Animals: Today, like any other day I struggled to put my boots on, went...

By anx133 - 15/01/2009 08:05 - China

Today, like any other day I struggled to put my boots on, went to pee and noticed my pants were covered in what looked like a green dust. I touched it, sniffed it, and it smelled utterly horrendous. So I took my boots off again only to find that one of my cats had took a dump in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 453

You deserved it 3 162

Animals

BO Central

Batman

I can't quit you

By MrLonelyHertz - 24/08/2016 23:41 - United States - Kingman

Today, I sat down for class. The second I sat down, the guy next to me stood up and moved all the way to the other side of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 562

You deserved it 1 277

By SenorPoopypants - 08/01/2017 19:23

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 588

You deserved it 968

By couturier - 02/01/2010 07:08 - France

Today, I emptied out a bottle of water onto my porch as I was going into my house. Only a couple of hours later, I decided to leave and slipped on what had turned into ice, bruised my tailbone and sprained my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 933

You deserved it 36 115

By sopheeah - 29/05/2012 07:54 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 436

You deserved it 2 898

By Anonymous - 26/08/2015 11:28 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 391

You deserved it 10 057

Boom, headshot!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 02:02

Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 271

By Full Stomach Empty Wallet - 06/08/2015 10:50 - United States - Danvers

Today, I discovered that the five-star meal that my friend treated me to last night was actually meant to be repayment of the $200 I loaned her last month. I needed that money for bills and she refuses to give me another cent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 2 594

By Albert06 - 14/03/2011 21:26 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 882

You deserved it 7 294

By Gale - 13/01/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, I threw a rock in the air and watched it soar. And watched it come back down and hit me in the face. Gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 856

You deserved it 52 795

By sigh - 21/12/2011 12:39 - United States

Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 035

You deserved it 3 094

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 18:07 - United States

Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 076

You deserved it 5 090

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 01:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 962

You deserved it 2 257

By meesa in big doo do dis time! - 13/06/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that all of my "friends" refer to me as the, "Jar Jar Binks" of our circle of friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 475

You deserved it 453

By Anonymous - 18/12/2008 04:32 - United States

Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 626

You deserved it 32 459

By well scrooge you too - 26/12/2015 04:24 - United States - North Myrtle Beach

Today, a customer gave me the dirtiest look ever and muttered "goody two-shoes prick" after I asked if he'd like to donate a few cents to charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 579

You deserved it 1 809

By WhyMe? - 01/03/2011 13:24

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 080

You deserved it 14 959

By SG - 24/03/2012 12:14 - United States

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 385

You deserved it 37 289

By Cathy - 14/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, my husband was choosing an auto insurance. Geico was $500 and Allstate was $200. He chose Geico because it had a 'cute little lizard.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 724

You deserved it 4 888

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 05:56 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 964

You deserved it 3 915

By thanksforthat - 10/08/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 631

You deserved it 4 700

Mid-life crisis

By theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20 - Germany - Merseburg

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 833

You deserved it 2 465

By jeffnn - 24/12/2016 04:18 - United States - Melbourne

Today, while building a gingerbread house with my two kids, they thought it would be funny to pee on it while I wasn't looking. Nobody noticed until my wife ate one of the pee-covered gingerbread men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 189

You deserved it 961

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 10:29 - United States - Palmer

Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 107

You deserved it 1 443

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 16:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 154

You deserved it 8 245

Tasty

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 257

By Anonymous - 20/05/2013 20:36 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with his accountant, the same woman who comforted me when he cheated on me the year before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 863

You deserved it 19 564

By Mimi - 29/11/2012 05:29 - United States

Today, I was shopping when I overheard a woman telling an employee that she was buying an iPad for her 5-year-old son. Annoyed, I turned around and ranted about how he should have more age appropriate toys. Then she explained that her son is autistic and will be using the iPad to communicate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 875

You deserved it 93 545

By Shelbitchh - 28/07/2011 09:11 - United States

Today, my mom decided to take away my TV after noticing that I watch the show True Blood. Apparently, since I watch this, I must be "curious about sex." I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 624

You deserved it 5 347

By WatchOut - 16/08/2013 16:04 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her watch read a few minutes after 2pm, and she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 774

You deserved it 13 037

By Overprotected - 19/06/2013 14:39 - United States

Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 420

You deserved it 4 627

By justgreatgirl - 11/06/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 245

You deserved it 13 466

By Noname - 08/03/2009 07:11 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 155

You deserved it 54 117

Remember socialising?

