Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my... - FML

By edhalen - 23/4/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13931

You deserved it

64123

Tweet

Share

Fear factor

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Weird kid

By Kelsey Dynes - 6/4/2020 17:00

Meat Market

Today, I had a doctor's appointment and my doctor had to examine my abdomen. I'm generally a pretty fit woman. After touching my abdomen, my doctor called me "the perfect specimen" and asked me if I was single because his son is also single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1792

You deserved it

207

Tweet

Share

By bbedlock - 16/4/2011 12:35 - Australia

Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51192

You deserved it

19142

Tweet

Share

By larrythelobster - 11/2/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, one of my junior marines called to tell me they were in an accident that totaled both cars. The car he hit was parked in a nearby parking garage. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7302

You deserved it

455

Tweet

Share

By hunnybaby0319 - 2/10/2010 22:07 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my car from where I parked it last night. I walked over to my parking spot only to find a vegetable stand there in its place. Apparently, that's the location of the Saturday Market and they had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12831

You deserved it

25477

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 18/9/2013 17:48 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss decided that we no longer have to clock out for cigarette breaks, but we do for toilet breaks. I'm the only non-smoker on my floor, and I'm getting penalised for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45551

You deserved it

3146

Tweet

Share

By ineedbetterfriends - 15/6/2013 21:08 - Netherlands - Amersfoort

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40520

You deserved it

5705

Tweet

Share

By shampoomice - 7/8/2013 16:34 - United States - La Porte

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61728

You deserved it

5390

Tweet

Share

By thenegatives - 9/10/2014 01:12 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39574

You deserved it

4295

Tweet

Share

By Roida - 26/10/2009 10:15 - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34665

You deserved it

2660

Tweet

Share

By Nosmie - 17/6/2019 15:03

Today, the worst part about not having a sense of smell is that I can’t tell if anyone ate pizza without me. Unless I see an empty box in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1559

You deserved it

223

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 14:29 - United States - Worcester

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42333

You deserved it

4198

Tweet

Share

By ur_life_dus_suck - 21/1/2016 13:08 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23117

You deserved it

1678

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/9/2011 03:42 - United States

Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35981

You deserved it

4550

Tweet

Share

By Jeri - 26/2/2010 12:55 - United States

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59841

You deserved it

4308

Tweet

Share

By muzikmaler91 - 15/3/2012 09:45 - United States

Today, I called pizza hut to order a pizza. A voice recording was reading me their specials. The man had a horrible country accent so I began to make fun of it. Then I realized it was an actual person on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7483

You deserved it

49579

Tweet

Share

By embarassed_chick - 24/8/2009 19:59 - United States

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57560

You deserved it

4756

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/6/2016 17:45 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I overheard my friends laughing about how my anxiety means I'll be single forever. I was too anxious to confront them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13834

You deserved it

1552

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/4/2015 15:18 - United States

Today, the pills my doctor prescribed for my extremely painful period cramps apparently have a side effect; excruciatingly painful cramps. I feel like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31953

You deserved it

2401

Tweet

Share

By NonBelieber - 18/9/2013 04:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40721

You deserved it

3060

Tweet

Share

By me - 23/10/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35514

You deserved it

7473

Tweet

Share

By tomcat69 - 11/7/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year old son's request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn't have friends sleep over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48029

You deserved it

7756

Tweet

Share

By erianne - 7/5/2018 15:00

Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2776

You deserved it

543

Tweet

Share

By arse of fire :( - 23/2/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33979

You deserved it

3846

Tweet

Share

By sciencenat - 14/1/2016 06:36 - France - V?lizy-villacoublay

Today, as a natural science teacher, I was drawing a uterus on the class chalkboard. One of my students started messing around and being noisy, so I shouted, "Be quiet and check out my uterus!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22771

You deserved it

5061

Tweet

Share

By wormiformed - 3/10/2015 04:14 - New Zealand

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24810

You deserved it

1521

Tweet

Share

By fuck you retail - 27/5/2013 20:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51462

You deserved it

4507

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/11/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36756

You deserved it

2720

Tweet

Share

By Not So Smart - 23/7/2010 23:47 - Canada

Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12524

You deserved it

47872

Tweet

Share

By lifesuck - 19/9/2010 14:11 - United States

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33421

You deserved it

3741

Tweet

Share

By Clueless - 24/5/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14370

You deserved it

60122

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 00:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47624

You deserved it

5281

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/10/2016 13:20 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, a classmate found out I have a boyfriend. He said, "Really? YOU??" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13823

You deserved it

1807

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/1/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33805

You deserved it

7842

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/5/2018 11:00 - United States - Denver

Today, the woman I've loved for 15 years and had children with told me she's remarrying to the man she cheated on me with. Since her father passed last year, she wants me to give her away at the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5486

You deserved it

306

Tweet

Share

By Drunken Sailor - 27/6/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52588

You deserved it

3410

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/2/2016 18:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a teacher told me in all seriousness that she believes my son, who has severe learning difficulties, is likely demonically possessed. I'm sorry, but what century are we living in? Now I have to get him moved to another school so he doesn't have to be in the care of this nutjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22856

You deserved it

1862

Tweet

Share

By emilyparker - 1/9/2014 02:55 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49553

You deserved it

5188

Tweet

Share

By Topher - 25/8/2011 10:16 - United States

Today, I got tipped more than I have in my bank account. It was $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30894

You deserved it

6162

Tweet

Share

By salt. - 28/2/2012 22:04 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34059

You deserved it

2584

Tweet

Share

By getoffthephone - 30/3/2015 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting for the bus, I googled walking directions to my destination, in case I had already missed the bus. I was so absorbed in my search that I missed the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19671

You deserved it

26103

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By blazin_b | 0

#136302 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:04

Push down and turn.

By eighthchord | 0

#136309 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:06

You took your shirt off to help a girl with her car? Or was it already off? Why?
Oh you were riding in your convertible. Still....why?

Comments

By asb1234561 | 0

#136288 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:01

omg first!!!

By blazin_b | 0

#136302 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:04

Push down and turn.

Reply

ericwashere | 0

#2941998 - Thursday 21 July 2011 1:06

thats what she said!!! i think

Reply

swinglifeaway123 | 8

#3342524 - Sunday 25 September 2011 5:49

Hmm...
Only person with helpful advice.
Don't see y their mad about this comment.

Reply

oreily12 | 23

#4998241 - Wednesday 3 October 2012 7:29

I'm not thinking that it was supposed to come off. Try the fill tank next time

Reply

trulypar | 34

#6206740 - Thursday 19 February 2015 14:48

Unless it has the safety feature some caps do and won't open while it is hot.

By RavensRule97 | 0

#136303 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:05

FAIL

and noone cares #1

By Chaith | 16

#136306 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:05

That's so deflating. Oh well, male ego!

By eighthchord | 0

#136309 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:06

You took your shirt off to help a girl with her car? Or was it already off? Why?
Oh you were riding in your convertible. Still....why?

By judgeymcjudge | 0

#136310 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:07

That's what you get for being a try-hard dickhead *rolls eyes*

By kelseysue92 | 0

#136312 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:07

I guess you're just SCREWED
....
hehe

By spamme | 0

#136315 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:08

YDI for shirt off

By Ridley_fml | 0

#136321 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:09

good job being a tool and failing

Reply

JohnnyKade | 25

#6334295 - Sunday 28 June 2015 7:52

No lad, a tool would have been able to unscrew the cap. This man is just a bloomin wanker

By chanceuse_fml | 0

#136322 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:09

omg #1!!! You're first!

No one cares.

And I agree with #9, at least you tried.