Miscellaneous: Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At... - FML

By 1thapp3ns - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my mom and her new boyfriend. At the restaurant, while we were eating, he started clapping and singing "if you're happy and you know it." My mom joined in. And they sang loudly. Loud enough for the entire restaurant to go quiet and stare. FML

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Triage

Dad of the year

Entitled

By Murphy’s Christmas

Today my husband blew a tire in a hidden pothole on the way to work. I picked him up in my car later that day, only to hit an entirely different pothole, bending my rim and catapulting my hubcap into the woods. FML

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By A - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

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By dee - United States

Today, I decided to sing a sweet lullaby to my two year old son. In the process, he smacked me in the face and told me to please stop. My sister sings to him all the time and he loves it. FML

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By mdsfkljsfsdrewr - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML

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By Blue_Heart - Canada - Brampton

Today, I decided to bike to work. I normally forget the key to my lock, so I leave it out back and hope that nobody takes it, and nobody does. I finally remembered my lock key so I chained it up. After my 7 hour shift, I walk to the back only to find the lock had been cut, and my bike was gone. FML

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By Darkness162000 - France

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

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By tehaustiebear - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to play Twister. Her parents watched us the whole time, making sure we didn't touch. FML

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By JPPUDLY - United States - Los Gatos

Today, I had to create a perfect society in English class; the best society has their grade go up a full letter. After tons of preparation and thinking, I lost to an island made only of cheese. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

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By Jessica - United States - Brighton

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML

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By brylynn - United States

Today, I fainted during my sister's wedding because my dress was too tight. When I woke up, she slapped me hard across the face. Why? Because I "took all the attention away" from her. FML

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By duped - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML

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By nipped - Australia

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

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By FML_Elle - United States

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

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By longtrip - United Kingdom

Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML

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By chels

Plebs need not apply.

Today, when my new boyfriend told me he liked playing games, he meant a 60" TV with a professional gaming chair in the middle of his living room, and 48-hour gaming marathons where he totally ignores me, refuses to sleep or shower, and only has energy drinks and cheerios. FML

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By notsohappyniece - United States

Today, my aunt came into the world. My 67 year-old grandfather married a 24 year-old woman who just gave birth to my new aunt, who is 18 years younger than me. FML

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By iamshrimpy - Canada

Today, I logged onto Facebook with a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

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By trev - United States

Today, when I weighed myself on my scale, it broke. FML

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By soannoyed - United States

Today, my brother decided it would be funny for almost every sentence out of his mouth to start with the word "hashtag". FML

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By EmbarrassedWife

Today, I texted my husband saying, “No sex tonight, it’s a bloodbath” and realized it was in a group chat with his parents, not directly to him like I'd intended. FML

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By bad luck skier - United States - Albany

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

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By anon - Australia - Sydney

Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML

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By JustAGiftCardPlease - United States

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

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By Dirtyswede - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

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By hopeless - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

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By kay-z - United States

Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

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By Galaxy - Belgium - Guigoven

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 17:00

Time don't heal nothing

Today, I was sitting in my garden with my younger sister when she told me that she'd found pictures of me from a decade ago. She also told me that I've changed a lot over the years, because back then I was still pretty. My neighbours overheard it and started laughing out loud. FML

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By hannamacintosh - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML

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By mahanaaa_23 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML

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By Nightmare

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

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By Embarrassed - United States

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 14:01

Living a lie

Today, I get a scornful look when I try to talk to my husband, let alone try to cheer him up, because he is "severely depressed." Well, unless a friend or neighbor knocks on the door, then he’s the life of the party. Right until they leave. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 23:00

Go back to bed, Brad

Today, I noticed that when my boyfriend is sick, his sex drive goes through the roof. Too bad his stamina plummets. FML

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Top comments

By girlygirl666 | 0

#765682 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:03

* clapping my hands*

By corgi | 6

#765694 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:11

Why didn't you join in?

COMMENTS

By wildgeg | 1

#765679 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:02

temporary embarrassment does not mean your life is fucked.

Reply

Towelie_31 | 0

#765762 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:54

what if someone from op's school was there, video taped it, put it on youtube then the whole world laughs at her. no longer being able to live with the embarresment she drives off a cliff, her lifes fucked

(alternate ending)
she survives car crash, buys a pig mask and chloroform, and starts kidnapping people and putting them into situations, nearly impossible to survive, in hopes that if they live they'll have a greater respect for their lives.

THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS!!!

Reply

The_Disturbed | 5

#765784 - Sunday 10 January 2010 10:15

Okay Jigsaw, calm down :P
And OP...FLY :/

Reply

Towelie_31 | 0

#765788 - Sunday 10 January 2010 10:25

how am i suppose to calm down with a potential killer on the loose?

Reply

8trickster8 | 0

#765795 - Sunday 10 January 2010 10:35

The term FML isn't taken literally as only moments that ruin your life.

Reply

waterynuggets | 0

#765824 - Sunday 10 January 2010 11:24

#1 as much as I think a lot of utter tripe gets posted on this website, imagine if this happened to you. Embarrassing to the point where I would be like "Is this really happening wtf is my life." and get up and walk out.

Reply

The_Disturbed | 5

#766032 - Sunday 10 January 2010 15:48

Because I'm not coming for you Towelie_31 ;p
And oops...I meant to type FYL...not FLY. lol.

Reply

The_Disturbed | 5

#766308 - Sunday 10 January 2010 19:17

#53 - Wanna get high?

Reply

Chantalasaurus | 0

#769709 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 5:33

dude, I would fucking love it if my parents were that cool! Unfortunately, I'M always the one that does shit like that.

Reply

Danielt104 | 6

#826667 - Friday 5 February 2010 6:31

Wildgeg. FML's are about crappy things that happen in everyday lives to make us laugh. If all the posts were about our lives being fucked, no one would go here because it would be depressing

By AliceC_fml | 3

#765680 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:02

first

Reply

Kgirl2cute | 6

#966617 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 5:59

yeah. no.

By girlygirl666 | 0

#765682 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:03

* clapping my hands*

By pwincessa23 | 1

#765690 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:08

Lmao!!!! ur Mom is awesome! i love ur mom. ohh wait that looks weird.... ohh well too bad...

By beanerkid | 0

#765691 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:09

And this is an FML how?

By corgi | 6

#765694 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:11

Why didn't you join in?

By mcfaily | 0

#765703 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:15

did you join in?

By alexandraa_fml | 0

#765706 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:18

I clicked NO on this. I moderate.. NO MORE!

By LauraTheKiwi | 0

#765720 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:24

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS.
IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS.
IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT AND YOU REALLY WANT TO SHOW IT
IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS. ;D
Why didn't you join in? Be glad it wasn't if you're happy and you know it [insert anything obscene here].
:D

Reply

lemonslice | 0

#765731 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:28

If you're happy and you know it ummm show your dick? o.O

Reply

renaet | 0

#765819 - Sunday 10 January 2010 11:17

If you're happy and you know it...run around naked? o_O

Reply

pepolshet | 0

#765875 - Sunday 10 January 2010 12:19

Aren't you a little too young to be seeing dicks? Or being on this site?

Reply

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#2160952 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 5:55

"If you're happy and you know it wank your tank." ....That works, right?

By lemonslice | 0

#765721 - Sunday 10 January 2010 9:25

I'd be sat there laughing and joining in, why weren't you?