Love: Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 339

You deserved it 12 455

Best teeth in the game

Mama's boy

BO Central

By Heart-Broken - 09/04/2015 01:58 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 804

You deserved it 3 578

By FamilyLoving - 19/08/2013 16:00 - United States - Patchogue

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 029

You deserved it 3 802

Whoops

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 23:01

Today, I had a very important video call for my job. I hadn’t used the particular app in a long time so I hadn’t checked my screen name. Turns out the last time I used it was in March with my friends, and my name was "Euro Slut." My employers saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 876

By Toaster - 30/07/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 587

You deserved it 4 117

By sunny_funny - 23/03/2017 19:00 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I'm on a residential trip for 4 days with 72 children, 5 other staff and 72 sets of parents who want to be on the phone to me constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 650

You deserved it 443

Fake news

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 15:01 - United States - San Bruno

Today, I had to submit references so my anatomy/physiology teacher might acknowledge that tetanus is not the same as muscle cramps, and correct the lesson that's been in place for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 46

By katwingz - 19/02/2013 22:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, after being together for only 2 weeks, my boyfriend got me a year's gym membership for my birthday in a card that said, "So u can b hott! Luv u!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 543

You deserved it 6 174

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, I found out my grandpa died. As I rushed home crying to comfort my parents, I got pulled over for speeding. The officer told me to cut out the "fake" tears". When I told him my grandpa just died he tacked on another $100 for lying to an officer. Worst. Christmas. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 252

You deserved it 3 472

Just say no

By Dan - 20/10/2021 02:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 832

By ChopSuey - 01/06/2016 04:02 - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 824

You deserved it 1 590

By larvagirl23 - 18/06/2009 15:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read, "You can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 628

You deserved it 5 292

I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

By DontSniffMyHair - 07/07/2021 06:01

Today, while sitting on the bus the man sitting slightly above and behind me leaned over my seat. All I heard was someone deeply inhaling in to my hair. I turned around and slapped him. Everyone saw what he did, but no one defended me while I was being thrown off the bus for assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 14:49 - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 585

You deserved it 3 046

By workaholic - 15/02/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 202

You deserved it 2 996

By Wellfu - 02/04/2015 14:48 - Europe

Today, I was let go from my internship for "not putting in enough effort". I was working 50 hours a week for almost zero pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 977

You deserved it 2 700

By boo8713 - 28/11/2012 06:06 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 393

You deserved it 2 851

By SplishSplash - 01/09/2013 01:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 409

You deserved it 6 874

By Amanda - 13/12/2010 16:29 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom. We were discussing my brother, how he's been screwing up majorly lately and she blamed it on his friends. Then she turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you've never had any friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 491

You deserved it 3 890

By m - 09/09/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 669

You deserved it 4 199

By Darth Binks - 01/02/2015 18:48 - Canada

Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 345

You deserved it 3 851

By stupdude3 - 26/03/2012 14:51 - United States

Today, I learned a valuable lesson: Make sure you learn to swim at a very young age, or else you might end up a in a swimming class with a bunch 3 and 4 year-olds, taught by your crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 294

You deserved it 6 680

By Does this thought count? - 01/08/2014 00:17 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my ex-boyfriend surprised me with a gorgeous, giant stuffed tiger as a belated birthday gift. I thought it was a lovely gesture until a friend told me she had thrown it in the dumpster behind our building this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 775

You deserved it 3 917

By deee21 - 24/09/2011 08:23 - Australia

Today, while resting in bed, I felt a slight tickle on my neck. Thinking it was a cockroach, I panicked and flung it across the bedroom. Turns out it was my brand new necklace, which is now broken into dozens of pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 814

You deserved it 35 622

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 059

You deserved it 6 950

By Meagan smith - 24/08/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 180

You deserved it 3 644

By Anonymous - 10/11/2012 02:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 512

You deserved it 4 507

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 445

You deserved it 8 084

By Ugly - 22/08/2013 23:40 - United States - Jerseyville

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 081

You deserved it 3 486

By athletiks - 26/03/2014 22:39 - United States - Pullman

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 972

You deserved it 40 564

By Chasity - 07/02/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I logged onto a website that offered free tutoring. After chatting with the online tutor, he started flirting with me. I was just looking for some help with my homework, not a creeper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 653

You deserved it 6 193

Smart kid

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 21:59

Today, I'm at the ER because my 13-year-old nephew ate an aromatic candle that smelled like chocolate. He saw it on my dresser and actually though it was chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 92

By yeasty - 06/07/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 994

You deserved it 4 512

By TheOtherWoman - 18/01/2013 17:21 - United Kingdom - Weston-super-mare

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 078

You deserved it 3 289

By gottacatchemall - 08/01/2014 05:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 705

You deserved it 28 922

By SqueakingRetard - 17/01/2014 23:28 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 193

You deserved it 6 179

By Anonymous - 22/06/2014 05:27 - Australia

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to spray my open window with the hose. RIP my laptop, phone, school books, wooden desk, my entire bookshelf, and my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 193

You deserved it 5 044

By Anonymous - 22/08/2017 01:30

Today, my roommate forgot to pay the water bill on time, so they shut it off. Now we're without running water for 3 days and I'm taking my morning dump in Target next to a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 439

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 248

You deserved it 44 936

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Spicy

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 901

You deserved it 3 754

Priorities

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 15:58 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 927

You deserved it 1 830

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Top comments

immafiremylaser 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:03

wow. the simple fact that you wear girls' shirts and had a girlfriend is astounding.

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:04

Wow, she dumped you AND dissed your fashion sense. What a great woman.

Comments

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:01

owned.

xxbadassbitchxx 0

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Monday 5 April 2010 16:23

why the fuck do u have womens clothing??? r u gay? o.O

IsntThisAwkward 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 8:18

to be gay doesn't mean you wear girls clothes. inquiry fail.

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Monday 11 October 2010 1:53

if that is you in that picture, you have yellow teeth... x__x

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:02

Poor guy.

immafiremylaser 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:03

wow. the simple fact that you wear girls' shirts and had a girlfriend is astounding.

Send a private message

Thursday 23 April 2009 3:04

Wow, she dumped you AND dissed your fashion sense. What a great woman.

Vasir 2

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:04

Why do you wear girl shirts?

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:05

aww man that sucks waiiiittt why you wearin girly clothing??? if someone was to go so far as to say that u wear girls clothes....MASCULINITY CHECK AISLE 4

immafiremylaser 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:06

I do believe thats aisle 5. Aisle 4 is wear you buy pasta.

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Monday 17 May 2010 5:31

niceeeee^^^

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:07

Did you explain and did she drop her accusation?

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:07

you people dont realize that most crossdressers are straight?

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Thursday 23 April 2009 3:07

number 3 i love you

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 96

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 287