Animals

By EpicJman2828 - 27/06/2013 04:27 - United States

Today, my cousin thought it would be cool to put a firecracker in an abandoned birdhouse. Before I could tell him not to, it exploded and about 30 wasps came after me like the wrath of God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 156

You deserved it 5 142

EpicJman2828 tells us more.

EpicJman2828 11

Friday 28 June 2013 0:33

OP here. Im so shocked I got posted. Just like to say my cousin was gone when it exploded and I was stung about 9 times. Overall it was very exciting being able to go outside and know something wanted your freaking soul. Those suckers will Hunt you down and rape your body with their asses

Freakout

By Brie - 29/05/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 011

You deserved it 11 777

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 174

You deserved it 153 085

By Jukka - 19/04/2011 00:48

Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 780

You deserved it 8 461

By Fran - 09/01/2010 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30 a.m. by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 540

You deserved it 3 374

By Mith - 04/02/2009 10:56 - Poland

Today, in biology class, I kept seeing a fly or a mosquito buzzing past my face and I kept trying to swat at it… only to realize that it was a ceiling sprinkler that was about 10 feet away. I have no depth perception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 383

You deserved it 18 051

By Beeisc00l - 05/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 627

You deserved it 22 543

By lifelike - 29/10/2012 04:23 - United States - Oroville

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 5 387

Siren king

By drreeeewwww - 25/11/2014 20:44 - United States - Salem

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 654

You deserved it 3 752

Bass Pro Shop

By superfreak6 - 20/05/2016 13:25 - United States - New Orleans

Today, after fishing for 5 hours, I finally caught a respectable-sized fish. I ran to my truck to grab the scale, and then I saw my friend laughing hysterically while holding an empty net. Apparently, the only catch of our day jumped out of the net during the 15 seconds I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 949

You deserved it 1 979

Specsavers

By Blind Idiot - 13/11/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I thought the black pillow on my chair was a dog. I do have dogs, but not a black one, so I panicked until I realized the "dog" wasn't moving. Then it clicked. I guess my brain decided I needed another reminder as to why I wear glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 298

By Pups4Cups - 26/10/2016 12:43

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 405

You deserved it 1 800

Creeped out

By NotASpiderMan - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 973

You deserved it 6 227

Occam's razor

By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 01:09 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 753

You deserved it 3 772

SHAME!

By Poowee - 18/09/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 595

You deserved it 49 452

It wasn't me, or him

By ev_lyn_aw - 17/05/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 904

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 16:17 - United States

Today, a hummingbird somehow got into my house. I spent two and a half hours trying to get it out after finally using a blanket to catch it. I run outside to release it from my hands, and it flew back into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 391

You deserved it 6 363

Fur babies

By Sad cat owner - 25/01/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I've been trying to adopt a cat with little success since my last one died. My other cat, who had grown attached to him when she realized he was dying, has been lazier and more prone to seeking attention than before since he passed away. I now know cats can suffer from depression. I feel bad now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 141

Date night

By JulleandCici - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 078

You deserved it 5 066

Goodbye horses

By Owned - 25/03/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 878

You deserved it 9 254

By Fat Arsed Lass - 01/06/2014 10:28 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 474

You deserved it 9 503

By Anonymous - 05/02/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 380

You deserved it 4 190

By Anonymous - 23/04/2014 02:46 - United States

Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 239

You deserved it 5 529

By Lilly - 30/10/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 984

You deserved it 4 385

By anonymous - 29/08/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 542

You deserved it 2 539

By Anonymous - 28/11/2016 06:34

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 432

You deserved it 1 591

WTF?

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 05:00

Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 073

You deserved it 412

To show you my love

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 23:00 - United States - Monterey

Today, after waiting 3 weeks so she wouldn't be too stressed after being shipped, I was finally able to handle my snake for the first time. As I went to pick her up, I noticed she's about to shed and so is temporarily super stressed by any movement nearby, let alone contact. Here's to another week of waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 611

Lightbulb moment

By Kevin - 17/10/2024 16:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I tried to smack a fly that was buzzing around my room. I ended up hitting the wall a little too hard, scaring my cat, who jumped up and ran under the bed, knocking over a lamp. The fly is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 163

By day001313 - 07/04/2012 04:32 - United States - Albany

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 932

You deserved it 3 364

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 504

You deserved it 7 102

Today, I found out the person I've fallen for is seeing someone else. This isn't a problem. What IS a problem is the fact that I asked her out before they even met, and was told she wasn't ready for a relationship. This happens every time I try to put myself out there and let myself feel anything for anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 375

Today, I got home to my grandma yelling at the top of her lungs that I didn't do everything I was supposed to when I was home. I literally washed dishes, cleaned counters, vacuumed, gathered trash, AND cleaned the bathroom. I didn't fold my blankets. That's it. That's what she was yelling about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 111

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 775

You deserved it 2 358

Today, I spent three hours cleaning my apartment for a date. I then took a nap, only to wake up to find my cat had destroyed the place. Lucky for me, my date never showed up, and I ended the evening drinking Prosecco while sadly swiping through Tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 166

Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 494

You deserved it 3 201