Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined...

By DisappointedDaughter - 26/06/2019 16:03

Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined since I let her move in with me a year ago. So far, the list contains a Christmas tree, my power drill, a toaster oven, inherited kitchen knives, an expensive bath towel set, multiple kitchen gadgets, a flatbed scanner and a laser printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 259

Best teeth in the game

The step before rat-licker

Freaked out

So cute

By Randomm - 12/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was walking into my school and I saw two girls kissing. Being a lesbian myself, and thinking it would be cute, I winked at them. I guess one of them had a history of cheating with a girl who looked just like me, because her girlfriend came up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 1 136

By Hank-T4 - 11/10/2015 11:45 - Australia - Truganina

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 101

You deserved it 46 623

It's not what you think!

By Anonymous - 11/12/2012 07:20 - United States - Valencia

Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 489

You deserved it 4 169

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 04:59 - Canada

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 328

You deserved it 2 716

By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 03:19 - United States

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 175

You deserved it 5 135

By Chubsley - 21/02/2009 07:44 - United States

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 809

You deserved it 50 841

By Catscratch - 01/09/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 396

You deserved it 3 237

By so unsexy - 04/08/2016 21:32 - United States - Seattle

Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 822

You deserved it 5 286

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 22:39 - Dominican Republic

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 683

You deserved it 7 172

By hfksorws - 08/10/2010 01:57 - France

Today, I was at Barnes and Noble with my dad, where he refused to buy me a book because I "already read too much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 107

You deserved it 6 053

Boobies!

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 07:59

Today, I found out my boyfriend had bought me sexy lingerie for our anniversary. However, they're for for a bigger bust. When I asked if I could return it for the right size, he asked me to get a boob job to fit the bra instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 186

By Noname - 17/03/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I came back to my appartment to find that I couldn't watch certain channels on my tv. When I called the tv company I found out my parents had put a 'parental block' on all my favorite channels. Im 22 and rent an appartment with my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 481

You deserved it 7 844

By Saucy - 26/06/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 555

You deserved it 50 508

By Sarah - 26/03/2012 11:14 - United States

Today, I belched. In the middle of my wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 798

You deserved it 6 545

By anonymous - 03/04/2016 21:50 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I discovered that the vitamin I've been taking for hair growth actually works really well. Unfortunately, it only works on my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 644

You deserved it 1 821

Healthy living

By Notasleepingbeauty - 04/01/2022 20:01

Today, after a lifetime of yoga, pilates, and general fitness to stay thin and healthy, five years of chronic pain and weight gaining treatments have rapidly made it so my 68 year-old mother, who never exercised and eats like crap, has a better looking body then me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 160

By dumass - 27/09/2014 02:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 539

You deserved it 21 108

By sad_panda - 26/06/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 172

You deserved it 6 929

By Susan - 28/02/2012 11:55 - Canada

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 899

You deserved it 6 809

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 04:00

Today, someone sent a dick pic to my 16-year-old, lesbian daughter. She handed me her phone and asked, "What is that, a naked mole rat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 605

You deserved it 913

By Crushed - 04/11/2016 14:23

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 817

You deserved it 1 144

By Jill Shanks - 01/09/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 683

You deserved it 4 306

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 07:18 - United States

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 002

You deserved it 4 639

By whitecollar - 05/12/2012 02:43 - United Kingdom - Scarborough

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 025

You deserved it 33 348

Classic

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 23:01

Today, I caught my sister in bed with my girlfriend. I’m not sure what’s worse, the cheating, the fact I’ve never managed to make my girlfriend moan like that, or the fact this is the second girlfriend she’s stolen from me in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 306

By ks0300 - 24/02/2010 05:47 - United States

Today, while visiting my in-laws, I went into their home office in search of a sheet of scrap paper. Instead, I found printed copies of every email and IM my husband and I had ever sent each other, including pictures. Highlighted and annotated by his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 198

You deserved it 2 169

By Anonymous - 10/02/2010 12:23 - United States

Today, my dad got a hard-on looking at my best friend. He asked me how my NutriSystem diet was going. He was looking at my friend's boobs when he asked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 968

You deserved it 2 484

By sadass - 23/01/2009 12:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 916

You deserved it 8 282

By tessykins - 22/10/2009 07:41 - United States

Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 855

You deserved it 3 269

By LZapped - 08/06/2015 13:35 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 240

You deserved it 5 299

By damn... - 28/10/2008 08:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a job conference. At lunch, I saw this stunning guy. At dessert time, I coughed so much that the piece of chocolate cake in my mouth went straight onto his glasses. I think it's too late to introduce myself now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 648

You deserved it 6 234

By animalover - 13/08/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 759

You deserved it 6 592

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 20:49 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 203

You deserved it 9 302

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 00:10 - Australia - Ascot Vale

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour, they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger, why not, if she'd ever consider it in future, and to keep them in mind if she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 336

You deserved it 3 068

By Anonymous - 29/04/2015 17:42 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 693

You deserved it 5 204

By Catholicguy - 20/12/2009 08:14 - United States

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 167

You deserved it 4 519

Shut up

By brad3720 - 14/04/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. A six year-old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were, he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 456

You deserved it 7 524

By Maria - 14/03/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 606

You deserved it 384

By failhusband - 10/07/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 106

You deserved it 72 930

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, in a crowded hallway, I saw the guy I fancy standing in front of me, with his arms open wide. Thinking he wanted to hug me, I wrapped my arms around him and stepped back. He looked at me like I was nuts. I then realised he was trying to hug the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 564

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Top comments

Charlie Given 25

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Wednesday 26 June 2019 17:59

Umm all that sounds like she is intentionally breaking things or she is just inept and shouldn't be touching anything 🤔🙄

Fran Rolli 8

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Wednesday 26 June 2019 21:24

Time for mother to grow up and live in the garage

Comments

Charlie Given 25

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Wednesday 26 June 2019 17:59

Umm all that sounds like she is intentionally breaking things or she is just inept and shouldn't be touching anything 🤔🙄

kristalurena 8

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Wednesday 26 June 2019 20:32

My question is why’d you have a flatbed scanner and a laser printer? Ever heard of an all-in-one?

TCRII 29

Wednesday 26 June 2019 20:43

Suck it up. You ruined her figure and destroyed her hooha during childbirth.

404wan 19

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Wednesday 26 June 2019 20:57

She chose to have a kid, Op had nothing to do with that. Dont break things that arent yours.

Fran Rolli 8

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Wednesday 26 June 2019 21:24

Time for mother to grow up and live in the garage

AmbrosiaFan 18

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Wednesday 26 June 2019 23:14

How did she break it all? And has she replaced any of it?

TheSminty1 17

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Thursday 27 June 2019 3:07

Avenge yourself! Love long enough to be a problem to your kids

Denita House 5

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Thursday 27 June 2019 20:06

sounds like you broke a lot of her stuff growing up! Sorry, I've been making plans for when my children are older!

Ryanne Whitley 5

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Friday 28 June 2019 2:01

What is she The Hulk? You got more damage than after an Avengers Fight!

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Sunday 30 June 2019 2:07

Sounds like the biggest thing broken was someone's pride. I can't say if it's yours or your mother's, but someone's pride is definitely shattered here.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 14

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 1 067

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 1 212