Transportation: Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy,...

By cartrouble - United States

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

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Transportation

Like riding a bike

People are strange

NRA fanboy

By thatgirl - United States

Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML

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By Boss Troubles - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

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By H8TR - United States

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

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By Marcela - United States

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

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By bl3ur0z3

Today, I learned that my new apartment complex does not allow "altercations in community areas". This includes pulling my child out of the pool and reprimanding him for holding his cousin under water. I can't parent outside my apartment. FML

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By No2ndDate - United States - Mount Pleasant

Owl be there for you

Today, I went on a date to an owl sanctuary. Today is also the day I discovered my all-encompassing fear of owls, as I cried and pissed myself in front of my date and 15 other visitors. FML

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By lalala - Philippines

Today, my best friend told me I lost weight. I was happy because I've worked hard to shed off those pounds. I asked her what changes were evident, she told me that I now have a neck. FML

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By asthmasucks - United States

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

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By sandra22 - France

Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML

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By Lost - United States

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, my boss asked me if he could pay me in gum. Thinking he was playing around, I agreed. He wasn't playing around. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Erie

Today, I had a family get-together for my birthday. I got to watch all my family members get piss-drunk and argue over who's having the worst time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Great Falls

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

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By Helmet - United States

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

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By Pizzaguy - United States - Dundee

Today, I got a call from my manager saying that I won't need to work this weekend. Too bad I already cancelled a family vacation because he threatened to fire me if I didn't work this weekend. FML

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By Lea - United States

Today, I dropped my car keys down the elevator shaft at my dorm. I had parked my car at a parking meter, and now had no way to get change out of my car. It took six hours for someone to get my keys, and I now have a $75 parking ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cleveland

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

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By mycedes - United States

Today, was the last day of the prank war between me and my husband. I told him the last prank needed to be the best one. I took a shower and tried to think up my last prank. When I got out of the shower, my hair was green. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

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By CatCreator

Making a Murderer

Today, my 8-year-old son eagerly showed me a PowerPoint he made. It consisted of REALLY graphic and gory descriptions of a guy getting murdered, complete with pictures from the internet. He was laughing the whole time he was showing me this, and even set one of the images as his desktop background. FML

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By identitychangeplease - Sweden - Nyn?shamn

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

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By HYRTE

Today, I returned a shirt for my mom. When the cashier asked why, I just said my mom didn't like the way it looked. After an awkward pause, I noticed the cashier was wearing the same shirt. She was not amused. FML

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By GoodbyeNewJob

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

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By PapaW - United States - Lehi

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

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By vanilla_blossom - United States - Jackson

Today, I tried asking a guy I like on a date. He turned me down, saying that I "seem like a nice person and all", but after seeing those reality shows on truTV, he "would rather not date a Russian. No offense, though." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 13:58

Shedding

Today, I found out, after having my third and last child, that I'm balding. I'm only 23 and quite frankly It's very much noticeable. How did I find out? My four-year-old daughter pointed it out to me, saying, "Mommy, why you shed like the dog?" FML

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By Charles Pennington - United States

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ellicott City

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

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By dumbass

Today, I emailed my fiancé the assignment that I was handed for a journalism job interview, asking for him to take a look and give opinions about it. I accidentally e-mailed it to the job interviewer. She responded, and even CCed it to the CEO. FML

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By guess28 - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

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By DumbLackofLuck - United States

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

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By whattdafuuukkkk - United States

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

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By dudezilla - United States

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

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By smalls727

Today, I was at orientation for my new job. There were only 6 other people in the training. Throughout the whole entire training, I kept smelling cat urine and moving further away from the other person. Only to get in my car and realize my cat peed in my purse. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, my boyfriend of 8 years moved in with two other women. He's spent the past 2 years telling me he can't afford to move out of his parent's house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose that much weight." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

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By inpain - United States

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

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By tool - United States

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

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Top comments

By bamagrl410 | 31

#1748301 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:00

If he's "not too handy", why didn't you insist he NOT try to fix it? I hope you have some good insurance lol.

By FFML_314 | 11

#1748340 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:04

Smores anyone?

COMMENTS

By YaLubluTebya | 0

#1748264 - Thursday 25 November 2010 8:58

woww. that would suck

VinegarStrokes | 0

#1748276 - Thursday 25 November 2010 8:58

Jesus...

TheOptimist | 0

#1748418 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:14

Make him sit on it.

iSitt | 0

#1748480 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:22

he's been listening to CarTalk

MrsLender_fml | 3

#1748566 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:30

ya tozhe!

robosonic | 2

#1748657 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:44

just imagine the look on his face after the engine went up in flames :P

nextXbrucelee | 0

#1748809 - Thursday 25 November 2010 10:18

I'm sure he stopped rejoicing after that

By ithappens232 | 0

#1748273 - Thursday 25 November 2010 8:58

damn that's sucks, grade A mechanic. oh yea, FIRST!!

xFalzz | 0

#1748293 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:00

Excellent job.

Claytonic | 0

#1748306 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:00

wow. you are an idiot.

Darko21 | 5

#1748364 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:07

First to look stupid!

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1748608 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:34

lmao wow 2 you really do fail, twice XD

cat444des | 0

#1748742 - Thursday 25 November 2010 10:05

2nd it's like being the 1st loser no? lol

Glenn_Coco | 0

#1748778 - Thursday 25 November 2010 10:13

haha beaten by a second

sparkz2010 | 0

#1749025 - Thursday 25 November 2010 12:01

u look like Justin beiber

KingDingALing | 9

#1749586 - Thursday 25 November 2010 14:20

I fucking HATE Justin Bieber...>:(

Sadielovesyou | 0

#1750087 - Thursday 25 November 2010 15:55

you don't look like Justin bieber but that's good cause hes ugly

SmellMyCheese | 1

#1751073 - Thursday 25 November 2010 19:18

it happens

kyliebear | 15

#2938649 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 17:17

Sorry, you're actually second. Better luck next time!

By Perksofbeingawal | 0

#1748278 - Thursday 25 November 2010 8:59

Gah, that's horrible... :(

By bamagrl410 | 31

#1748301 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:00

If he's "not too handy", why didn't you insist he NOT try to fix it? I hope you have some good insurance lol.

docscientist | 9

#1749002 - Thursday 25 November 2010 11:53

Seems to have done at least an equal job of any mechanic.

starile | 19

#1749491 - Thursday 25 November 2010 13:53

"Well, the car's already broken down, so there really isn't anything he can do to make it much worsOH MY GOD!! MY CAR!! YOU EXPLODED MY FUCKING CAR!! What the hell is wrong with you?! AAAAHHHH!"