Animals

By Debra2005 - 20/05/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 351

You deserved it 10 727

Creepy

By lilmatchgirl - 04/05/2021 07:59 - United States - Godley

Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 165

By Enyo - 01/01/2013 17:35 - Reserved

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10°C out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 729

You deserved it 4 327

Naughty boy

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, seconds after my mom put my Yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 399

You deserved it 3 593

Hands off

By anon - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman ran up to me and whacked me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 644

You deserved it 2 880

By Clumsyblonde22 - 04/06/2011 11:22 - United States

Today, my aunt gave my cat aspirin because when she touched his nose he had a 'fever'. I came home to a dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 257

You deserved it 4 172

By ang3l4 - 21/09/2016 05:28 - United States - Redding

Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 537

You deserved it 1 243

You can't put a price on a cat

By Anonymous - 19/08/2022 02:00 - United States - Webster

Today, I was nervous about taking my cat to the vet for a UTI, because money’s a little tight. Turns out the antibiotics weren’t that expensive, but he wants at least $1,000 for dental surgery she apparently “needs.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 177

Bad doggo!

By coral - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 045

You deserved it 12 556

The anti Jackson Galaxy

By Anonymous - 04/09/2021 19:59

Today, I was feeding my neighbor's cat while they are out of town. As I set the food down, the cat bit me, drawing blood. I reflected that although I'm all that stands between it and starvation, even the cat doesn't want to be my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 145

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 212

You deserved it 4 393

Great timing

By wideeyeddays - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pasadena

Today, my dad thought it was a great idea to text me and say he'd had to put our dog down. I was in the middle of class and still had hours left at school. It's not fun to walk across campus holding back tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 233

You deserved it 1 706

By loser4life - 30/07/2011 04:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 452

You deserved it 79 696

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 08:34 - United Kingdom - Bromsgrove

Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 495

You deserved it 1 924

Good riddance

By Anonymous - 05/02/2023 16:00

Today, after receiving yet again a dozen insulting texts, I realized that my dog has way better grammar than my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 167

The price of Floof

By Renee Cashmore - 30/07/2024 09:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped $1600 at the emergency vet because I thought my 14 year-old cat was constipated or obstructed. He was neither. He just had lots of gas in his intestines. I paid $1600 to find out my cat needed to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 155

By Username - 18/02/2011 05:19

Today, I came home to a lease violation and a $220 fine after a routine pest control visit. The violation: my single beta fish in a small bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 489

You deserved it 4 984

By steve - 23/12/2011 03:02 - United States

Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 443

You deserved it 35 885

Self-defeating move

By Steve - 12/05/2021 11:01

Today, my dog discovered his new toilet by taking a dump on his own bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 110

By skunked - 18/06/2013 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was visiting my childhood home, and I checked out my old treehouse. A family of skunks had made it their home, and I was promptly sprayed upon entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 416

You deserved it 7 081

Maths

By lorena_v - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 4 236

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 614

You deserved it 9 348

By WickedLittleDoll - 01/12/2014 16:38 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 656

You deserved it 8 919

If the shoe fits…

By Bruce - 17/08/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 725

You deserved it 3 661

Caturday visitor

By Bored - 27/04/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I once again came to the realization of how boring my life is when I noticed that the stray cat in my yard walks in a really silly manner, and I watched it for what seemed like an eternity, utterly fascinated, until it left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 170

By Crystal - 10/01/2009 08:21 - France

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 861

You deserved it 6 250

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I saw a cute dog. I reached down to pet it, but it snarled then bit me. As I was walking away, I saw the owner of the dog, who was laughing and filming the whole thing on his shitty cellphone. I hope the video isn't out there on TikTok or whatever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 1 019

By C_Ramirez1695 - 01/08/2015 02:31 - United States - Houston

Today, my grandpa set out snare traps to catch the foxes that have been around our property, because he wanted to protect our dog from being attacked by them. I then got a phone call from my dad telling me our dog got caught in one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 312

You deserved it 2 702

C_Ramirez1695 tells us more.

C_Ramirez1695 12

Sunday 2 August 2015 23:36

Unfortunately our dog has passed. It was a choke snare. I don't blame my grandpa he loved our dog just as much as we did, he was only trying to protect him. I don't know where you're from in the world but foxes and coyotes are not harmless. Our dog was a little shih tzu and a fox or coyote wouldn't think twice about attacking him.

Yummy

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 11:01

Today, I got an unexpected freebie for breakfast: I took my coffee and a plate of food up to my room. By the time I got there, some fairy had topped the food with a generous serving of animal hair. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 210

By spiderhater - 12/04/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 854

You deserved it 5 334

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Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 490

You deserved it 4 377

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 420

You deserved it 3 431

Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 787

You deserved it 394

Today, I accidentally called a student in my 10th grade English class "David" instead of "Dylan". Without thinking, I said, "I'm sorry, I just have a lot of Ds in my life!" All of my students broke out in mortified laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 007

You deserved it 1 108

Toda, while I was on a Zoom interview for a potential new career, one of my family members screamed, "Well that's a kick in the dick!" It was so loud, the recruiter immediately told me to have a nice day and abruptly ended the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 155

Today, and ever since my girlfriend and I watched the movie Obsession, she now thinks it's funny to watch me sleep, screams "STAAAAY!!" whenever I move when we're cuddling, and stands still by the door with a giant smile whenever I come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 89