Love: Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow.... - FML

By poisonhand - United States

Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML

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Walk on the wild side

KoBabe

Boozehound alert

By 3LLI0TT - United States

Today, I poured my heart out into what had to be my greatest set of lyrics for my band ever, at the same time my teacher was explaining chemical changes to the class. At the end of the lecture he picked up my paper, and set it on fire to demonstrate a chemical change. FML

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By they've been broken up for a year. - United States - Dallas

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months yelled at me for not comforting her while she was crying because her ex got a new girlfriend, and "it's just not fair." FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad sarcastically told me not to get lost, because I might get mistaken for Shamu. FML

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By hiitisbrooke - United States - Dearborn

Today, I texted my friend asking if he'd like to join my "porno group". I meant promo. I quickly texted back correcting the mistake, but not before I received the nudes he sent. FML

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By bigdawg702 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

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By Savannah - United States

Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML

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By Melinie - United States

Today, I found an empty parking space in a crowded parking lot. When I came back later, a lady and a cop were standing by my car. Her car used to be parked there and got stolen. They think I'm involved. FML

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By Broken

Today, the ex of my boyfriend of 18 months called me and put her phone in her purse. I heard my boyfriend say he's sick of me, he hasn't been happy for a year, and he's afraid to leave because he feels sorry for me. He bought her a ring. I got earrings. FML

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By LonnyLonnikins - Canada

Today, I went to pick up my sister's wedding cake. It was a nice day, the shop was close, and the cake wasn't too big so I walked. On my way back, I stepped aside for a kid on a bike, tripped over my shoelaces, and dumped my sister's expensive, custom-designed cake. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

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By Cùchulainn - France

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

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By firstdategonebad - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML

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By failingyetagain - United Kingdom - Barrow Upon Soar

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

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By murphslaw - United States

Today, as I was doing the morning count for the registers, a lady walked by and saw me. She's got Alzheimer's, and thought I was robbing the guy I'd bought the store from, so she called the cops. I spent six hours in jail while they looked into it, and didn't even get an apology. FML

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By Sonofaquiche

Today, I had to help my grandma because her TV suddenly stopped working. She has cable as well as satellite, so she figured she didn't need the satellite receiver anymore. Apparently the best way to do get rid of it was to cut all the cables connected to the TV. FML

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By PlzSendBlankets - United States

Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

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By sore - Australia

Today, I sliced my arm open on the weekend, patched it with a fabric bandaid. Had an allergic reaction to the bandaid, arm now swollen, blistering and keeping-me-awake itchy. Pharmacist's advice? "Oooh, that looks bad. Better put a bandaid on that." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 02:00

Deal or no Deal

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

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By fuck you, boss - United States

Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML

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By Loner - United States - Paramus

Today, my buddy congratulated me on getting a girl's phone number written on my arm. I was too embarrassed to tell him it was the number I needed to find my furniture at IKEA . FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

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By atmac95 - United States

Today, I am expected to write an 8 page essay, due tonight. The reason why I don't even have one page yet? My mom decided to take away the only computer I have the essay saved on because I have an 'F' in English. The essay is for English. FML

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By college0001 - United States - Burlington

Today, my college roommate tried to kick me out, because what I say makes her uncomfortable. We haven't talked for 3 months. FML

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By amiadori - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me. When confronted she told me, "I didn't get wet so it wasn't cheating." FML

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By fuckwank - United States - Red Oak

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodland

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

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By wahwah - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

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By das_shizzle - 2/5/2020 05:00

Entitled bitch

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I came home to find my entire action figure collection was gone. My parents told me I am too old for toys, so they opened all of the packages and donated them to Goodwill. I had an original Boba Fett, and my entire collection was worth more than twenty thousand dollars. FML

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By Chucho - United States - Boston

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

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By newscomes - United States

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to guys hitting on me are the ones who ask to be my friend on Call of Duty because I have the word "girl" in my name. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room". FML

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By secretagentsam00 - 31/3/2020 23:00

Thug life

Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML

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By Tor - United States

Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML

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By Totallyscrewed - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

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By TimJack18 - United States - Whiteville

