Never ever again
·
23 June 2022, 10:00
· Toronto, Canada
The power of the cardboard box
Today, I’m kicking myself for buying and setting up an elaborate cat tree I thought my cats would love. The second I was done, they walked over to it, sniffed around, and went to sleep in the box it came in instead, and won’t go near the darn thing. It might as well be a $200 cardboard box. FML
I agree, your life sucks
677
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298
Anonymous
·
5 March 2025, 12:00
· United States
Relax
Today, I was craving some comfort food, so I grabbed a bag of nachos from the cupboard and sat down to binge-watch Netflix. As I opened the bag, the chips exploded everywhere, spilling all over the couch, and floor. I spent the next half hour picking up crumbs while my dog and cats happily ate the scraps. FML
I agree, your life sucks
355
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157
noxiffic
·
31 October 2014, 12:31
· Sandnes, Norway
Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML
I agree, your life sucks
39 416
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jaquie0812
·
12 June 2014, 16:37
· Longview, United States
Today, my two cats decided to have a brawl on top of me. I was just trying to get to sleep. Now I'm covered in scratches. FML
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Nebraskawreck
·
22 November 2018, 13:30
Bad boy
Today, my husband left our untrained puppy out of its kennel when he left for work. I got home and all of the baby books my parents just bought for us that were on the coffee table in a backpack were completely destroyed, along with the bag, and parts of our wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks
2 697
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418
Anonymous
·
28 June 2022, 22:00
· Pomona, United States
Rats!
Today, I'm feeling extremely sick and itchy. I'd bought rats as pets to help with my anxiety, and they gave me ringworm. I now have ringworm in about nine places on my body, including my face. I don’t know which one is worse, being dizzy from the medication or the itching. I’m feeling more anxious than ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks
724
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Tea_baggins
·
6 August 2013, 04:01
· Rozelle, Australia
Stuart?
Today, I woke up at 6 a.m. and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks
41 370
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19 802
Anonymous
·
5 October 2024, 16:00
· Myrtle Beach, United States
Good boy
Today, I bought a fancy automatic ball launcher for my dog. When I demonstrated it, my dog watched the ball fly through the air, then charged at the launcher instead, thinking it was the toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks
337
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125
Anonymous
·
22 February 2012, 16:47
· United States
Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML
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8 213
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lizzy1843
·
26 January 2011, 14:48
· United States
Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML
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16 955
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Dog Person Now
·
31 May 2018, 01:30
Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML
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3 793
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510
broomrape
·
29 April 2009, 04:52
· United States
Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML
I agree, your life sucks
48 174
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11 697
Puppylove
·
26 February 2013, 18:09
· United Kingdom
Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
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30 926
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10 303
Yudith_fml
·
3 October 2026, 15:00
· Montreal, Canada
Risky receipe
Today, while I was cooking a cauliflower soup, I wanted to make sure my cat didn't lick my serving spoon, so I put some bergamot extract in the bowl where it was laying. I then proceeded to pour the soup into the bowl. Let's hope my bergamot extract is the edible variety. FML
I agree, your life sucks
43
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378
Entheatus
·
10 August 2009, 04:25
· Canada
Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML
I agree, your life sucks
53 569
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22 060
falconjade
·
6 December 2013, 17:28
· Bowmanville, Canada
Today, my friend's dog got hit by a car. I was the only one not in shock, and had to drag the poor thing off the road, then comfort a hysterical friend while the driver verbally abused us and demanded we pay for the repairs to his car. FML
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Anonymous
·
8 January 2021, 17:01
· Zittau, Germany
Baby's high
Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML
I agree, your life sucks
841
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173
Anonymous
·
9 November 2023, 06:00
· Canada
Close call
Today, I went on a relaxing nature hike to de-stress. I got lost for hours, encountered a bear, and had to play dead, only for the bear to steal my sandwich then sit there for hours before finally leaving. FML
I agree, your life sucks
584
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183
Anonymous
·
15 April 2009, 06:19
· United States
Yummy
Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: Golden Retrievers running through a field, then eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commercial. FML
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47 510
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24 503
Anonymous
·
22 November 2010, 02:51
· United States
Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML
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24 894
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Anonymous
·
10 June 2016, 14:28
· Montréal, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Kinda sus
Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML
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14 788
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Anonymous
·
6 September 2023, 22:00
· Germany
Little cutie
Today, I recommend that you think twice about whether you want your little cutie playing with your apron strings while you cook. Especially if your little cutie is of the kind equipped with claws. FML
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572
anonymous
·
25 November 2015, 01:01
· Canada
Today, my mother refused to buy a cat because my sister is allergic to them. She bought a rabbit instead. I'm allergic to rabbits. FML
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Anonyme
·
26 September 2014, 06:56
· Saint-di, France
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
I agree, your life sucks
45 924
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Paula
·
5 November 2024, 12:00
· Canada
The chase
Today, I went for a "relaxing" walk on a local trail. I got chased by an angry goose halfway back to my car. Apparently, it didn’t appreciate my "peaceful" attempt to take a selfie with it. FML
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"chris_lillo"
·
1 February 2020, 01:00
· Waco, United States
Late reaction
Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML
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1 824
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226
Cat Fight
·
2 July 2022, 22:00
· United States
Happy Caturday
Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML
I agree, your life sucks
676
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435
Danielle
·
9 April 2011, 23:00
· United States
Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML
I agree, your life sucks
18 328
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FreeChocolate
·
10 December 2013, 01:51
· Marysville, United States
Today, I took my cat to the vet's. When the vet took her temperature anally, I couldn't stop laughing. The vet had to ask me to leave the room. FML
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speshlk37
·
20 August 2012, 02:19
· United States
Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML
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