Animals

By missTyfied - 25/08/2012 19:11 - Philippines - Sucat

Today, I had to hunt down and collect a stray dog's feces for my parasitology class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 211

You deserved it 3 517

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 487

By MyNameIsNotJeff - 08/05/2015 03:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 248

You deserved it 3 114

By lexii - 05/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 748

You deserved it 30 912

This is Kerpal

By mickymoose1 - 17/05/2021 01:59

Today, a couple at the dog park, who seemed afraid of large dogs, tried to kick my dog for trying to say hi to them. They then called the police on me for lunging and yelling at the guy for trying to kick my dog. It's an off-leash dog park people, don't go there if you're afraid of dogs! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 178

Noooooooo!

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching when a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, and the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 718

You deserved it 7 607

The betrayal of floof

By Chris - 12/06/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to give my cat a bath after he got into the attic and got covered in all sorts of shit. Halfway through, he freaked out, jumped out of the tub, and ran around the house dripping wet. He then hid under my bed, and I had to practically dismantle it to get him out. Now my bedroom smells like wet fur and broken trust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 359

Ribbit

By oops... - 19/06/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, as a frog biologist I was out in the field searching for a relatively rare frog species. After three hours I finally heard the frog call and I crept closer and closer to the sound until... squish... I stepped on the very frog I was trying to collect. They're endangered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 371

You deserved it 20 075

Caturday surprise!

By Cats...FML - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 630

You deserved it 3 433

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 577

You deserved it 3 371

By Anonymous - 08/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was called a "disabled buzzkill" for not letting someone pet my service dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 569

You deserved it 252

Messy

By Anonymous - 06/05/2024 15:00 - Germany

Today, my cat has a new hobby: She goes fishing. As in she catches the frogs out of the ornamental pond, then walks into my freshly mopped kitchen with dripping wet, muddy feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 172

Benny Hill theme music starts

By Anonymous - 26/08/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I tried to take a cute selfie with a majestic swan by a lake. Just as I was about to take the pic, the swan suddenly got visibly bored of my shit and chased me into the water. I emerged from the lake looking like a soggy, defeated swamp beast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 991

Happy Fourth of July

By Help - 05/07/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my cats from fireworks. Problem is, I also have really sensitive hearing, so fireworks are distressing to me as well. My cats didn't take kindly to me being distressed and just became more irritable. They took their irritability out on me. Now I look like I fought a bear or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 190

MVP

By birthday girl - 27/10/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 259

You deserved it 2 171

Big man

By susiedoggles - 05/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 037

You deserved it 318

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 177

You deserved it 153 096

By Loveless - 05/06/2011 12:23 - Canada

Today, I bought a dog to make me feel less lonely. He ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 555

You deserved it 8 219

Feral kitty

By Polar Bear 2020 - 24/04/2024 17:30 - India

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 103

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 347

By kiwibox - 26/10/2013 01:50 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 107

You deserved it 7 143

By lex31 - 14/02/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 100

You deserved it 3 767

Late reaction

By "chris_lillo" - 31/01/2020 18:00 - United States - Waco

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 225

By Ethan - 17/10/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 129

You deserved it 2 409

By Rhyno - 05/05/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309 389

You deserved it 65 875

Happy Birthday!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 457

You deserved it 7 754

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 04:38 - France

Today, I took part in a raffle that was being organised in the small countryside village where I'm vacationing. I live in big city. I won a duck. A real, live duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 856

You deserved it 9 542

Top of the mornin' to ya!

By Anonymous Taco Man - 03/08/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 108

By Christine - 09/05/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 014

You deserved it 51 235

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The Top

Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 443

You deserved it 30 865

Today, I was surfing the web for Halloween costumes, and found one labeled "Extreme Girl Nerd". With the wig, the glasses, and the buck-teeth, it looked exactly like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 532

You deserved it 6 785

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 470

You deserved it 30 445

Today, I bought a slice of pizza at my favorite gas station. Upon opening the box, I found that the lone piece of pepperoni visible through the window on the box was in fact the only piece on the whole slice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 314

Today, I blew Christmas out of my nose. Out of one nostril came thick green mucus, and out of the other, thick red blood. Let the holiday season begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 153

Today, I realized that my long term boyfriend still prefers video games over his kids and our sex life. I haven't had sex in over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 338