Love: Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow.... - FML

By poisonhand - 14/01/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 700

You deserved it 2 795

Hiding from the drama

Another great day to be alive

It's called being a wage slave

By Wrongword - 17/04/2012 10:52 - China - Shanghai

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 541

You deserved it 4 083

By Aus - 26/04/2012 14:43 - United States

Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 925

You deserved it 4 178

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 20:12 - United States - Ellicott City

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 537

You deserved it 8 138

By Tanner - 16/07/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 359

You deserved it 3 670

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 17:41 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 355

You deserved it 10 027

By Anonymous - 30/06/2013 10:58 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 572

You deserved it 20 098

Pissed

By kkmirw - 14/10/2019 05:00

Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 93

By THATguy - 21/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 997

You deserved it 2 285

By nobabies - 10/12/2017 01:30

Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 188

You deserved it 453

By everyonesdivorced - 02/10/2009 16:47 - Iraq

Today, my husband of five years told me he's leaving me and will be gone when I return from Iraq. When I told him I love him and asked him not to go, he said he won't file divorce papers just yet, but he's moving out-of-state because "we need time apart." I've been gone for most of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 507

You deserved it 3 162

By Anonymous - 23/07/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 99 143

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 09:17 - New Zealand

Today, I fell over on the bus. X-Rays revealed not only that I have been growing extra bones in my foot, but that when I fell, I crushed all of them. Doctors don't know how to fix bones that aren't supposed to be there, so they're just going to cut them out. Two days before Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 076

You deserved it 2 707

By You'veHadTwoWeeksToTellMe - 24/04/2017 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one hour before bedtime on the last day of the school holidays, my kids informed me that they need art smocks for school. They have no idea why I'm frustrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 538

You deserved it 333

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 06:15

Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 229

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 02:36 - Australia

Today, after my second date with an otherwise charming guy, he called me a whore for turning him down for sex. Yeah, I'm trying to work out the logic of that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 569

You deserved it 1 824

By man2 - 23/09/2010 11:18 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was unsuccessful at a job interview, and she didn't want to be with someone who "has no future". She's unemployed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 008

You deserved it 4 033

By justdancebbyx3 - 06/06/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 885

You deserved it 2 997

By this is impossible - 05/01/2016 00:21 - United States - Norristown

Today, my dad sat me and my sister down and give us a "talk". More like an angry irrational rant. He forbade us from being gay, marrying a Muslim or a black person, demanded kids from both of us, and threatened to disown us if we didn't. Where's my free will? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 348

You deserved it 2 406

By amayasoma - 12/08/2013 18:54 - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 556

You deserved it 7 006

Heavy session last night?

By TaintedL0v3 - 11/03/2020 12:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I woke up with Chocolate Buttons superglued to my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 196

Going out of business? It's a matter of life and death!

By Prepper? - 06/12/2017 01:30

Today, the accredited funeral home of my memorial plan is going out of business. Instead of delegating my policy to a different firm, they gave me the package. I now have to take home a land title for where I will be buried, my own coffin, and my headstone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 798

You deserved it 301

By LinaLinaYeah - 09/12/2011 16:26 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 848

You deserved it 28 415

In these times

By Dee Dee - 22/05/2020 08:00

Today, my husband and I purchased a new-used truck, after being assured for weeks by the company owner we work for that the company will remain open. Later, we received an email saying that the office is closing permanently. Our jobs are "secure", but he needs help selling and moving the equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 122

Someone needs a hug

By lukey101 - 13/08/2020 05:01

Today, I was out to lunch when someone in the distance proposed to his partner. She said yes, everyone clapped and cheered. I, on the other hand, burst into tears and couldn't stop bawling for about half an hour. I'm a 32 year old man and don't even know the happy couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 388

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 21:54 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 258

You deserved it 1 878

Gross

By maddie - 15/05/2020 05:00

Today, while I was working the drive-thru window, a customer sneezed into his hand and then handed me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 119

By Scared - 13/07/2019 02:30

Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 2 412

By anon - 08/03/2009 08:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 811

You deserved it 76 636

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 16:41 - United Kingdom - Houghton Le Spring

