Love: Today, I realized I spend way too much time on the computer.... - FML

By Hth - 15/01/2009 11:14 - United States

Today, I realized I spend way too much time on the computer. I grabbed the menu at the restaurant, glanced at the page, and tried to do CTRL+F to find seafood. Geek coming through! FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 990

You deserved it 29 783

Sorry…

Age difference

Late term

By Anonymous - 09/07/2015 16:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 184

You deserved it 1 936

By fucking pissants - 13/07/2012 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 2 880

By not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/02/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 574

You deserved it 6 494

By Anon - 06/06/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 876

You deserved it 5 582

By lisa - 22/12/2010 18:03 - United States

Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 439

You deserved it 51 609

By mom - 26/04/2018 15:00

Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 337

You deserved it 577

Sorry Mr Whiskers

By Brody89 - 09/04/2014 18:40 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 877

You deserved it 37 660

By KillahCam - 26/01/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, my ten year-old brother told me that his thirteen year-old friend took one of my bras and two pairs of my underwear a few weeks ago. Apparently he took them out of my room, put them on, and has been sleeping with them ever since. He's coming to give them back tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 928

You deserved it 2 577

By Ryan - 28/08/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 141

You deserved it 8 151

By Gloria - 09/06/2018 05:00

Today, I got home with my 3 best friends in tow, only to find my husband fast asleep on the sofa, porn playing on his laptop, his boxers around his ankles, and a sticky white mess all down his thigh. I am so beyond mortified I can’t adequately describe how embarrassed I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 258

You deserved it 812

Caring

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 23:58 - Antigua and Barbuda - Saint John's

Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 155

By Mandy - 07/06/2010 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 344

You deserved it 6 709

Heaven knows I'm miserable now…

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 02:04

Today, my friend is acting like a martyr over not wanting to get a job and guilt tripping me for having one. I mean, I hate my job but I also like my ability to pay bills, unlike some apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 58

By Anonymous - 24/02/2010 15:29 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years left me for a guy whose favorite color is camouflage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 760

You deserved it 5 764

By Rowansgonnarow - 05/07/2014 20:19

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 343

You deserved it 15 922

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 01:15 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 344

You deserved it 4 286

By Momma - 19/06/2010 07:47 - France

Today, my kids thought it would be funny to put pictures of naked men and women as people's ID on my phone. They won't tell me how to change it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 030

You deserved it 30 719

Nice way to go, really

By motorboatofdoom - 30/03/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 058

You deserved it 265

Over and out

By hatinthelife - 18/02/2012 06:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 367

You deserved it 4 429

By TheRoad42 - 20/08/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 638

You deserved it 2 717

By Anonymous - 11/04/2012 03:49 - United States - Moreland

Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 610

You deserved it 2 058

By bojangles - 28/02/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 227

You deserved it 47 828

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 804

You deserved it 5 980

By Anonymous - 24/05/2013 21:43 - Iceland - Akureyri

Spicy

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 421

You deserved it 6 268

By a816090 - 27/05/2019 18:09

Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 129

By stop thief - 26/06/2014 15:11 - United States - Aurora

Today, someone stole my laptop from my car. However, they were nice enough to relock the doors after they smashed in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 964

You deserved it 6 079

By Kristin - 03/01/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 487

You deserved it 3 883

By ari - 18/02/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 842

You deserved it 3 866

By Anonymous - 22/05/2017 12:00

Today, I worked construction building a hotel. I was taking out the trash when I suddenly felt an extreme urge to poop. I ran into one of the rooms and found an empty cardboard box to poop into. Finished, I closed the box and made my way to the door. I then saw my boss staring at me from the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 672

You deserved it 4 469

By ugh - 01/06/2014 22:15 - United States - Concord

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 461

You deserved it 12 467

By Anonymous - 15/12/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I learned that my building never received my rent check. Now not only do I have to pay a $40 late fee, but also a $40 fee to stop the payment of the check that went god knows where. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 306

You deserved it 3 156

By waytootan - 22/08/2011 20:34 - United States

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 941

You deserved it 3 113

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 18:02 - United States - Cody

Today, I found out I'm getting a pay cut, a week after I told my boss I need a raise or second job just to afford bills. I made the company 10k last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 78

By upset mom - 24/04/2019 04:00

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 6 058

By single and unbuggered - 31/07/2015 21:04 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 212

You deserved it 2 255

By Stevejobs - 26/11/2018 17:30

Today, after realizing I had 130 unused vacation hours, I requested two weeks off. My vacation time was denied, but my boss still gave me the time off. So I don't have work for 2 weeks, all unpaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 025

You deserved it 188

By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 008

You deserved it 34 982

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 305

You deserved it 44 120

By sasquatch21 - 21/02/2010 13:36 - Bahrain

Today, I realized that my husband has a video games addiction. I am currently pregnant; he brought us to the same country he's in so we can finally live together, only for me to witness him being glued to his laptop all day and all night playing WoW. He's forgotten I even existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 532

You deserved it 5 876

Doo doo doodoodoo doo doo

By fuck your music - 16/07/2019 07:30 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I finally got tired of my neighbors constantly blaring their obnoxious rap music all hours of the day and night. Trying to be funny, I put Baby Shark on a loop and turned my speakers all the way up. They called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 522

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 February 2009 15:44

When I (for some odd reason) decide to draw on paper instead of my tablet, I always end up moving my left hand down looking for the ctrl+z on my keyboard...only to realize I'm not at a computer

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 20:59

Sometimes, when I'm writing an essay in class, I EXPECT little red squiggly lines to show up under words. Usually this is when I don't get enough sleep, but I can feel your pain. >.-

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 February 2009 15:44

When I (for some odd reason) decide to draw on paper instead of my tablet, I always end up moving my left hand down looking for the ctrl+z on my keyboard...only to realize I'm not at a computer

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 February 2010 0:14

if got that when I learn something for school, everytime I learned something I try I press control s.

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 June 2010 6:08

It's okay. When I lose my keys, the idea to Google Search their location never fails to enter my mind. Lol

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 June 2011 13:14

OMG same!!! xD

Boomi 38

Send a private message

Sunday 11 September 2016 8:28

I'm not the only one!

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2009 6:08

I have... tried this... :(

Send a private message

Monday 2 March 2009 22:48

Sometimes I think about spell check when I write things or trying to use a search function when looking at a piece of paper. I try to spend as little time as possible on the computer after those experiences.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 March 2009 4:46

i wish it was like that.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:45

Haha wow... I'm actually amazed at these comments - I thought I was the only one who used to think Ctrl+Z in real life!

Tcheasdfjkl_fml 0

Send a private message

Monday 9 March 2009 8:43

#15 is hilarious.

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:04

@ 15 Life's horrible that way! I'm also a graphic artist, and found I can't live without ctrl + z or layers now. I can't draw traditionally for anything. Or that I'm using chatspeak in real life conversations. When my spelling reverts to smthng lk ths I'm going to probably shoot myself.

Wowaddict_fml 0

Send a private message

Friday 13 March 2009 7:32

hahaha just about as bad as the one time is said "LOL" In real life, when I was supposed to laugh

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 October 2010 22:22

You said LOL once instead of laughing? Once? Hahaha, I do that every day. xD

Send a private message

Saturday 7 January 2012 16:00

Lol ive done that once or thrice XD

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 20:59

Sometimes, when I'm writing an essay in class, I EXPECT little red squiggly lines to show up under words. Usually this is when I don't get enough sleep, but I can feel your pain. >.-

Send a private message

Monday 16 March 2009 6:47

Heee! That's adorable. I've tried to do that on real paper, too.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 91

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 287