Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the gym that I just became a member of, making... - FML

By ididlookgood - United States

Today, I went to the gym that I just became a member of, making an extra effort to look good because I've heard there are hot guys there. The lady at the front desk said they need to take my picture, then took a second look and said, "Don't worry hun, we'll take it when you're more prepared." FML

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Sorry…

Gas giant

Ideal first date

By colebear - United States

Today, I went to hand in a job application, and the supervisor wanted to ask me a few questions. I was nervous so I kept touching the fabric on a nearby display table. Only after I left did my friend tell me it was a pantie display, and that I was fondling underwear. FML

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By Maggie - 17/3/2020 17:00

Nice mental image

Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML

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By ohgodwhy - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

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By ricksterile - United States

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

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By cjj325 - United States

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

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By AlwaysAwkward - United States - Strongsville

Today, I got my first massage. At the end, the masseuse made a gesture indicating which way the exit was. After having had her hands all over my body for the past hour, I thought the gesture was indicative of a goodbye hug. Things got awkward really fast. FML

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By igotpride - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

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By suckstobeme - United States

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

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By Plasticface - United States

Today, I found there was a 4 year old boy behind me on my flight. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he smashed a water bottle across my face. I now have a black eye. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2020 14:01

Venmo me

Today, my mother-in-law called to find out how the first week of school went for the kids. She spent most of the call complaining about her husband. I'd like to send her a bill for her trying to use me as a therapist. FML

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By kittenfish8903 - United States

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

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By Just wanted a cigarette - United States - Lagrangeville

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

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By Anon - Ireland - Cork

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

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By LadyJane

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

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By projectfain - United States - Akron

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Left behind

Today, it was my best friend's birthday party. Her boyfriend and I agreed to organize a dinner date to surprise her and celebrate. They celebrated, but forgot me until they arrived at the restaurant and saw the dinner reservation under my name. FML

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By JAMjessie - United States

Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML

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By Scooter

Today, I replaced the battery in a closet’s electronic keypad door lock, and I accidentally locked myself inside. My family was traveling, so I had to call a neighbor. He got me out, but took pictures and posted to social media. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

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By Should have stayed in the closet

Today, I was leaving college when my yearlong roommate said that he "needed me inside him" before I left. Having just accepted that I’m gay, we had sex. Only later did I learn about the floor-wide bet about me being gay. I still don’t know if my roommate fucked me for fun or for 5 cases of beer. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Rosthern

Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML

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By chi_chia - United States

Today, while vacuuming my car, I discovered a hole in the floor under one of the seats. Unable to figure out where it came from, I took it to a professional, who informed me that a family of rats has been making my car their home for the last several months. How lovely. FML

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By JWags

Today, at 30 years old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

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By syco - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I like was panicking because her car broke down, so I offered her a lift to wherever she needed to be. I drove her to her boyfriend's house. She asked me to drive her home in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

First Dates

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

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By ishouldntdrink - United States

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

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By sad face - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

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By Anonymous

Fetish

Today, my boyfriend and I finally had sex. The entire time he kept begging me to fart, especially on him. FML

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By automotive glass tech - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk off hit my truck. A truck carrying 2 grand in glass. Including the windshield I was about to install. The driver gets out and says, "Sorry man, I had to text my girlfriend." FML

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By Are you f*cking kidding me - United States - Denver

Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 05:01 - Australia

Livin' the dream

Today, and for the last few days, I’ve been playing farming life simulator games. It dawned on me that my fictional farmers will probably be more successful and social and rich and energetic than I ever will be in my entire life. FML

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By cderr - United States

Today, my sister found out she contracted ringworm and scabies from her best friend's rescued kittens. The entire family now has to be treated to prevent it from spreading. There are 7 people in our house and none of us have health insurance. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I asked my niece to house-sit because she acts very mature and sensible while her brother is an idle slob. Turns out the idle slob nephew is the mature one while the sensible niece actually likes to throw house parties. I found a used condom stuck to my ceiling. FML

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Top comments

By Rubenesque33 | 0

#108603 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:25

Just try not to be so ugly

By rukusrazor | 0

#108664 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:35

Want to meet a guy? Pretend your top feel off at a party. You want to work out? Go to a gym, don't fuck where you sweat. She's obviously trolling for some moose-headed douche-nozzle.

COMMENTS

By PlutoTheFirst | 0

#108541 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:13

Awww. What a mean lady.

Reply

WorldCupCheer | 0

#1006620 - Tuesday 25 May 2010 8:04

she wasn't mean she was sweet and only trying to help. op try harder to look good next time

Reply

kewlster1 | 0

#1126579 - Friday 23 July 2010 3:59

true hahaha still funny

By sjx | 0

#108542 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:13

awww that sucks

By 22_fml | 0

#108553 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:15

wow she was a bitch!

By Meow34 | 0

#108572 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:19

At least she gave you another time to try and look better. This isn't exactly an FML.. eh, Idk.

By DaFluffyGoldfish | 0

#108585 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:22

what an ass, i hate ppl like her

By youareeffed | 0

#108593 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:23

Ummm...okay this isn't even remotely an FML. You were at the GYM. I would hope you wouldn't try to look too cute or that's just stupid and you shouldn't be at the gym, you should be at the mall. Maybe she meant when you aren't wearing workout clothes with your hair up. Really.

By Rubenesque33 | 0

#108603 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:25

Just try not to be so ugly

Reply

failblogftw | 0

#2118694 - Thursday 24 February 2011 18:10

haha

By piderman13 | 0

#108641 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:32

hahaha #7
yea just try and look cuter. its honestly your problem.

By uguysrmorons | 0

#108657 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:34

oh k...how is this a fml?
so ur ugly.....
and she wasnt trying to be mean, she was trying to help u out because other wise u would have an even uglier pic

By rukusrazor | 0

#108664 - Monday 13 April 2009 23:35

Want to meet a guy? Pretend your top feel off at a party. You want to work out? Go to a gym, don't fuck where you sweat. She's obviously trolling for some moose-headed douche-nozzle.

Reply

slayertack | 19

#5921794 - Monday 21 April 2014 20:56

But you sweat when you fuck D: