Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow.... - FML

By poisonhand - 14/1/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML

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Daydreaming

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Breaking Badly

By JeezyCherieze - 11/4/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML

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By natrat222 - 26/11/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa

Break up

Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML

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By mandinga - 6/9/2009 21:35 - United States

Please?

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

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By ninnang - 9/7/2014 21:37 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

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By devourer, apparently - 14/8/2018 22:18

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that I had grown on him. I thought it was cute, until he added, "like a flesh eating bacteria". FML

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By fuckmeintheeyewitharing - 3/7/2016 12:52 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML

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By wasted time - 19/12/2013 09:09 - United States

Today, I learned, 90 horrifying minutes into a college exam, that my 85-year-old calculus teacher had spent the last three weeks teaching us the wrong chapter. FML

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By Greg - 28/10/2013 21:53 - United States - Livonia

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

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By TheNerd - 12/5/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, I was riding my long board. A few feet from me an attractive girl was riding one too, in the same direction. We made eye contact right as I slammed into a light pole. She then fell because she was laughing so hard. FML

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By viperplay53 - 12/8/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, while working at a McDonald's drive-through, some dicks decided to pull a "fire in the hole" prank. Granted, it has been done to me before, this time was different. These pleasant people decided to use hot coffee. FML

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By Username - 21/12/2010 05:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

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By kacie smith - 16/9/2012 12:36 - United States - Youngsville

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2017 23:15

Jinx

Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said "check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

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By girly girly - 26/5/2012 14:42 - United States - Keller

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

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By Dopeydancer - 8/9/2009 13:12 - United Kingdom

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

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By Nic - 23/2/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, I just studied for 13.5 hours completely outlining a book for history. Thirty minutes before the test, I realized I had been reading the wrong book. FML

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By ShowOff - 11/3/2010 08:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML

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By meeeoow - 22/1/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 03:19 - United States

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

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By Username - 29/5/2014 14:14 - United States

Today, as I was using the public restroom in the mall, someone decided to slam the stall door next to mine. This resulted in my stall door opening while I was still on the toilet. The door was too far for me to reach. FML

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By B.B - 7/10/2016 14:03 - United States - New York

Today, my husband brought me breakfast in bed. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful and love him even more for the thought. But the only problem with breakfast in bed is that you have to eat what they bring you, even if it's bad. FML

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By paulwatson93 - 17/5/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML

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By mynoseburns - 22/2/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

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By I write sins not other people's essays - 12/5/2016 03:13 - United States - King George

Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2010 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2013 20:26 - Canada - Poplar Hill

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

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By anon - 5/3/2011 10:15 - United States

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

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By NotThePotty - 19/10/2015 10:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

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By Isoldael - 7/11/2011 09:38 - Netherlands

Today, I caught three kids setting fire to a bush. After chasing them off, I parked my bike by a house and went to get water. After I'd put the fire out, I walked back to my bike just in time to see the kids running off with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2013 14:26 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2012 16:41 - United States - Aurora

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

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By dumbassbuffet - 11/11/2011 15:53 - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

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By Nic - 22/7/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2020 02:01

The age-old story

Today, the girl I’ve been crushing over for so long told me that I’m a great guy and a catch, but then went on to tell me all about the other guy she’s been sleeping with. FML.

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By Potato_Lord - 12/11/2015 04:11 - United States - Madison

Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML

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By sarika - 24/7/2015 00:12 - United States - Appleton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML

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By Veronica Rambo - 24/10/2018 17:30

Today, it was my first day going to work with new hours where I'm in the office alone for an hour. I managed to lock myself out without my jacket, my phone, and my keys. It was raining. FML

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By allbrokeup - 1/12/2012 23:54 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

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Top comments

By ah_haha | 0

#36713 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:14

Imagine the other guy: Today I noticed my hair was looking messy and asked a colleague if I could borrow his comb. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I remembered he's bald. FML

By MarcusJones713 | 0

#44530 - Friday 20 March 2009 6:23

Why is this in the "love" category?

COMMENTS

By maiden_girl | 5

#2346 - Sunday 15 February 2009 14:01

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Reply

geovanni | 9

#808570 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:30

a guy accedently reminded me I'm bald,Fmlfmlfml my life SUCKS!!!!DX

Reply

truelyawesome | 0

#843901 - Thursday 11 February 2010 7:33

boo-hoo, get over it. unless he asked in a jerk way

Reply

rockintothebeat | 0

#970810 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 2:31

bahaha i fricking love your coworker :)

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#976014 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 23:28

so? your bald nobody gives a shit

Reply

daniisme | 0

#977165 - Saturday 10 April 2010 10:35

2 options:

1) Hes taking the piss outta you being bald

2) He has crabs.

Reply

sexybitch92 | 0

#986695 - Friday 30 April 2010 5:57

lol how is this a fml? this is sooo funnnyyy.!!!! hahahahaahahhahaah (= i would just bust out laughing and say yeah sure give me a sec to get it lol.

Reply

iranoutofnames | 6

#992995 - Friday 14 May 2010 8:32

sooo... did you have one??

Reply

pingpongpickle | 8

#1101044 - Saturday 17 July 2010 9:50

hahahaaaa

Reply

satanic_fml | 13

#1221346 - Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:01

YDI for being bald

Reply

nhbasskid13 | 23

#5751431 - Tuesday 12 November 2013 1:50

Would have been funnier if he was bald.

By pokurfayce | 0

#34168 - Monday 16 March 2009 6:16

lol dickmoveeee

Reply

jessthebest3 | 0

#2422103 - Thursday 28 April 2011 7:38

It could have been worse, OP could have been asked for a hairband.

Reply

kateRAWR | 4

#4257894 - Wednesday 4 April 2012 14:05

#50 no i think comb is best :)

Reply

camsterjoe | 12

#5206108 - Sunday 2 December 2012 8:42

Fine, let him keep the comb then

By ah_haha | 0

#36713 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 5:14

Imagine the other guy: Today I noticed my hair was looking messy and asked a colleague if I could borrow his comb. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I remembered he's bald. FML

By MarcusJones713 | 0

#44530 - Friday 20 March 2009 6:23

Why is this in the "love" category?

Reply

laxgirl3 | 0

#944836 - Sunday 14 March 2010 5:29

it's always automatically on love. I guess he forgot to change it

By mister_moops | 0

#52138 - Monday 23 March 2009 9:43

wow, are you joking? deal with it.

Reply

palltaru | 0

#2076187 - Sunday 13 February 2011 3:48

no. The guy was just trying to be an ass-hole

By noha_fml | 0

#126171 - Monday 20 April 2009 5:00

some of these fmls are just too lame to comprehend and i cant believe i have to waste my time reading it let alone commenting on it (yeah im bored)

By xxspeakxx | 0

#143060 - Sunday 26 April 2009 0:56

funny, still laughing

By real_def_of_fml | 0

#155833 - Thursday 30 April 2009 6:14

hahahahaha thats a classic fml!!!

By 24788 | 6

#159363 - Friday 1 May 2009 9:28

Lol, that's evil.

Reply

sophsoph17 | 0

#2182484 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 1:31

haha ya I know right btw u have a realy nice body haha

Reply

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6505935 - Saturday 9 January 2016 18:11

This isn't E-Harmony

By Steezyyyyy | 0

#166213 - Monday 4 May 2009 1:59

Maybe he thought you combed your pubes.