Love: Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with... - FML

By derranged - China

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13187

You deserved it

73276

Tweet

Share

Late term

Mystery

Management

By chevysprint - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11384

You deserved it

33291

Tweet

Share

By Goblin Girl - United States - Katy

Today, a coworker informed me that she thinks I may be descended from a race of goblins, because of my squat stature, ugly face and hairy arms. She was being completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25374

You deserved it

2241

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent five hours sobbing in my room due to anti-depressant withdrawal. My mother refused to come and talk to me, because I'm "a terrible, hateful child who only cares about herself." Last week I spent two hours comforting her because my brother hadn't called in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35074

You deserved it

3664

Tweet

Share

By SMRT - Canada

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29130

You deserved it

3471

Tweet

Share

By thanks mom ¬_¬ - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45584

You deserved it

4706

Tweet

Share

By mischalucksux - United States

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16709

You deserved it

1052

Tweet

Share

By Lindsey - United States

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42192

You deserved it

20739

Tweet

Share

By StillSingle - United States

Today, I went to my friend's beautiful wedding. The only other single girl there was 5 years old. She caught the bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51216

You deserved it

5070

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Baraboo

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31505

You deserved it

5508

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 05:02

And probably giggling

Today, I realized our cat has a sixth sense for when he wants to be seen. When we don't care where the cat is, he's within plain sight. When we lose track of him and are in a panic worrying if he got out, he's hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

963

You deserved it

300

Tweet

Share

By Lonile13 - Philippines

Today, after 2 years and 5 months, my boyfriend finally found my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18049

You deserved it

5335

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38667

You deserved it

11320

Tweet

Share

By Jan - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33159

You deserved it

4290

Tweet

Share

By smarter than a mollusk, skinner than a hippo - United States

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32723

You deserved it

4475

Tweet

Share

By NewBride - United States - Lincoln

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60707

You deserved it

5564

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52625

You deserved it

18014

Tweet

Share

By Shibs - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26251

You deserved it

1757

Tweet

Share

By Colleen Nichols - United States - Piscataway

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30738

You deserved it

3664

Tweet

Share

By Magilla - United States

Today, I underwent several cardiac tests involving heart monitoring nodes placed all over my chest. The lab techs didn't pre-shave the areas and yanked out big clumps of chest hair as they removed the 10 nodes. They laughed, and said it could take up to a year for the hair to grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30003

You deserved it

4392

Tweet

Share

By single and unbuggered - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27185

You deserved it

2253

Tweet

Share

By creepedout - United States

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45278

You deserved it

14610

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27045

You deserved it

6575

Tweet

Share

By All Dressed Up With No Place To Go - United States - Ashland

Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24381

You deserved it

4869

Tweet

Share

By Talkingbeforethinking

Today in class I accidentally called my teacher very old and almost dead. As we were discussing a book I said that the book character is very old and close to death since it fitted to the context. Turns out this character is one year younger than my teacher and she wasn't amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1622

You deserved it

582

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had given up on finding my makeup bag with cell phone and iPod my mom had bought for me recently. So I went to art to join the group of girls with whom I share the back art studio of my school. One of them was talking about how she'd ripped off some bitch's stuff, and she held up my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40517

You deserved it

3071

Tweet

Share

By wowgranny - United States - Tooele

Today, my grandma told me that I'm starting to look like my sister. I jokingly replied, "Uh-oh I'm in trouble then." She gave me a very disapproving look and said, "You should be happy. She's beautiful, unlike you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8602

You deserved it

1249

Tweet

Share

By rewarded - India

Today, for the second time in 5 months I was recognized for my hard work, sincerity and all the adjectives that they use to describe good employees. What was my reward? A piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26440

You deserved it

4601

Tweet

Share

By wormiformed - New Zealand

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24837

You deserved it

1524

Tweet

Share

By sadfantasy - Canada - Toronto

Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21839

You deserved it

1610

Tweet

Share

By NYCproblems - United States - New York

Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48956

You deserved it

4864

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15860

You deserved it

43553

Tweet

Share

By Eve

Today, I learned that there's a billboard-sized photo of me and my ex hanging in the airport advertising my college. Travelers from all over the world have now seen me smiling at graduation with the guy who cheated on me after 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4676

You deserved it

304

Tweet

Share

By Michelle - Australia - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50597

You deserved it

5598

Tweet

Share

By Milo - Mexico - Mexico

Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31078

You deserved it

3277

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12979

You deserved it

61015

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, and pretty much every day, my co-worker takes off her shoes while working. The smell of her feet makes me dizzy. I don't know if she's oblivious to the fact that her feet stink, or she just doesn't care. It's affecting the quality of my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28938

You deserved it

2962

Tweet

Share

By Hotdogwater

Today, my neighbour put in a noise complaint against me for being loud at midnight. I was having a coughing fit and couldn't breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5569

You deserved it

328

Tweet

Share

By Jane - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40810

You deserved it

6125

Tweet

Share

By Lord Kane of Flatulon - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24750

You deserved it

1657

Tweet

Share

By ChickenBallsPlease - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43481

You deserved it

16546

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By C_Wicked27 | 0

#134039 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:22

Smmoooottthhheee. FYL for not having a little something known as 'tact'.

And #3 is correct. I look at this as a possible public service to show people that being a dickhead doesn't really get anybody anywhere, unless you're in business or politics...

By mintfreshpinesol | 0

#133988 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:14

ahaha, guess that blew any chance you had with her.

COMMENTS

By mintfreshpinesol | 0

#133988 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:14

ahaha, guess that blew any chance you had with her.

By fatality2009 | 0

#133996 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

hahaha yeah it blew your progress dude
FYL!

By Claeric | 0

#134011 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:17

It's amazing how many FMLs go like this.

"Today, I was flirting with someone. I attempted to sound badass by insulting someone for no good reason because for some reason I think that being a dick = cool, and it backfired. The person I made fun of was related to them. FML."

By TikkleMeTorry_fml | 0

#134013 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:18

Ouch

By jessica92_fml | 0

#134017 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

niceee

By rocketshipsxx | 0

#134025 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:19

HAHAHHA! Way to go!
Think before you speak, yeah?

By asxp10 | 0

#134028 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:20

Hahaha #3 I totally agree. YDI too.

Reply

jazziness | 12

#3336879 - Saturday 24 September 2011 5:19

Even though I don't see what #3 said I don't say YDI, OP had no way of knowing that was her father plus he was just trying to start a conversation.

By C_Wicked27 | 0

#134039 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:22

Smmoooottthhheee. FYL for not having a little something known as 'tact'.

And #3 is correct. I look at this as a possible public service to show people that being a dickhead doesn't really get anybody anywhere, unless you're in business or politics...

Reply

TheGreastest | 24

#6350094 - Tuesday 14 July 2015 3:29

I hate it when comments address to other comments and then that comment is nowhere to be found

By Ender_ | 0

#134042 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:22

The FML's that go exactly like what #3 has pointed out have taught me to just keep my judgmental comments to myself because they always backfire.

By steinway | 0

#134047 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:24

yeah you screwed that one up.
oh well, there will be other cute bridesmaids