Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At... - FML

By 1thapp3ns - 10/1/2010 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

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Toxic parents

Mr Sensitivity

Daydreaming

By draegoncode - 26/7/2010 04:34 - France

Today, I told my girlfriend of 2 years that I was sexually abused as a kid. She was only the third person I've told. She reacted by breaking up with me because I "might do something" to her kids. FML

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By bbbblt - 15/8/2010 11:39 - Australia

Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML

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By pianoblues - 17/10/2016 20:22 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, I did a piano audition for a musical. Afterwards, the judge asked if I have experience with percussion, and then told me she was considering me for a percussion part. I guess my piano audition really was THAT bad. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2020 20:00

The curse

Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML

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By charlieg9 - 30/8/2013 12:33 - United States - East Meadow

Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2018 15:00

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

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By NotSoCool - 15/5/2009 04:41 - Singapore

Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I passed 2 cute girls smiling at me. Thinking I looked real cool, I kept on walking without paying heed to anything else. Then my brother shouted asking me what was I doing, only to realise that the handle had come off a few metres back. FML

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By surfer - 21/7/2014 17:14 - United States - New York

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

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By ThirteenThirteen - 1/4/2015 22:09 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I was sent the script to a play I'm participating in at school. After reading it a couple of times, I noticed that my part has been forgotten completely. FML

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By Candace - 27/1/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, my best friend planned a birthday party for me at the local Mexican restaurant. NO ONE showed up. We told the Mexican waiter there would be 18 arriving. Two hours later he brought me free ice cream. Even the non-english speaking waiters knew I was a loser. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

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By badluckryan - 25/9/2012 13:38 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I received a drunken prank call from a girl I didn't know around 1am. I don't know what's sadder, that I carried out the conversation for 30 minutes, or that this was the first girl to call me in over a year. FML

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By unknown - 7/4/2013 04:26 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

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By Boarder - 1/6/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scraped up so I made sure to clean my wounds and put bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. FML

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By tattooapprentice - 1/12/2018 17:30

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

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By Wendie - 18/4/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

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By lovelikewoe - 11/7/2010 01:00 - United States

Today, I made my mom a mix CD for her car. It took me ages to find just the right songs that would be perfect for her. When I played it for her in the car, she took it out and threw it out of the window. FML

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By Shianna - 28/5/2012 22:00 - United States - Holden

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

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By Pouponette - 16/6/2016 11:07 - France

Today, the pizza delivery guy saw me in my underwear. My boyfriend is so ashamed of me that he pointed out to the guy twice that we were just roommates. FML

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By lostforwords - 6/8/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

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By ineedbetterfriends - 15/6/2013 21:08 - Netherlands - Amersfoort

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML

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By anonymous - 25/5/2011 14:33 - Singapore

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

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By Satan - 15/3/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

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By Chlo - 11/8/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the flood gates are opening. FML

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By anonymous - 25/11/2015 01:01 - Canada

Today, my mother refused to buy a cat because my sister is allergic to them. She bought a rabbit instead. I'm allergic to rabbits. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

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By Anonymoose - 25/12/2011 11:39 - Switzerland

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2010 17:52 - United States

Today, I went to go meet my new upstairs neighbor, only to find out nobody actually moved in. The noises that have been coming from up there were made by rats. Lots of them. FML

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By McFired - 23/3/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job for harassing customers over the weekend. I didn't work over the weekend. I left my nametag there on Friday and my co-workers thought it would be funny to wear my nametag all weekend. One of them got into a fight with a customer and they took her 'name' down. FML

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By Whoops - 24/6/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

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By damnnn - 17/7/2015 12:40 - Australia

Today, I was standing on a step ladder to reach the batteries on top of my fridge so I could change the ones in my TV remote. My sister thought it would be funny to shake the ladder and see what would happen. I now have a broken leg and a TV remote with dead batteries in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I went on a group job interview, where all the applicants seem to have the same qualifications. When the interviewer dismissed all of us but the prettiest girl, outraged, I told him he was a prejudiced pig, and should be ashamed of himself. Apparently she was the only one who had a car. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 17:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was, "Clean your glasses." FML

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By homelessagain - 18/2/2017 06:00 - United States - Lorain

Sue! SUE!

