Today, I was driving home, it was 80 degrees out. Making a rare attempt to be eco-friendly, I turned off the A/C and lowered the windows. A bee then flew in through the window, hit my cheek, and stung me. That's what I get for attempting to be eco-friendly. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML
Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my horse discovered that if he pushed the bottom of his water bucket up, it would empty itself outside the stall, right on top of me. I had just bent down to put the grooming supplies back in my bag on the ground just outside the stall. I have a lesson in 5 minutes and my white shirt is now see-through. FML
AkaiKitsune tells us more.
AkaiKitsune 31
Yes, my horse is a bit of a... character at times. For those whose said I shouldn't be wearing white, there was a show next door that I was debating on going to and it was a hot day. So I was wearing my lightweight white dress shirt. Too hot for the jacket. If I had fallen off I wouldn't have bothered with the show. It was just a small barn show anyway. But I thought it might be a good warm up to show season. I would have done my lesson on my Perlino Andalusian stud, then switched to my beautiful black Arabian mare for the show so as to not overheat either of them. If I hadn't gone for a short ride that day the pair would have been a nightmare to handle the next. The downside of having a preference for hotbloods. That's alright, I got him back today by bringing him to the beach and using him for pony rides for the kids. He knows not to act up around the children. Though he had the most put-out expression on his face. Like somehow playing pony was beneath him... Mind he did get me back for that by dumping me into a blackberry bush the next day.
Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML
Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML
Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML
Today, my dog managed to pull a one-pound package of raw bacon out and eat the entire package including the cardboard. The vets cheered when they finally got him to puke up the entire, unchewed package of bacon. FML
Kovu_fml tells us more.
Kovu_fml 16
He wasn't in pain. He inhales everything he eats. He as thyroid issues so hes not allowed to eat alot so poor baby is always trying to steal food. :(
Today, I found rodent droppings in my bed, inches away from where my pillow is. I spend almost 99% of my time in my room and I never once heard or saw any signs of a rodent. FML
Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML
Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML
Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML
Today, after weeks of being up nights to hand feed nine puppies, I, an insomniac, finally got to sleep during the day, which isn't easy for me, only to be woken by my partner asking me a stupid question that was unimportant, then made to feel like a jerk for being angry. I'm now stuck awake, pissed. FML
Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML
Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML
Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML
Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one who's in my math class, noticed me, despite me trying to hide. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML
Today, I texted my exes, not because I missed them, but because I wanted to know how their pets were doing. This holds true for at least four relationships. FML
Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML
coldstar tells us more.
Just to clarify a few things: my two adult cats (the mother and the baby-eater) are sisters. I had planned to have them both spayed a few months ago but the baby-eater was very unwell at the time, so I decided to postpone the spaying for both of them so that I could eventually get them both done at the same time. By the time the unwell cat had recovered the other had already snuck out of the house and fallen pregnant, so I resigned myself to letting her have the kittens and then taking them both to be fixed. That's how this situation happened. To those questioning whether I was aware of the potential danger, yes I was, but the mother cat is usually dominant to her sister and intimidates her a lot, so I assumed she'd chase her away if she tried to go near the newborns. Instead she seemed indifferent to the situation and simply stood by while her sister killed the litter. As for why I did not intervene, I was not in the room at the time. I entered the room and saw the cat had given birth, then exited the room to go and fetch her some extra food and water. When I returned I found the sister in the room with blood around her mouth, half a leg on the floor, and the mother sitting off to one side washing herself. As I stared at the scene in a mixture of surprise and revulsion, the killer began coughing violently then vomited. So that's how you came to read about this event. As for those suggesting I should punish the killer in some way, I am not going to. She was just acting on instinct, like all non-human animals do. And I think that's all I have to say for now. Sorry for the long comment.
Today, I was absolutely crucified online for asking the vet’s office how much it would cost to put my dog down. She's terminally ill. FML
Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he had a catphobia, but I forgot to tell him my mom has a new kitten, so when we went round he freaked out so much trying to escape this tiny kitten following him, it reminded me very much of Captain Hook trying to escape being eaten by the crocodile. FML
Today, a woman walked in with her dog into a pet-free zone of my restaurant. When I politely told her that she would have to move, she told me she had a guide dog and would be calling her lawyer. I lost my job by the end of the night because she thinks dog vests are cruel. FML
FudgeThePolice tells us more.
Yo, I’m the OP, I hope the mods of the site will be able to connect me to this story! Since people think I’m being ignorant etc, I decided to make this account to clear things up. First of all, I am fully aware that medically service dogs are allowed basically anywhere - I’ve got friends and family who have a variety of difficult needs and their dogs are a great help. The issue of this whole situation is this woman had ZERO indication that her dog was a service animal - as in there was no vest, lead, harness, bandana etc and she herself had no indication either, so I literally had no way to know. There’s a very limited amount of characters on these submissions and obviously I couldn’t put everything on there. I wasn’t rude either, word for word I said “I’m so sorry ma’am, I have to ask you to move to another table as this area doesn’t allow animals for the comfort of all our guests, may I get you a drink for your trouble?.” There’s three other giant areas of the restaurant she could have gone to with plenty of space. She just went absolutely crazy. My boss did offer me my job back with a pay rise, but I’d found a nicer place by then. He did apologise a lot and we’re still friends outside of work :)
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
