Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. I swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, I was at a water park when my stomach started to hurt. I didn’t think anyone was behind me so was I ripped ass so hard, I almost shat myself. However, there was someone behind me, and the look they gave me was disturbing. FML.
Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML
Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung on the balls by a jellyfish. FML
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Top comments
EvilDoll 7
well, at least then the shark would definantly not want to eat you. you'd taste like shit
Cooking_Boy 0
Oh well. Better than bleeding I suppose. I'm sure the shark was laughing at you inside though. Did it recoil in disgust and give you a cold stare with its eyebrow raised? And yes, I'm fully aware that by taking the time to write this I've abandoned any chance I had at getting the revered 'first post'.
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Comments (232)
switchgurl20 17
thats a normal response esp when u saw those teeth. dont feel 2 bad op ",
gaykurthummelfan 0
haha
JacksonCampbell 9
Looks like OP got themselves in a shitty situation.
bbucaro98 0
haha u shouldve slept with the fishes :)
TheNinjaCat 10
*fish. saying fishes is like saying sheeps and foots. -.-
Docbee 11
when in a shark cage, do what a shark would do?
shiarrael 13
Fishes is actually an acceptable plural of the word fish.
emsiti 6
the shit was a escape distraction you were being open minded
PurpleRae420 0
Haha what a pussy I'd like to see how you react if a spider, mouse or a bee appared lol
Eggers 2
71- bees live in your pubes?
Eggers 2
73- what is it with you and pubes?
sourgirl101 29
phish
longchow 8
you can't be correcting others when you yourself are wrong. Fishes is fine. On another note, at least OP has the guts to go in there. I applaud your courage
A7X_LoVeee 10
62 - A mouse, bee, and a spider are a HELL of a lot different than a shark. Everything that you post is idiotic and I have yet to see ANY of your comments thumbed up.
HyundaiOwner7 0
Did you seriously just compare a mouse or a bee to a shark...? I will take on a mouse any day over a shark. Moron.
The_Weirdo 10
"Wild shark appears" Go OP! "Op uses shit attack!" Wild shark fled!
adrianblackett 0
^^^^^ win...
angelpies 0
40- You're an idiot. Do not correct anyone when you are wrong yourself. Congratulations on being a retard!
epyk_pryncess 8
80- now this is just me, but I'm so terrified of bees I WOULD take a shark over a bee. :)
forest1wolf 9
shark sugar!! -rob dyrdek quote Lawl
wintamint101 7
irokyoursox 6
75- what is it with profile pictures of your eye that makes you make stupid comments
YacL 15
Is it just me, or does that look more like a dolphin?
mare9805 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA YES THAT'S HILAR
meggieh815 0
A lot of people tend to comment on others posts just to get attention. Like a lot of the comments in the beginning of the comments.
The_Weirdo 10
Oreally?
meggieh815 0
Uhm.. yeah.
The_Weirdo 10
Ok, just asking.
meggieh815 0
Alrighty. Hahaha :)
natirixoxo 0
46 is correct. It can be fish or fishes
imacreeper 3
Come on OP, now think about it. You're this big (___________) and the shark is this big (_______________________________) is there really anything to be worried about?
dedrater_kool_u 0
103 took the words right out of my mouth
AlterrOnmi 0
it would have suck if your a woman and started your period..
bhimz1 0
fish *runs away fast*
dcam13 19
you shit yourself, not your cowardly bowels. you are the coward. you're not cool cause you phrase things weirdly or because "only your digestive system is cowardly". grow up. ydi.
seldom66 16
107- when I read your comment, the voice in my head changed to Napolean Dynamite
steveakafranxy 7
fish=past or present tense of fish of the same species fishes=past tense of fishes of different species
xchica365x 0
cool?
Randuhh_17 4
62-because a mouse has rows of sharp, limb ripping, teeth, and could eat someone whole.....??? op don't feel bad, I'd probably do the same...and cry like a baby...you're not the only one...
syraxthered 5
Actually both 'fish' and 'fishes' are correct for plural forms of the word.
syraxthered 5
What if you had a phobia for mice or bees? Bet you'd rather see the shark.
Snazzy_Snaz 17
Just be happy you didn't have like a nose bleed, preiod(if ur a girl), or something else. The shark would go nuts
simply_improper 1
thats jus shitty
Cooking_Boy 0
Oh well. Better than bleeding I suppose. I'm sure the shark was laughing at you inside though. Did it recoil in disgust and give you a cold stare with its eyebrow raised? And yes, I'm fully aware that by taking the time to write this I've abandoned any chance I had at getting the revered 'first post'.
cocobulla1 4
lmao it's ok ur not first!! and lmao
Docbee 11
actually if you didnt add on the not being first part you might of been first. Your conments were posted roughly about the same time =
fairygirl88 5
sharks don't have eyebrows. duh!
justalilrandom2 4
74, you idiot that was a joke. Maybe if you weren't too busy giving your number out on the Internet you would get that. Seriously, why would you do that?
steeledwolf 8
O: I saw 74's pic!!! Look up "forever alone"
snade 0
don't feel bad op. I would have shit myself too. I bet it's really cool to swim with sharks though
justalilrandom2 4
129, I'm not into statutory rape, but that's just me.
z620 0
only their bowels were cowardly?
Makadog 0
Hahaha!!! ????????????????????
EvilDoll 7
well, at least then the shark would definantly not want to eat you. you'd taste like shit
atomicbaboon 0
not really. all the shit's outside of OP now. s/he would taste the best out of everyone.
Iskaria 0
It probably got all stuck in his wet suit, so yea he'd still taste like shit. You need to think of these things. Additionally, am I the only one to love the wording of the FML :)?
iSitt 0
was that wetsuit a rental?
FarSide 23
So if you shit in the ocean, do you have to wipe?
kateeeh 0
sucks to suck balls big boi
Blueglasscup 18
Your comment is invalid. You have Justin Bieber as your profile picture!
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
That is a great question 68, it depends on if your shit sticks onto your skin.
Hosea11 0
ROFL
YacL 15
148 - Is JB touching himself? That's... wonderful... *obvious sarcasm*
uncbballwins 0
shark chocolate!
johnson94 5
it's good that you wore your brown pants!
uncbballwins 0
They were white when I bought them!
tsim_fml 0
118- its bad that your not wearing any pants.
iAmScrubs 19
I'm sure you were using it as self defense just like an octopus uses ink.
HeavyScout 0
Winning.
TheNinjaCat 10
*sigh*
CryMoreFMLs 15
Scrubs, you always have priceless comments man.
Cairo_Sanchez 8
well, they probably have no interest in you now.
tookietookie123 5
The human bodies natural defense... Almost like the squids ink! :)
PrickHead 0
same thing happened to me! lol jk, you pussy!
TheNinjaCat 10
indeedy! like your picture ^^
mattsan1992 0
douchebag
tomboy_girl23 0
can you be more inconsiderate
tomboy_girl23 0
can you be more inconsiderate
tomboy_girl23 0
can you be more inconsiderate
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Chocolate covered shark treats.
michaelm1290 23
Considering this usually involves a snorkel, I hope no one in your group decided to open their mouth.