Today, while talking to my parents, I dropped an ordinary drinking glass. After I apologized and cleaned the mess, they told me that they had decided that if I couldn't be careful at home, I certainly couldn't be careful on the roads. They took away my keys. I'm 19. FML
Today, after five years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to six angry texts about how I'm "selfish" for not staying at home with my family. FML
Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
Today, I found out why my mother-in-law kept asking for one particular photo of our baby. She just wanted to show off the blanket that she had made to her friends on Facebook. Her first grandchild was almost completely cropped out of the picture. FML
AndyClara tells us more.
AndyClara 39
I'm a midwife as well as a mother. I know the world doesn't revolve around me, and that people generally don't care about baby photos unless they know someone related to them or they are very well taken. I've met more new grandparents that I can count, her behaviour is just not typical of the average grandparent I meet. She is a lovely person, she is just not a baby person. No craft group and no other photos of the baby. She is not the worst Grandparent in the world and our baby is beautiful. I found the situation amusing and strange, which makes a perfect submission to FML, so I submitted it! Her reasoning behind it is she didn't want to look like she was showing off her work. The comment section of her Facebook was very amusing to read, almost as amusing as this one, so thanks for the laughs.
Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML
Today, I laid in bed until 3am kept up by a house party. In my own house. Which my housemates didn't invite me to. FML
Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML
Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML
Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML
Today, my friends decided to throw a going away party because I'm moving. It would have been great if I had actually been invited. FML
Today, an ultrasound tech complimented me on my "exceptionally full bladder." That's probably the best compliment I've received this week. FML
Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML
Today, I arrived at the salon to get my hair done for prom. The lady at the front desk insisted I didn't have an appointment. After looking back on my recent calls, it turned out I called the wrong number and whatever asshole was on the other line played along. FML
Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML
Today, the main file and backups of the book I've been writing for 2 and a half years mysteriously vanished. It turned out my mum decided that me spending so much time in my room must mean I'm watching porn, and so she trashed everything. FML
I can't stand leg puns! tells us more.
Hi guys, OP here. To all of you who say this was a bit ambiguous, I ran out of space, so let me explain in more detail. I had 3 separate USBs, one of which I carry around my neck to prevent this from happening. Everything was clearly labelled and everyone was aware that I was writing a book. As for the USB around my neck, labelled "Confidential - **** off", I took it off for a shower, and when I came back... Poof! Gone. To those of you saying I should move out, I'm 16, so no chance of that happening. And when I said "Trashed" I meant literally gone. Everything downloaded onto a separate hard drive and removed while I was out of the house. As to how she guessed my password, I may never know. But yeah, this is my follow up, hope this clears things up somewhat.
Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML
Today, our mouse problem finally started to go away. Now we have a snake problem. FML
Today, I saw a woman being mugged. I ran up to help and pushed the guy off of her. She then punched me in the face and called the cops because she was, "just living out a fantasy" and I'm, "a lunatic for trying to help." FML
Today, I saw someone accidentally leave their headlights on downtown. Trying to be a helpful, I chased them down 2 blocks only to be informed that their headlights automatically turn off. FML
TheGolfGTI tells us more.
TheGolfGTI 24
Thanks for all the friendly comments! The full story is that I was at outside of whole foods in my car when an old couple got out of their truck. I saw in my rear view mirror that they left their lights on. The street they were going down was a one way street, so I chased after them on foot. After some running and little shoving I reached them only for the wife to tell me "Oh hun, they turn off by themselves." I went back and yes, she was correct.
Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML
Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML
Today, I was excited because a friend had added me to a new Facebook chat consisting of my tight circle of friends from last year's summer camp. I then saw when the chat had been created. They kept me out of the chat for almost an entire year before deciding to add me. FML
Alaskalex_fml tells us more.
Hey, this is OP. The camp is in Washington, and it looked like all the people in the chat were the campers from Washington, so my guess is that they created the chat just for the Washingtonians and started to add in people as camp time drew closer. The reason why it hurts a little is that I've had a pretty rough year with depression- I switched schools and ended up having no friends for about half the year- and it would have been nice to be able to talk with them and get some support, even though they lived so far away. I haven't said anything about it and I won't, there's no point in making a big deal out of something so little. To #13- I did the same thing many a time in order to make myself feel better about being the youngest and not being able to do the things my older siblings did. #22- Lol, okay, whatever you say. You seem a lot more invested in this than I am. #44- Yes, we have summer camps in Alaska, though I was referring to one in Washington. Contrary to popular belief, there exists four seasons in Alaska, not just winter.
Today, I found out that my husband really thinks onion rings are seafood. He's 36. FML
Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML
Today, I found my boyfriend and his friends laughing hysterically and practically choking on popcorn. They were watching a video of me in a school play, trying to sing while sobbing because I'd just pissed my pants in front of 200 people. Thanks for giving him the video, mom. FML
Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML
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