Today, I found out, through Facebook, that my landlord hadn't been paying the mortgage on the house I'm renting from him. It's going into foreclosure. FML

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By sierra - 28/6/2012 21:55 - United States

Today, an attractive guy asked me to get coffee with him. My response was, "I don't drink coffee." I just turned down the first guy that's asked me out in 3 months. FML

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By Ditzyfitzy - 9/1/2019 14:00

Today, after spending 2 years saving for my flights, I was denied boarding due to issues with my passport. I heading straight to the embassy only to be told a replacement will take 8 days. The airline will only hold my place for 7. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2017 22:00

Today, my son followed me around like a shadow, chanting, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom…" to the tune of Jingle Bells. It's March. FML

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Top comments

By girlygirl666 | 0

#765682 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:03

* clapping my hands*

By corgi | 6

#765694 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:11

Why didn't you join in?

COMMENTS

By wildgeg | 1

#765679 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:02

temporary embarrassment does not mean your life is fucked.

Reply

Towelie_31 | 0

#765762 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:54

what if someone from op's school was there, video taped it, put it on youtube then the whole world laughs at her. no longer being able to live with the embarresment she drives off a cliff, her lifes fucked

(alternate ending)
she survives car crash, buys a pig mask and chloroform, and starts kidnapping people and putting them into situations, nearly impossible to survive, in hopes that if they live they'll have a greater respect for their lives.

THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS!!!

Reply

The_Disturbed | 5

#765784 - Sunday 10 January 2010 10:15

Okay Jigsaw, calm down :P
And OP...FLY :/

Reply

Towelie_31 | 0

#765788 - Sunday 10 January 2010 10:25

how am i suppose to calm down with a potential killer on the loose?

Reply

8trickster8 | 0

#765795 - Sunday 10 January 2010 10:35

The term FML isn't taken literally as only moments that ruin your life.

Reply

waterynuggets | 0

#765824 - Sunday 10 January 2010 11:24

#1 as much as I think a lot of utter tripe gets posted on this website, imagine if this happened to you. Embarrassing to the point where I would be like "Is this really happening wtf is my life." and get up and walk out.

Reply

The_Disturbed | 5

#766032 - Sunday 10 January 2010 15:48

Because I'm not coming for you Towelie_31 ;p
And oops...I meant to type FYL...not FLY. lol.

Reply

The_Disturbed | 5

#766308 - Sunday 10 January 2010 19:17

#53 - Wanna get high?

Reply

Chantalasaurus | 0

#769709 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 5:33

dude, I would fucking love it if my parents were that cool! Unfortunately, I'M always the one that does shit like that.

Reply

Danielt104 | 6

#826667 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:31

Wildgeg. FML's are about crappy things that happen in everyday lives to make us laugh. If all the posts were about our lives being fucked, no one would go here because it would be depressing

By AliceC_fml | 3

#765680 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:02

first

Reply

Kgirl2cute | 6

#966617 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 5:59

yeah. no.

By girlygirl666 | 0

#765682 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:03

* clapping my hands*

By pwincessa23 | 1

#765690 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:08

Lmao!!!! ur Mom is awesome! i love ur mom. ohh wait that looks weird.... ohh well too bad...

By beanerkid | 0

#765691 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:09

And this is an FML how?

By corgi | 6

#765694 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:11

Why didn't you join in?

By mcfaily | 0

#765703 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:15

did you join in?

By alexandraa_fml | 0

#765706 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:18

I clicked NO on this. I moderate.. NO MORE!

By LauraTheKiwi | 0

#765720 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:24

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS.
IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS.
IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT AND YOU REALLY WANT TO SHOW IT
IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS. ;D
Why didn't you join in? Be glad it wasn't if you're happy and you know it [insert anything obscene here].
:D

Reply

lemonslice | 0

#765731 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:28

If you're happy and you know it ummm show your dick? o.O

Reply

renaet | 0

#765819 - Sunday 10 January 2010 11:17

If you're happy and you know it...run around naked? o_O

Reply

pepolshet | 0

#765875 - Sunday 10 January 2010 12:19

Aren't you a little too young to be seeing dicks? Or being on this site?

Reply

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#2160952 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 5:55

"If you're happy and you know it wank your tank." ....That works, right?

By lemonslice | 0

#765721 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:25

I'd be sat there laughing and joining in, why weren't you?