Work: Today, I had an important job interview at another company. I'd... - FML

28/02/2013 21:06 - Finland - Vanda

Today, I had an important job interview at another company. I'd tried to keep it secret from everyone at work, so they wouldn't tell my boss, as I can't afford to get on his bad side yet. My mom posted on my Facebook wall, wishing me luck. I'm Facebook friends with most of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 089

You deserved it 11 664

Good kid

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Phantom pooper

20/01/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, my brother's girlfriend dumped him. I overheard my mom tell him "It could be worse. Your brother can't even get a girlfriend". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 786

You deserved it 2 134

03/06/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, I was taken to my first session with my psychiatrist. The entirety of the facility, from the waiting room to the doc's office was decorated with dead butterflies in glass. I was there for my crippling mottephobia, the irrational fear of moths and butterflies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 773

You deserved it 4 540

03/07/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 036

You deserved it 9 035

10/10/2010 04:29 - United States

Today, I swerved to miss hitting a kitten, over-corrected, hit and killed the cat, and totaled my truck by hitting a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 437

You deserved it 13 836

14/05/2009 12:40 - Australia

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 239

You deserved it 15 899

05/05/2009 12:22 - United States

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184 559

You deserved it 14 227

Tricky situation

By fml9124 - 08/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Omaha

Spicy

Today, my wife gave me the green light to have sex with other women. She beat the cancer, but sex for her is now painful and she wasn't really interested in sex the last 10 years anyway. So why does my life suck? Because I don't want sex with anyone else. Now she's mad at me for making her feel guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 169

07/03/2009 10:13 - Australia

Today, I was walking along the street and passed a young couple. Over my shoulder I heard the girl say to her boyfriend "Would you still love me if I looked like her?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 170

You deserved it 12 015

21/06/2009 18:37 - Canada

Today, I got myself a cool pair of colored contacts. I was wearing them while at home, so that I'll get used to them. Then I had to go to a job interview. I forgot to take them out. I went to a job interview with zebra-print eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 978

You deserved it 68 482

29/03/2014 23:06 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 701

You deserved it 3 377

20/09/2013 22:45 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 277

You deserved it 10 892

Waste of time

By wasteoftime - 07/06/2017 20:00

Today, I went to a job interview. I never applied for the job, they'd sought me out, had a phone interview, and sent samples, all before the face-to-face interview. Turns out none of the people I met with had even read my resume or writing samples. I was told I might not be a good fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 140

You deserved it 279

25/06/2009 02:06 - Canada

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 676

You deserved it 7 340

You tried

By briiiiiiii123 - 12/01/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 344

You deserved it 7 702

11/10/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 241

You deserved it 3 113

Rachel! Emily!

By MoreThenFriends - 16/08/2018 22:00

Today, my friend's father got me mixed up with his new wife when telling stories for his wedding speech. Everyone noticed. The new wife was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 924

You deserved it 227

Notice me please

By wut? - 04/05/2020 14:00

Today, my daughter has been locked in her room screaming and sobbing for the past 2 hours. Apparently, I didn’t make a big enough deal of her coming out, so I must not care about her. What I said was I didn’t care if she was gay, and that it wouldn’t change anything. Sorry for being accepting I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 211

26/08/2011 09:09 - Australia

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 053

You deserved it 16 683

06/08/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 211

You deserved it 4 847

05/02/2013 20:19 - United States - Waynesfield

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 940

You deserved it 3 570

24/09/2009 08:05 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. When we got there, I hugged his mother, and she glared at me. Later that day, I heard her telling her son that he should leave me because I smell like cigarettes, and she hates smokers. I don't smoke, my boyfriend does. He did all the way there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 117

You deserved it 2 866

30/12/2009 04:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 302

You deserved it 3 072

08/12/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 564

You deserved it 37 119

10/03/2016 00:01 - Canada

Today, I've been so accustomed to kissing my girlfriend that when I gave my best bud a hug, I kissed him on the neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 344

You deserved it 7 425

06/10/2014 19:46 - United States

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 256

You deserved it 4 659

Daddy's little girl

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 23:01 - Canada - Port Moody

Today, I found out my boyfriend of almost 10 years was/is a Sugar Daddy to a girl I know, for the past 7 months or so. I found out through a mutual friend.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 79

14/05/2011 13:32 - United States

Today, I found there was a 4 year old boy behind me on my flight. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he smashed a water bottle across my face. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 070

You deserved it 37 727

19/12/2012 23:33 - United States - Memphis

Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 365

You deserved it 8 683

28/12/2016 05:07 - United States

Today, while hiking in the mountains in North Carolina, I finally got to the deer I had been tracking for almost an hour. I was watching it from about 10 feet away, and enjoying every moment. Within a few seconds, my niece yelled from across the river to ask if I had found it. It ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 508

You deserved it 976

Book him, Danno

By Joey - 11/07/2021 11:01 - United States

Today, I was driving to a gas station because I'd noticed I was almost on empty. Literally a block away from the gas station, my car broke down in the middle of an intersection, and I had to push my car to the side of the road, only to be questioned by police for "suspicious behavior." FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 156

