Kids: Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

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Mother of the year

It's the thought that counts

Toxic people

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security. After work, I saw my windows smashed, the CD player gone, the alarm wires cut, and a note that said, "Try again." FML

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By mattttbob - Australia

Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

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By Can't Unsee

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

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By Byebye - Netherlands - Sappemeer

Today, the mailman delivered my new phone to my neighbour's house. This was okay, because he left a note in my mailbox informing me so. Now my crazy neighbour won't give me the package because, "*I* signed for it!" FML

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By sicksicksick - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

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By Boltz719 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML

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By thatonegirl.SBS. - United States - El Cajon

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been seeing another girl behind my back. The kicker is that he told her I was his lazy sister and had just moved in. FML

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By RayniDae - United States - Port Clinton

Today, we ran out of our disposal gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML

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By kennarama - United States

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

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By SBae - United States - Uniontown

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

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By confused - France

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years spent a whole hour making me promise that if he ever died, I would never try to find someone else. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter's school called to inform me that I needed to bring her some sneakers. Not feeling like driving the 15 minutes to her school, I told them I was away from town. Then I realized I was on my house phone. FML

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By prego - Canada

Today, because I am pregnant with a weak bladder, I woke up with morning sickness and had to decide very quickly whether I wanted to vomit or pee in the toilet. I now have to clean the chunks off the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 20:01

Reverse Uno

Today, while trying to be sexy for my fiancé by going to change his background photo to a naughty pic of myself, I found out he's been actively cheating on me. For almost a year, with multiple women. When confronted, he tried telling how hard me finding out was for HIM. FML

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By freezingtodeath - United States

Where's my stuff?

Today, I went into Target's dressing rooms to try some pants on, leaving my full cart outside. An employee thought it had been left there, and took it to put the stuff back. My coat, hat, gloves were in it. I had to walk home. FML

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By ADD - Bulgaria

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with "Who the hell are you?" FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 13:57 - Canada - Windsor

Unrequited

Today, I ran into my childhood crush. She was the one who made me realize I was bi, and I was enthralled by her. Too bad she was straight. She's only gotten more attractive, and now she's in my program. FML

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By MadSon - United States

Today, my dad had something to tell me. He'd cleaned out my bank account to pay off 38,000 dollars worth of gambling debt. My wedding is in 5 months. FML

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By Addigirl - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I ordered pick-up from a restaurant I really like. It was pouring, so instead of taking the long way across the pedestrian walk, I ran through a grass-covered area and tripped on tree roots. I was right in front of the restaurant, so everybody saw me. FML

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By in_pain - Canada

Today, my doctor called and asked me when I could have my broken hand x-rayed again. I said the ER staff had told me it was a bad sprain over two weeks ago. I'm now in a full cast, and have to have my partially healed bones re-broken. There goes my summer. FML

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By oh.geez - United States

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lake Dallas

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

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By tvaladie - United States

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

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By Mewsmash - United States - Dublin

Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML

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By watch_corn_dance - United States - Pontiac

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

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By Kevin - 18/3/2021 21:30

Nutter on the bus

Today, some guy at the bus stop screamed at me because the bus was coming and I wasn’t wearing my mask. I was standing 25 feet from the stop finishing a smoke and there was no one around me. When I sat down on the bus, with my mask on, he stared me down the whole ride. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend decided to admit to me that he and my girlfriend have been cheating behind my back for the past two months. The reason he finally admitted it? Because she is now cheating on him with another one of our friends. FML

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By hellolaina - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

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By Peta2nNoMore - United Kingdom

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Romulus

Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML

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By anonymous - United States - La Verne

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

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By moutz - Australia

Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said "Good luck in your final year". Without thinking, I replied "You too". FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my mother knocked on the door of my room at 7am. I am currently over 300 miles from home, on a vacation to get away from my overbearing family. I told none of them where I was going. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Keuka Park

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

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Top comments

By Amystika | 0

#134921 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:02

you obviously embarrassed him.

By Imagril | 0

#134944 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:05

How old is that kid? seriously he needs some sense of respect kicked into him

COMMENTS

By mintfreshpinesol | 0

#134912 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:01

Haha, OUCH

Reply

erika_lynnex | 1

#975448 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 4:01

thank you so much for not saying "firsttttt!!!!!!!!!" like an idiot :)

Reply

b182link | 0

#1030186 - Monday 14 June 2010 15:52

well you shouldn't have screamed so loud, I wouldve done the same

Reply

scvcwcheer | 0

#1099272 - Friday 16 July 2010 22:53

I agree with 291. YDI for embarrassing him

Reply

brainsoverbeauty | 21

#2067075 - Thursday 10 February 2011 17:57

He still has no right to refer to his mother as "some fat bitch." That is no way to treat a mother who is showing support for you.

Reply

crazymase | 9

#2122037 - Friday 25 February 2011 9:20

so true^

Reply

chickinova | 13

#3543760 - Saturday 5 November 2011 3:12

i agree with 291 and 305. ydi for shouting so loud, hes a douche for saying that

Reply

Vaati_fml | 20

#5488215 - Sunday 12 May 2013 2:49

Exactly

Reply

Hanipan | 6

#5539694 - Monday 17 June 2013 23:51

#291, #293, #318
Don't ever have kids, you stupid cunts.
She was supporting that child - and this is the thanks she gets? She doesn't deserve this, but you three do. Just because neither of you never had any supportive parents doesn't mean you should dog someone who IS being a supportive parent.

Reply

L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H | 20

#5911110 - Friday 11 April 2014 4:21

Yup, how to get grounded 101.

By wowfmlife | 0

#134913 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By dubvfan2 | 0

#134916 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:02

lose weight...

By butterflys322 | 0

#134919 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:02

lose weight...

By Amystika | 0

#134921 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By yeaboiii | 0

#134925 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:03

HA beat his ass! if it were my kid he wouldn't be able to sit down for a month.....lil fucker

Reply

iJasper | 8

#2863318 - Sunday 10 July 2011 23:52

Lmao, x3

Reply

nicework | 0

#3047585 - Friday 5 August 2011 23:45

what r u going to do to him to make him not be able to sit down???

Reply

SUEHIM | 0

#3482569 - Monday 24 October 2011 15:49

Have you ever played soccer? One of the most annoying things is fat bitchy soccer moms calling peoples names from the sideline

Reply

EverdreamOfMe | 24

#5383642 - Tuesday 26 February 2013 3:14

So beat his ass for understandably not wanting to be linked to his mother? No, the mother was in the wrong here. Poor kid.

By JohnSly21 | 0

#134926 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:03

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Freaklancer | 0

#134929 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

habick | 4

#4736014 - Thursday 26 July 2012 18:16

Your an idiot

Reply

anjtrg_1112 | 23

#5530941 - Wednesday 12 June 2013 6:45

You're*

By suckstobeyou3 | 0

#134935 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:04

Ground that little brat for being an asshole.

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#916216 - Friday 5 March 2010 6:49

why would you ground, they don't learn from that!

you gotta beat the sense into him

Reply

hahaLexinater | 0

#1954330 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 10:23

ya grounding him won't but beating him will! haha

By Mars_bar123 | 0

#134940 - Thursday 23 April 2009 3:05

Haha, that's kind of funny.