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML

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By Allergies suck - United States - Westport

Today, I had four separate allergic reactions. The first from the pillow at the hotel I was staying at, the second and third from two separate ice cream parlors due to cross-contamination, and the fourth from peanut dust in the air on the plane ride home from my vacation. FML

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By letdown - 19/7/2020 14:01

Great timing

Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML

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Top comments

By ah_haha | 0

#36713 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:14

Imagine the other guy: Today I noticed my hair was looking messy and asked a colleague if I could borrow his comb. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I remembered he's bald. FML

By MarcusJones713 | 0

#44530 - Friday 20 March 2009 6:23

Why is this in the "love" category?

COMMENTS

By maiden_girl | 5

#2346 - Sunday 15 February 2009 14:01

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Reply

geovanni | 9

#808570 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:30

a guy accedently reminded me I'm bald,Fmlfmlfml my life SUCKS!!!!DX

Reply

truelyawesome | 0

#843901 - Thursday 11 February 2010 7:33

boo-hoo, get over it. unless he asked in a jerk way

Reply

rockintothebeat | 0

#970810 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 2:31

bahaha i fricking love your coworker :)

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#976014 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 23:28

so? your bald nobody gives a shit

Reply

daniisme | 0

#977165 - Saturday 10 April 2010 10:35

2 options:

1) Hes taking the piss outta you being bald

2) He has crabs.

Reply

sexybitch92 | 0

#986695 - Friday 30 April 2010 5:57

lol how is this a fml? this is sooo funnnyyy.!!!! hahahahaahahhahaah (= i would just bust out laughing and say yeah sure give me a sec to get it lol.

Reply

iranoutofnames | 6

#992995 - Friday 14 May 2010 8:32

sooo... did you have one??

Reply

pingpongpickle | 8

#1101044 - Saturday 17 July 2010 9:50

hahahaaaa

Reply

satanic_fml | 13

#1221346 - Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:01

YDI for being bald

Reply

nhbasskid13 | 23

#5751431 - Tuesday 12 November 2013 1:50

Would have been funnier if he was bald.

By pokurfayce | 0

#34168 - Monday 16 March 2009 6:16

lol dickmoveeee

Reply

jessthebest3 | 0

#2422103 - Thursday 28 April 2011 7:38

It could have been worse, OP could have been asked for a hairband.

Reply

kateRAWR | 4

#4257894 - Wednesday 4 April 2012 14:05

#50 no i think comb is best :)

Reply

camsterjoe | 12

#5206108 - Sunday 2 December 2012 8:42

Fine, let him keep the comb then

By ah_haha | 0

#36713 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:14

Imagine the other guy: Today I noticed my hair was looking messy and asked a colleague if I could borrow his comb. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I remembered he's bald. FML

By MarcusJones713 | 0

#44530 - Friday 20 March 2009 6:23

Why is this in the "love" category?

Reply

laxgirl3 | 0

#944836 - Sunday 14 March 2010 5:29

it's always automatically on love. I guess he forgot to change it

By mister_moops | 0

#52138 - Monday 23 March 2009 9:43

wow, are you joking? deal with it.

Reply

palltaru | 0

#2076187 - Sunday 13 February 2011 3:48

no. The guy was just trying to be an ass-hole

By noha_fml | 0

#126171 - Monday 20 April 2009 5:00

some of these fmls are just too lame to comprehend and i cant believe i have to waste my time reading it let alone commenting on it (yeah im bored)

By xxspeakxx | 0

#143060 - Sunday 26 April 2009 0:56

funny, still laughing

By real_def_of_fml | 0

#155833 - Thursday 30 April 2009 6:14

hahahahaha thats a classic fml!!!

By 24788 | 6

#159363 - Friday 1 May 2009 9:28

Lol, that's evil.

Reply

sophsoph17 | 0

#2182484 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:31

haha ya I know right btw u have a realy nice body haha

Reply

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6505935 - Saturday 9 January 2016 18:11

This isn't E-Harmony

By Steezyyyyy | 0

#166213 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:59

Maybe he thought you combed your pubes.