Miscellaneous: Make it stop!

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 893

You deserved it 11 463

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Same thing different taste

By IVOaf - 26/02/2014 20:55 - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 560

You deserved it 4 859

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 4 714

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 00:05 - Canada

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang… straight to the table, to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 121

You deserved it 3 238

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 366

You deserved it 24 006

By IngenuityAbsent - 22/02/2015 13:54 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 233

You deserved it 4 754

Accidents will happen

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I managed to hit myself in the face with a large sheet pan. The force made me back into a shelf, which knocked a box off the top, which hit me in the head and knocked me out-cold. I now have a fat lip, a sore head, and bruises all over from the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 003

You deserved it 9 304

By vee2013 - 26/04/2014 04:22 - Canada - London

Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor, I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 201

You deserved it 6 928

By imalwaystired - 21/01/2010 20:20 - France

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 392

You deserved it 7 629

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 02:00

Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 135

You deserved it 386

By ___Ruby_____ - 08/10/2018 12:00

Today, as I rushed to get my pants on, I slipped and bashed my forehead against the solid oak back board of my bed. School starts in 30 minutes and I look like I lost a boxing match horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 532

You deserved it 388

Bobby64 29

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:34

Yes, but I think the OP deserved it for not wearing a helmet to bed. Totally unsafe.

livlafluv100 2

Monday 25 July 2011 16:35

you should sue whoever made the furniture.

Comments

Jonesy_fml 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 20:05

Hey, at least you know you're a klutz.

reyemrein 0

Saturday 20 February 2010 3:22

hate to burst your bubble but you weren't attacked... if you didn't lunge at your alarm this wouldn't have happened

maltby84 0

Sunday 2 May 2010 4:59

You fell when you were already laying down? FYL for sure

somename1223132 5

Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:28

no in 30 seconds you assalted 2 prices of furniture

livlafluv100 2

Monday 25 July 2011 16:35

you should sue whoever made the furniture.

cant_touch_this 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 20:06

Wow that sucks.

Bobby64 29

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:34

Yes, but I think the OP deserved it for not wearing a helmet to bed. Totally unsafe.

teotsi 28

Tuesday 22 April 2014 20:41

There's a button for that...

JP101 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 20:07

I call bullshit.

uhhuh_her 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 20:07

Damn that sucks. Your furniture obviously doesn't like you very much. :P

Jesse_Forrest 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 20:09

It seems like YOU were attacking the furniture and lost...

Alley_Way 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 2:04

haha I was going to say that too xD

qwertification 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 6:04

he wasnt attacking the furniture he was wrestling it

kayC7 0

Friday 6 August 2010 7:42

You got owned by two pieces of furniture

Sweej 1

Saturday 23 July 2011 5:29

Definitely

luckyyyme 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 20:10

Graceful, but that is something that would happen to me. lol

schizoid_fml 3

Thursday 23 April 2009 20:13

pahahaha that's great. Where's a video camera when you need one. That I'd like to see made in to one of the "illustrated FMLs"

TheZephyrSon 3

Thursday 23 April 2009 20:13

#4: Things like that have happened to me before. That sucks, I'm clumsy like that too...

tozfeekum 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 20:14

might wanna stay in bed :)

ItsNotTheTime 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 20:17

"in 30 seconds of consciousness i was attacked by 2 pieces of furniure" haha that's an excellent line

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, "But aren't we just friends?" We then sat and watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 866

You deserved it 12 814

Today, I went through my boyfriend's old phone to get over a gut feeling I've been having that things aren't as good as they seem. Turns out he's been taking videos of himself masturbating and sending the videos to chicks on WhatsApp, and contacting an old neighbor trying to hook up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 228

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 117

You deserved it 12 900

Today, poorly applied makeup made it look like I have a black eye in most of my wedding photos. I would have laughed it off, but I was showing them to my brother who was deployed during the actual wedding. He saw the black eye, assumed it was domestic abuse, and attacked my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 137

Today, I got a call from my son’s teacher, saying that he raised his hand during a test to say he "couldn't focus, because the ‘metroids’ are harassing me.” Apparently, he forgot about the test and took a healthy dose of shrooms right before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 220

Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 331

You deserved it 293

Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 927

You deserved it 5 245

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friend's stomach. It was my Principal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 522

You deserved it 17 392