Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML
Schizomaniac tells us more.
Thankfully he's only a PE teacher. Not to discredit PE teachers, but at least he is not in a position to actually provide information to students. This guy is an absolute nutjob. These are real claims he has argued in the past: -evolution is a lie (no surprise) -dogs are more intelligent than chimpanzees -our most sophisticated equipment can't see outside our galaxy (lol) -humans are the only animals that rely on fruits and vegetables for food And many, many others. He's the type of person to argue with a chef because he read a cookbook. It's sad.
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML
Today, I decided to upgrade to Windows 10. I wanted to keep my old files on the current hard drive, I clicked on the keep old files option. Thanks to Windows, I lost everything. FML
Today, I was at a concert and the performer told everyone to wave their phones in the air. I threw my hand up and then a huge woman caught my iPhone and disappeared into the crowd. FML
AlicefromIreland tells us more.
What happened was when we were told to wave the phones in the air I flung my arm up a bit too fast and my phone flew out of my hand and this "huge woman" (in talking morbidly obese, bundles me out of the way and snatched my phone from the air. I never saw her or the phone again...
Today, I passed my driver's test. My instructor took the learner signs off his car and let me drive back to my place. I guess he didn't bet on me crashing the car just a few blocks from the test center. FML
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, after months of taking care of my grandma after a surgery, the doctors gave her a clean bill of health, and I finally got to sleep in my own bed. She passed away while I was at home. FML
Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML
Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about isn't real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML
Today, while I was taking a long relaxing shower, the shower head decided to fly off and hit me in the face. The dentist couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped and shattered my small bathroom mirror. My sister came to see what was going on, took one look at the shattered mirror, and said, "About time you put it out if its misery." FML
Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML
Today, after working incredibly hard to get into college without having to take out loans, classes started. I was told we'll need a $200 piece of software, and we'll fail without it. There's no way I can afford it. FML
NotCollegeBound tells us more.
Hey guys, OP here! I did consider pirating the software but I know there's a good chance of running into buggy software if I do so, and I'd rather not have to scramble to find something else if it quits on me in the middle of a lesson. The instructor's looking to see if there are any computers on-campus that already have the software installed, but that ruins the point of taking online classes, and there's no guarantee that even if she finds some, they'll be available on the days that I can get there. It turns out I'm going to need the software again for two more classes, though I can take them both in the same semester to make it easier on myself. I can also rent it for about $20/month, which is probably going to be the option we take once we can shift some of the bills around. I'm going to need it this semester (my first) and in my third semester, so it'll help save some of the cost. On the upside, though, it means we'll be using the same textbook for all three classes, so there's a little money saved there as well. I really think that the biggest suck was not telling us beforehand, because my husband and I had the money a few weeks ago. When we discovered that it was extra money, we decided to drop our 1-year-old off at my grandparents' and take ourselves out on a long-awaited (as in, we hadn't been out since before our daughter was born) date night. If I had known that I would need that money for the software, you can guarantee that we would have saved it!
Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML
Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML
Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML
Today, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. I said thank you but informed him that my birthday is tomorrow. He told me that I was wrong and screamed at me for 20 minutes. When I still wouldn't agree with him, he hung up and turned my phone service off. FML
InterestingMuch tells us more.
The worst part about this is that he did this last year as well. Except last year, he called TWO days early and tried to shrug it off as a joke. This year, I think he was just super embarrassed and felt like crap. He DID turn my phone back on and called me today (the right day this time) and apologized. Said he was stressed from work. Maybe next year? 3rd time is the charm, right? I mean, he is getting closer to the right day....
Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML
Today, I was on hold with a company for so long that I was able to shower, clean my house, and was using the hold music to put my son to sleep. FML
ShroomSalad tells us more.
ShroomSalad 19
Thank you guys all for the nice comments! And yes I did finally get through to them, they decided to answer just as my son closed his eyes! FML!
Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML
OhWhoCares tells us more.
OhWhoCares 42
I got an FML published!!! Lol wow and I submitted it when I was still pretty upset I didn't think it'd get published :P Okay anyway I ended up calling the police and they were able to find him, along with my books and apparently a ton of other stuff since he'd been robbing people all day and drugs. Hopefully this isn't an omen or anything about my upcoming semester...
Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML
MoxleyCrue tells us more.
MoxleyCrue 17
OP here. I was eating in its general proximity. That's what I was doing. Eating things it wanted.
Today, I went on a blind date. People always joke about how horrible Axe is, but this guy sprayed it on so thick that I genuinely had to fight to not retch the entire time. It was so bad that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. FML
Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML
Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML
Today, my mother gave me hell for my "video game addiction". The "game" in question? A professional flight simulator program that I'm using to complement my flight school lessons. FML
simugeek tells us more.
simugeek 16
Just 16 and starting my career very early because I love it!
Today, I went to the mall and was persistently asked to try one of the curling irons at a kiosk. I don't like to use heat on my hair, but I reluctantly agreed. The iron burned off a good chunk of hair from the back of my head. FML
suuoerwholock tells us more.
OP here. This had actually happened a few months ago so my hair is grown out to the point where it's not really that noticeable now. I have roughly 3 feet of hair and I am asked almost every single time I walk by any kiosk that has to do with hair to try out their product. To the people saying that I shouldn't have "caved in"-- I had already walked past this kiosk 3 or 4 times and didn't see any harm in a couple of curls.
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