By carla - France

Odorama

Today, as I came out of some changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walk off, make it about a couple of yards, change my mind and decide to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I get back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

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Family values

There's no helping some people

Always call first

By Nightmares - United States

FML Uncensored

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brenham

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

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By Novocain - Australia

Today, I went to my new dentist and before he started looking at my teeth, I told him my previous dentist had never found a single thing wrong with my teeth. After looking around, he chuckled humourlessly and called my last dentist idiotic. I now have a $580 bill and a root canal next week. FML

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By alejandro38 - United States

Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML

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By Andrew - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

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By NoorFML - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML

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By Lunar-Spice - 7/11/2020 23:02

Happens at all ages

Today, my roommate had to ask to check if I was drinking water instead of alcohol. Twice. Then she 'suggested' that I 'might' be an alcoholic. I'm only 21. FML

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By BriarFace - United States - Springfield

Today, I put up a sign asking motorcyclists to slow down near horses, as the noise can spook them. While I was riding near the sign, a biker slowed to read it, looked at me, then revved his engine loudly and raced off. My horse bucked me off into some brambles and bolted. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fremont

Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML

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By 3yrneveragainn

Today, I figured out why the man I've been seeing for 3 years hasn't asked for my hand in marriage. His current wife called me and told me all about it. FML

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By Anonymous - Estonia

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

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By TallGal - United States - Tucson

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

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By traumatised

Today, I went to make my morning coffee as usual. When I opened the container for the coffee grounds, I saw it bubbling. Perplexed, I looked closer. This is how I discovered that maggots can actually bubble what they ingest. FML

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By No one special. - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

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By montextes - United States

Today, my mom finally learned how to text. Now it's her way of communicating, even when we're in the same room. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML

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By 1378 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my sister why it's unhygienic, socially unacceptable and downright inappropriate to apply Thrush ointment in the lounge room. I realised I wasn't getting through to her when she called me ''Uptight,'' ''Victorian" and ''prudish'' to name a few. FML

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By Lonely626

Today, while talking with a coworker, we discussed a weekend home invasion scenario. It was then that I realized my social circle is so non-existent, that my job would notice I'm gone before my friends would. FML

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By snydeeli000 - United States - Kent

Today, I learned the hisses of my 3 cats so I can tell who starts the fights. FML

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By Bug - Canada - Ajax

Today, I fell down the stairs. Lying on my back in extreme pain, I called my mom for help. When she came over, she said I looked like a dead bug, took a picture and posted it on Facebook. FML

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By mattttbob - Australia

Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML

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By TheTruthofWomen - United States

Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work what a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

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By pokeloser

Today, my high point was still being able to recite all 151 generation one Pokémon in order, from memory. I need a life. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML

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By Aw522 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot and I fainted. I woke up to see my mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out and call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, you're up. Now you can finish." FML

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By Declan - 4/12/2020 21:58 - United States - Miami

A case of Keemstar beard?

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to go get his lockdown beard trimmed. He came back with the kind of pointy monstrosity you see on people like Keemstar. I'm tempted to prune it in his sleep. FML

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By secretsant4

Today, at an 8 a.m. spin class, I knelt on the floor to set up my bike. The bike next to me was too close, and while the girl on it was pedaling to warm up, she pedaled down hard onto my heel, breaking my ankle. FML

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By bubbles - United Kingdom

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

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By iDisable - Australia

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to disable my iPod Touch for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, I went to enter my password. I missed a number accidentally. 50 minutes to go. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

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By busted - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering their questions about him, when my dad cut me off mid-sentence. He accused me of lying through my teeth, and said I'd based him off a character from a Harrison Ford movie. FML

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By Mommy - United States

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

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By BrutallyBlonde - United States

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

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By foreveralone - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

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By Shortcake - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, what started as my mom calling my grandma for a recipe turned into them discussing the philosophical reason behind my baking. I apparently picked up baking because I'm depressed over unemployment. And here I thought I just liked the smell of baked goods. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

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Top comments

By potentpotable | 0

#6540 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 19:15

YDI!!!

I know what it's like, having worked in retail. Sometimes deodorant isn't even good enough, you need to use the carpet odour-absorbing powder then vacuum it.

Damn it people, quit being dirty and learn to shower AND change/wash your clothes so they don't smell like sweat and BO.

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#226 - Thursday 5 February 2009 3:16

maybe you should take a shower?

COMMENTS

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#226 - Thursday 5 February 2009 3:16

maybe you should take a shower?

Reply

ell_oh_ell | 0

#1267189 - Thursday 19 August 2010 7:54

awe you must have felt so bad about urself!

Reply

ilovemydog98 | 8

#4718689 - Sunday 22 July 2012 5:45

13- I like ur profile pic :) the color of your eye is really pretty :) if thats even your eye lol

Reply

billyz77 | 24

#5312040 - Monday 7 January 2013 3:25

21 Although I happen to agree with you, that's what private messaging is for. :)

By potentpotable | 0

#6540 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 19:15

YDI!!!

I know what it's like, having worked in retail. Sometimes deodorant isn't even good enough, you need to use the carpet odour-absorbing powder then vacuum it.

Damn it people, quit being dirty and learn to shower AND change/wash your clothes so they don't smell like sweat and BO.

By iceicenikkay | 0

#11890 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:27

that's gross
maybe now you will shower!

By 3milyzabc | 0

#14920 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 22:37

ewww you deserve that if you smell that bad!!

By prettygirlsonly | 0

#168215 - Monday 4 May 2009 20:09

I work in a store and it happens a lot, ppl is nasty, ewww :S take a shower fgs

By DiorKiss | 0

#239427 - Thursday 28 May 2009 14:59

Don't feel too bad about that, I worked retail and it doesn't have to do anything with you, it just has to happen once everyday.

By Mythbusterma | 0

#273686 - Saturday 6 June 2009 5:25

Some places do that every time someone uses the changing room

By NoahLou | 0

#444306 - Friday 31 July 2009 8:37

OMG that happened to me except I work in a gynecologists office and I was the one doing the spraying. That was a really akward moment.

By RyanKaufman | 7

#818238 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 9:56

I'm sorry are you an idiot? YDI for being a dumbass. No one wants places to smell like someone else, and there's no clothes to mask the scent, so they spray after EVERYONE in most every clothing store with changing rooms. Dumbass.

By fatalkiss | 0

#966069 - Monday 22 March 2010 2:30

awh, I'm sorry you smell