Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly...

By EpicFail - 11/1/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

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Health

Proactive

Hello everyone!

Sister of the year

By Anonymous - 1/7/2015 18:56

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

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By Smash_Mouth - 8/3/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

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By P4ntless - 26/10/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

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By textraped - 16/3/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML

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By skyphoenix - 12/8/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, the boy I've liked for the past 8 years asked me out and then dumped me when he realized that I was taller than he was. FML

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By kisyfrot - 18/12/2008 03:38 - France

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

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By lexii - 5/5/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

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By missclitter - 9/4/2012 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend, when I had to go pee. Halfway down the aisle, I tripped, screamed, and fell face-first into some guy. My boyfriend is now accusing me of cheating and "flirting" with every man I see. FML

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By mislabelled mother - 24/3/2018 01:30

Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font I chose uses a fancy capital L that can easily be mistaken for a capital F. It looks like I have "I'm A Good Fuck Charm" tattooed on my wrist. FML

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By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - 24/11/2009 10:04 - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

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By nostamp - 10/7/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I rushed to the post office to mail an important document for the study abroad program that I'd applied for, which was due in a few days. Just as the envelope slipped out of my hand and into the mail box, I caught a glimpse of the upper right corner where there was supposed to be a stamp. FML

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By Lady Madeira von Cuntshunt - 21/3/2014 20:46 - United States - Denver

Today, I received my employee ID, which I have to wear at all times at my new job. The only problem is that in my photo, I look like a donkey having a seizure. Customers keep snickering at it, and my boss thinks I posed like that deliberately. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 09:18 - United Kingdom

Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, I thought it would have been funny to cut off my friend's rat-tail. He thought it would be funny to put a brick through my windshield. FML

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By cmondude - 18/9/2018 15:30

Today, I was finally cast in my high school play. As Violet. The gum chewer who turns into a blueberry. Does my instructor not know I'm a guy? FML

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By nuttedthefout - 28/4/2011 13:16

Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML

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By pubquizgenius - 27/1/2010 08:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML

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By now what - 24/12/2014 05:56 - United States - San Leandro

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

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By noway - 10/8/2011 17:47 - Singapore

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

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By onthetoilet - 4/1/2010 22:20 - France

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

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By Deconstructed - 19/5/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML

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By whoops - 29/6/2014 20:37 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

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By akasoor - 11/2/2013 01:51 - Canada - Hythe

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

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By tgpgs - 19/1/2011 14:55

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

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By FallCameEarly - 27/2/2014 06:21 - United States - Alhambra

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

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By UnwantedDaughter - 8/1/2019 20:00

Today, it's my birthday. My father didn't get me a birthday present or do anything for me, and acted as though he only came to visit because it was expected. Yet when it was his birthday a couple months ago, he expected me to take him out and pay for it FML

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By Australian Lifeguard - 22/10/2014 03:18 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

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By puggles - 3/1/2011 06:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my beautiful engagement ring is a remake of the late Princess Diana's engagement ring. I also found out my fiancé bought it from an infomercial, for $19.95. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2014 17:37 - Germany - Naurath

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2009 19:00 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

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By sick and lonely - 27/8/2016 03:19 - United States - Rockford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

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By I'm an adult! - 2/7/2015 19:16 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I've been moved out for a few years, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML

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By The L word - 30/1/2009 15:28 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

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By haaaye - 22/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Sounds cosy

Today, my Twitter got hacked, and I can't get it back. Everyone now thinks I live in a trailer and have multiple STDs. FML

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By tailgaterhater - 17/8/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh... I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

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By nipped - 16/9/2009 13:24 - Australia

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

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By Ugh - 15/2/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

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By Jane - 22/12/2012 23:29 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

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Top comments

By Chocolate_Chunk | 2

#1343370 - Friday 3 September 2010 11:48

if you are a woman, hit her. If you are a man and pro gender equality, hit her. If you are a man and a sexist, swear at her.

By theprey | 0

#1514257 - Friday 8 October 2010 1:26

tell her if she shuts the fuck up right now it will get rid of her black eye.

COMMENTS

By jim_witness | 0

#25137 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:45

Ask her why you would do that when obviously semen worked so well for her.

By AreYouSure_fml | 0

#49371 - Sunday 22 March 2009 5:31

Wow what a bitch. The best thing to say would be 'And MY product would rid you of your ugliness. Oh wait, nothing can do that!'

By retoxified | 0

#61854 - Friday 27 March 2009 5:12

try showering and not rubbing your face with dirt...

lxclark | 17

#970991 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 9:14

Acne can't be controlled for some people. I've used every product under the sun and the only thing that's worked is prescribed medication.

By butter_flew | 0

#236195 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 15:50

annoying...
;z

By irawk | 0

#245437 - Saturday 30 May 2009 20:34

happened to me once though I actually bought the product.
In fact, I welcome more acne on my face using that product!! fml

By StylishEvil | 0

#451041 - Sunday 2 August 2009 21:11

Oh, that sucks :( I can't stand those people in malls!

By epicfail13337 | 4

#503032 - Thursday 20 August 2009 23:29

I can't stand those kind of people. I just look the other way or pretend to be on the phone.

By jasonsaied | 1

#777221 - Saturday 16 January 2010 4:06

um why is that embarrassing? everybody can kinda see it anyway

By prettybrwneyes16 | 0

#802491 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 18:54

this lady did the same thing to me once ... it's so humiliating ! fhl for being an annoying bitch

By xSPiDERPiGx | 0

#932022 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 12:51

BUT IT WILL GET RID OF YOUR ACNE .

UR ACNE
acneacneacne . Acne.

EpicFail. HAS ACNE.

get over it.