Love: Today, I had lunch with a couple of my friends and a guy I like....

By dexter - United States

Today, I had lunch with a couple of my friends and a guy I like. Another guy I have a crush on came and ate with us too. After lunch, one of the guys I have a crush on told me the other guy I like is sexy. FML

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Love

Season finale

Spooky

Incognito browsing

By Sammijane58

Today, I watched my best friend get married. I then watched her completely ignore my maid of honor speech, because she was messing with the lights behind us. FML

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1498

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By bruised - Australia - Sydney

Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML

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14210

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By Mito

Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML

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3515

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302

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By Brook363 - United States

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

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54661

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By duhasiangirl - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

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22235

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By pk24 - United States

Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to try and win concert tickets for one of my favorite bands. I called in and was actually the winning number. When asked my name I answered quickly, but all I heard was "Hello? Hello?" Then they hung up. My cell phone was on mute. FML

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56253

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Falk?ping

Today, I accidentally cut myself while slicing some sponge cake. My husband's first reaction was to ask if the cake had gotten bloody or not. FML

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24493

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By -__- - Greece - Athens

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering "you want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

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38867

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By Dumbfuck - United States

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8713

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By klaatu barada nikto - United States - Des Moines

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

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33138

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sandringham

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

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23107

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By sucks - Netherlands

Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML

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12733

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By Inconnu - France

Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56431

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3838

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By Amanda G Rich - 25/11/2020 02:02

Lose the boyfriend, not the weight

Today, yet again. my boyfriend told me I'm getting fat, even after I told him to stop and that it's affecting my mental health. I had an eating disorder previously, and now I'm thinking about going back to just eating an apple a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1102

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168

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By natrat222 - United States - Mesa

Break up

Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2541

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1040

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By prince-charming - Kuwait

Today, I was acting as Prince Charming for a 5 year old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35582

You deserved it

3911

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By Iron11

Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15649

You deserved it

4342

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By Rhett_15

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

Today, I found out that my favorite song is about blow jobs and crystal meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3342

You deserved it

890

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By NotYourTracy

Today, while on the bus, I started a conversation with the person next to me. After a little back and forth, she finally said, "Do you think people will stop talking to me if I say I have aids?" FML

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2293

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657

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By Blazouta - France

Today, I'm 20 and I'm going bald. FML

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55975

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4557

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By I care too much

Today, I learned that the windows in my flat will be removed and then replaced with new ones. This would be very good, if it wasn't for the ongoing removal of the asbestos insulation in the very same flat. I guess the administration will pay less for scaffolding this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1487

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111

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By Anonymous

Bad liar

Today, I was supposed to see my boyfriend for his birthday. He said his parents were coming down and it may not be a good time for us to really enjoy each other. Last night I saw a picture of him feeding popcorn to baby llamas with his drunk stoner friends. FML

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1609

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228

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car wouldn't start because of the cold weather. Since I was at a friend's house, I asked him to jump-start it. After taking about ten minutes to start his vehicle and park it by mine, we found that both of our car hoods were frozen shut. FML

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43521

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By Ms.rain

Today my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom to check if I was cheating...... I wasn't. He was looking for some leverage so when he told me he's been fucking my bestfriend for the last year, he could use something against me... FML

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4186

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231

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By luckycharmed - United States

Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML

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49624

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By Anonymoys - 22/2/2021 17:01

Pansexuality awaits you

Today, I realized that the guy that I've liked for the past 7 months is actually a girl. I've told all my friends about how much I like him, but no one bothered to tell me that he's actually a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

496

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590

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By baffled - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22449

You deserved it

1831

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By Anonymous - United States

Anyone for cake?

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

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45522

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7866

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By DoesNotLikeCubes - Qatar

Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML

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40530

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By UGH - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18108

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

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23443

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3219

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By pod - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39572

You deserved it

5388

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By Carolyn Burnham

Today, I was at the local drive-thru with my boyfriend. While we were picking up the food, the asswipe at the window thought it hilarious to copy the scene from "American Beauty" and pretend that we were a couple and that I was cheating on him. My actual boyfriend believed it and won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10938

You deserved it

1001

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By yova - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22933

You deserved it

1845

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By nothing like tasty asshole - United States - Shelbyville

Just ignore it!

Today, trying to be nice, I sent a text to my mother-in-law saying that I couldn't wait to have her delicious casserole tonight. Only after sending, I realized that "casserole" had auto corrected to "asshole". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2728

You deserved it

558

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By jonnah - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32577

You deserved it

5252

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By concernedcousin

Onan would be proud

Today, my little twelve year-old cousin who is staying with us for a while so his parents can "work out issues" ran into my room, his face ghostly white. He begged me to take him to the hospital because he "tugged" on his penis too much in the shower, and was "bleeding milky stuff." Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2405

You deserved it

141

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Canterbury

Today, I made my first snowman ever, and then cried when my big brother kicked it to pieces. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34977

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10343

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my brand new $3,000 mattress that is supposed to relieve my back pain works amazingly. I only discovered this because my wife, son, daughter, dog, and two cats are all asleep on it and not waking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11755

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1007

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By ccat209 - United States - Riverton

Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML

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3649

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Top comments

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#213 - Thursday 5 February 2009 2:42

geez make your fucking mind up

By Doesuff | 0

#15444 - Thursday 5 March 2009 2:36

You still have the other guy to go after.

Just stop liking EVERYONE!

COMMENTS

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#213 - Thursday 5 February 2009 2:42

geez make your fucking mind up

jennnnrawr | 0

#951673 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 1:23

im pretty sure her mind is made up now...

k1w1 | 0

#1044499 - Saturday 26 June 2010 9:30

process of elimination. haa

ffmmllyaya | 0

#1094465 - Thursday 15 July 2010 18:47

don't assume anyone is gay, the guy was probably just testing her to see how she feels about him

alex1502 | 0

#1605079 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 7:48

Girls like guys who are Gay! I have Seen so many of these, and i figured this out of One of my Friends who Happens to Be Gay, and all the Girls in the grade like him

gladstone123 | 5

#2007377 - Tuesday 25 January 2011 18:45

the op's name is Dexter. I'm assuming he's a guy?

klx125cross | 9

#4872129 - Wednesday 29 August 2012 3:42

Amen!! Lol

By Eir_fml | 1

#3335 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 13:04

is the other guy gay though? It's not like he said the other one is good in bed or anything.

messilover0 | 4

#5700542 - Thursday 3 October 2013 6:32

Completely agree

By Doesuff | 0

#15444 - Thursday 5 March 2009 2:36

You still have the other guy to go after.

Just stop liking EVERYONE!

JustDerpin | 11

#3997285 - Sunday 5 February 2012 22:20

Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants.

By Xinxinix | 0

#22272 - Monday 9 March 2009 0:46

Wow, what an unexpected twist of events. You really don't know people, huh?

iliketofu | 6

#3344337 - Sunday 25 September 2011 16:56

Duh!

By lostguy | 0

#105975 - Monday 13 April 2009 0:08

you like too many guys. one should be enough. well at least now the guy you had a crush on made it easier for you on picking which guy you should go for now ^_^