Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let... - FML

By Damn_her - Canada

Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79166

You deserved it

8751

Tweet

Share

Messed up

Walk on the wild side

Sensitive

By Umidknickname

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going away for the weekend to go clubbing with his mates. I would be fine with it, except the mates he's going with already tried to get him to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4802

You deserved it

470

Tweet

Share

By P057M4N - 1/10/2020 04:02 - United States - Raleigh

One law for me…

Today, my co-worker called out for the sixth time in 2 weeks with no reason, while my manager was out until noon. It was just the three of us in my department. He’s had 0 repercussions and has been doing this for months. They threatened to fire me for taking 5 minutes in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1205

You deserved it

61

Tweet

Share

By Mr. X - United States - Southborough

Today, my sister convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her. All because I took the first slice of her birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21478

You deserved it

5426

Tweet

Share

By hlev24 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17109

You deserved it

109714

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21871

You deserved it

1614

Tweet

Share

By Me - United States

Today, I found out that my parents used all of the college money I have been saving up for 8 years to buy a beach house. The reason they waited until now to tell me? A tree fell on it, and they need more money for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41215

You deserved it

2472

Tweet

Share

By PeeEverywhere

Today, I woke up to my husband peeing on the floor. He managed to pee in two open clothes drawers and on the pants I was going to wear to work tomorrow. Before I left earlier he promised he wouldn't get smashed tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15496

You deserved it

1343

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Green Bay

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47395

You deserved it

5206

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Lebanon

Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29781

You deserved it

5606

Tweet

Share

By botharebad - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment, when I came across a lacy black thong in the laundry. When confronted, he swore it was his. I don't know what's worse, the possibility that another woman left it there, or the idea that my boyfriend owns and wears women's lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31322

You deserved it

3230

Tweet

Share

By damnbananas - United States

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36482

You deserved it

4251

Tweet

Share

By carson28 - United States

Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50097

You deserved it

6316

Tweet

Share

By noporn4u - 3/10/2020 19:01 - United States - Kaukauna

Big bastard boss

Today, my time off request was rejected, and my boss promptly took the day off himself, claiming he has people coming to work on his house. We work from home. The day in question is my 5-year wedding anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1163

You deserved it

91

Tweet

Share

By Bob smith - Australia

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13829

You deserved it

33394

Tweet

Share

By inseriouspain - United States

Today, I popped a zit and I went to put my acne medicine on it. It's in a clear bottle with a blue cap, just like the nearby nailpolish remover. I grabbed the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28399

You deserved it

14529

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 08:00

WTF people?!

Today, as an essential worker, some lady tore me a new one because we were out of large sanitizer bottles. Our doors opened at 9 a.m. and she didn't show up until 2 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1551

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58646

You deserved it

2995

Tweet

Share

By LittleSprout - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was buying veggies with my five-year-old. She saw some brussel sprouts and begged me to buy them. I thought there was no way she'd like them, but I do, so I got them. Later, she was sitting on the couch eating them raw like candy. I have a weird kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4749

You deserved it

1160

Tweet

Share

By Upset - United States - Santa Clara

Today, after finding out that my professor likes to talk trash about, and constantly belittle, Muslims in every American History class he teaches, I submitted an essay about Muslim contributions to humanity. He held me back after class and asked why I gave him such filth. I'm a Muslim. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31269

You deserved it

5017

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate of seven weeks decided to kick me out. He blames me for the stains on his expensive white leather couch, even after a prof cleaner determined it was red wine. I don't drink red wine. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32618

You deserved it

2125

Tweet

Share

By TalkedTo

Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3092

You deserved it

339

Tweet

Share

By hellokitty133 - United States

Today, the boys who sit at my math table decided it would be funny to throw broken pencils at my boobs to see if they were real. They did this the entire class period. I have to work with this group for the rest of the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30887

You deserved it

3705

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Erie

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30926

You deserved it

3173

Tweet

Share

By CheddarJack89 - United States - Manchester

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23723

You deserved it

2455

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my school's theatre decided to produce Les Misérables. I got the part of Éponine. My boyfriend, being a talented performer, could have gotten any part he wanted. However, he only wanted to play the soldier responsible for killing Éponine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36210

You deserved it

5691

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 07:01 - United States - Tyler

Walk on the wild side

Today, I had to go get my fiancé's car so it wouldn't get impounded after he was arrested at 12 a.m. and charged with a felony. I just got out of prison in March, and we get married next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

309

You deserved it

1302

Tweet

Share

By ladyofzanarkand

He doesn't even go here!

