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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

#7396048
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24709) - you deserved it (3614)

On 01/17/2010 at 10:18am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML

#7395726
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43235) - you deserved it (2195)

On 01/17/2010 at 9:41am - misc - by forgottendaughter (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

#7395269
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29833) - you deserved it (2392)

On 01/17/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up with a pillow under my t-shirt. Turns out my boyfriend wanted to 'see if I would look hot even when pregnant'. We've been dating for three weeks now. FML

#7394843
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29935) - you deserved it (4673)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:20am - love - by notpregnant (woman) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

#7391871
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31083) - you deserved it (6064)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:31am - love - by volleyballgirl12 - Sent from mobile version

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

#7391699
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47625) - you deserved it (5542)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:22am - health - by Concussed (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

#7390812
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31504) - you deserved it (8907)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:37am - work - by mikey09 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on-line. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

#7390667
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23975) - you deserved it (5795)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:30am - intimacy - by writer4life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

#7390490
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5139) - you deserved it (64651)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by ow (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was on my way to meet the girl I like at the beach. I parked my truck and walked to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet her. She wasn't there so I called her and she told me she cancelled because it started raining. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. FML

#7390197
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27713) - you deserved it (2795)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:13am - love - by Weathersucks - France

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

#7389576
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10127) - you deserved it (24661)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:43pm - misc - by Stumble (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

#7386415
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12132) - you deserved it (25643)

On 01/16/2010 at 9:35pm - misc - by VeeDubDisaster (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

#7384100
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28384) - you deserved it (7947)

On 01/16/2010 at 7:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)



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