Miscellaneous: Today, I was seated, once again, at the "too small" children's... - FML

25/11/2010 23:39 - United States

Today, I was seated, once again, at the "too small" children's table. I'm twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 083

You deserved it 3 219

Triage

There's no helping some people

Life is unfair…

28/11/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I used the same credit card to apply to college and pay for a rave ticket. My card went through on the rave ticket but denied the college application fee. I guess my credit card is trying to tell me something about my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 186

You deserved it 10 564

31/10/2016 14:33 - United States - Keller

Today, I answered a call from a customer. She expected me to exchange her item without her actually having to go to one of our 800+ stores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 831

You deserved it 737

10/03/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 220

You deserved it 7 051

27/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I wrote a note for my crush of 2 years, expressing all my feelings for him signed it as "Forever your lover" then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked back up to me, tossed the note at me and said "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 234

You deserved it 29 680

29/06/2010 04:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me, and then asked if I'd give him head one last time before he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 667

You deserved it 6 893

03/08/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 801

You deserved it 2 645

Peaky Bladders

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house, dying to pee during a thunderstorm. Ran to the bathroom, but it was occupied. A huge thunderclap scared me pretty bad. When the door finally opened, my girlfriend's mom walked out, laughing. I realized the thunder scared me into peeing my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 377

29/01/2012 16:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 007

You deserved it 2 529

Happy Birthday to me

By Zebra - 30/12/2020 22:58

Today, my sister was meant to come over for lunch for my birthday. Turns out, she forgot about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 51

Godammit Ursula!

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my sister has been telling people I’ve been dead for the last 3 months, to cover up the fact she used me to commit identity fraud. We’re identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 42

31/08/2012 23:16 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 4 892

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 192

You deserved it 7 016

15/09/2013 19:53 - Romania - Bucharest

Spicy

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 632

You deserved it 30 675

26/06/2015 03:06 - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 758

You deserved it 2 021

17/02/2015 18:23 - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, a homeless guy told me I looked like shit and to have some self-respect. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 545

You deserved it 4 608

Pete Townshend has a lot to answer for

By FML4evs - 10/04/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, my little brother watched an old video of The Who, who are know for smashing up their guitars and such. He decided it would be cool to try it with mine. That guitar was worth over $3000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 716

You deserved it 4 662

Love hurts

By MissT - 21/06/2021 09:59 - Australia - Dianella

Today, my divorce certificate arrived in the mail. Reading it felt like I was punched in the face by a brick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 120

28/06/2009 07:54 - United States

Today, it was my first big time art show. To celebrate I went out to lunch with some people who's work was also there. When we got back police were every where. Someone had broken and stolen all of the art. All except mine. Even burglars don't want my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 685

You deserved it 5 282

15/12/2017 10:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend got paid by the richest guy in our school to go to the Winter Formal with him. She took up the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 142

You deserved it 491

22/01/2016 00:11 - France - Vincent

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 571

You deserved it 2 309

13/05/2017 16:00

Today, I found out I will be without a car for two weeks because my mother volunteered to let my grandparents use mine while theirs is being repaired. They've been in 4 accidents over the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 882

You deserved it 398

10/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to park. Assuming that no one saw, I moved my car and parked somewhere else. Hours later I get a call from the university police. While backing up to go to the police station I hit another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 730

You deserved it 55 853

17/04/2016 02:24 - United States - Rushville

Today, when I tried to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, she had no idea we were even dating. She thought of all the movies, dinners and "sleep overs" I had with her was because we were such great friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 421

You deserved it 4 260

27/11/2009 21:24 - United Kingdom

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 949

You deserved it 48 517

04/02/2016 02:04 - United States

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 749

You deserved it 2 451

08/01/2012 12:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was surprised that my husband suggested we take a shower together to save water. He also suggested we should wear our bathing suits so we don't have to see each others "privates." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 080

