Animals

Well, it all started a couple months ago when the girl was living with a different man, they blasted music at 3 am and would tempt my dog with treats. One day I came home and there was a bunch of police cars in front of the house, apparently they were cooking meth and they got arrested. When she got bailed out 3 months later she moved in that house with another man, and ever since my dog goes outside barks at the house, and ***** in their yard. She hates them so much she tries to bark at them if she just sees them in the window. Maybe they gave her a bad treat idk.

The anti Jackson Galaxy

By Anonymous - 04/09/2021 19:59

Today, I was feeding my neighbor's cat while they are out of town. As I set the food down, the cat bit me, drawing blood. I reflected that although I'm all that stands between it and starvation, even the cat doesn't want to be my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 144

Life's a beach

By squishylog - 12/08/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 947

You deserved it 7 109

By Kirta - 09/11/2009 15:18 - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 425

You deserved it 38 122

Leave spiders alone

By Anonymous - 01/01/2021 01:01 - United States - Atoka

Today, I took a stick lighter and used it to set a large spider on fire to kill it, as stepping on it could possibly release its babies if it were a momma. I ignited more than the spider, and had to call the fire department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 1 970

By Cat lover - 23/12/2017 01:30

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 519

You deserved it 1 006

Welcome home!

By inthesticks - 19/11/2016 06:21 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly-born ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 624

You deserved it 6 570

It's love

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 01:01 - United States

Today, I realized my cat has a foot fetish. She keeps randomly flopping over on my feet while I'm walking, and will lick my toes if I am barefooted. I have absolutely no idea where this came from, but it makes me super uncomfortable. Even my other cat looks at her like she's gone insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 26/06/2013 17:51 - United States - State College

Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 941

You deserved it 4 105

Cats hate his mustache

By Rebecca - 19/02/2022 04:00 - Canada

Today, I was on the couch watching Dr. Phil. My cat walked in, took one look at the screen, and immediately backed up into the coffee table in front of me and sprayed with all of his might. Not only was the table hit, but so was I. I guess he’s not a huge fan of Dr. Phil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 325

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

By Anonymous - 24/04/2022 04:00

Today, our dog died suddenly, so I paid for tests to find out why. Turns out she had zero blood sugar, like a diabetic who overdosed on insulin. I’m diabetic and I’m always telling my 6 year-old son it’s medicine to make daddy better. The dog was sick yesterday, and my son knows how I inject. Damn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 273

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 365

You deserved it 547

I hate my job

By norestforthewicked - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend's deaf and senile cat listens to my verbal instructions better than my completely healthy middle school students listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 993

You deserved it 734

By AkaiKitsune - 14/06/2017 10:51

Today, my dog left his very loud and obnoxious squeaky stuffed-toy in the paddock and my horse got a hold of it. My horse won't stop and I can't get it away from him. It's been 6 hours and the noise hasn't stopped yet. It also shows no signs of doing so any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 538

You deserved it 638

AkaiKitsune tells us more.

AkaiKitsune 31

Monday 12 June 2017 21:59

To the person who asked why I got such a loud toy for the dog. He likes to take off with his toys to the woods nearby and the loud noise helps me find him again when he's playing taunt the human (otherwise known as keep-away) To the person who said I saw the rubber chicken video and copied it. First that was a rubber chicken my dog has a squeaky sheep stuffed toy. You can find them in pet stores. The horse from the video was grabbing it and shaking his head up and down to get the sound. Mine was using a compilation of biting, dropping it and stomping, and throwing it around. Needless to say the toy is well and thoroughly destroyed. My other horse just got freaked out and ran circles around the paddock.