All the FMLs

By flipflop - 07/06/2010 07:03 - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 338

You deserved it 7 445

By gixxergirl8787 - 07/06/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend lied about crashing his car just to avoid seeing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 390

You deserved it 5 539

gixxergirl8787 tells us more.

gixxergirl8787 0

Monday 7 June 2010 15:53

heres the story behind the post for all you assholes who think im ugly or a bitch. really? anyway. my boyfriend of 5 years had gotten back the day before from 2 weeks in florida buying our new house. i had already left for a camping trip. He was to meet me down the next day. On his way down 'supposibly' his friend calls to tell me there has been a terrible accident and he was rushed to the hospital. My drunk ass freaks out drives an hour back home and rushes to the hospital. oh heyy.. guess what hes not there. I go to his house... and theres his car. The excuse was he didnt want to hurt my feelings by telling me he didnt want to camp in the first place... so he just lied. Its his birthday tommarrow and i will not be buying him a damn thing. there ya go :)

It got a bit out of hand

By mark - 06/06/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 880

You deserved it 2 613

By LilyL - 06/06/2010 21:53 - United States

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 185

You deserved it 5 733

By Annakins - 06/06/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 276

You deserved it 7 100

By duko3000 - 06/06/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 002

You deserved it 3 491

By CrazzY88s - 06/06/2010 16:00 - Ireland

Today, I bought an apartment over what I have just learned to be an Irish folk music store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 994

You deserved it 34 188

By justdancebbyx3 - 06/06/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 029

You deserved it 3 017

By ugh - 05/06/2010 23:49 - Canada

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 913

You deserved it 3 916

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 05/06/2010 10:36 - United States

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 432

You deserved it 3 599

By someoneelsessaliva - 05/06/2010 06:59 - Australia

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 483

You deserved it 4 203

By weirdesout - 05/06/2010 02:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 017

You deserved it 8 753

By xricardo - 05/06/2010 00:52 - United States

Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 027

You deserved it 26 399

By morgan_love11 - 05/06/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "Volcano Face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 374

You deserved it 4 843

By H05T1L3 - 04/06/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 947

You deserved it 37 233

Rubbing it in, Sharon

By single and not mingling - 04/06/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a "sixth sense" about these things. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 491

You deserved it 4 057

By badsinger - 04/06/2010 09:38 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 095

You deserved it 15 562

Minty freshness

By Sergie - 04/06/2010 09:28 - Ireland

Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I brushed my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue, I went too far, which made me throw up. I was 20 minutes late for work. Good start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 211

You deserved it 28 394

By firecrotch - 04/06/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 817

You deserved it 35 463

By Anonymous - 03/06/2010 12:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 487

You deserved it 7 070

By sincerely - 03/06/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally called me after a week of barely any communication. He wanted to talk to my brother about Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 706

You deserved it 5 608

Looking good

By Kbizz - 03/06/2010 02:12 - Canada

Today, I was excited about showing everyone at work my new piercing. It's in an interesting place in my ear, and it's not that common. Before I had the chance to tell anyone about it, someone asked, "Are you wearing a hearing aid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 583

You deserved it 32 426

By dogshavenipples - 02/06/2010 23:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 636

You deserved it 2 702

By Official_Person - 02/06/2010 21:31 - United States

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 051

You deserved it 31 154

Spooked

By Anonymous - 02/06/2010 18:17 - United States

Today, my wife changed her Facebook status from "Married" to "Widowed". I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 100

You deserved it 5 260

Well did you?

By Kagura - 02/06/2010 15:05 - Turkey

Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked, "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 373

You deserved it 3 831

By chiclet - 02/06/2010 02:34 - France

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 224

You deserved it 4 480

Mystery

By mugged - 01/06/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 285

You deserved it 4 717

By Anonymous - 01/06/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 978

You deserved it 4 507

By Lou - 01/06/2010 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 580

You deserved it 58 734

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The Top

Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 579

You deserved it 27 586

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the guy I liked how I felt by making him a mix CD. Confident, I gave it to him. After class, I went to the trash can to throw some paper away. I saw my mix CD in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 268

You deserved it 8 214

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 344

You deserved it 3 733

Today, my cat tried to escape when I opened my front door. I noticed that whenever I start babbling and making random sounds, he stops dead and just stares at me in confusion, before walking back in. With my luck, however, this time my neighbor heard everything. They walked quickly away, as if they'd seen a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 216

Today, I gifted my boyfriend a $150 watch on his graduation day, but he was more excited when he got a $2 mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 303

You deserved it 785

Today, I went to CVS to print out some pictures. I accidentally printed out a booty pic, tried to go behind the counter and they yelled at me, "Ma’m you’re not supposed to be behind here." Then the lady held up the picture and said, "Was this one the accident?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 317