By Anonymous - 23/04/2020 23:00

Today, because of this fucking virus I was really excited to actually talk to another person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 258

By lel - 06/11/2018 13:30

Today, I got a blue screen of death on my brand new computer. Why? My parents installed an "anti-virus" before I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 950

You deserved it 224

By Wormy - 11/05/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I bit into a Reese's Cup that had been sitting on my desk for a while. As I did, half of a yellow meal worm fell out and landed in front of me, the other half was in my mouth. It was wiggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 120

You deserved it 30 366

By stinky - 12/12/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 031

You deserved it 46 624

By screwed - 22/05/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 602

You deserved it 12 606

By Apes - 25/03/2013 07:18 - United States - Temecula

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 402

You deserved it 4 997

By sandyhome - 11/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 688

You deserved it 6 250

By Syrinth - 21/07/2010 16:09 - Canada

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 504

You deserved it 31 442

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Top comments

djskype 0

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Monday 2 March 2009 1:06

how can you not tell there was poop in your shoes when you put it on?

savage_pixie 0

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Thursday 26 March 2009 9:32

your cat shits green dust?? what the hell are you feeding it?!?

djskype 0

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Monday 2 March 2009 1:06

how can you not tell there was poop in your shoes when you put it on?

kellandj2019 7

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Friday 20 April 2012 8:41

I agree with 2 and 5. How can a cat poo in a knee length boot?

B00_fml 0

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Sunday 22 March 2009 8:02

NASTY!

jsmith1199 0

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Sunday 22 March 2009 20:09

i hate cats.. they should all die

savage_pixie 0

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Thursday 26 March 2009 9:32

your cat shits green dust?? what the hell are you feeding it?!?

iplaymw2 0

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Tuesday 13 April 2010 4:30

u know cat shit contains bacteria deadly to humans right?

Boomi 38

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Sunday 11 September 2016 8:43

Apparently, green pellets...or not, I don't know.

cturtle 2

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Friday 17 April 2009 22:58

What?! Am I the only one who thinks this makes NO sense at all? Let's see if I've got this. You're struggling to put your boots on, which makes you have to pee. Okay, a little odd but I've heard stranger. So as you're peeing you notice a green dust on your pants. This is where you lose me. So your cat takes a dump in your boot which causes smelly green dust to appear on your pants? Or your cat craps green dust which then magically turns into a turd and finds it's way into your boot?? Please explain to me how the green dust and the crap are related.

pavamarie 0

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Wednesday 3 June 2009 19:55

I agree with #4 completely??? Green dust related to crap?? WTF?!?!

CrunkCupcake97 2

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Friday 3 July 2009 8:28

huh!?

zapskimmer 0

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Tuesday 25 August 2009 15:52

boots? green dust? what the fuck?!

wushay 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 20:12

I think I get it... While struggling to get your boots on, I'm guessing you smeared the green dust, aka, dried cat poop on your knee area, since, the poop was already in your boots. especially the top part of it. =/ then you go to the loo, sit on the toilet bowl, you know, staring mode on, you then notice that something was on your knee area. so you checked it out and verified what it was. :P

DumbassRoaster 22

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Tuesday 19 January 2016 4:22

"The lip"

53XYJ355 0

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Tuesday 15 December 2009 0:08

erm is the green dust ment to ne discharge?! and coz u apparently had no idea what discharge is you thought it was related to a cat crapping in your boot..?