Animals

Op here I happen to take regular showers and I have a boyfriend I've been with for 5 years so just because I may be a crazy cat lady does not mean I am single or smelly have a good day sir :)

By yikes - 21/04/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 186

You deserved it 3 788

Creepy

By scared-straight - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 088

You deserved it 4 462

By Brinty - 16/09/2009 02:43 - Australia

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 699

You deserved it 4 568

By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/05/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 522

You deserved it 9 216

Whatcha doin' up there?

By That1FamousWRX - 07/02/2021 11:01 - United States

Today, I went to pull a nose hair out, only to end up pulling a spider out by its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 108

By dragonfyre73 - 07/01/2015 00:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally met my long-distance boyfriend of three years for the first time in person. After an amazing dinner and movie date, we went back to his house, only for him to dump me half an hour later. Not because I wouldn't have sex with him. No, his cat doesn't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 033

You deserved it 8 470

dragonfyre73 tells us more.

dragonfyre73 4

Friday 9 January 2015 5:02

OP here, as for all of you asking how we went three years without meeting each other, we meet in an online chatroom and became close friends. we knew each for about a year and a half before he asked me out. I was dubious as to how such a relationship would work, but it actually worked remarkably well. I personally am not the biggest fan of people or of physical contact, so having a boyfriend with whom I could only talk worked wonderfully for me. We did want to meet up in person sooner, but the travel costs along with more than a few family disagreements about the relation kinda made that a little bit difficult. We actually got back together later in my stay and he says that it was a joke. considering that he's always had an awful sense of humor, it really doesn't surprise me. I just wish that he'd been just a /touch/ more considerate. As it turns our, he had realized that he'd left the ring box on his bedside table and wanted to keep the proposal secret so yeah.

By Annonymous_Dad - 01/05/2013 23:22 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 838

You deserved it 6 078

Annonymous_Dad tells us more.

Annonymous_Dad 4

Thursday 2 May 2013 15:05

My dog IS trained. Generally, he just needs to be told "heel" or "quiet" and he obeys. However, ever since the baby has come home ( 3 weeks) hes gone into super protective mode. A car door slams and hes "killer guard dog". Its getting ridiculous and I do get exasperated when it happens multiple times within a half hour. He DOES listen when I yell, because its not something I have ever done with him. Afterwards, however, we go through the "heel" command and give treats. He just hasnt settled down yet! Maybe Ill just start yelling "Heel Killer!!" ( totally kidding, calm down, no more yelling for me)

By dcort - 08/04/2012 16:39 - United States - New York

Today, while I was getting out of the shower, I saw a spider climb into the ceiling vent. Wanting it to come out so I could kill it, I turned on the fan. It came out, along with a dozen of its friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 493

You deserved it 7 219