Love: Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow.... - FML

By poisonhand - United States

Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML

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Commando

The one with the asshole friend

Unionize

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

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By Dhagiik - United States - Oak Park

Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next to me I could hear someone pleasuring himself. I decided to let my boss know what was going on, but it turns out that it was my boss in the stall next to me. FML

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By Doubleyew1 - United States

Today, the cute guy I met on Halloween finally decided to meet up with me after almost 10 months of phone calls, IM, and emails. He was noticeably disappointed and said I looked different. On Halloween I had full face zombie makeup. FML

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By crazy cat lady - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

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By SpideyFace - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I started a new job at a glass shop and my boss asked me to vacuum. I ended up tipping over and shattering the most expensive bong in the shop, which retailed at $3,000. FML

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By shizzy09 - United States

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

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By KKimrae_ness - United States

Today, I found some oversized-strawberry-spree candies in my pantry. They were delicious and I munched on them through out the day. I ended up in and out, but mostly in, the bathroom in the dead hours of the night experiencing the wonders and effectiveness of Fruit Flavored Fiber pills. FML

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By jcdc - United States - Georgetown

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

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By ilovebigmacs - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was watching wrestling videos on YouTube, when my little brother walked in. Later, my little brother told my parents that I was watching naked men on my computer. They won't stop thinking that I was watching gay porn. FML

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By Jack

Today, my washing machine broke down, within its warranty. I asked my neighbour if she could open the door for the mechanic while I was at work; she agreed. When I came home, I had a bill for 80 bucks for not opening the door. Her reason? She was busy watching her favorite TV show. FML

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By nurseITHINKNOT - United States

Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML

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By AnonymousAmber - United States - Yadkinville

Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML

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By Somessedup - United States

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

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By what have i done with my life - United States - Akron

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

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By blumaster04 - United States

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

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By anon - United States

Quickshot

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

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By cockblockingbitch - United States

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

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By Alyssa K Scheiber - 26/4/2021 02:00

Storage wars

Today, my boyfriend of almost 5 years told me that his reason for staying with me is because he doesn't want to go through our storage unit to decide who would get what. We've had the storage unit for 2 years. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that the airhead sitting next to me at work who can't get anything done on her own, makes more money than I do. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

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By clair_brodie

Today, as I was putting some dishes away, I spilled water on the floor. While walking around the dishwasher, I slipped on said water, and after going to urgent care, found out I tore my meniscus. FML

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By Anonymous - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

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By cantstopfeelingit

Gross!

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I peed myself. FML

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By Anonymous

Caring

Today, I was rummaging about in the pantry. When I turned to walk away, the heavy pantry door fell off, struck me in the back of the head, and the wood surrounding the doorknob cracked. When my mom came home, she accused me of "property damage." FML

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By kb - United States

Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML

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By Sam - Canada

Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter. I didn't. I stutter too. FML

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By Meghan - United States - Valparaiso

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "the lovely Meghan". I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

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By handyjon - United States

Today, I unclogged a toilet. With my hand. For the second time this week. FML

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By miss Suzanne - United States

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

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By wtf - United Kingdom

Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

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By kissless - United States

Today, my boyfriend left for a month-long trip with his buddies. I stood near the door waiting for a goodbye kiss. He kissed his xbox goodbye instead. FML

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By ...

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

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By ali - United States - Livingston

Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML

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By JTo - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

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Top comments

By ah_haha | 0

#36713 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:14

Imagine the other guy: Today I noticed my hair was looking messy and asked a colleague if I could borrow his comb. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I remembered he's bald. FML

By MarcusJones713 | 0

#44530 - Friday 20 March 2009 6:23

Why is this in the "love" category?

COMMENTS

By maiden_girl | 5

#2346 - Sunday 15 February 2009 14:01

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Reply

geovanni | 9

#808570 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:30

a guy accedently reminded me I'm bald,Fmlfmlfml my life SUCKS!!!!DX

Reply

truelyawesome | 0

#843901 - Thursday 11 February 2010 7:33

boo-hoo, get over it. unless he asked in a jerk way

Reply

rockintothebeat | 0

#970810 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 2:31

bahaha i fricking love your coworker :)

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#976014 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 23:28

so? your bald nobody gives a shit

Reply

daniisme | 0

#977165 - Saturday 10 April 2010 10:35

2 options:

1) Hes taking the piss outta you being bald

2) He has crabs.

Reply

sexybitch92 | 0

#986695 - Friday 30 April 2010 5:57

lol how is this a fml? this is sooo funnnyyy.!!!! hahahahaahahhahaah (= i would just bust out laughing and say yeah sure give me a sec to get it lol.

Reply

iranoutofnames | 6

#992995 - Friday 14 May 2010 8:32

sooo... did you have one??

Reply

pingpongpickle | 8

#1101044 - Saturday 17 July 2010 9:50

hahahaaaa

Reply

satanic_fml | 13

#1221346 - Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:01

YDI for being bald

Reply

nhbasskid13 | 23

#5751431 - Tuesday 12 November 2013 1:50

Would have been funnier if he was bald.

By pokurfayce | 0

#34168 - Monday 16 March 2009 6:16

lol dickmoveeee

Reply

jessthebest3 | 0

#2422103 - Thursday 28 April 2011 7:38

It could have been worse, OP could have been asked for a hairband.

Reply

kateRAWR | 4

#4257894 - Wednesday 4 April 2012 14:05

#50 no i think comb is best :)

Reply

camsterjoe | 12

#5206108 - Sunday 2 December 2012 8:42

Fine, let him keep the comb then

By ah_haha | 0

#36713 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:14

Imagine the other guy: Today I noticed my hair was looking messy and asked a colleague if I could borrow his comb. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I remembered he's bald. FML

By MarcusJones713 | 0

#44530 - Friday 20 March 2009 6:23

Why is this in the "love" category?

Reply

laxgirl3 | 0

#944836 - Sunday 14 March 2010 5:29

it's always automatically on love. I guess he forgot to change it

By mister_moops | 0

#52138 - Monday 23 March 2009 9:43

wow, are you joking? deal with it.

Reply

palltaru | 0

#2076187 - Sunday 13 February 2011 3:48

no. The guy was just trying to be an ass-hole

By noha_fml | 0

#126171 - Monday 20 April 2009 5:00

some of these fmls are just too lame to comprehend and i cant believe i have to waste my time reading it let alone commenting on it (yeah im bored)

By xxspeakxx | 0

#143060 - Sunday 26 April 2009 0:56

funny, still laughing

By real_def_of_fml | 0

#155833 - Thursday 30 April 2009 6:14

hahahahaha thats a classic fml!!!

By 24788 | 6

#159363 - Friday 1 May 2009 9:28

Lol, that's evil.

Reply

sophsoph17 | 0

#2182484 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:31

haha ya I know right btw u have a realy nice body haha

Reply

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6505935 - Saturday 9 January 2016 18:11

This isn't E-Harmony

By Steezyyyyy | 0

#166213 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:59

Maybe he thought you combed your pubes.