17/10/2012 23:15

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 461

You deserved it 2 362

Well Played

By redhead - 06/07/2017 22:30 - United States - Lima

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 337

You deserved it 415

02/05/2016 06:51 - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 238

You deserved it 1 519

07/12/2010 18:25 - United States

Today, my daughter told my son that Santa is not real. Of course, being a child, he started to cry. My only problem is, my son is 11 and my daughter is 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 119

You deserved it 6 802

22/03/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, I finally built up the courage to quit my job. I waited an hour to speak to the boss; I finally sat down with her, and she told me I had to be let go because I'm not "reliable enough." The only time I missed work was when I had the stomach flu. I was fired before I could even quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 881

You deserved it 3 458

14/04/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 606

You deserved it 32 759

11/01/2018 09:00

Today, I asked my husband when he first knew he loved me. He replied, totally honestly, that I was the easiest girl he'd ever managed to talk into a one night stand, only instead of doing the walk of shame the next morning, I stayed so long we ended up married with kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 577

You deserved it 1 237

25/12/2013 07:46 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 367

You deserved it 7 374

06/06/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 134

You deserved it 22 985

18/01/2017 09:01

Spicy

Today, my boss fired me for "disrespecting" him after I told him to fuck off. This would be understandable, if I hadn't said it when he was at my house for dinner, harassing my wife with suggestive poses, heavily implied comments, and trying to put his hand on her crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 093

You deserved it 871

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:45

If you wanted to keep it secret, why would you tell anyone period?

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:48

This is why I don't like Facebook. No bloody privacy. I honestly don't get this need to share every part of your life with everyone.

Comments

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:45

If you wanted to keep it secret, why would you tell anyone period?

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:58

Especially your mom, OP!

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:59

A prime example of how Facebook ruins our lives.

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Friday 1 March 2013 7:55

I never have my coworkers as friends on Facebook. Bad idea!

Oceanborn_fml 24

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Friday 1 March 2013 8:52

That's not Facebook ruining it, that's a stupid mom. Without Facebook she might as well have called him at work and if he didn't pick up himself told whoever did to wish him luck.

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Friday 1 March 2013 10:34

50- that's borderline soap opera plot right there. You're over thinking it! ^_^

Oceanborn_fml 24

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Friday 1 March 2013 11:53

Yea sure it's exaggerated, but it could happen. The point is, it's the mother at fault, not Facebook. That mom sure knows that her son is still employed at some company and should know that having an interview at a different company isn't something the current employer should know of.

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Saturday 2 March 2013 5:15

Yeah, parents are so stupid. They never realize when you want them to shut up or when they shouldn't talk about something.

askullnamedbilly 33

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:46

Well, did you mention that fact to her and everyone else you decided to tell about the interview? If not, you can't really blame her.

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:48

This is why I don't like Facebook. No bloody privacy. I honestly don't get this need to share every part of your life with everyone.

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:55

Not really Noor... I know. There is something wrong with me isn't there?!

perdix 29

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:57

#7, yes. Why aren't you offering her a cyber-blumpkin? Where are your manners?

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Friday 1 March 2013 3:00

Perdix- Please, be my guest.

perdix 29

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Friday 1 March 2013 3:06

Hey, Noor! How about a cyber-blumpkin? Or am I too late?

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Friday 1 March 2013 3:12

Please Perdix. We beg of you; NO SHITTING in the shower!

perdix 29

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Friday 1 March 2013 3:16

#20, 22, People! People! CTFD, please! It's all just "cyber." There is no actual exchange of precious bodily fluids (and, yes, vapors count as fluids.)

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Friday 1 March 2013 16:30

That's more like Twitter, doesn't?

NothernNightmare 18

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:49

Maybe don't add your colleagues next time?... And get your mom to keep her mouth shut.

bjf10 22

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Friday 1 March 2013 7:15

Bingo. Don't friend people at work. Period.

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Friday 1 March 2013 8:35

Don't friend people period.

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Friday 1 March 2013 23:38

Just don't . Period.

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:51

hey mom can I move back in? you kinda owe me

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:55

Unless you didn't have a way to when she first posted it, why didn't you just delete the post?

alwayswinning123 7

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:55

Well it looks like your going to have a lot of explaining to do

misataylor86 10

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Friday 1 March 2013 2:55

And that's why you don't have work colleagues as Facebook friends.

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Friday 1 March 2013 3:06

Totally agree! Or have ur account public! I vent on mine sometimes but I only have 2 friends before I started venting. But my rants are entertaining to them

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Friday 1 March 2013 4:32

Having your account public would remedy the problem, wouldn't it? You are a genius. (Second part of your comment is so irrelevant I can't even respond to it.)

evilplatypus 38

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Friday 1 March 2013 4:38

34 - I think they were saying you don't friend colleagues or have a public account; they just phrased it badly (I agree with your assessment of the second half of their statement though).

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Friday 1 March 2013 5:04

35- Nice catch, didn't think of it that way.

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Friday 1 March 2013 3:04

Maybe you should have kept it a secret from EVERYONE..

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Friday 1 March 2013 3:05

I guess you could have warned her before then?

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 55

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 143