Animals

Just so you guys know, I have a whole lot of furniture. I'm pretty sure the cricket was hiding under one of the pieces of furniture, but every time I got near my couch, ottoman, armchair, side table, or bookcase, it stopped chirping. It was pretty hard to tell where it was coming from!

When you gotta go…

By Anonymous - 17/01/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I was walking my big, fat, fluffy old dog when I saw my crush. I waved enthusiastically, but my dog chose that moment to squat down and unleash a string of poop. My crush looked horrified as I tried to scoop it up while still waving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 175

Have a good one!

By suuuuuupucci - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 208

You deserved it 3 529

Surprise, MFer!

By Anonymous - 04/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 108

Kenny Loggins is penning a song

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 984

You deserved it 4 507

Doggy dog world

By that desert girl - 14/01/2023 16:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've been crying on a regular basis because I know one day my dog will die. He’s a completely healthy and happy dog, I just can’t accept how short his life will be and the fact that he’ll probably die before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 818

Apex predator

By PaulineIsHere - 06/10/2024 20:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I bought my cat a catnip-filled toy that's shaped like a fish. He pounced on it, wrestled with it, and then got so scared of it for no reason that he dashed full speed into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 131

By KennyJF7 - 15/03/2014 02:43 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, while mowing, I found a baby bunny and took a picture of it. 20 minutes later, I accidentally ran over said bunny with the mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 574

You deserved it 22 666

KennyJF7 tells us more.

KennyJF7 14

Sunday 16 March 2014 3:57

I'm the OP, and the bunny was in a patch of grass oddly taller than the rest, and I didn't know it was there until I backed up because I thought I hit a tennis ball for my dog.

My name is Pica…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my dog ate so much toilet paper that she can probably wipe herself from the inside out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 137

You deserved it 467

By redmethod87 - 08/04/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 048

You deserved it 6 510

Up and down

By NightmareCentral - 19/10/2022 16:00 - United States - Little Rock

Today, I felt euphoric joy upon finding my deceased cat alive! Then utter devastation: she was suffering and needed putting down. Then joy! She recovered! Then crippling loss when it didn't last. This vivid emotional nightmare continued over and over until I woke up sobbing. My Fitbit says it was my best sleep in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 163

By TheMichaelNixon - 14/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 805

You deserved it 75 568

It's about time

By peetime - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom taking the dog to the vet, when he peed on me. We were taking him there because he hadn't peed in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 109

By eer004 - 07/12/2013 10:06 - United States - Odessa

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 829

You deserved it 7 058

eer004 tells us more.

eer004 8

Monday 16 December 2013 4:43

I am really surprised this made it through. on the bright side we had been discussing getting a cat for our daughter. I just expected to let her pick it out, not to wake up to a knew kitten in my bed