Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim...

By shizzy09 - United States

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66392

You deserved it

5099

Favorite

Kids

Rock, hard place

Sewer monster

The sweet smell of success

By kumbuck3t15 - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I decided I need to get a life. I reached this epiphany when I failed to take notice of my friend calling me, until he started calling out my Xbox gamertag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8491

You deserved it

25764

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41170

You deserved it

4577

Favorite

By bluebelle - Australia

Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29814

You deserved it

2782

Favorite

By DJ - United States

Today, my creepy, stalker ex-girlfriend was given an anonymous love letter. She's convinced it's from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32089

You deserved it

2845

Favorite

By lovingsnow - Singapore

Today, I got back home and my hamster was dead. I left notes two weeks ago everywhere to remind my parents to feed it while I was overseas. Apparently, my parents even didn't realize I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33146

You deserved it

2766

Favorite

By sleepy - United States

Today, I had a Biochemistry quiz. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my quiz was in the morning. I woke up at 10 feeling very confident. My quiz was at 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15888

You deserved it

29216

Favorite

By LemmyIsWet - United States

Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13736

You deserved it

27354

Favorite

By Lovestupid - Australia

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11964

You deserved it

28964

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Truro

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9660

You deserved it

40435

Favorite

By rawr_ily96 - 24/5/2020 08:00 - United States

Barf

Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1192

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, the crazy cat lady who lives next to me lost one of her cats. She sat outside with a whistle at 6:00 this morning and continued to blow her whistle for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30815

You deserved it

2693

Favorite

By outofluckdude - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45654

You deserved it

3612

Favorite

By antsgomarching - 6/10/2020 17:01

Freak Scene

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1109

You deserved it

Favorite

By :/ - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56243

You deserved it

5815

Favorite

By Purple-jacket

Today, I graduated with a CS degree and a certification in networking, only to make $12/hr. Guess some trade jobs are worthless now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1768

You deserved it

299

Favorite

By person - Jordan

Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13849

You deserved it

28246

Favorite

By me - United States

Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29993

You deserved it

3554

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49709

You deserved it

3935

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Allentown

A mother's love…

Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1383

You deserved it

Favorite

By don't cry over spilled milk - United States - Elmendorf Afb

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11123

You deserved it

1372

Favorite

By Curles - Norway

Today, I found out the room I've been sleeping in has black fungus growing on the wall behind the bed. So, that's why I cough until it feels like my lungs are coming out in the morning. Mystery solved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1729

You deserved it

111

Favorite

By Suckered - United States - Hialeah

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university 2 years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25598

You deserved it

4675

Favorite

By DusterOverBits - United Kingdom

Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18320

You deserved it

44721

Favorite

By help - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was reading a newspaper at a bus stop when a creepy guy rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I miss the good old days, when people would read newspapers together and it wasn't classed as weird." Then he walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43503

You deserved it

3771

Favorite

By Erika

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend on campus. Upset, I decided to go to McDonald's to eat my painful memories away. While in the drive-thru line, I realized my ex was right in front of me. It looked like I'd followed him all the way from campus. He thinks I'm a stalker now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1841

You deserved it

326

Favorite

By Peppered and Zapped - 7/4/2020 05:00

Appropriate force

Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1948

You deserved it

177

Favorite

By Husband

Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5313

You deserved it

861

Favorite

By Daughter of the year - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, while discussing my grades with my mother, she told me that when she was my age she was dumb but hardworking, and my dad was lazy but very smart. She then added, "You managed to get the worst out of each of us." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31703

You deserved it

3597

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - North Scituate

Today, I found a picture of my ex with a new boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't break up with me because she was lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22359

You deserved it

1850

Favorite

By SomeExplainingToDo

Today, I sent a polite yet strongly-worded email to one of my corporate clients in which I expressed my irritation at being asked the same question by the same team for the 4th day in a row. I ended it with "Regards!" but accidentally swapped the 'g' with a 't'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3361

You deserved it

1677

Favorite

By Electro - United States - Nashua

Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21084

You deserved it

7212

Favorite

By shouldagone2work - United States

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51912

You deserved it

4692

Favorite

By Lalalala - 6/9/2020 02:02 - United States - Austin

Post-it

Today, my boyfriend told me to stay home, because he wanted to come by to give me a birthday surprise. Later on, he came by, posted a note, rung the bell and left. The note was a break up note. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1612

You deserved it

Favorite

By whysheheartless - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43745

You deserved it

3038

Favorite

By squeltorey - United States - Whittier

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21735

You deserved it

11101

Favorite

By Ashleigh - United States

Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37633

You deserved it

3469

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Acworth

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

I agree, your life sucks

66827

You deserved it

10055

Favorite

By Anonymous

Pick your moments, dude!

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1737

You deserved it

298

Favorite

By hoser - Canada

Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8689

You deserved it

37014

Favorite

By hoho5191 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's party. Her neighbor and I really hit it off. We went off into the woods and left everyone, including her parents, at the bonfire. We started hooking up when my friend ran over. Apparently they could see everything. We had on glow stick necklaces and bracelets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13017

You deserved it

69107

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By tsezu | 0

#109189 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 3:02

This should be the guy with boobs' FML entry.

"Today, I was at a local pool when a lady and her daughter came for swimming lessons. As they walked onto the deck, the daughter yelled "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" She was referring to me. The whole pool heard. FML"

By dogpup4 | 23

#3284653 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 23:14

Really? Thats why I will!

COMMENTS

By jpelavin2626 | 0

#109135 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:52

wooow. that sucks! kids say the darnedest things!

metalfan333 | 0

#824883 - Thursday 4 February 2010 18:01

YDI for teaching your 4 yr old that word

ryguy997 | 0

#929740 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 21:05

who taught her that word?

Failbuddy | 0

#1252097 - Monday 16 August 2010 14:10

Must of bin really embarrassing for him

By Blue_Coconuts | 7

#109143 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:55

Awesome.

By nnnnn12345 | 0

#109146 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:57

haha

By strangersdk | 0

#109148 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:56

Wow. That's why I won't have kids.

dogpup4 | 23

#3284653 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 23:14

Really? Thats why I will!

By nnnnn12345 | 0

#109152 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:57

haha

By awalkb | 0

#109156 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:57

haha that is perfect

By qwertyuiop8989 | 0

#109158 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:58

Funny but thats more of a FHL

By XvxvX | 0

#109162 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:58

Lol

By dancin303 | 0

#109164 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:59

dont really see the fml

By dancin303 | 0

#109168 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:59

not your fault. dont sweat it