Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML
Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML
Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML
Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML
Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I had Botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML
Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML
OhHeySlogan tells us more.
I'm the OP. That's what I did and it worked. Haha I'm still finding a few stragglers though.
Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML
Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML
Today, it was my first time taking blood on the ward. The doctor saw that I was nervous and gave me a violent old man with schizophrenia who thought I was there to kill him. FML
sakura_girl tells us more.
sakura_girl 14
Patient needs routine blood investigations; medical student needs more experience. That's the gist of it.
Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML
Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML
Today, I learned the hard way that you should never use medical tape to secure gauze over a razor cut on your scrotum. FML
Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML
Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML
Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML
Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML
Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML
Today, as I was driving to work, I witnessed a kid apparently getting jumped. Being a good citizen, I got out and started yelling at them. I ended up alongside the kid in the hospital. FML
Today, I tried to politely explain to my mother that I'm allergic to her laundry soap. She just called me crazy. I have been scratching for three days straight and my skin is almost all red. She refuses to buy anything else. FML
izzy54149 tells us more.
I really can't buy my own detergent, I can't drive yet. I would walk to the store and buy it there, but all of the roads have no sidewalks and the cars don't stop. I do my own laundry, but have to use the soap, and when it gets on my hands it's like instant rash.
Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML
Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML
Today, I discovered I have a cyst on my backside. I can't get it removed until Friday. I have to sit through four midterms this week. FML
Today, I went to the hospital with severe chest pain, thinking it was a heart attack. Turns out now I just can't have booze, pop, chocolate, fruit with skins, seeds, tomatoes, or mint. I'd rather have the heart attack. FML
Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML
Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for a physical. I've been sitting in the doctor's bathroom for 10 minutes now, trying to think of how to tell him I accidentally tripped and spilled my urine sample on the carpet. FML
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