Miscellaneous: Today, I was trying to finish an english assignment and I was...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 113

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 1 492

15/01/2009 01:47

Today, I was trying to finish an english assignment and I was not sure how to complete it. So I emailed my teacher asking and she said flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 575

You deserved it 28 334

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Asshat

Hot lava

05/07/2015 06:18

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 260

You deserved it 3 101

Stumped

By uneek14 - 23/06/2009 14:19

Today, while reading some chemistry notes, I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say, "Ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 765

You deserved it 84 534

06/03/2013 19:11

Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped dirty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me a whore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend. I confronted my father about it. He told me to forgive her, because she's "on her period." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 454

You deserved it 2 705

18/04/2009 07:20

Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 165

You deserved it 7 003

23/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had to go meet my professor at 12. I wound up showing up almost an hour late. Why? Because she doesn't teach at the campus I registered at. I wound up having to visit TWO different campuses before I reached the right one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 443

08/12/2012 17:12

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize my receipt was misplaced. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 191

You deserved it 4 591

Help!

By send help - 07/03/2017 02:00

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 343

You deserved it 390

15/07/2011 23:10

Today, I discovered my new plug-in air freshener smells exactly like my ex-boyfriend's cologne. My friends noticed this, and nobody will believe me when I say it smelled different on the scratch-and-sniff. Now I'm considered a creep. A nostalgic, obsessed creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 695

You deserved it 6 067

Devious, the lot of them

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 23:03

Today, I was out walking with a cute girl when we passed by a house with a Trump sign. Trying to make her laugh, I went to steal it. Turns out it was booby trapped. I got drenched by a sprinkler when I got close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 2 192

Betrayal

By Jasper - 29/05/2021 22:01

Today, I paid my best friend to not tell my girlfriend about having hooked up with another girl while drunk the other night. He told her anyway. Now I have no girlfriend and I’m $500 poorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 2 853

18/07/2012 16:09

Today, I had the contraceptive implant removed from my arm after having had it in for three years. I was one of the unlucky people whose body sticks to it. It took half an hour to cut and pull a tiny little stick out of my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 390

You deserved it 2 702

29/10/2008 11:08

Today, I told a friend that he looked smarter with his glasses on. He took them off and said "oh, and now you look more handsome". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 321

You deserved it 41 965

Keep your enemies closer

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 19:58

Today, the night before an exam, I found out my boyfriend of one and a half years was cheating on me with a girl who has the same name as me. Not only that, I ended up consoling her for hours as she cried over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 174

17/03/2015 12:00

Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about it, she now just sits and stares at me judgmentally whenever I'm in the same room as her, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 177

You deserved it 6 931

24/08/2012 18:00

Today, my mom called while I was at a job interview. I ignored the call, but the interviewer was so offended by the fact I'd rudely left it on at all, that he threw me out. I found out from my mom later that she'd called to wish me good luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 160

You deserved it 25 852

20/02/2012 16:19

Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 872

You deserved it 8 656

03/06/2014 08:56

Today, despite years of paranoid checking, I forgot to check my towel for spiders after my shower. Two crawled onto me, and I'm pretty sure there's one somewhere in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 117

You deserved it 5 506

01/07/2012 20:01

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 158

You deserved it 4 767

07/02/2014 20:30

Today, I told my professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 713

You deserved it 4 053

03/11/2010 00:57

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 404

You deserved it 9 563

24/10/2014 17:49

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 052

You deserved it 3 876

13/09/2015 14:22

Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 976

You deserved it 1 591

13/07/2010 13:41

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 860

You deserved it 40 159

13/09/2017 08:00

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 4 514

13/12/2011 05:16

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 000

You deserved it 49 210

25/08/2018 19:30

Today, I had to get stitches on my nutsack. I didn't know my mom had waxed the bathroom floor, and while I was stepping into the tub to take a shower my feet slipped in different directions. I landed crotch-first on the metal door frame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 464

You deserved it 176

10/10/2010 00:57

Today, we were playing a game at work where whenever someone is in the washroom, we throw a 2 inch lug nut at the door because it makes a huge bang and scares whoever is in there. I was just opening the door to exit when someone threw the nut. It hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 755

You deserved it 28 677

07/07/2010 16:40

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 288

You deserved it 8 906

02/10/2009 18:16

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 557

You deserved it 40 485

22/01/2017 18:00

Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 317

You deserved it 537

06/10/2012 18:27

Today, I had a big argument with my girlfriend, after she tried to stop me going home, even though it was already past my curfew. I got home, only to find out I'm grounded for staying out late, and dumped for being "inconsiderate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 911

You deserved it 3 535

Not a joke!

By Ewt - 06/12/2019 05:00

Today, I found out that my best friend does not wash her hands after going to the bathroom, even if she changes her pad. I then remembered all the times she handed food to me, and teased me when I tried to wash my hands first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 242

You deserved it 182

23/06/2014 22:59

Today, I started a new internship. I couldn't do anything until I was trained, and I couldn't be trained until I had a login. I stared at a wall for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 404

You deserved it 4 349

A night to remember

By Donzai - 30/03/2009 22:17

Today, I was at my boss's house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4-foot cake before passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 466

You deserved it 81 110

01/01/2016 16:23

Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 200

You deserved it 1 530

02/01/2010 20:27

Today, I got l disconnect notices for both my water and my electric. After looking over my budget, I realized that I can only pay for one until next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 081

You deserved it 7 333

22/01/2009 23:26

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 470

You deserved it 2 558

04/01/2015 01:42

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 820

You deserved it 10 289

17/01/2010 13:44

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 2 702

10/08/2013 10:48

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 549

You deserved it 12 239

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Top comments

subarchetta 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:07

Hahah! Oh well, just suck your boyfriend's dick to forget the shame. Always works for me.

Timmytwofinger 0

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Thursday 5 February 2009 2:51

hahaha dumbass

Comments

Timmytwofinger 0

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Thursday 5 February 2009 2:51

hahaha dumbass

medotcom 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 3:39

so true

subarchetta 0

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:07

Hahah! Oh well, just suck your boyfriend's dick to forget the shame. Always works for me.

breenarae25 0

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Wednesday 15 September 2010 0:53

agreed

k3llyn 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 22:19

You dumbass.

jmbizzle32 0

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Sunday 26 April 2009 4:12

Agreed with 3, work that dick, son.

ellielovesuu 0

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Monday 11 May 2009 4:09

You're retarded, OP.

PixelSlayer247 0

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Thursday 11 June 2009 9:31

Why are some people alive? -_-"

bethay 0

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Thursday 2 July 2009 20:42

I don't even understand why you wouldn't check first.

Boomi 38

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Sunday 11 September 2016 8:31

Same, I always check.

FMLreactor 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 2:01

Pretty pathetic

bethay 0

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Tuesday 14 July 2009 0:54

God damn, you're even dumber than me is.

Chalaka 0

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Sunday 9 August 2009 17:59

Nice going, shithead.