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 612

You deserved it 5 892

By Anonymous - 11/06/2016 05:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 368

You deserved it 1 699

By Anonymous - 21/05/2016 04:27 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on the job. After his mom finally got home 4 hours later, he called her a slut. When he got in trouble for it, he claimed that I taught him the word. Needless to say, I didn't get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 966

You deserved it 865

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 743

You deserved it 2 691

By Khrixas_069 - 18/06/2011 07:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 688

You deserved it 58 461

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 06:45 - United States

Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 418

You deserved it 7 103

By Bugga2018 - 22/05/2016 23:52 - United States - Freeport

Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 324

You deserved it 894

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 02:04 - United States - Yorktown

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 384

You deserved it 7 633

By pontwa - 23/08/2015 13:45 - Australia

Today, after nearly 2 years, my now ex-girlfriend decided she was ready to have sex. Specifically, sex with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 125

You deserved it 1 891

By Anonymous - 18/09/2014 15:38 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I'm so broke that I had to call in sick to work because I couldn't afford to pay my bus fare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 363

You deserved it 5 237

By embarrassment - 12/06/2009 13:46 - Canada

Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 325

You deserved it 8 345

By PerturbedStudent - 09/12/2015 23:42 - United States - Keller

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 565

You deserved it 1 635

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:14

Imagine the other guy: Today I noticed my hair was looking messy and asked a colleague if I could borrow his comb. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I remembered he's bald. FML

MarcusJones713 0

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Friday 20 March 2009 6:23

Why is this in the "love" category?

Comments

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Sunday 15 February 2009 14:01

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Saturday 30 January 2010 1:30

a guy accedently reminded me I'm bald,Fmlfmlfml my life SUCKS!!!!DX

truelyawesome 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 7:33

boo-hoo, get over it. unless he asked in a jerk way

rockintothebeat 0

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Tuesday 30 March 2010 2:31

bahaha i fricking love your coworker :)

ilovefatcats 12

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Wednesday 7 April 2010 23:28

so? your bald nobody gives a shit

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Saturday 10 April 2010 10:35

2 options: 1) Hes taking the piss outta you being bald 2) He has crabs.

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Friday 30 April 2010 5:57

lol how is this a fml? this is sooo funnnyyy.!!!! hahahahaahahhahaah (= i would just bust out laughing and say yeah sure give me a sec to get it lol.

iranoutofnames 6

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Friday 14 May 2010 8:32

sooo... did you have one??

pingpongpickle 8

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Saturday 17 July 2010 9:50

hahahaaaa

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Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:01

YDI for being bald

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Tuesday 12 November 2013 1:50

Would have been funnier if he was bald.

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Monday 16 March 2009 6:16

lol dickmoveeee

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Thursday 28 April 2011 7:38

It could have been worse, OP could have been asked for a hairband.

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Wednesday 4 April 2012 14:05

#50 no i think comb is best :)

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Sunday 2 December 2012 8:42

Fine, let him keep the comb then

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:14

Imagine the other guy: Today I noticed my hair was looking messy and asked a colleague if I could borrow his comb. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I remembered he's bald. FML

MarcusJones713 0

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Friday 20 March 2009 6:23

Why is this in the "love" category?

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Sunday 14 March 2010 5:29

it's always automatically on love. I guess he forgot to change it

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Monday 23 March 2009 9:43

wow, are you joking? deal with it.

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Sunday 13 February 2011 3:48

no. The guy was just trying to be an ass-hole

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Monday 20 April 2009 5:00

some of these fmls are just too lame to comprehend and i cant believe i have to waste my time reading it let alone commenting on it (yeah im bored)

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Sunday 26 April 2009 0:56

funny, still laughing

real_def_of_fml 0

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Thursday 30 April 2009 6:14

hahahahaha thats a classic fml!!!

24788 6

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Friday 1 May 2009 9:28

Lol, that's evil.

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Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:31

haha ya I know right btw u have a realy nice body haha

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Saturday 9 January 2016 18:11

This isn't E-Harmony

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Monday 4 May 2009 1:59

Maybe he thought you combed your pubes.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 58

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 60

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 125