Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around...

By ubbernoob - 5/3/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

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Health

Superficial World

Yappy neighborhood

Hello everyone!

By glens - 22/3/2012 06:17 - United States

Today, my company announced a new name. They also announced new coffee mugs with the name on them. They've not announced raises in over 3 years. FML

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By Jo - 21/11/2012 05:42 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

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By rejected4555 - 3/8/2012 12:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

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By baconrash - 22/2/2010 21:43 - United States

Today, I found out that the acne under my arms was worse then the severe acne on my face. FML

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By MrsGrinch - 7/12/2018 14:00

Today, I’d finally saved up enough to buy flights home for Christmas. After putting in the info several times, it wouldn’t work, so my husband decided to try and “help.” Not only did he buy flights to the wrong place, but now I have to wait another 5-7 days to be refunded. FML

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By amidreaming?? - 11/6/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom - Bushey

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

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By markerThief - 13/10/2013 04:33 - United States - Apple Valley

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

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By Questions - 12/5/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

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By ThirteenThirteen - 1/4/2015 22:09 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I was sent the script to a play I'm participating in at school. After reading it a couple of times, I noticed that my part has been forgotten completely. FML

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By farmvillefail - 9/1/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending text, email, or calling, but placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

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By DomesticPatrol - 7/1/2017 02:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 05:00

Next!

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

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By crotchshothottie - 26/7/2011 16:22 - United States

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

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By fuckbucket14 - 14/4/2012 22:56 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

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By tbee - 6/9/2014 00:13 - United States - East Carondelet

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

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By rubberduck_of_doom - 9/3/2018 19:00

Today, after months of begging, I finally convinced my friends to go skiing with me. On our first run I suggested a race. Everybody loved the idea. Good news: I came in first. Bad news: I tore a ligament in my knee. It will be operated on tomorrow. FML

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By Random Person - 21/11/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2010 18:01 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2013 09:04 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML

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By KasSmoke - 30/9/2014 02:13 - United States - Justin

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

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By moviewalker - 26/11/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML

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By Noname - 24/1/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I was walking in the mall and passed one of the hair product booths (with the people who constanly harrass you as you walk by). In front of half of the mall the woman working there told me that she had several products that I could use to touch up my roots. I'm a natural red head. FML

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By Une Fille - 18/12/2011 05:18 - Canada

Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 22:27 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

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By aranya - 14/6/2012 22:51 - Netherlands - Hengevelde

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2016 00:35 - United States - Nottingham

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML

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By STUPID BIRTHDAY - 5/3/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I set up a dinner party for 20 of my closest friends. I arrived at the restaurant, fully dressed and everything. When I got there, I thought everyone was ready to surprise me, but instead, nobody showed up. FML

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By still broke and jobless - 17/9/2015 20:24 - United States

Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2011 02:54 - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

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By Deceptive Dog 1242 - 23/8/2018 14:30 - United States

It's Cat-Dog!

Today, I pulled something out of my tiny 6 month old puppy's mouth, thinking it was a cord that he had gotten a hold of. As it turns out, it was a baby mouse he had caught and killed. FML

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By Not Again! - 14/6/2019 04:16

Today, while riding a massive draft horse, the horse thought it would be fun to walk under a very low apple tree that sat level with his back. A branch hit me and made me fall off onto a coil of barbed wire, twisting my ankle in the process. FML

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By fuundmental/// - 9/4/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

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By konichiwa - 2/11/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

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By Me - 12/1/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, we got our family pictures back from the printers. I complained to my mom about the ones she picked. "Oh don't worry," she said. "I had them photoshop out your gut." I was talking about my smile. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2016 20:28 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML

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By ninaaaa - 24/2/2014 00:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

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By Elsine - 2/10/2018 13:30

Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

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By abusedparrot - 24/8/2014 12:40 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2012 12:04 - United States

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

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By wolf boy - 10/7/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, I went to the park with a girl I like. She got playful and climbed a tree, insisting I come up, too. While we were sitting and enjoying the view, she suddenly knocked me off the branch, sending me crashing to the ground. FML

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Top comments

By carriealana | 0

#16860 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:04

What kind of joke is that? Even if she hadn't died, it wouldn't be funny!

By waterside88 | 0

#16870 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:06

aw! what bad timing you have..

Comments

By carriealana | 0

#16860 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:04

What kind of joke is that? Even if she hadn't died, it wouldn't be funny!

ilikepie789 | 0

#851022 - Saturday 13 February 2010 6:37

#1s kinda hot

alexomAnexo | 0

#937808 - Friday 12 March 2010 2:37

Agreed.

RJohnyblaze | 0

#1032449 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 17:49

agreed. FYL

lsufan003 | 0

#1055331 - Friday 2 July 2010 21:16

no.. no she's not.. she looks like a whale

PurpleLlamas | 0

#1074670 - Friday 9 July 2010 0:28

ya seriously why would you joke about grammy dying?? you totally fuckin deserved it!!

mayumm | 0

#1159995 - Friday 30 July 2010 5:46

WAIT. what do you mean grandma FInALLY die? did yiu WANT her to die??? YDI for being retarted and making a dumb joke like that.

mygreenhoodie | 0

#2078922 - Sunday 13 February 2011 19:52

your spelling hurts my eyes..

WTSchool | 0

#2547307 - Sunday 22 May 2011 4:56

This FML made me feel sad. YDI for making such a horrible joke.

By waterside88 | 0

#16870 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:06

aw! what bad timing you have..

By 0___0 | 9

#16871 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:07

I agree with both the people above me :/

BUT LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL at you :)

By Weil | 0

#16878 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:09

ololololololol

By McLaughlane | 0

#16879 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:10

...slick. :P

By Xinxinix | 0

#16891 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:12

You have terrible timing... I could only imagine their response...

By SilverBallet | 0

#16895 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:12

The power of words...

By Sean123 | 0

#16897 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:13

that wasn't even close to being funny and even if she didnt die thats the worst thing to say to family, what u want her to die.

By amandaxotracy | 0

#16898 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:13

hahah i literally laughed out loud at that, but i am sorry.
i send my condolences.

By z_vet | 0

#16904 - Thursday 5 March 2009 23:14

Stupid joke dude.