Miscellaneous: Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 102

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 40

11/12/2016 01:33

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 007

You deserved it 682

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Commando

Vulture

08/09/2010 06:53

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 239

You deserved it 33 765

Time for a change

By leogs23 - 15/11/2020 10:58

Today, I was in bed with my girlfriend and she asked to see my phone to check my Snapchat to see what was in there. After she was done with it, she start looking into her phone to see her memories and started crying over her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 97

26/05/2014 03:52

Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 164

You deserved it 4 489

I love that for you

By NeedHeadPhone - 30/11/2009 16:51

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 844

You deserved it 2 962

Kids

By really? - 28/09/2020 14:02

Today, I noticed my daughter’s sullen mood and asked if there was anything I could do to help. With tears in her eyes, she snapped, “Yeah, you can go back in time and keep that appointment you’d made at planned parenthood!” I never had such an appointment and her older brother is a mean asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 123

27/09/2011 15:56

Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 551

You deserved it 12 942

Stop that now

By Soo - 24/12/2020 08:04

Today, I saw my 4 year-old daughter singing and dancing, so I decided to sing along. As soon as I started singing she said, without blinking her eyes and super calmly, "Could you please stop doing that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 230

25/04/2015 17:55

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 2 820

28/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was turned down for a job because they thought I lied about having a six-month internship. Why? The secretary I told off for stealing my lunch every single day told them she hadn't heard of me, and the new company won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 509

You deserved it 282

29/01/2015 12:56

Today, I had to run for the train, but because of my bad foot and limping they held the train, much to people's displeasure. No one let me sit down, so for the 20 minute journey, I stood. With a bad foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 833

You deserved it 4 024

17/05/2009 13:24

Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 083

You deserved it 61 102

01/10/2009 05:38

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 317

You deserved it 5 081

26/01/2009 23:44

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 139

You deserved it 3 303

12/04/2012 05:30

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend's feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 689

You deserved it 3 197

14/02/2009 23:15

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 777

You deserved it 38 432

16/06/2014 21:38

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 186

You deserved it 4 453

02/12/2012 14:05

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 385

You deserved it 2 248

Jealous?

By Jen - 24/01/2021 13:58

Today, my unborn child's father told me he stood outside of my friend's house for an hour in the snow in the middle of the night because he thought I was with another guy. I was at her house helping with her four kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 118

02/08/2009 11:33

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 935

You deserved it 57 405

11/01/2014 20:26

Today, I sang "happy birthday" to my best friend. Sadly, it was while waitressing at work, where they were having a celebration I hadn't been invited to in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 771

You deserved it 4 178

15/12/2010 22:47

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 576

You deserved it 4 126

25/06/2009 08:05

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 262

You deserved it 57 031

27/11/2016 08:54

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be responsible and put parental controls on the Playstation so our kids can't play adult games or watch adult content online. And now, neither can we. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 193

You deserved it 5 031

30/04/2009 02:09

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 042

You deserved it 9 874

18/10/2012 16:26

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 495

You deserved it 3 175

09/12/2013 15:10

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 769

You deserved it 3 758

18/11/2011 13:30

Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 914

You deserved it 4 381

03/05/2009 05:35

Today, I was in the grocery store buying a few things. A sales associate came over the intercom system saying, "Attention Safeway customers. If you drive a blue Subaru, it's rolling into 18th Ave." Everyone laughed except me. I forgot to set the brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 686

You deserved it 48 448

21/06/2011 02:33

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 556

You deserved it 12 804

Just because you can don't mean you should

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 20:06

Today, I got stuck in my washing machine. When my sister saw me, she just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 741

Ace in the hole

By anna - 15/05/2021 07:58

Today, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero desire for sex. I’m well into my 20s and not a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 134

Money management

By Marea90h - 25/11/2020 16:58

Today, my fiancé finally was able secure a PS5, which I told him I'd get for Christmas. Due to high demand, I didn't think he'd be able to get it till next week or so. He bought it last night while I was sleeping. I have to pay my car insurance tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 297

24/02/2017 12:00

Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 811

You deserved it 691

16/07/2016 01:14

Today, after finally growing my curly hair down to shoulder length, I decided to get it styled for a dinner date. The stylist rolled up the barrel brush on my head and it got stuck. Hello, pixie cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 576

You deserved it 1 002

30/08/2011 03:56

Today, I played a Jazz gig. It rained, making the tent the band performed under heavy with water. When I stepped forward to play my solo, the front end of the tent collapsed under the weight of the rain, drenching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 173

You deserved it 2 553

Helping hand

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 02:02

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 262

15/04/2011 09:30

Today, my 15 year old daughter got kicked out of her cheerleading squad because she was overweight. I heard one of the cheerleaders say, "She must be overweight because her mom is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 313

You deserved it 13 820

Martha Lucy Queen Jr.

By Teacher - 26/02/2017 04:00

Today, I asked students to identify a woman that made a difference in history. I got several people answering Martin Luther King Jr. These are 9th graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 861

You deserved it 506

22/03/2013 05:41

Today, my dad came out of jail. He showed me his tattoo of a bible on his chest with all his 13 kids' names on it. I'm the only one whose name is spelled wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 937

You deserved it 3 064

01/09/2011 10:14

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 724

You deserved it 4 335

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Top comments

Tripartita 44

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Sunday 11 December 2016 6:05

Better act appreciative to prevent him from giving you another "I'm sorry" present for this year.

cocacola999 27

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Sunday 11 December 2016 5:59

Were they at least friends and relatives? Or did he just put a sign up: "Come in, there's booze"?

Comments

Cali 54

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Sunday 11 December 2016 5:46

I guess my invite got lost in the mail?

Qandol 26

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Sunday 11 December 2016 5:53

Grab his credit card and order food, and tell him since he missed your wedding and this is your present from him.

pandaxpress 19

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Sunday 11 December 2016 6:36

I'm sure a little credit card fraud, Chinese food, and 3 hots and a cot will more than make up for it....

ThrottleJockey 34

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Sunday 11 December 2016 17:49

Panda, you just described a normal Christmas with my family.

cocacola999 27

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Sunday 11 December 2016 5:59

Were they at least friends and relatives? Or did he just put a sign up: "Come in, there's booze"?

Tripartita 44

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Sunday 11 December 2016 6:05

Better act appreciative to prevent him from giving you another "I'm sorry" present for this year.

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 11 December 2016 6:06

You're mad that he threw you a bigger, funner party than you could for about 1/50th of the price.

KillerKeemstar 7

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Sunday 11 December 2016 6:55

I'd assume the reason this is an FML because OP had prepared something romantic, and private, with his/ or her spouce for their anniversary

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 11 December 2016 6:57

Perhaps. Or he invited all the guys she ever slept with and those who wanted to.

mariri9206 32

Sunday 11 December 2016 6:34

At least, his heart was in the right place. (I hope, anyway).

KingKralj 31

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Sunday 11 December 2016 7:21

This needs a follow up

fsomelife 26

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Sunday 11 December 2016 12:08

That is hilarious though.

SargeRho 6

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Sunday 11 December 2016 14:49

That's...actually kind of amazing xD

Love_L0ST 13

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Monday 12 December 2016 19:13

That would have been awesome what's wrong with you!!