You deserved it 4 943

M. Night Shyamalanadingdong

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 05:02

Today, I went to the bathroom after a terrible job interview. My interviewer walked in with another guy, talking about my interview, saying he was obviously going to hire the other guy because my odd-sounding name was too hard to pronounce, yet alone spell in multiple emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 289

You deserved it 137

13/11/2009 12:57 - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 401

You deserved it 6 589

16/05/2013 10:51 - Australia

Today, I registered on an irritable bowel support group, unknowingly linking it to my Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 213

You deserved it 11 270

01/09/2010 11:10 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn't kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 608

You deserved it 4 594

30/10/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 168

You deserved it 42 811

21/01/2012 22:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 268

You deserved it 5 013

02/06/2010 02:34 - France

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 121

You deserved it 4 453

11/06/2009 11:52 - Australia

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 800

You deserved it 24 367

22/07/2013 17:47 - Australia - Beaumaris

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 155

You deserved it 4 338

Give me a break!!

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 20:00

Today, in an effort to avoid having the same break as my annoying coworker, I went a little earlier than I usually do. Guess who got moved to a position with an early break? She sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 200

23/06/2016 03:09 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date. I've discussed the fact I like to date older men, but she thought it was clever to send a 63-year-old to my house to, "Netflix And Chill." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 523

You deserved it 1 990

Hobbies

By Stinkycar - 05/06/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 587

You deserved it 509

16/11/2017 15:00

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 477

You deserved it 1 121

20/11/2011 23:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 715

You deserved it 45 956

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

rlTlk 13

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 9:38

Same thing happened to me last year =[[ nice to know I'm loved, respected or seen as an adult.My relatives kept asking what year I was in high school then wouldn't believe me when I told them no I'm sophomore in college, then when I'd try to talk them they do that I'm talking to a child thing, act like they're being so patient letting me interrupt the adult conversation to say something. on a separate note/tangent I don't get why the fuck anyone would try to exclude their kids even if they were young. If you'd say "so they are out of the way so the adults can have a good time" that is such narcissistic BS. Kids behave better when they are included anyways because they aren't attention starved, then they also learn how to behave by being around adults thru observation. include your kids in your "adult conversation" let them think and learn if it something they don't understand, teach them. don't withhold knowledge because you can't be bothered to talk to your kids, or think they wouldn't be able to learn. idk I think it shows great irresponsibility to separate yourself from your kids like that, especially on what is supposed to be a family holiday. I understand, and recommend, taking a night out every once in a while but thats a very different situation.

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 3:10

same here. a five year old, an eight year old, two eleven year olds, and me. I'm seventeen.

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:13

ouch bro, grow a pair.

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:41

2 is hot. (if you're sitting at the kids table)

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:45

Grow a pair of what, boobs? OP is a woman, Corporal Observant.

MermaidSongXOXO 6

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:58

Actually, boobs might solve the kids' table problem...

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 3:50

win

asmah 0

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 5:42

lmao chesticles win epic win lol

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:13

eat more OP then you'll get more noticeable

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 4:00

lol

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 5:09

my if she fat enough they'll have to sit her at the big table...

Rowdey 10

Send a private message

Saturday 2 June 2012 4:21

Lucid is so high right now..

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:13

act your age not your shoe size! zing!

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:47

Have you been listening to "Prince" lately?

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 4:18

maybe...

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 8:24

My 14 year old friend has size 14 feet...

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:13

sux to be you at least u got to gobble gobble

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:13

bahahahhahahhaha! That sucks. Are you a little person?

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:13

awww too small meaning your dick? lol

BennettGrantKevi 0

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:13

I'm 36 and still sit at the kids table. I'm married have 2 kids....until you are no longer considered "a kid" you will always sit at the kid table!

QWERTYCommander 5

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 7:11

I sat at the big table since I was 11.

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:14

lol nothing wrong with being small op!

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:14

I know how that feels :/

Send a private message

Friday 26 November 2010 2:15

It blows when parrents make you sit at kids table. That's when you leave and go grab a bottle Jack, and eat your turkey and biscuts alone. The life.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 211

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 69