Animals

hey op here, wow the things city people don't understand! First off, each and every calf must be vaccinated or they could become Ill.Second I wasn't in front of the calf, the person holding the calf let go of it unexpectedly

Big baby

By pansypup - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 083

You deserved it 2 341

By Anonymous - 01/07/2013 16:10 - United States - Provo

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 305

You deserved it 11 194

By ChaosFerret - 03/05/2016 20:53 - United States - Eugene

Today, I spent six hours making chicken and black bean chili for a big family gathering. I go to use the restroom. I come back to the pot on the floor with my cat standing in the chili, eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 688

You deserved it 2 124

Catchy

By Apcn - 05/06/2014 20:05 - France - Concarneau

Today, my boyfriend bought yet another video game and played it all afternoon. Unlike me, our parrot is taking this situation rather well - for the past two hours he's been repeating, over and over, "EA Sports, it's in the game." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 077

You deserved it 5 882

By earthlyscum - 19/05/2015 02:27 - United States - Tinley Park

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 022

You deserved it 3 683

earthlyscum tells us more.

earthlyscum 19

Tuesday 19 May 2015 22:10

**** that, I'll eat the damn thing first

Wake up bark

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 05:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom taught her dog not to jump onto her bed without "asking". The dog figured that barking would be a good way to ask, and mostly feels the need to do that around 4 a.m. My room is right next to my mom’s, and I already have trouble sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 74

He's onto you

By No way, doggy - 25/01/2025 00:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I tried to sneak some cookies out of the pantry without my dog noticing. I dropped one, and now he thinks that every time I open the pantry, it’s snack time. He won’t stop barking at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 193

Pure evil

By Anonymous - 07/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 990

You deserved it 1 179

Yummy

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: Golden Retrievers running through a field, then eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 505

You deserved it 24 500

You're my mommy now

By Lissy - 05/01/2021 14:02

Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 198

Better safe than doggy

By poongoon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, while at the supermarket, I came back to one of my car windows smashed in. Apparently, the stuffed animal my son left in the back seat looks like a dehydrated dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 798

You deserved it 927

Haunted house

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 16:58 - Germany

Today, I jumped when, after being home alone for days, I suddenly saw the door handle move. Apparently, the cats weren't happy about being locked out of the kitchen and were pretty close to figuring things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 203

By 3hoursleftofwork - 28/03/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 764

You deserved it 5 377

By Anonymous - 05/10/2018 14:00

Today, I splurged thousands of dollars on the breed of dog that I've loved since I was a kid from a reputable breeder. He is allergic to all food except the 24lb food for $70 and has sensitivities galore, including a seizure from a shot. I've spent $5,000 in vet bills in the first week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 3 201

By Sid - 10/04/2011 00:58 - United States

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 708

You deserved it 41 794

By TCRII - 13/06/2018 15:52

Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 404

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The Top

Today, I posted a Happy New Year status for all my Latino friends and family. Well, I missed that año is different from ano, and I used the wrong letter and thus wished everyone a "Happy New Anus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 479

Today, at work, I hooked up with a gorgeous customer in a storage shed. Somehow all my coworkers knew within five minutes, so there’s that, but my direct manager now won’t even look at me because apparently he fancied me himself, but didn’t realise I was a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 1 692

Today, I spent all day doing a project for myself and then for a friend who's sick. Turned out it was a prank everyone in the class was pulling on me. I missed a baseball game because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 598

You deserved it 2 082

Today, I was at the gym, feeling pretty proud of myself for working out consistently for the past month. As I was about to grab a towel, I tripped and landed face-first into a pile of gym mats. People turned to look, and all I could do was try to laugh it off through the pain of what turned out to be a sprained ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 104

Today, it's been about 4 months since my partner and I spent all our savings to open a board game shop. We found that most people were interested in D&D, and so we stupidly decided to put most of our eggs in one basket, and send about 75% of our other stock back. Guess what everyone decided to boycott last week? FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 363

Today, I was threatened with eviction over $6.25. They waited three days to tell me and left me one business day to get it done. Six fucking dollars and 25 goddamn cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 861

You deserved it 1 358