Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just...

By marlow - 15/1/2009 02:25 - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21770

You deserved it

2689

Favorite

Transportation

Understandable

Keep the peace

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

By Ca13b - 15/10/2011 07:18 - United States

Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47874

You deserved it

3922

Favorite

By denied - 26/3/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66566

You deserved it

5095

Favorite

By surrounded by dumbfucks - 13/12/2012 23:44 - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32795

You deserved it

2131

Favorite

By Noname - 18/2/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41695

You deserved it

3662

Favorite

By thissucks - 20/6/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59408

You deserved it

6852

Favorite

By Meow - 15/9/2009 13:21 - Singapore

Today, I was finishing up my art project that was due the next day. I was really tired and fell asleep on my table. Three hours later, I woke up to find my project torn to bits. I went out and saw my cat vomitting out feathers and other materials I used for my project. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35646

You deserved it

8076

Favorite

By Almost_Homeless - 23/4/2014 12:43 - Canada - London

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46876

You deserved it

3381

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Nice outing

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2179

You deserved it

613

Favorite

By rach - 19/5/2013 22:33 - United States - Roy

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44581

You deserved it

4342

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus when a good looking girl accidentally brushed her ass up against my shoulder as she walked past. This only made me realize that this has been the closest I've come to touching a girls ass in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31383

You deserved it

6187

Favorite

By katiebell - 4/10/2019 12:00

Crossed purposes

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1328

You deserved it

205

Favorite

By anonymous - 30/6/2016 05:27 - United States - Forney

Today, I was started my week of camping alone in the woods. I took my shoes off to go to sleep, but I had to come out to get water. I stepped on a wasp, and while I was standing on one foot looking at the sting, I realized I was in an ant pile. I'm allergic to both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12119

You deserved it

2344

Favorite

By skunk head - 22/7/2020 05:01

Extreme makeover

Today, my idiot husband got drunk in the middle of the day and decided to dress our 7-year-old like Rufio from the movie Hook. I wouldn’t have even been mad if he’d done a decent job. Instead, he did a botched bleach and dye job in our boy’s hair that makes him look like a skunk on acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1354

You deserved it

213

Favorite

By 800z - 16/8/2011 06:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37386

You deserved it

4594

Favorite

By Smooth - 11/4/2009 07:38 - United States

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16327

You deserved it

112043

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 03:19 - United States

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23129

You deserved it

5129

Favorite

By trappedinmyownhome - 15/7/2015 02:11

Today, I was having a dinner party. My guests were getting along really well. I mean, really well; it turns out they all went to the same high school. For the next five hours, I hosted a high school reunion for a school I didn't even go to, in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28390

You deserved it

2809

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML

I agree, your life sucks

111157

You deserved it

6010

Favorite

By anonymous - 26/3/2013 18:31 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18464

You deserved it

45595

Favorite

By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - 28/12/2016 05:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24183

You deserved it

2848

Favorite

By John - 19/11/2011 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39337

You deserved it

5091

Favorite

By Need To Bathe In Deodorant - 17/7/2016 19:23 - United Kingdom - Egham

Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10760

You deserved it

1026

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/2/2010 14:26 - South Africa

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he was going to make it to our first child's Christening as there was a football match on at the same time. Without hesitating, he replyed that he would just watch the recording. He meant the recording of the Christening. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33372

You deserved it

6358

Favorite

By Jobless in Seattle - 5/5/2015 02:08 - United States - Katy

Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17553

You deserved it

30295

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/7/2014 04:26 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, after losing his job, I reassured my boyfriend by telling him I'd rather be with him living in a cardboard box than to be without him. He responded by telling me he'd rather be dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47327

You deserved it

6061

Favorite

By ash - 13/6/2011 03:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41359

You deserved it

6977

Favorite

By Smokey - 31/7/2017 00:30

Today, I found out that my neighbours are mad at me because I smoke. I don't smoke on the balcony, I walk away from the apartment complex so that they won't be affected by my bad habit. They're still mad at me because they can still see me. Didn't know that you could smell with your eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4411

You deserved it

861

Favorite

By jackmehoffa - 3/4/2012 18:10 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31521

You deserved it

5776

Favorite

By Flutie - 27/10/2017 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3289

You deserved it

724

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Long Beach

Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6759

You deserved it

61972

Favorite

By Username - 6/8/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32812

You deserved it

2920

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/3/2014 13:29 - United States - Needles

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39135

You deserved it

8879

Favorite

By n - 4/4/2015 18:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32020

You deserved it

3472

Favorite

By Hopelesshomeless - 12/3/2013 18:35 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I moved back to my home town. My best friend and I had arranged to rent a house together that we both liked. I finished my last day at work and made the three-hour drive, only for her to break down and tell me that she isn't "ready" to move out of her parents' basement. She's 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35921

You deserved it

2892

Favorite

By 3722145 - 31/1/2015 00:51 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27345

You deserved it

6818

Favorite

By georgia819 - 21/5/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, my cat was hit by a car. I took it to the vet expecting the worst but they told me that she’d be fine. I was so happy I didn't even mind paying the $50 bill. The next morning my cat was dead. Having her put down humanely would have cost $45, I paid $5 extra to have her die in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60864

You deserved it

4274

Favorite

By TheDeathguard - 20/7/2017 20:05

Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5555

You deserved it

272

Favorite

By Infected - 20/2/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51824

You deserved it

19844

Favorite

By hilariousnow - 22/12/2009 08:46 - Vietnam

Today, with my girlfriend I planned a trip to Bali on this Thursday and we will celebrate Christmas together. Hotel booking done, flight tickets bought, swimsuits packed. I just forgot one thing: tell my boss I'll be on leave till next week. He gave me a new project. The deadline is next monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9505

You deserved it

38605

Favorite

By khaelian - 11/11/2010 16:53 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27862

You deserved it

4064

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By JohnnyszGurl | 0

#728633 - Sunday 20 December 2009 18:14

your fault for letting him sleep on you.
bring some tissue paper next time

By jtaylor69 | 0

#2921 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 8:51

smack that bitch off like you smack your bitch cock off every night, bitch

COMMENTS

By jtaylor69 | 0

#2921 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 8:51

smack that bitch off like you smack your bitch cock off every night, bitch

pedosmurf | 7

#5144042 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 4:40

Smack a bitch

By lilcuti3pi389 | 0

#202831 - Saturday 16 May 2009 2:14

gross, move out of the way

By ifreshballa23 | 0

#325727 - Sunday 21 June 2009 5:10

Only 4 comments?

By zippyboy | 0

#457842 - Wednesday 5 August 2009 2:44

lucky # 5. ps. THAT SUXXXXXX!!!!!!

By somename1223132 | 5

#655680 - Thursday 5 November 2009 6:54

Wow

By Ross_H | 0

#668351 - Thursday 12 November 2009 21:59

So give him a rude awakening.

By JohnnyszGurl | 0

#728633 - Sunday 20 December 2009 18:14

your fault for letting him sleep on you.
bring some tissue paper next time

By Jueezi | 0

#840940 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 13:09

^^^ STFU you rudeass....some people are actually nice... I know, shocking!

xHabsfanx | 0

#874827 - Saturday 20 February 2010 8:12

Letting people drool on you is nice?!

Boomi | 38

#6687487 - Sunday 11 September 2016 8:30

I was going to say something along those lines! Maybe the dude has a crying baby or something at home and needs the sleep.

By bonnieandclyde44 | 0

#860256 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 2:40

hahaha

By HelloNoora1 | 0

#2752611 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:02

Just move