but apparently she never noticed me. FML

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By Waitingtomoveout - 12/1/2017 17:09

Today, I had to remove my brother's pubic hairs from the bathtub before bathing my son. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2016 05:57 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2010 02:28 - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

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By cyprianista - 13/2/2015 16:13 - United States - Houston

Today, I spent an ungodly amount of money to send my long-distance boyfriend a giant bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. A few hours after making the non-refundable payment, he let me know we weren't going to work out, and that he was already sleeping with someone else. FML

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By pikachu_43 - 21/3/2015 15:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

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By hitandrun - 10/8/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

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By tryingtostealmyheart - 19/12/2015 07:12

Today, a total stranger asked me to marry him while we were waiting for the bus. I turned him down. He then pulled a knife on me, grabbed my purse and ran. FML

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By anon - 27/3/2013 23:17 - Netherlands - Swalmen

Today, I showed my aunt and mother my tattoo. They both burst out laughing. FML

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By Bad parenting101 - 8/1/2017 03:23 - United States - Denver

Today, my son shaved his eyebrows. Two days ago, I caught my 10-year-old daughter watching porn. I'm totally winning at parenting. FML

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By anonymous - 6/7/2016 13:53 - United States

Today, I got a question wrong on an exam. The question started with, "In your opinion..." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2011 13:36 - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

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By vampire - 16/6/2011 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was yelled at by my mum for not wanting to get a spray tan for my cousin's wedding because if I don't, I will "shine like a beacon of disrespect" among the other attendees. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me, thinking it would be the nice thing to do I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow. FML

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Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6721330 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:05

Better act appreciative to prevent him from giving you another "I'm sorry" present for this year.

By cocacola999 | 27

#6721326 - Sunday 11 December 2016 5:59

Were they at least friends and relatives? Or did he just put a sign up: "Come in, there's booze"?

Comments

By Cali | 54

#6721322 - Sunday 11 December 2016 5:46

I guess my invite got lost in the mail?

By Qandol | 26

#6721324 - Sunday 11 December 2016 5:53

Grab his credit card and order food, and tell him since he missed your wedding and this is your present from him.

pandaxpress | 19

#6721340 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:36

I'm sure a little credit card fraud, Chinese food, and 3 hots and a cot will more than make up for it....

ThrottleJockey | 34

#6721496 - Sunday 11 December 2016 17:49

Panda, you just described a normal Christmas with my family.

By cocacola999 | 27

#6721326 - Sunday 11 December 2016 5:59

Were they at least friends and relatives? Or did he just put a sign up: "Come in, there's booze"?

By Tripartita | 44

#6721330 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:05

Better act appreciative to prevent him from giving you another "I'm sorry" present for this year.

By RichardPencil | 28

#6721332 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:06

You're mad that he threw you a bigger, funner party than you could for about 1/50th of the price.

KillerKeemstar | 7

#6721343 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:55

I'd assume the reason this is an FML because OP had prepared something romantic, and private, with his/ or her spouce for their anniversary

RichardPencil | 28

#6721344 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:57

Perhaps. Or he invited all the guys she ever slept with and those who wanted to.

By mariri9206 | 32

#6721339 - Sunday 11 December 2016 6:34

At least, his heart was in the right place. (I hope, anyway).

By KingKralj | 31

#6721356 - Sunday 11 December 2016 7:21

This needs a follow up

By fsomelife | 26

#6721417 - Sunday 11 December 2016 12:08

That is hilarious though.

By SargeRho | 6

#6721462 - Sunday 11 December 2016 14:49

That's...actually kind of amazing xD

By Love_L0ST | 13

#6721875 - Monday 12 December 2016 19:13

That would have been awesome what's wrong with you!!