Miscellaneous: Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 106

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 1 392

05/03/2009 04:29

Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 613

You deserved it 12 781

Walk on the wild side

Good kid

Smelly cat, smelly cat…

"Destroy me completely, then throw me away"

By calcstudent101 - 25/02/2021 11:03

Today, I was just beginning a calculus exam when my brain thought it was a good time to get stuck on the song "Close Every Door" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Now that the exam is over, I'm afraid that I can foresee the future through song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 124

01/12/2015 22:53

Today, I called the cops on this guy who kept emailing me without revealing who he was. I had told him that if he emailed me again, I would call the cops, so I did. Turns out it was my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 968

You deserved it 2 702

05/08/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, I told my mum that the reason I hadn't contacted her for 3 days was that my internet was broken, when in reality I'd gone off for a dirty weekend with the guy I'm having sex with. I forgot my older sister worked for my internet provider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 2 143

28/03/2013 10:02

Spicy

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 359

You deserved it 9 825

20/08/2009 14:17

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 393

You deserved it 3 968

13/10/2008 08:19

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 048

You deserved it 20 240

01/01/2011 06:08

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 687

You deserved it 7 382

18/10/2010 23:28

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because "I shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 281

You deserved it 2 833

10/11/2011 05:56

Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 677

You deserved it 9 861

06/01/2011 03:55

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 867

You deserved it 4 212

16/02/2016 14:56

Today, a guy I blocked online for sending me creepy messages showed up at my house. I have no idea how he found my address, or even my real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 835

You deserved it 1 715

12/06/2009 06:13

Today, I got my drivers license suspended until I am 18 for driving without a license. Where was I driving to? My last day of Drivers Ed. The high school where I take Drivers Ed. classes at is across the street from my house. I gave up 3 years of driving to drive 100 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 382

You deserved it 104 356

Baby's high

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 17:01

Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 123

07/01/2015 12:11

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 515

You deserved it 7 555

Early bird special

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 16:00

Today, despite the fact they know I'm commuting hundreds of kilometres, I was requested to come to work at the earliest possible hour, every day. I'll be waking up at half past 3 a.m. and admire sunrises on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 207

31/10/2009 04:34

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 091

You deserved it 5 448

04/05/2013 05:17

Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 299

You deserved it 35 040

09/07/2009 18:50

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 264

You deserved it 66 374

24/05/2011 17:46

Today, after having just cleaned my office at work, I sat at my desk and opened a can of Diet Coke, which then exploded all over my desk, keyboard, and everything else in its path. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 722

You deserved it 8 168

19/09/2017 16:00

Today, I was playing a game on my boyfriend's phone when he got a text from a girl saying, "last night was so fun." When I asked him about it, he panicked and said, "we were hunting Bigfoot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 048

You deserved it 303

15/09/2009 23:39

Today, at my cashier job, I got written up for accepting obviously photocopied coupons. Last week, I got written up for "inadequate customer service" because I refused to accept the same bogus coupons from the same customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 545

You deserved it 2 418

Well hello there…

By acinorev - 07/08/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 423

Rich people problems

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 05:01

Today, I got a gift from my wife. It was a beautiful watch. The same exact watch I'd sold to our local jewelers for 6k. She bought it for 10k. When I told her, she said, "Hmmm, I thought it looked familiar." There goes 4K from our joint account. I could’ve thought of 4000 ways to spend that money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 621

Soon…

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, my 16 year-old nephew gave me advice on how to get laid. At age 30, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 257

24/09/2009 04:30

Spicy

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 116

You deserved it 33 343

22/05/2015 15:02

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 872

You deserved it 2 211

Nervous

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 20:00

Today, I went to see my girlfriend to talk about my anxiety, because it's been a big issue. She broke up with me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 104

31/08/2011 03:30

Spicy

Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 695

You deserved it 3 939

29/03/2016 16:27

Today, I was working out and doing box jumps. My friend thought it would be funny to kick the box aside as I tried to jump onto it. Now I have 2 broken teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 301

You deserved it 1 550

16/10/2010 12:31

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 475

You deserved it 7 229

23/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that the love of my life had been pleasuring himself to pictures of my ex-boyfriends. Yes, he's bisexual. He says it's ok because I'm dating him now. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 155

You deserved it 429

That slaps!

By Kelli - 08/04/2020 02:00

Today, the whole time my husband and I had sex, my stomach flab violently slapped my thighs. The harder he pumped, the louder the slapping got. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 902

Bad women's anatomy

By Anonymous - 07/07/2021 08:01

Today, my boyfriend noticed dark lines that look like scars on my inner thighs. He confronted me about them, thinking I was cutting myself, and now wants me to see a therapist because he thinks I'm suicidal. They're stretch marks. He won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 70

21/05/2014 16:05

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 786

You deserved it 4 358

11/09/2009 20:11

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 226

You deserved it 19 123

Irrational

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 11:10

Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 077

You deserved it 1 442

08/01/2013 00:58

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 866

You deserved it 36 268

12/01/2014 19:06

Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 107

You deserved it 4 451

22/04/2015 15:06

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 421

You deserved it 2 720

07/11/2014 15:51

Today, I got a new roommate. I thought he was pretty cool until he mentioned how everything around us was a conspiracy. Then he asked if I knew how to make a bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 292

You deserved it 2 734

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:00

Well, did you finish?

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:07

#1, Jesus Christ man, there are some things you just don't talk about in public!

Comments

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:00

Well, did you finish?

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 3:28

Did you grab his E string?

Trevv 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 3:28

All your dick are belong to us.

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Saturday 17 April 2010 0:03

happy ending?(: haha

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 4:35

hornyyyyyyy

ShananaginsLOL 13

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Wednesday 20 March 2013 15:01

He probably did ;)

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:07

#1, Jesus Christ man, there are some things you just don't talk about in public!

AdamPractical 18

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Tuesday 21 April 2015 18:45

Love the name XD!

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:11

Easy way to tell from off stage how this went down #1 If he missed a few keys, stopped and looked all embarrassed then no. If he missed a few keys, kept on playing until he was playing very very fast then it is a yes. ;-)

brie3 0

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Friday 10 July 2009 5:56

:D I wonder if he was hot...

King_of_Kings_2 0

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:14

#2 hey ohmygolly, its me. King_of_Kings. my main account was banned. you can see what happened in FML #210718 i still think we should ban together.

King_of_Kings_2 0

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:16

yo Jimboom. do you have a myspace?

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:22

what did you do to get your account banned?

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:26

@King_of_Kings I'd personally keep banning your accounts since you don't have anything to put towards these FML stories. WTF is wrong with you. Every damn story is.... "I had my accounted banned" or "it was banned in the story about the girls and the wheelchair guy." Guess what, I don't care you were banned. Follow the rules or ask an admin/moderator the reason. Stop being a huge waste of space by just copy+pasting your "my main account was banned." It's getting annoying. Now.... comment on the story at hand or GTFO. Geez. As for the story at least the pianist probably had a hooray moment unless by chance you're also a dude. Then you both had some FMLs

King_of_Kings_2 0

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:29

hi #6 i said some harsh stuff and my main account got banned. you can see what happened in FML #210718 any other questions, just let me know. im always checking out the new comments

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:34

so you grabbed the pianist's pianis basically

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Thursday 5 March 2009 16:38

@ king.. ohh i got it.. hope this time you are careful.. :)