By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 17:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Mirror, mirror

Today I discovered that I'm so pale that I can lighten up any distant dark corner of the room just by placing my hand by a window and reflecting the light like a mirror. Imagine how bright it would be if I stood by the window naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1055

You deserved it

168

Tweet

Share

Last dates

KoBabe

Lockdown is driving us down

By ShouldBeSingleSoon - 26/3/2013 04:15 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41134

You deserved it

10085

Tweet

Share

By sylverster - 15/3/2011 12:37 - Singapore

Today, I banged into a glass door. My friend laughed at me, so I turned around and gave him the finger, then turned back to continue walking and banged into the door again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16712

You deserved it

56631

Tweet

Share

By fviz - 7/2/2013 09:51 - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45057

You deserved it

2776

Tweet

Share

By cande - 1/12/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34799

You deserved it

2495

Tweet

Share

By ChiefKoala - 27/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Rockwood

Vibrate mode

Today, my stomach growled so loudly in class that my professor told us to make sure our phones were silenced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1783

You deserved it

196

Tweet

Share

By szinna - 7/6/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57905

You deserved it

6748

Tweet

Share

By Username - 29/7/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34841

You deserved it

6273

Tweet

Share

By Anstice - 5/10/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39528

You deserved it

15428

Tweet

Share

By danii - 5/10/2011 03:28 - Reserved

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9080

You deserved it

64740

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2012 12:08 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29735

You deserved it

2924

Tweet

Share

By tye61 - 16/1/2016 12:54 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23499

You deserved it

7780

Tweet

Share

By PPP - 14/11/2014 03:39 - United States - Elk Grove Village

Today, I found out that my mom is doing a study and is keeping used pads in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38270

You deserved it

2779

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/2/2018 13:00 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, my younger brother, who still lives in our parents' basement and has never held a job in his life, announced that his girlfriend is pregnant with their third child. I'm a college graduate living on my own and I've never even had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5626

You deserved it

752

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 07:36 - Reserved

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15609

You deserved it

31818

Tweet

Share

By goodsister - 14/10/2009 08:09 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28456

You deserved it

2725

Tweet

Share

By pedestrian - 26/1/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I let my friend borrow my car. She parked it in a towing zone, and it was towed. The best part is, it was towed by a bogus towing company. The cops assure me it's safe in a chop shop somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28930

You deserved it

4509

Tweet

Share

By dollabill009 - 6/6/2013 08:49 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50159

You deserved it

8514

Tweet

Share

By definatelynotamurderer - 3/3/2015 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after seven people at work approaching me and asking me if I was 'that lad from the paper', I picked one up to see what they were talking about. Turns out my doppelganger is a man who brutally murdered his older brother last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35369

You deserved it

2228

Tweet

Share

By sue - 31/5/2017 00:00

I agree, your life sucks

2606

You deserved it

265

Tweet

Share

By confused - 27/2/2015 03:07 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35264

You deserved it

25851

Tweet

Share

By Punk - 7/6/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks

44278

You deserved it

11789

Tweet

Share

By RadYoHeaD - 4/12/2008 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I went running to the gym on the way to work and I forgot to bring a spare shirt. All I have to wear is a wet white tshirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11178

You deserved it

21601

Tweet

Share

By collball22 - 22/8/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31313

You deserved it

5390

Tweet

Share

By TheHatedOne - 21/6/2009 07:26 - Qatar

Today, my friend told me she had a stalker who had been emailing her. I laughed, and told her it was probably some fat, ugly virgin sat behind his computer all day. I then continued to describe and mock the stalker, only to realise that I was basically describing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13937

You deserved it

53808

Tweet

Share

By wickedbeauty333 - 26/9/2012 22:54 - United States - Katy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27394

You deserved it

4168

Tweet

Share

By bieberslayer - 6/12/2012 20:47 - United States

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25742

You deserved it

2188

Tweet

Share

By Catie - 13/5/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the state fair. The entire time, he complained about all the money we were losing because of the high prices of both rides and food. Towards the end of the night, we counted the cash we had left and found we were $50 short. Apparently, it fell out of his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31795

You deserved it

4477

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 06:00 - Australia - Carlton

Today, I found the remnants of a condom in my dog’s poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2301

Phew, glad it wasn't me

364

Tweet

Share

By AndI'veHadChildren - 10/10/2017 17:15 - United States

Today, I was passing a kidney stone. I had to go to the ER but had no one to take me, so I drove myself. They made me wait 3 hours because it was suspicious that someone in "so much pain" could drive. It was the largest stone that doctor had seen in his career. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4481

You deserved it

208

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/9/2018 22:24

Today, I went to a support group for my porn addiction. I was hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone there. The first person I recognized was my dad, and the second was one of my professors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3797

You deserved it

438

Tweet

Share

By Jordid - 19/8/2010 04:12 - United States

Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62555

You deserved it

4181

Tweet

Share

By Kiki - 12/7/2018 12:30 - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that my roommate of 4 years is sleeping with my ex of 7 years. Yesterday, she showed up to court as a witness for him and lied on the stand to try to get the protection order dropped. She's on the lease, so I have to live with this snake for 2 more months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4196

You deserved it

267

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 20:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27001

You deserved it

2859

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/9/2010 07:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my job application for McDonald's was rejected. This is the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35652

You deserved it

13718

Tweet

Share

By Joey - 6/10/2012 05:57 - United States - Reno

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21772

You deserved it

2343

Tweet

Share

By poop - 18/5/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42524

You deserved it

19459

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/1/2010 02:28 - France

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14754

You deserved it

30538

Tweet

Share

By RS - 17/3/2015 16:25 - United States - Delray Beach

Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was pretty confident, until he took one look at me and said, "Uh... why's there an onion on your head?" So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27136

You deserved it

6803

Tweet

Share

By nextcontestant16 - 19/11/2012 15:12 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40783

You deserved it

4993

Tweet

Share

By Notthekeytosuccess - 12/4/2017 00:00

Today, I broke my key unlocking my dorm room. When I pushed the door open in frustration, the door opened with no problem. Turns out it was unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3523

You deserved it

1661

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By leogs23 | 20

#7932914 - Saturday 22 August 2020 3:13

I’m brown and I love that kinda skin

By draghkar | 16

#7932904 - Saturday 22 August 2020 1:59

My skin is similar to yours, and I like darker skin. But lots of people like skin like ours, so chin up lil camper.

COMMENTS

By Wadlaen | 19

#7932880 - Friday 21 August 2020 23:41

Come on!
Do it!😜

By draghkar | 16

#7932904 - Saturday 22 August 2020 1:59

My skin is similar to yours, and I like darker skin. But lots of people like skin like ours, so chin up lil camper.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7932905 - Saturday 22 August 2020 2:01

I am imagining!

Thank you!

You can send me some pics to help me imagine better. Please?

By leogs23 | 20

#7932914 - Saturday 22 August 2020 3:13

I’m brown and I love that kinda skin

By alex_jaguara | 29

#7932951 - Saturday 22 August 2020 7:39

The hills are lit! Gondor calls for aid!

By Susan Yee | 9

#7932974 - Saturday 22 August 2020 10:47

Many women in Asian countries envy you.

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7933071 - Saturday 22 August 2020 20:18

And white people spend their lives trying to get darker. Nobody seems to like themselves the way they are.

It's good to be "good in your skin."

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7933175 - Sunday 23 August 2020 8:21

You sure you're just pale and not a ghost?