Miscellaneous: Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed... - FML

By IrisKitty - United States - Englewood

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

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Messed up

This Charming Man

NRA fanboy

By Anonymous - 14/3/2021 11:01

Circular logic

Today, I was told I was disrespectful for letting a parent know that her son was disrespecting adults. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, my mom and I went to catch our flight to Jamaica. She ended up being detained and questioned, because she packed hairspray, shampoo, drinks, basically half the shit you're not allowed to have in your luggage. We missed our flight. FML

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By Tey - United States

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

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By sylverster - Singapore

Today, I banged into a glass door. My friend laughed at me, so I turned around and gave him the finger, then turned back to continue walking and banged into the door again. FML

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By fuckinghicks - United States

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

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By Jonny - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

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By but why

Today, when it started raining, I remembered that I'd left my kitchen windows open. I hurried to close them, but slipped in a huge puddle and slid into the wall, making a huge hole in it with my knee. FML

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By Penkkis - Finland

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to hold hands with plastic "horror hand" I bought for Halloween. FML

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By wonder woman - United States - Levittown

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

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By Desiree_lianne - United States

Today, my fiance said his cat is going to be my maid of honor at our wedding. FML

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By _Emilyy - United States

Today, I updated my facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML

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By cai - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. He was drunk and won't remember any of this tomorrow. FML

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By ironic driver - United States

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

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By Sam

Today, I went to my first ultrasound appointment. The daughter I was hoping for is actually going to be boy triplets. FML

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By paula434 - United States

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

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By tampon of doom - 27/5/2021 14:01

Logic

Today, I found out from a cousin why my older aunts treated me so differently when we were growing up. Apparently, my mom told them that when I was 14, I wanted to use tampons instead of pads. According to their backward, archaic logic that meant I was sexually active. No wonder they hated me. FML

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By Dumbass - United States

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

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By Kyrstin Budd

Today, I noticed a lady at work staring at me very intently. When she realized she had my attention, she made a sweeping gesture over her head and said, "Hair is like Trump!" FML

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By Oja1 - United States

Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

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By sexyswollen - Netherlands

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

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By tacolove69 - United States

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

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By Blondie - United States

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

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By randa

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Ashburton

Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

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By darlingditz - United States

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

The Terror

Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

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By jaybob18 - United States

Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML

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By Anonymous - Portugal - Alhandra

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

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By Beeisc00l - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

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By blow away - United States - Middletown

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a headache when I woke up for school. I had final exams that day, so I took what I thought were 2 advils. They were two sleeping pills. FML

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By myheadhurts - United States

Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug addicted friends into my home while I was away where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML

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By Tucker - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

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By Ihavethickthighs

What's that sound?

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

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By Marriedtoajew

True Love

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

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By anon - Australia

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

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Top comments

By ryannmichael | 17

#6385137 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:15

Just run & walk around naked, you need to show your dominance.

By websphere69 | 27

#6385145 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:18

Oh yes they call her the streak!

COMMENTS

By ryannmichael | 17

#6385137 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:15

Just run & walk around naked, you need to show your dominance.

By missa1996 | 18

#6385144 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:17

Yikes OP. Hopefully you'll be able to erase that image from your brain.

By websphere69 | 27

#6385145 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:18

Oh yes they call her the streak!

Reply

weswheatley | 14

#6385239 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 2:32

Boogity boogity!

Reply

Redgy22 | 26

#6385310 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 4:31

Fastest thing on two feet!!!

Reply

johnrdz3 | 24

#6385337 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 4:57

I didn't know the flash was OP's grandma

Reply

Ichiya | 29

#6385386 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 5:43

Ethel you get your clothes back on!!

By TeasinDaNoobs | 16

#6385153 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:19

Some things you just can't unsee, sorry OP

By Liamj774 | 36

#6385156 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:20

Did she tell from her glory days of running without a robe

By WhoopteDo | 26

#6385157 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:21

Get your own place indeed, then you can run around naked in your own home. in the meantime, I recommend acetone over bleach, it does a better job.

By TheNewGuy03 | 28

#6385158 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:21

That's the stuff of nightmares right there.

By rileyrae0000 | 23

#6385171 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:32

I would be utterly horrified

By Swandive235 | 27

#6385177 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:37

Hi, I live near you. Lol, but yeah... that's scarring.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6385507 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 7:43

You should have just asked OP to move in with you, we all know that's what you were thinking.

Reply

SubparAtBest | 23

#6385604 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 10:45

gotta get some irisKitty

By gracehi | 31

#6385180 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 1:38

At least you didn't have to wash her soiled sheets.

Reply

beeferjay | 34

#6385231 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 2:16

or give her a sponge bath...