Love: Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more... - FML

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80609

You deserved it

8110

Tweet

Share

There's no helping some people

Empathy lives

Two rooms, two atmospheres

By not picking up - Slovenia - Zelimlje

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36318

You deserved it

2592

Tweet

Share

By moosemay - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37546

You deserved it

4374

Tweet

Share

By stephhh055 - United States - Portland

Valid reason

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2323

You deserved it

237

Tweet

Share

By quasimodo - United States

Today, we were drawing self-portraits in school. I'm horrible at art, so I turned to the person next to me and stated that mine looked really ugly. He replied saying, "No, it looks exactly like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27672

You deserved it

6791

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my younger sister had maxed out all three of my credit cards when I tried all three of the cards, and realized that I didn't have $5.29 to buy tampons and Advil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39907

You deserved it

5295

Tweet

Share

By NoSpirit

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32898

You deserved it

5213

Tweet

Share

By Jeff make - United States - Malvern

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20357

You deserved it

34394

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54908

You deserved it

3576

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Check this out

Today, I ran downstairs to meet the Amazon driver and threw on a shirt in a rush. Only after he left did I realise it was my shirt with artful rips in the design and I'd forgot to put on a vest under it. I'd flashed the driver my entire right boob with nipple piercing through one of the holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

717

You deserved it

1723

Tweet

Share

By PaePae - United States - Columbia

Today, I found out that I'm sensitive to the NuvaRing. It felt like I was a buffet for fire ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1618

You deserved it

143

Tweet

Share

By CodyS - United States - Rocky River

Sticky situation

Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40155

You deserved it

11237

Tweet

Share

By Brrrb - Singapore

Today, I passed by a small shop and decided to go in to look at the jeans. Before I could even step in, the shop owner told me expressionlessly, "All the sizes here are too small for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

60956

You deserved it

8070

Tweet

Share

By blackberrybummer - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he would do his job while I did my "job" on top of him. He whips out his Blackberry and completely ignores me to send e-mails to co-workers reminding them about the 10 a.m. meeting scheduled for the next morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30938

You deserved it

5609

Tweet

Share

By retard99 - Canada

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10296

You deserved it

53100

Tweet

Share

By mary

Boundaries please!

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me because I still close the door when I go to the bathroom. He pees and poops with the door wide open and expects me to do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3725

You deserved it

402

Tweet

Share

By Somethingtoworryabout

Today, I couldn't help but laugh at my girlfriend because she always becomes paranoid when she's around cars. I found her reaction cute and told her that "there's nothing to worry about". A car ran over me two hours later. I'm in a hospital now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2587

You deserved it

778

Tweet

Share

By bellabreeze - United States - Lebanon

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26035

You deserved it

3338

Tweet

Share

By Annoyed Student - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36920

You deserved it

4131

Tweet

Share

By rejectedson - United States

Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34580

You deserved it

2242

Tweet

Share

By name50 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15592

You deserved it

73896

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34847

You deserved it

8279

Tweet

Share

By KenzoBVB - Canada

Today, I went to the orthodontist, and found out when I was supposed to get my braces off. His exact words, "You'll get them off around Christmas... but we're not sure what year." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25048

You deserved it

1758

Tweet

Share

By Shopper - United States

Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21209

You deserved it

7628

Tweet

Share

By Shameful - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35766

You deserved it

3768

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37186

You deserved it

26372

Tweet

Share

By Redsnation

Rage Quit

Today, my older brother said that if he beat me in a game of NBA 2k17, he would get to keep my PS4. I beat him so badly that he got angry and destroyed my PlayStation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5653

You deserved it

502

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30812

You deserved it

2530

Tweet

Share

By Nanana32 - United States - Hudson

Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48569

You deserved it

6001

Tweet

Share

By unproud - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42038

You deserved it

7010

Tweet

Share

By Dexter_39476 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out my family refers to my room as "the virgin cave". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23380

You deserved it

2807

Tweet

Share

By Matt L. - 30/7/2020 14:02

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my car insurance called about "the car I hit" on Monday night. Monday, I'd gone to the girl I’ve been seeing for a month's house for chicken parm and to meet her parents. I parked on the street. Her dad ran into the back of my car, leaving a dent. I never got the chicken parm either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1674

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By Freelman - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12197

You deserved it

44229

Tweet

Share

By puppylove - Philippines

Today, my mom found me staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

528

You deserved it

1886

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30597

You deserved it

3039

Tweet

Share

By yeah why not - Norway

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34722

You deserved it

2969

Tweet

Share

By uncoretard

Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29991

You deserved it

7927

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27242

You deserved it

68857

Tweet

Share

By jocksblow - United States

Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28313

You deserved it

4284

Tweet

Share

By 1danzo1 - Australia

Today, I was getting a haircut. I had my foils in for about 10 minutes when the fire alarm went off. The building then started to fill with smoke and we evacuated. While outside watching the fire being put out, I forgot about my foils. I now have bright bleached yellow and orange hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43701

You deserved it

6079

Tweet

Share

By Rose - 17/5/2021 06:01 - Australia - Castle Hill

Driving me up the wall

Today, I was a month away from being seizure-free long enough to be able to get my licence when I experienced one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

943

You deserved it

71

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Nate04 | 0

#133295 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:02

If she is going to be that way, I would consider that money well spent... Now, get up, dust yourself off, and go buy yourself a lapdance or something. :)

By epic_phail | 0

#133294 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:02

what a bitch

COMMENTS

By blapimp182 | 0

#133288 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:01

That sucks!! Sorry :(

Reply

ampsmagss | 0

#1320665 - Monday 30 August 2010 6:52

I like cheese.

By epic_phail | 0

#133294 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:02

what a bitch

Reply

cookiemonsterxx1 | 0

#2383206 - Thursday 21 April 2011 14:24

I know!! she used him and was a douche for breaking up over a text.

By Nate04 | 0

#133295 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:02

If she is going to be that way, I would consider that money well spent... Now, get up, dust yourself off, and go buy yourself a lapdance or something. :)

By Radiation_fml | 0

#133307 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:04

She wasn't worth it anyway obviously.

Reply

woosah | 16

#3145236 - Saturday 20 August 2011 10:52

not worth it at all, she sounds like an awful bitch. I don't like her.

By wanderingidiot | 0

#133310 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:04

hot gf! she sounds smart :)

By JackBox_fml | 0

#133321 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:06

Break that bitches phone, that is messed up.

By nazooer | 11

#133324 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:06

Bitch.. =/

By SSC_fml | 0

#133330 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:07

Well-- you didn't need her anyway >:[

Celebrate wid friends for losing a slutwhore :D

By sblade46 | 0

#133332 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:07

LOL Sign her phone number up for lowermybills.com and lendingtree.com and all current minutes and future minutes will be wasted by people calling her trying to sell her a loan.

Reply

blackicysheep | 8

#1037213 - Sunday 20 June 2010 16:38

hahahaha, legend!

By snoopy24_fml | 0

#133333 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 20:07

eww that sucks...3 pages over text??? and who spells things out over text?

next time, don't pay phone bills for a girl until you're married.

Reply

rebellionwars | 11

#5652497 - Sunday 1 September 2013 1:40

Did you really just ask who spells thing out over text? Lma