Miscellaneous

By wife - 22/02/2015 03:47 - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband lost his keys again. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 387

You deserved it 8 709

By poncho55 - 21/02/2015 20:28

Today, a guy attacked me and tried to steal my bag. I tried to defend myself by biting him as hard as I could. I then woke up to my husband screaming in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 671

You deserved it 4 498

poncho55 tells us more.

poncho55 40

Sunday 22 February 2015 7:08

No worries, he's okay now. :) Later on in the day, he laughed about it and thought it was pretty hilarious, which is good because I felt pretty bad about biting him.

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 15:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 037

You deserved it 8 570

By pissed - 21/02/2015 00:35 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my mom told me that, even though my brother sells drugs, he's still her favorite child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 082

You deserved it 2 993

kerstileann tells us more.

kerstileann 26

Saturday 21 February 2015 18:54

you know youll get modded and have a ban against you for saying that right? :)

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 21:26 - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 013

You deserved it 2 796

By OzzyWannabee - 20/02/2015 08:12 - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 024

You deserved it 7 197

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 01:46 - United States - Lebanon

Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 869

You deserved it 5 112

By anonymous - 19/02/2015 16:06 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 761

You deserved it 3 274

By ImNotFat - 18/02/2015 04:22 - New Zealand

Today, a photo of my friends and me was posted in our college group. I didn't notice my legs looked enormous until my friend pointed it out. Her comment got 50 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 968

You deserved it 3 289

By trolls have hit the gutters - 17/02/2015 18:23 - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, a homeless guy told me I looked like shit and to have some self-respect. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 635

You deserved it 4 637

By Swatted - 17/02/2015 06:39 - United States - Sparks

Today, a model I've been working on for an art competition was declined. They thought I was being insensitive and "rudely glorifying 9/11". My model was about the ending scene of King Kong. I spent twenty hours on that model. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 344

You deserved it 2 946

By Anonymous - 16/02/2015 03:25 - Australia

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 423

You deserved it 2 561

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 17:57 - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 432

You deserved it 3 276

By Rubyscooby212 - 15/02/2015 04:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 350

You deserved it 3 742

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 19:02 - United States - Lemont

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 956

You deserved it 2 463

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 330

You deserved it 3 541

By DumbFace714 - 14/02/2015 01:43 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 906

You deserved it 2 826

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 01:27 - United States

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 248

You deserved it 4 005

By jostertoaster12 - 13/02/2015 20:31 - United States - Steamboat Springs

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 260

You deserved it 2 413

By Anonymous - 13/02/2015 20:24

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 024

You deserved it 2 231

By TheKingKen - 13/02/2015 08:40 - Australia - Perth

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 749

You deserved it 24 996

TheKingKen tells us more.

TheKingKen 22

Friday 13 February 2015 17:24

Ha! OP is so dumb. His tiny brain can't even function properly :D But just to clarify some things, English is my second language. We rarely speak English at home. In my native language, saying "I'm pregnant" and "I'm full" (because I already ate at the time) sounds similar enough for me to confuse the two phrases if I don't pay enough attention :D

By ahhhhhh - 12/02/2015 17:23 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 655

You deserved it 6 508