Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Today, my mom grabbed my iPhone and threw it from the balcony, because I didn’t cry on the fifth anniversary of our family dog’s death. FML
Today, after I warned my son repeatedly that if he wanted a rabbit he had to clean and feed it, I checked on it. It wasn’t just dead, it was dead and rotting in a pool of its own pee and faeces. I yelled at him, but he just shrugged and told me rabbits are boring and he forgot it was even there. FML
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Today, I got a hamster against my wife's will. I can't wait until she wakes up and I have to tell her it's loose in the house. FML
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
Today, I needed the toilet in the night. Walking through my pitch black house barefoot, I felt something squish beneath my heel. Thinking it was a morsel of previously dropped food, I turned on the light to clean it up. My eyes met a twitching gecko body, with a flattened, exploded head. FML
Kakapo4Ever tells us more.
Kakapo4Ever 11
This is OP here. Firstly, I live in Oxfordshire, England as of now but I used to live in Singapore, which is tropical, so geckos were everywhere, inside and out - especially as our house had a relatively wild and unkempt garden. They weren't any trouble at all and the only ways of keeping them out of the house were cruel, so yeah they were just all over the walls and floors. This is when the FML happened. Secondly, it's not outlandish to assume someone may have dropped a bit of food on the floor is it? Surely more likely than a ******* gecko head. And yes I agree the true FML is for the gecko...twas a tragic night :(
Today, I saw my cat outside taking a dump. I pulled back the curtain and watched him clean it up, because I found it fascinating that animals can do that. I must have been standing there for several minutes before I noticed the neighbour next door looking at me being fascinated by my cat pooing. FML
Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML
Today, my grandpa set out snare traps to catch the foxes that have been around our property, because he wanted to protect our dog from being attacked by them. I then got a phone call from my dad telling me our dog got caught in one. FML
C_Ramirez1695 tells us more.
Unfortunately our dog has passed. It was a choke snare. I don't blame my grandpa he loved our dog just as much as we did, he was only trying to protect him. I don't know where you're from in the world but foxes and coyotes are not harmless. Our dog was a little shih tzu and a fox or coyote wouldn't think twice about attacking him.
Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML
Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML
Today, I was perusing my mom's Facebook when I noticed that she has an album of pictures for each member of the family. All except me. Even the dog has his own album. FML
Today, my dog hates my neighbor so much, she forms a shit barrier in their yard to keep them away from my house. FML
gabimk23 tells us more.
gabimk23 13
Well, it all started a couple months ago when the girl was living with a different man, they blasted music at 3 am and would tempt my dog with treats. One day I came home and there was a bunch of police cars in front of the house, apparently they were cooking meth and they got arrested. When she got bailed out 3 months later she moved in that house with another man, and ever since my dog goes outside barks at the house, and ***** in their yard. She hates them so much she tries to bark at them if she just sees them in the window. Maybe they gave her a bad treat idk.
Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML
Today, it’s 3 a.m. and my cat is shredding the padded door of her box, wanting to get out. I would be sympathetic if not for the fact that she has a perfectly good cat flap on the other side of that box, so she can go outside whenever she wants. FML
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
Today, at 2:30 in the morning, my brand new fish tank cracked and spilled ten gallons of water into my carpet. FML
fishyrael tells us more.
fishyrael 29
This is my FML and YES THE FISH ARE OKAY. Well, mostly. It drained too quickly for me to save the carpet, which has since been ripped up to let the subfloor dry, but not too quickly for me to get them out into cups. My betta was incredibly stressed and grumpy, and the catfish were in a panic and huddled together. The snail didn't seem to notice anything was going on at the time, but has since passed away, I think from stress. RIP Snailbert. I tried about 8 different treatments to dry the carpet and none of them really worked, so I'm gonna have to replace the carpet, I think. The ceiling of the floor below is also pretty ****** from the water damage. I have no idea why the tank failed, it was on a level surface, average price for an aquarium starter kit of that size, and was only about three or four months old, but I ran out and bought an emergency tank as soon as the fish store opened and made sure to get quality this time. Still, as a broke-ass college student, this was not an expense I expected to have.
Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML
Today, my dog was riding my car's passenger seat. He clambered over onto my lap, causing me to lose control of the wheel for a few seconds. As I tried to knock him off me, I lost track of my speed, and ended up being pulled over for reckless driving. FML
Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and got robbed at knifepoint. The robber made away with my phone, cash, and debit cards… and the French Bulldog I’m still making monthly payments for. FML
Today, the vet sent me an email wishing my kitten a happy 2nd birthday. My cat died last year. FML
Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML
Today, I woke up and got ready for class. I let the dogs outside while I got ready, then brought them back in. As I was putting my shoes on, I felt something warm and mushy. One of my dogs had pooped in my shoe right as I was leaving. I missed the city bus and was late. FML
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