By carla - France

Odorama

Today, as I came out of some changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walk off, make it about a couple of yards, change my mind and decide to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I get back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

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Triage

Time's up

No smoking

By Derp McShitstain - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

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By widow - United States

RIP

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

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By epistaxis - Australia

My ears!

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

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By stolen-car - United States - Columbia

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

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By ilana - United States

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Canterbury

Today, I made my first snowman ever, and then cried when my big brother kicked it to pieces. I'm 27. FML

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By AbandonedHouseWife - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

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By dream_girl_3 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

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By Anonymous

The Crying Game

Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

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By Still Dry - United States

Today, I went to a water park, and the fee to get in was $39.95. Once I got in I was really thirsty, so I got a soda and then I hear over the intercom that the park is closing due to a clog in the cleaning system. I paid 43.67 for a soda. FML

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By rhya4n - Denmark - Herlev

Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML

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By sniper foxeh

Today, my younger sister and I were camping when, during the middle of the night, she asked me if I could take her to the toilets as she was scared. I told her to go by herself or go behind the tent. Thirty seconds later, she peed on me. FML

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By santabelly

Today, I was trying to use the video editing software on my computer for a group project. It then wanted me to purchase another program that cost over $130. One of my teammates told me to buy it, because, "I could afford to skip a few lunches." FML

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By Eyalsh - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

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By AnonUser464 - United States

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

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By Tony - 2/1/2021 08:01 - United States - Dearborn

Cats rule the world

Today, my geriatric cat apparently leaked a little before he got to the litter box because when I went to use the bathroom, I slipped on the puddle. My left foot slammed into the kick panel of the cabinet and now my second toe is purple, swollen and tender. I may have broken my toe by slipping on cat piss. FML

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By MandMandM - United States

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says "Is it over yet?" FML

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By Sam - United States - Eureka

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

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By Chucho - United States - Boston

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

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By atsukobo - United States

Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML

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By readytoamputatemyfeet - United States - Winter Springs

Today, my shoe fell apart a few minutes after I got to work. I called my boyfriend and asked him to bring me the "pretty black pair" in my closet. What did he bring? Black stilettos. I'm a waitress with an eight hour shift. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me from a payphone because he lost his phone at the airport. When I texted his phone to get a response from someone who stole it [because it was still on whenever I called], I received a message back saying, "Love the pics. Send more ;]" FML

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By talkomatic713 - 18/7/2021 09:58

Dine and dash

Today, some friends and I went to IHOP. We joked about not having enough money, and as it turns out we were $5 short. We put down what we had and left. Upon getting to the car, I realized I'd forgotten my phone, and had to go back. I made eye contact with our waitress, our money in her hand. FML

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By Anonymous

All weddings are themed

Today, I went to pick up my wedding dress from the seamstress, only to find out that my fiancé called two weeks ago to say I wanted the dress "tie-dyed to match our new theme." She believed him. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Cardiff

Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

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By mirandatheunicorn

Today, I was having a beautiful lucid dream when a telemarketer called at 5AM, waking me up. I silenced my phone and went back to sleep, and was somehow able to resume my lucid dream. Then my phone vibrated me awake. It was the same telemarketer, this time calling at 7AM. FML

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By neverdatingagain - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, after three years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed. To my best friend. FML

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By crapgirl - United States

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

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By awkwardparents - United States - Burlingame

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

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By pizzafreak18 - United States

Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2021 22:01

Serial killer vibes

Today, when my son told me he wanted to work with animals, I thought he meant a vet, turns out his actual career goal was to be the guy who puts the strays to sleep at the animal control centre. He got that job and I’ve never seen him happier. What monster have I raised? FML

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By Emil - United States

Today, I was caught stealing a video game. I realized after my parents were called that the case was actually empty. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, like most days, I spent my lunch break with a sandwich in one hand while typing with the other, trying to keep up with my work load, while my coworker took a nap. We're supposed to be doing the same job, but he refuses to learn most of the software. The boss is fine with this. FML

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By 3722145 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

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Top comments

By potentpotable | 0

#6540 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 19:15

YDI!!!

I know what it's like, having worked in retail. Sometimes deodorant isn't even good enough, you need to use the carpet odour-absorbing powder then vacuum it.

Damn it people, quit being dirty and learn to shower AND change/wash your clothes so they don't smell like sweat and BO.

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#226 - Thursday 5 February 2009 3:16

maybe you should take a shower?

COMMENTS

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#226 - Thursday 5 February 2009 3:16

maybe you should take a shower?

Reply

ell_oh_ell | 0

#1267189 - Thursday 19 August 2010 7:54

awe you must have felt so bad about urself!

Reply

ilovemydog98 | 8

#4718689 - Sunday 22 July 2012 5:45

13- I like ur profile pic :) the color of your eye is really pretty :) if thats even your eye lol

Reply

billyz77 | 24

#5312040 - Monday 7 January 2013 3:25

21 Although I happen to agree with you, that's what private messaging is for. :)

By potentpotable | 0

#6540 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 19:15

YDI!!!

I know what it's like, having worked in retail. Sometimes deodorant isn't even good enough, you need to use the carpet odour-absorbing powder then vacuum it.

Damn it people, quit being dirty and learn to shower AND change/wash your clothes so they don't smell like sweat and BO.

By iceicenikkay | 0

#11890 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:27

that's gross
maybe now you will shower!

By 3milyzabc | 0

#14920 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:37

ewww you deserve that if you smell that bad!!

By prettygirlsonly | 0

#168215 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:09

I work in a store and it happens a lot, ppl is nasty, ewww :S take a shower fgs

By DiorKiss | 0

#239427 - Thursday 28 May 2009 14:59

Don't feel too bad about that, I worked retail and it doesn't have to do anything with you, it just has to happen once everyday.

By Mythbusterma | 0

#273686 - Saturday 6 June 2009 5:25

Some places do that every time someone uses the changing room

By NoahLou | 0

#444306 - Friday 31 July 2009 8:37

OMG that happened to me except I work in a gynecologists office and I was the one doing the spraying. That was a really akward moment.

By RyanKaufman | 7

#818238 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 9:56

I'm sorry are you an idiot? YDI for being a dumbass. No one wants places to smell like someone else, and there's no clothes to mask the scent, so they spray after EVERYONE in most every clothing store with changing rooms. Dumbass.

By fatalkiss | 0

#966069 - Monday 22 March 2010 2:30

awh, I'm sorry you smell