By "tease_ftx"

Who run the world? Cats!

Today, as I was laying down to sleep, I grabbed my covers and realized the cat pissed on them and on my body pillow. Now I'm up at 1am doing laundry so I can have clean bedding and my kids are awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3083

You deserved it

405

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Animals

Family values

Bad boys, bad boys…

Looks like we made it… Oh.

By Si123 - 15/8/2020 08:01

Night terrors

Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1139

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By anonymous

Today, after almost a year of having threesomes with my “best friend” and her husband, they both confessed that neither of them actually even like me. They just went along with it because they thought it’s what the other wanted. Now they won’t even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2425

You deserved it

770

Favorite

By Justaddwater - France

Today, I spent an hour and a half trying to rid my house of smoke and burnt plastic smell because my little sister didn't know she was supposed to add water in the package of microwaveable mac and cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25453

You deserved it

3216

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By Stickerless - United States

Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42cent postage so now I have to pay $250.00 because my mother is cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63881

You deserved it

4309

Favorite

By pumpkinlover89 - United States

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55174

You deserved it

10415

Favorite

By tryfailtryget11 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11649

You deserved it

76638

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was extremely angry. He found a naked photograph of me online that he thought I'd been sending to other guys. It wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14932

You deserved it

1188

Favorite

By CasperTheFriendlyGhost - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was told to rub in my sunscreen because I looked like a ghost. I wasn't wearing any. I'm just that white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11603

You deserved it

1293

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21230

You deserved it

122778

Favorite

By Cooky - United Kingdom

Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40222

You deserved it

6707

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/3/2020 00:11 - Canada - Toronto

Timing

Today, my boyfriend came out of the closet. In the middle of us having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2175

You deserved it

245

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By KayDayParade - United States

Today, while paying for groceries, I opened my wallet to find that all my cash had been exchanged for Monopoly money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38249

You deserved it

3118

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26430

You deserved it

11068

Favorite

By confidence taken - United States - Bay Springs

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57826

You deserved it

5821

Favorite

By sadface - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31393

You deserved it

7393

Favorite

By CollegeFreshman - United States

Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39475

You deserved it

3699

Favorite

By nobodywasthere

Today, I rushed onto the metro to get to work. I found there were no seats left and asked a perfectly healthy guy to let me sit in the handicap spot. He refused to because "being tired" was a handicap characteristic. I have one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4591

You deserved it

269

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33289

You deserved it

3392

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36577

You deserved it

5226

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25246

You deserved it

2067

Favorite

By pokie - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47755

You deserved it

9348

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Mulgrave

Get Out

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

I agree, your life sucks

51033

You deserved it

8097

Favorite

By bubbashrek - United States

Today, I realized my soon to be ex wife is stalking me online. Everytime I block her she creates a new profile. She left me 9 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34549

You deserved it

2973

Favorite

By UhOh - United States

Today, after weeks of drinking my mom's vodka and replacing it with water, it now only tastes like water. She has a habit of drinking on Fridays. Today is Friday. My life is a ticking time bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11132

You deserved it

88710

Favorite

By 1234 - United States - Lutz

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30282

You deserved it

2747

Favorite

By Boar - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28183

You deserved it

2029

Favorite

By SadFace - Australia - Newmarket

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47697

You deserved it

3843

Favorite

By MsAnonymous17 - United States

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59071

You deserved it

4123

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to find out that my cat had secretly eaten all of my fish while I was cleaning the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38405

You deserved it

8385

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51644

You deserved it

8318

Favorite

By annesolmm - France - Paris

Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39378

You deserved it

8976

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41766

You deserved it

4996

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I pretended to have a heart attack so my baby sister would know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she drank my soda instead of helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

863

You deserved it

1617

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30107

You deserved it

2662

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Helena

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she'd leave me for her ex in a heartbeat. Tomorrow is, or should I say "was", our wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38880

You deserved it

2386

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37383

You deserved it

6485

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Mixing it up

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23756

You deserved it

48685

Favorite

By Stupid - United States

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38058

You deserved it

18550

Favorite

By Bart - France - Lille

Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28243

You deserved it

3488

Favorite

By Very Divorced - United States - San Antonio

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is cheating on me with not one, not two, but nine girls. How he did it, I don't even know. How I found out? I was coming into my room to surprise him for his birthday and saw him having a threesome. We have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4682

You deserved it

420

Favorite

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Top comments

By TempestXO | 14

#7535971 - Thursday 31 August 2017 13:13

How do you know for sure it was the cat? Maybe it was your kids.

By Akitakat | 31

#7535978 - Thursday 31 August 2017 13:31

Cats urine has a very distinct & pungent odor. Trust me, there is no mistaking it!

COMMENTS

By TempestXO | 14

#7535971 - Thursday 31 August 2017 13:13

How do you know for sure it was the cat? Maybe it was your kids.

Akitakat | 31

#7535978 - Thursday 31 August 2017 13:31

Cats urine has a very distinct & pungent odor. Trust me, there is no mistaking it!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7536015 - Thursday 31 August 2017 15:52

Pussy is pissed.

Glowworm56 | 25

#7536031 - Thursday 31 August 2017 16:45

So are the sheets and body pillow!

By Norja | 33

#7536196 - Friday 1 September 2017 1:25

Do you only have 1 set of bedding? You may wanna invest in more.

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7536545 - Friday 1 September 2017 23:04

You only own one set of bedding? You couldn't have just changed your sheets and done the laundry in the morning?

By Regulate | 21

#7536557 - Friday 1 September 2017 23:34

What is a body pillow?

Regulate | 21

#7536935 - Sunday 3 September 2017 5:04

Thank you for the down-thumb without giving me an answer. I genuinely have no idea what it is. I guess I'll go to google instead of relying on some sort of human interaction. Cheers, chum.