Kids: Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass...

By WTF - 22/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 514

You deserved it 19 378

Kids

It's not Mondays you hate, it's capitalism

Medicare for all, please

Stop calling

By sickandtiredofit - 24/01/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 195

You deserved it 3 090

By xerrika - 03/06/2014 11:56 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 701

You deserved it 8 911

By Anonyme - 16/05/2014 07:55 - Canada - Saint-jean-de-matha

Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 847

You deserved it 9 790

By SaMike - 01/09/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 675

You deserved it 4 707

By Nudge23 - 26/09/2011 07:26 - Australia

Today, I cleared out the messages in my voicemail. Of the 50+ messages, most were from my mother wanting to know when I'd be home. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 754

You deserved it 4 646

By stpry of my life - 27/02/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 926

You deserved it 6 975

By Kendal - 23/08/2011 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 155

You deserved it 49 736

By Rapunzel - 18/03/2012 20:02 - United States - Tucson

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 041

You deserved it 3 053

By shylahrc - 03/05/2014 23:51 - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 114

You deserved it 3 508

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 23:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 055

You deserved it 6 308

By Anonymous - 11/01/2017 14:44

Today, I had to follow a diversion route home due to roadworks. It took me an hour longer than usual to get home. Too bad it turns out that the diversion was only for traffic, not people walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 757

You deserved it 6 254

By alycion - 04/05/2019 12:00

Today, I took my father to a hockey game. He always has to get pictures with the girls, so while in bag check, he used his breath spray. He got me in the eye, and I was temporarily blinded through most of the first period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 645

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 21:20 - Canada

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 804

You deserved it 51 900

By Lifes_a_bust - 08/08/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 908

You deserved it 4 426

By SnapeIsGood - 08/11/2016 09:44 - Germany - Kornwestheim

Today, I hit the gym. With my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 312

You deserved it 1 830

By StephiLynn - 09/05/2016 04:33 - United States - Hibbing

Today, my coworker told me when we got to work that she purposely left her phone at home. I then had to suffer 8 hours of listening to her constantly whine like a toddler about how much she missed her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 008

You deserved it 1 173

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 12:37 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 692

You deserved it 3 993

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 04:57 - United States - Blue Springs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 640

You deserved it 17 462

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work to find my grandmother in my living room, demanding to know where I'd been all day. I'm 22 and live by myself. She stole my mother's emergency key to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 943

You deserved it 1 482

By verycherryfucked - 28/04/2013 22:10 - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 163

You deserved it 3 565

By Sherressa - 02/12/2013 20:04 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 566

You deserved it 28 009

By ants9omarching - 10/03/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 511

You deserved it 5 926

By Anonymous - 07/06/2015 04:21 - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 149

You deserved it 3 376

By Kayla - 12/04/2012 05:30 - United States - Mesa

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend's feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 697

You deserved it 3 198

By NotTheFavoriteChild - 03/04/2016 16:53

Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me today. She reluctantly said, "I guess". I showered, shaved and did my hair and makeup. When I came downstairs, she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. "I'm just lacking motivation to go," she said. Glad you're so excited too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 347

You deserved it 1 571

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 21:57 - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 485

You deserved it 4 670

By Nurse - 31/08/2018 15:00

Today, a pregnant woman asked me to give her a demonstration on how to push when having a baby. I agreed and pushed, but I may have pushed a little too hard because I shat myself. The pregnant woman laughed and said she was hoping that would happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 814

You deserved it 715

By human torch - 18/03/2010 15:22 - United States

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 381

You deserved it 6 315

By j - 14/08/2011 03:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 594

You deserved it 56 802

By creys - 18/11/2012 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 159

You deserved it 2 503

By Anonymous - 02/10/2018 15:30

Today, our 6-month-old is finally sleeping through the night. We thought we'd finally get a good night sleep ourselves, until my dumb husband fell asleep with the tv on and our 5-year-old ended up watching Saw 3 by herself. Now the 5-year-old wakes up with nightmares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 143

You deserved it 568

By anonymous - 30/07/2014 02:36 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 947

You deserved it 7 448

By Iwtumn - 30/04/2015 18:15 - Austria - Deutschlandsberg

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 977

You deserved it 7 156

By Human fly - 21/04/2013 06:20 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 079

You deserved it 46 401

By drugged_on_arrival - 10/09/2009 10:55 - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 115

You deserved it 16 770

By mustanggt - 10/07/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 832

You deserved it 31 122

By mareda - 01/02/2012 19:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I flew to England to visit my boyfriend, who has been working there for the past three months. I went to his hotel and waited for him; he never showed up. I called one of his colleagues to ask him what was going on. He had no idea what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 964

You deserved it 3 832

By john - 04/05/2012 19:14 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 142

You deserved it 4 985

By mchhhoi - 20/07/2009 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and were I getting it on in his bedroom where he had all of his anime models on display. I accidentally knocked over one of his models and it fell on to the floor. He got angry and kicked me out. Apparently, making his models look good was more important than us making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 558

You deserved it 13 290

By knowtoomuch - 22/05/2013 00:10 - United States - Aurora

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 005

You deserved it 6 769

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Top comments

weinerdog 2

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:02

I was afraid you were gonna say he was pointing at an Asian person.

KeithHarris 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 1:59

You might need a toothbrush

KeithHarris 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 1:59

You might need a toothbrush

kmj84 3

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:00

lol that's little kids for you. you might want to get that taken care of though.

ronnie8701 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:00

this isn't an FML, you deserve it for not brushing your teeth!!!

Jiplo 18

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Thursday 11 April 2013 13:51

This isn't a comment, you deserve it for not thinking it out!

Dukedj 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:01

Hate to say it, but why do you have yellow teeth? You can brush them, you know.

VolleyballSMASH 1

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:54

they also invented these amazing things, there called toothpaste, floss and whitestrips.

Kiernan151 25

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Friday 4 December 2015 4:53

Know I'm a bit late but, some people just can keep their teeth white. I brush three times a day, floss and use mouthwash, but my teeth are still yellow.

weinerdog 2

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:02

I was afraid you were gonna say he was pointing at an Asian person.

ClaireBear9087 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 4:35

hahaha you win

WaltzingPhanthom 23

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Monday 20 April 2015 3:11

Oh my God that is so freaking funny although I'm Asian.

Marshallino 21

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 11:52

My thoughts exactly! LOL.

begrunge 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:02

that's not all that big of a deal... a bit of a lame FML...

spacetaco 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:04

What's the worst that could happen? He didn't say that out loud on the plane. Kids say ignorant things. If you want to get the best of this situation, how about you try to brush your teeth more?