Today, I had my high school piano recital. The entire time I was playing, one of my classmates sitting up front kept booing me and yelling "YOU SUCK" at the top of his lungs. He drowned out the entire song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3969

You deserved it

223

Tweet

Share

By whiteboyfresh69 - 22/1/2020 20:00 - United States

She likes it!

Today, while sleeping off my hangover, my niece asked me to get her a drink. I gave her a beer, I didn't notice it until it was gone. She is only 6 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

660

You deserved it

3409

Tweet

Share

By englishtrio - United States

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75056

You deserved it

3564

Tweet

Share

By lahiros - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68386

You deserved it

7502

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58121

You deserved it

5445

Tweet

Share

By yodada - United States

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60410

You deserved it

4823

Tweet

Share

By sadinmass - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35133

You deserved it

5718

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44448

You deserved it

3557

Tweet

Share

By buymeflavoredlube

Spit or Swallow?

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4516

You deserved it

870

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33627

You deserved it

2766

Tweet

Share

By DeniedAgain - United States

Today, I walked into a gas station and saw some $.25 gum. It looked good and I thought I'd had a quarter in my pocket. I find no change in my pocket once I get to the register, so I pull out my credit card. The cashier laughs a few seconds later. My card was declined for a piece of gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39186

You deserved it

15468

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26011

You deserved it

2886

Tweet

Share

By cumbucket cops - United States - Barberton

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44436

You deserved it

7041

Tweet

Share

By Nice 2 inch - Canada

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33215

You deserved it

3578

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By YerPal | 0

#16005 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:51

Here in America, we have much larger nozzles for diesel gas, so that people like your wife cannot put diesel in their cars. The nozzle will not fit into the tank. Only cars with diesel engines have holes large enough to stick the diesel nozzle in.

By Tri_fml | 5

#15974 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:22

Oh dear God. :(

Strangely diesel is more expensive here in the UK.

COMMENTS

By Tri_fml | 5

#15974 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:22

Oh dear God. :(

Strangely diesel is more expensive here in the UK.

By soccerchick829 | 0

#15977 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:24

sorry, but diesel is ALWAYS more expensive than regular gas. nice try for the fml though.
id say that was more of a FAIL, than an fml. loser.

Reply

Tayler Marie Hoffman | 5

#7435852 - Sunday 9 April 2017 6:05

that's a lie, diesel is almost a dollar cheaper per gallon where I live

By King_of_Kings | 3

#15981 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:32

a year and a half ago, here in Boston, diesel was cheaper than the gas. thats when gas prices were beyond rediculousely high. now adays, diesel is more expansive. with that said, he could be telling the truth about diesel being cheaper.

By jihinotenshi_fml | 0

#15983 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:33

Diesel is cheaper in a lot of countries in Europe (eg France). Taxes tend to be lower on it for some reason.

By Peha | 0

#15985 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:34

That guy could be french, diesel is cheaper overthere, don't flame #2

How not to say stupid jokes about women after reading that story ? :P

By soccerchick829 | 0

#15987 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:36

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Rackergen | 0

#15989 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:40

#2/#6: It's not. You're an ignorant moron. 'Nuff said.

By franzi100 | 0

#15990 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:42

diesel is ALWAYS cheaper than regular gas here in germany!

By Rackergen | 0

#15991 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:42

I second #8.

By dutchguy | 0

#15992 - Thursday 5 March 2009 12:42

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment