Animals

Next time, I'll just ignore you

By stoopidRUnner - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 316

You deserved it 13 689

By aaa - 01/03/2011 15:00

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 5 786

By Anonymous - 24/12/2015 18:06 - United States - Kennewick

Today, I told my friend I was considering adopting a dog. She looked at me like I was Satan and went on a rant about how dogs are "born evil" and will always maul someone given the chance. I still have the marks from when one of her psycho cats sliced open my arm last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 859

You deserved it 1 741

By 4am blues - 13/07/2015 04:39 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 348

You deserved it 2 569

Who run the world? Cats!

By tease_ftx - 31/08/2017 13:00

Today, as I was laying down to sleep, I grabbed my covers and realized the cat pissed on them and on my body pillow. Now I'm up at 1 a.m. doing laundry so I can have clean bedding and my kids are awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 217

You deserved it 446

Foxy Lady

By foxownerapperantly - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Hoorn

Today, an old lady in public transport yelled at me and my dog, called me a liar, and threw her grape soda over me because according to her my pet Shiba Inu was actually a fox, and keeping foxes as pets is illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 557

You deserved it 1 903

Deep dish

By Grauncho - 22/09/2012 14:12 - United States - Chicago

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 740

You deserved it 3 623

By wormsmeat - 17/09/2015 21:08 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my dog vomited a writhing mass of maggots. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled, and I was baffled as to where she found a maggot infested dead thing to eat. Baffled, until my mom reminded me that my cat has been missing, presumed dead, for over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 056

You deserved it 1 773

By kaileigh10 - 18/05/2011 03:04

Today, I threw a surprise birthday party for my 3 year old. There was music, snacks and lots of toys. My 3 year old is a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 048

You deserved it 50 608

kaileigh10 tells us more.

kaileigh10 2

Wednesday 18 May 2011 21:00

I agree! How is a baby going to change my life. that was a stupid suggestion.

What is wrong with you?

By Anonymous - 25/07/2024 05:00

Today, our dog is a racist. No other way to say it. We’ve had her since she was born, raised her just like our other dogs, but every time we try to take her for a walk, if she spots a black person, any black person, she barks at them, and once almost bit someone. We don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 12/05/2011 04:41

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 022

You deserved it 27 790

Doggos 4 Life

By Jerry01 - 19/11/2024 03:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, in the middle of what I thought was an empty park, I told my dog he’s the “goodest, bestest boy” while out on a walk. A stranger appeared out of nowhere, gave me a thumbs-up, and said, “You too, champ.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 168

WTF was that?

By no salt, no burning, just STFU - 08/03/2015 14:41 - United States

Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away, living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 776

You deserved it 3 563

Where would we be without GPS?

By Anonymous - 18/09/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I followed my GPS exactly for directions to my job interview. I ended up at a petting zoo. I was too embarrassed to admit my mistake, so I pretended to pet a goat before leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 445

By WellThatSucks - 23/05/2016 09:15 - United States

Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 208

You deserved it 1 401

By I Like My Cat - 21/12/2012 10:02 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found out that the tinsel on my Christmas tree is worth a couple of hundred euros per strand. Well, that's how much the two that were surgically removed from my cat have cost me. At least the cat's going to be fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 026

You deserved it 13 341

Stop moving!

By Anonymous - 29/05/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I had to try and capture some of my dog’s pee to get tests done. During the attempt, he pissed all up my arm, the ordeal drawing a crowd of spectators who no doubt think I’ve gone mad. After all that, the sample captured wasn’t enough to be tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 104

By MoreActionThanMe - 11/12/2012 00:04 - United States

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 949

You deserved it 2 824

No more clicks for you

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 14:00

Today, after I'd saved a baby mouse and was filming a YouTube series of me taking care of it, my boyfriend told me he found a “rat” in the kitchen, but not to worry he killed it and fed it to the cat. He killed my baby mouse, and now he’s mad I didn’t praise him for his brilliant extermination job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 661

Higher learning

By jaybob18 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 751

You deserved it 11 449

Crabby

By AkaiKitsune - 29/06/2017 04:00

Today, I went to explore a beach that was rumoured to have big crabs on it instead of the usual small tide pool crabs. I found out that the rumours were true went I went to flip over a rock, which was in fact not a rock. I now have to explain to a doctor how I ended up needing stitches again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 961

You deserved it 1 297

By AnnoyedAggie16 - 05/12/2016 09:14 - United States - Cypress

Today, after being neutered, my dog has managed to destroy three different "cones of shame", a special (and expensive) inflatable "donut" collar, and two t-shirts used as last resorts. I've essentially spent over $100 to unsuccessfully try keep my dog from licking his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 528

You deserved it 923

AnnoyedAggie16 tells us more.

AnnoyedAggie16 0

Thursday 8 December 2016 5:59

This is the OP. I didn't have an account when I posted this so I'm not sure how to make my comment show I'm the OP, but oh well. Basically we adopted a dog after thanksgiving and the shelter insisted they neuter him themselves before he could go home with us. Being one of the highest intake shelters in the state, I'm sure his surgery was a little rushed, and the results were not ideal. Speaking as a former vet tech, his incision placement was very odd and has caused a lot of problems for him. We've actually had to see the vet four times in the past week over it. Unfortunately this makes it even more important for us to prevent him from licking, which obviously has proven problematic to say the least. We've finally managed to keep an e-collar on him for more than a day... but it's probably only a matter of time. We love our new troublemaker tons regardless though.

Impressive

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 753

You deserved it 19 560

Get off my lawn!

By control your mutt! - 23/02/2022 22:00

Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 420

What did you say?

By What? - 22/01/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 670

You deserved it 4 116

By anonymous - 06/06/2016 16:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 373

You deserved it 1 592

Snek

By Ksweety_fml - 01/08/2019 02:00

Today, somebody in a store was talking about a girl who had a snake, and while I was walking out the store, an old lady asked me if I was the girl with the snake. I said no, to which she replied, "Oh, because you look like someone who would." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 265

Major Regina George vibes

By Partypoopermom - 23/12/2021 11:01

Today, our family dog passed away. My 16 year-old daughter had a tantrum over us cancelling her 16th birthday trip, because, “the stupid dog picked the perfect day to die.” She says she’s going on the trip “with or without us.” She actually went. With her friends. What do they see in this sociopathic brat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 1 725

By Muwz - 13/08/2014 04:28 - France

Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 529

You deserved it 9 782

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 13:25 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my idiot horse decided to grab a mouthful of stinging nettles while I was riding him. He panicked at the burning sensation in his mouth and bucked me off. Don't worry, though, my fall was cushioned, by the nettles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 523

You deserved it 5 499

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, while drunk, my brother got on my computer onto my already logged in Wikipedia account and made a few bad edits. He got me reported for vandalism, sending abusive messages to other editors, and banned from editing, pending appeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 147

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said, "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 761

You deserved it 3 321

Today, I told my husband I was making a points system for him to earn sex by doing chores and favors. He said, "Okay, I'll make one for dates. Every time you go five days without whining or nagging me, you get a date." I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 906

Today, I was having motorbike lessons. We were parked by the side of the circuit when one side of my gloves dropped on the ground. I tried to pick it up without getting off the bike. I lost balance, fell off the bike and the bike landed on my leg, trapping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 1 253

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 925

You deserved it 5 299

Today, I failed to notice a nice ripe pile of dog poop on my front yard until I got to work. I tried to clean my shoe off with alcohol wipes in the bathroom. Not only did it barely work, the wipes are non-flushable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 175