Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed...

By Noname - 12/3/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

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Animals

Proactive

Billy no-mates

Mr Sensitivity

By Anonymous - 22/7/2017 01:33

Today, my prom date and his family came over to take pictures. His dad happens to be my mom's gynecologist. FML

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By fhe - 16/4/2012 15:52 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML

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By depressedskatergirl - 7/2/2015 02:35 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had a big figure skating competition. Many of the girls before me fell or did not execute their jumps correctly. Me? I skated a flawless program. I was placed last because they said I didn't push myself hard enough to the point of falling. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2010 07:51 - Canada

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

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By tryingatkins - 21/8/2009 09:27 - United States

Today, I was on the elevator going up to a meeting, and the elevator was getting more and more crowded as we went up. After about ten people got on, they all agreed that I should get off the elevator because they thought me being on was exceeding the weight limit. FML

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By UGH! - 19/12/2016 18:21 - Canada

Today, I slid into a seat in a very busy foodcourt that was jam packed full of seniors at the mall. It was the only seat available, so I was quick to jump into it. It was soaked with urine. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2011 02:13 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

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By ashamed father - 9/3/2014 22:32 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

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By yogabbagabba - 3/9/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I fell asleep during naptime. I'm the teacher. FML

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By carriageway - 31/1/2020 01:00 - United States - Newport News

After sleepover

Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML

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By whatthefuck - 27/12/2016 23:22 - United States - Providence

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

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By -1 friend - 17/5/2013 21:16 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

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By facebookdeception - 31/10/2014 04:25 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out that the girl on Facebook that helped me out of my sadness after my break-up and who I'd hopelessly fallen in love with was just a prank by my ex-girlfriend. FML

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By the poor man - 5/9/2015 17:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

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By Sallyfromtheseashore - 1/7/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, I wrote a long wall post on my teachers wall on facebook including how much of a douche I thought she was, I wasn't planning on posting it but did on accident, so I quickly deleted it. I felt pretty clever. Did you know facebook sends you emails including what was written on the post? FML

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By piliseep - 1/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Apex

Good Meowrning!

Today, at 6 am, I was suddenly jerked from the warm embraces of sleep by the smell of poo. I was very groggy and confused when my hand landed in something wet and cold. I turned on the light and was horrified to find that my kitten took a huge dump in my bed. It was everywhere. FML

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By mishie1 - 21/2/2012 12:44 - United States

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2010 05:32 - Canada

Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML

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By snowbunny - 11/1/2011 02:03 - United States

Today, I got snowed in. At work. FML

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By NVP - 18/1/2009 14:30 - United States

Today, I told my 10 year old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML

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By catsonuincorns - 15/4/2018 06:00 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML

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By Fubar0906 - 19/5/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I'm on vacation. I spent $4000 to surprise my boyfriend on a trip to Hawaii. We have been together over a year. Turns out, he hates the outdoors. He's mad at me for bringing him here and is upset at everything. He's in the room reading, I'm at the bar drinking $10 Mai Tai's. FML

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By s13495 - 24/10/2013 15:52 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 09:05 - United States

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

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By tee - 6/4/2015 20:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2014 17:26 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2015 14:54 - Portugal - Alhandra

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2012 12:38 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

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By Don’t know what to think - 16/6/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me with an Eagles cheerleader. I found out when his dad proudly posted about it on Facebook. FML

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By - 9/12/2018 22:00

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

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By Promo girl - 22/1/2009 22:35 - Australia

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2019 22:00

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

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By randomusername99 - 5/5/2014 21:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

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By Beth - 28/4/2013 13:16 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

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By failure - 22/9/2011 18:36 - United States

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

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By workaholic - 17/11/2010 07:34

Today, I was talking to my manager about a movie. She asked what main actors were in it, but the only one I could remember was Forest Whitaker. I told her then immediately blurted out "You know, the one with the freaky lazy eye." My manager has a lazy eye. FML

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By love4cheese1197 - 2/8/2019 20:00

Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML

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By Jenn - 24/9/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

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By noname - 9/12/2008 02:03 - France

Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the buses were on strike. FML

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Top comments

By ancientmudkipz | 0

#29046 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:08

i lol'd

By Bubs_fml | 0

#29061 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:18

Eh, cats just tend to vomit at inopportune times. Don't sweat it. It's just like how dogs only seem to hump things when you have company over.

COMMENTS

By ancientmudkipz | 0

#29046 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:08

i lol'd

111615 | 0

#984936 - Monday 26 April 2010 3:27

haha me too:D

heyitsme0123 | 6

#989035 - Friday 7 May 2010 14:32

lmfao poor kitty

FreddyMustDie | 0

#1025125 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 16:17

Definitely Top 10 material

JinxSNC | 0

#1032868 - Thursday 17 June 2010 0:30

YDI for flashing your cat.

Cjw1220 | 0

#1160057 - Friday 30 July 2010 6:00

Me too! Rofl!

yohooooooo | 5

#2408107 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 7:26

those damn pussys need to stop throwin up that's all they do.

777buddy777 | 0

#3041774 - Friday 5 August 2011 4:44

you tramatized your cat poor cat

bmboente15 | 0

#4536921 - Thursday 7 June 2012 19:23

At least it wasn't a different pussy that got sick ;)

By ancientmudkipz | 0

#29047 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:09

i lol'd

By rainesan | 0

#29048 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:08

Wow, poor kitty :P

pop17123 | 19

#6517553 - Saturday 23 January 2016 2:04

Bogus

By fmladdict9214 | 0

#29049 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:08

ah. that really sucks. can't lie.

By greenman_fml | 0

#29050 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:10

take no offense. cat's don't matter. anything that it does can be taken with a grain of salt

latkematzoball | 0

#406845 - Saturday 18 July 2009 4:30

wow #5, thats kinda harsh. oh well, i guess ill have to stop listening to my cat now. Sigh. I really trusted him.....

eehizle | 0

#1043581 - Friday 25 June 2010 22:13

...

. wow.

By secrecies | 2

#29053 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:13

lame.
i've seen enough of these

By koalaberry18 | 0

#29056 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:15

Sorry, but that made me lol. Don't take your kitty's comment too serious, i'm sure it wasn't personal. She still loves you.

By RHK_fml | 0

#29058 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:16

damn. you must look terrible naked.

XxMidnightReader | 0

#1311011 - Saturday 28 August 2010 5:43

LOL way to be gentle...

fmlpro0987 | 0

#1578243 - Wednesday 20 October 2010 19:27

I agree

By Bubs_fml | 0

#29061 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:18

Eh, cats just tend to vomit at inopportune times. Don't sweat it. It's just like how dogs only seem to hump things when you have company over.

chamd | 0

#974010 - Sunday 4 April 2010 17:25

yah like my visitors leg #9

mrstomkaulitz | 0

#1035666 - Saturday 19 June 2010 7:13

haha ur lucky.. ur number 123 X]

By lockdown1101 | 0

#29070 - Friday 13 March 2009 1:21

lol... yeah, i doubt a cat would find a person sexually attractive regardless of how you look